Dark Horizons

by Rae D. Magdon

  "Wondering what?"

  Maia hesitated for a moment. The words waited like water behind a floodgate. She knew that they would only serve to drive Taylor away, but did it even matter? "I am wondering why I keep letting us do this. Why do I want to be close to you when it will only bring me pain? Sometimes, I think it is because of some strange bond we share, pursuing something we both know is unrealistic. But it does not matter. I will be dead in a few weeks anyway, and you will go on with your life."

  Taylor gave her a blank stare. "You don't know that. There's nothing I can do right now to help you, but I..."

  "No. That is not true. We trick ourselves into believing that our problems will magically solve themselves. We play at a relationship, but when the outside world intrudes, I am a prisoner, and you are my guard. That is what you said last night, is it not? If you wish to behave like we are lovers, I cannot allow us to do so while you are unwilling to consider me anything more than a prisoner to the human military."

  Taylor looked stunned. Maia half expected her to get up and walk away, but she only pushed herself into a sitting position. "I…I’m your guard…"

  "What we have is no longer a normal relationship for a guard and prisoner, Taylor."

  "So what, we should just stop?" Taylor asked, a hard edge creeping into her voice.

  Maia sat up as well, shifting further away and pulling the sheets tighter around her. "If you are incapable of engaging with me as a person, then yes. I have no idea why I allow you to do the things you do to me."

  "That’s not fair." Taylor stood up, tossing the covers aside. "You initiated things between us, too."

  "I am still at a disadvantage. I am imprisoned here, awaiting my death, and you and I have shared things that I have not shared with anyone else. Yet the second you are reminded of my place, you expect me to remain complacent and content as your prisoner." Taylor tried to speak, but Maia continued. "I am not expecting a happy ending. That could never happen between us. But if you cannot even see me as more than a prisoner, even after what we have shared..."

  "I…" Maia took some sick pleasure in realizing Taylor was speechless, and at the same time, it pained her to see the human so obviously upset. "You never…you didn’t say anything," Taylor stammered at last. "You didn't tell me."

  "You never bothered to ask."

  "So…I was the first person you ever had sex with?" Taylor’s tanned complexion had turned a sickly pale color. "I thought you just hadn't used your pheromones with anyone before..."

  Maia nodded. "I had not shared those experiences with anyone else. My research kept me busy, and the first time is…unique among my people."

  Taylor still struggled to find words. Her mouth opened, then closed again. "I…I shouldn’t have…"

  Maia looked away. "I do not regret sharing my body with you. I regret sharing my heart when you are obviously incapable of seeing me as more than your prisoner."

  Those words were too much. Taylor crouched and began gathering up her clothes from the floor, hurrying to put them back on. Maia almost asked what she was doing, but Taylor said, "I'm leaving for a while." She pulled her shirt over her head before struggling into her pants. "If anyone comes in besides me, lock yourself in the bedroom."

  "Taylor..." Maia reached out, hoping that she would stop and turn, but Taylor hurried for the door without looking back. She moved unnaturally fast, almost as if something was chasing her away. Maia could hear the front door hiss shut behind her as she stepped into the hall, leaving her completely alone. She remained still for several moments, trying to understand what had just happened.

  After a few moments, it became clear that Taylor was not coming back. When Maia realized that the emptiness in the pit of her stomach was because she had not wanted Taylor to leave, she began to cry. Tears leaked from her stinging eyes, and she buried her face in her hands. Wetness ran over her fingers. It was not fair. She did not know why she wanted Taylor’s comfort now, when the human was the source of her pain, or why she felt so empty now that Taylor was gone. It did not make sense.

  Although she desperately wanted to continue being furious with Taylor, most of her anger had burned out after finally putting her feelings into words. Instead, Maia’s thoughts kept returning to the many confusing times when Taylor had treated her with kindness and tenderness. Offering her clothes when she first arrived. Giving her the sandwich. Defending her against Sergeant Bower the first time. Taking care of her injuries the second time. Their moment together in the shower. Maia did not understand. At times, Taylor did treat her like a person, like someone she valued above a simple prisoner. Like a friend, or even something more...

  "Maybe..." Maia whispered, unable to speak the thought, let alone think it. She could not care for a human, and a human—her guard, no less—could not care for her. Taking physical pleasure from Taylor was bad enough. Acknowledging an emotional connection was worse. She tried to push the thoughts from her mind, unwilling to consider it. But alone in the room, there was little else to think about.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Taylor had not known where she was going when she left the room, but she had a destination in mind as soon as she stepped onto the elevator. She did not want to be alone after leaving Maia. She needed to talk to someone, but she could not go to Andrew again. Even though Rachel hated ikthians, she was the best friend Taylor had. Hopefully, that friendship would be strong enough to convince her to listen.

  When the lift stopped on the first floor, she exited the building and headed for the barracks, where the rest of the soldiers and the junior officers had their quarters. She found Rachel in her bunk, going over some paperwork. "Hey," she said, not even bothering to look up when Taylor came in. "How’s your assignment going?"

  "Don't want to talk about it," Taylor groaned, sitting down on Rachel's bed. Rachel’s shared room was much smaller than hers, and it did not have its own private shower. There was not any space for a couch or other large items of furniture. The only other place to sit was at Rachel's small desk, where she was currently settled, or the other bed belonging to her bunkmate.

  Taylor sat patiently while Rachel studied her. "You look like you need a drink."

  Despite her awful mood, Taylor tried to force an unconvincing smile. "Definitely need a drink." Taylor watched Rachel walk over to the small cabinet in the corner of the room and pull out a bottle.

  "Is the brass riding you? I hear the negotiations are still on hold." She sat on the bed beside Taylor and passed her the bottle. "Here, take it. You probably need it a hell of a lot more than I do."

  "Thanks, and not exactly." Taylor hesitated, not sure how much she wanted to open up to Rachel. Her friend would not understand her feelings for Maia. "Some grunts tried to mess with Maia the other day. They swiped Bouchard's ID card."

  "Really?" Rachel asked, obviously surprised.

  Taylor took a swig from the bottle without bothering to check the label. She coughed as the liquid burned her throat raw. "Maia didn’t even need me. Somehow, she managed to poison Sergeant Bower when he tried to touch her. Bastard deserved it. The others just ran."

  Rachel’s eyes widened. "Shit. That isn’t good, Taylor."

  "She was only protecting herself," Taylor said, feeling the need to defend Maia. "Besides, she didn't kill him."

  "I’m sure she was. But if she could poison him while her collar was on, imagine what she could do to you."

  Taylor frowned. "She didn’t do anything to me. The pain made her pass out. Overrode her nervous system with a shock or something. After I fixed the burns, I put it back on." An image of Maia’s numb, hopeless expression as she had clicked her own collar back into place nearly had Taylor in tears, but she washed them back with another mouthful of fire.

  Rachel did not look convinced. "You still need to go to the brass and tell them her collar isn’t turned up high enough or something."

  "I will," Taylor said, although she knew she wouldn’t. No other answer would satisfy Rachel.

&nb
sp; "So, what else happened? That can’t be the only reason you’re here downing my private stash of liquor?" Taylor took one last long gulp before Rachel took the bottle away from her. "This stuff is impossible to come by anymore, and I think you’ve had more than enough."

  "You let me have it," Taylor said, her syllables running together.

  "Because I thought you’d only take one shot!" Rachel pulled out a glass from her desk drawer and poured out a measured amount of the drink. "There." Taylor took the shot glass and downed it instantly. "That’s all you’re getting. Now, why are you really in here getting shit-faced off my good alcohol?"

  Taylor shuddered as the drink settled in her stomach. "They just…they treated her like less than a person. And she’s not…less than a person, I mean."

  "Still not seeing where all the angst is coming from." Rachel poured herself something to drink as well. Taylor did not blame her, knowing she was probably a mess to deal with at the moment.

  "I treated her that way, too," Taylor whispered. She was close to tears, and the burning in her throat from the alcohol only reminded her of Maia. "I slapped that collar back on her without a second thought, even after it hurt her. And I’m supposed to be better than them."

  Rachel frowned. "She's just an ikthian," she began, but her voice trailed off when Taylor gave her a murderous glare.

  "She's not just an ikthian. Thinking like that is what made them try to rape her. It’s a damn good thing she protected herself." For a moment, Taylor wanted to confess, to tell Rachel about her conflicted feelings, but she knew her friend would not understand. "I've spent time with her, Rachel. She's just as...human...as we are." Taylor buried her face in her hands, her back shuddering as she sobbed.

  Rachel sat on the bed beside Taylor, rubbing a hand between her shoulder blades. "Hey...I know you're an asshole sometimes, but the ikthian can't hate you that much if she hasn’t killed you yet. I still think spending all that time with it is a stupid, dangerous, terrible idea, by the way." That only made Taylor cry harder, and Rachel pulled her hand away.

  Eventually, Taylor rubbed her sleeve over her eyes in a futile attempt to dry them. She sniffed once, and turned to look at Rachel. "Look," Rachel said. Taylor sat up in an attempt to listen to her. "I don't know anything about aliens, but usually an apology is the place to start when you've hurt someone's feelings. You did say she has them, right?" Taylor hung her head. She did want to apologize for the way she had treated Maia, but she didn’t know where to start.

  "You make it sound simple," Taylor said in a hoarse voice, her words still a little uneven. She was definitely starting to feel the effects of the alcohol now. Her head was spinning, and Rachel's face was becoming blurrier by the second.

  "It is simple. It's just not easy. If you think you've treated her badly, tell her you're sorry. If this ikthian really is good like you say she is, she could probably use at least one friend in this place."

  "I've realized that even though I’ve slept with her, I barely know a damn thing about her life," Taylor blurted out.

  "How is that any different than the human girls you slept with for a night?"

  Taylor nodded and stared at the floor. It was all she could manage. "It's more than that. I know it, and she knows it, too. I guess I haven’t been doing a great job of showing it."

  "You really care what she thinks about you, don’t you?" Rachel said thoughtfully.

  Taylor looked up at Rachel. The answer scared her, but she had to acknowledge it. "Yes."

  "And why do you think that is? Do you think her pheromones have gotten inside your head? Are you brainwashed?"

  Taylor almost laughed. "She couldn’t do that to anyone if she tried. The truth is, she’s harmless unless you attack her first, and I…" The words stuck in her throat. She cared for Maia. Deeply. Perhaps it was moving beyond just affection. The thought of falling for an alien terrified her. Falling for Maia, however, seemed perfectly natural…if only she wasn’t the only thing standing between Maia and freedom.

  "And you think she really cares about you?"

  Taylor did not hesitate. "I know she does."

  Rachel took a deep breath. Even through the hazy effects of the alcohol, Taylor could tell that she was conflicted. Finally, she said, "It sounds like you should be talking to her about this instead of me, then. Tell her."

  "I'm not sure I can. But I guess I have to." Gathering her resolve, Taylor stood up, swaying slightly on her feet. "I'll do it. I'll tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I…"

  "Not now," Rachel said, pulling Taylor back down. "Sleep it off first. I'll let you have my bunk."

  "Okay," Taylor muttered. It was probably a good thing she was going to wait before talking to Maia. She was a mess in this state, crying one minute and forgetting all of her words the next.

  "Lie down." Rachel stood up to give Taylor room. "And if you ruin my sheets, I'll kill you, superior officer or not." As Taylor stretched out obediently on her side, Rachel took a seat at her desk, probably trying to finish the paperwork she had started.

  Taylor closed her eyes, sighing with relief as the room stopped tilting at strange angles. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she would tell Maia she was sorry and confess her feelings. Hopefully, she would be able to come up with the right words. Unable to think of any now, Taylor gave up and pictured Maia's face, trying to remember what the ikthian's smile looked like. Tomorrow, after she apologized, she was going to make Maia smile. Maia deserved that much from her, at least.

  Chapter Twenty Six

  While under the influence of alcohol, talking with Maia again had seemed like an easy task to Taylor, but once she stood outside her door, the idea of going inside and apologizing seemed impossible. The two guards that had been stationed in her absence looked at her with curiosity. One of them had already asked if Taylor had lost her pass or needed assistance, but she shook her head and kept staring at the door.

  "Um, Lieutenant?" one of the guards said, "I don’t know what the problem is, but you should probably just go inside." Taylor nodded and took a step forward. The door opened immediately when she presented her ID, but she did not see Maia anywhere in the living room. She swallowed and walked back to check the bedroom.

  She found Maia sitting on the mattress, staring at the opposite wall. That seemed to be all the ikthian did with her free time, but it was not like she had many other options. Eventually, Maia looked up, giving Taylor a clear view of her face. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her body was limp with exhaustion. She looked like she had been crying for most of the night. Taylor felt another stab of guilt.

  "Hey," she said. Her voice came out raspy and hoarse. She took a few steps forward, but stopped at the edge of the bed. She made no motion to sit down.

  "Taylor?" Maia frowned, shifting closer to her. "Is everything all right?"

  Taylor closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If Maia's expression was anything to go by, she probably looked horrible, too. Still, Maia's concern for her kindled a spark of hope in her chest. "I can’t imagine it’s all right for you. You’ve been through so much, Maia, and my behavior hasn’t helped."

  Maia hesitated. "I...I am not sure what to say. You treat me kindly one moment, and then seem to remember that I am your captive the next. But I was too harsh on you yesterday. I enjoyed what we did. I just have no idea what to call...this...anymore. It defies everything I thought I knew."

  Instead of comforting her, Maia's gentle tone made Taylor’s chest tighten. She could barely look at the ikthian, and each soft word struck her like a blow. This was it. She had to apologize, and to tell Maia how she felt. "I’m sorry. So sorry for everything. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I…I realize that I’m the one trapping you here, and it only makes things harder." Taylor blinked to clear her eyes and forced herself to stare back down at Maia, who had gone strangely silent. "I can’t just think of you as a prisoner anymore. Not after I’ve started to see you as a lover."

  "A lover?" Maia whispered. Warmth surrounded Taylor's hands
, and she realized that Maia had wrapped her fingers around them. "That is how you have come think of me?"

  Taylor ran her thumbs over the backs of Maia's knuckles. She knelt so that they were on the same level, bringing Maia's hands close to her chest. "Yes," she said, praying that Maia would accept her answer and forgive her. "That is how I think of you. How I feel for you."

  Maia took in a shaking breath, and Taylor could see a little of the pain leave her eyes. "So, what should we do now?"

  "We take it one day at a time, and I'll see you as…you. Not just an ikthian or a prisoner of war. Just as Maia." Taylor brought Maia's hands up to her lips, pressing a kiss against them. "I don't know when it happened. When I started seeing you differently. Somewhere along the way, I just forgot we were supposed to be enemies, and by then, it was too late to go back to being just your guard. I didn’t mean to fall into bed with you so quickly, though. I’m sorry that happened."

  Maia's face brightened with a smile. "I am not sorry," she said, drawing her hands back. She patted the edge of the bed beside her, and Taylor climbed off her knees, taking the offered space. "Taylor, you let me experience things I never would have otherwise, and I do not mean just physical pleasure. It has been an experience getting to know you, one I am glad I had."

  A little of Taylor's guilt eased. Their desire had seemed mutual at the time, but she was terrified that she had pressured Maia into being intimate with her. It was a relief to hear that Maia had wanted her. She lifted her arm, allowing Maia to settle under it and rest against her shoulder.

  "Sometimes, I wonder what our first encounter would have been like without this war," Maia said after a moment, still comfortably tucked in her embrace.

  Taylor looked down at her. "You mean, if the Dominion and Coalition weren’t trying to kill each other?"

  "Yes. If we all saw each other as equals. If we had met casually, just as two people…"

  Taylor smiled, tucking her chin back on top of Maia's crest and pulling her closer. "I don't know. My pick-up lines are terrible. I might have scared you off."