135 Meredith Chivers: See Daniel Bergner, “What Do Women Want?” New York Times Magazine, January 25, 2009.
136 conscious part of the female mind: See cognitive neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam, A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire (New York: Dutton/Penguin Group, 2011), 76–83, where they discuss this complex neural female operation.
136 “The powers of seduction”: Juliet of the Spirits, direc. Frederico Fellini, Rizzoli Film, Francoriz Production, 1965.
136 “Who loves, raves”: Baron George Gordon Byron Byron, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage: A Romaunt (London: G. S. Appleton, 1851), canto 4, stanza 123, 182.
137 “The important thing”: Email, May 30, 2009.
137 Romantic love, by nature: Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy, ed. Floyd Dell and Paul Jordan-Smith (New York: Tudor, 1927), 840.
137 “switch on a woman’s libido”: Quoted in Bergner, “What Do Women Want?” 51.
137 Over half of female fantasies: See B. J. Ellis and D. Symons, “Sex-Differences in Sexual Fantasy—An Evolutionary Psychological Approach,” Journal of Sex Research 27, no. 4 (1990), 527–555; and Bergner, “What Do Women Want?”
137 What a woman craves: Quoted in Bergner, “What Do Women Want?” 51.
138 ardent advance: Stephen Kern, The Culture of Love: Victorians to Moderns (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1992), 307.
138 “Let the man”: Ovid, The Art of Love, trans. Rolfe Humphries (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1957), 127.
138 Hindu author: The Complete Kāma Sūtra, trans. Alain Daniélou (Rochester, VT: Park Street Press, 1994), 252.
138 “the door of love’s palace”: Andreas Capellanus, The Art of Courtly Love, trans. John Jay Parry (New York: Columbia University Press, 1960), 83.
138 “anaemic and tailorish”: Robert Louis Stevenson, “On Falling in Love,” in Jeremy Treglown, ed., The Lantern-Bearers and Other Essays (New York: First Cooper Square Press, 1999), 44, 45.
138 feel only aversion: Henry T. Finck quoted in Elaine Walster, “Passionate Love,” in Bernard I. Murstein, ed., Theories of Attraction and Love (New York: Springer, 1971), 91.
138 males are the seducers: Matt Ridley, The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature (New York: HarperCollins, 1993), 178.
138 Fisher traces: Helen Fisher, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (New York: Henry Holt, 2004), 111.
138 Evolutionary psychologists see: See David M. Buss, who writes that “one strong signal of commitment is a man’s persistence in courtship,” in The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (New York: Basic Books/HarperCollins, 1994), 102–103.
138 Whatever the motive: Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain (New York: Broadway Books, 2006), 59.
138 “I am here for you”: Ovid, Art of Love, 122.
138 when Freyr: www.hurstwic.org/history/articles/mythology/myths/text/freyr.htm (accessed July 7, 2011).
139 “For pity’s sake”: Chretien de Troyes, “The Knight of the Cart (Lancelot),” in Arthurian Romances, trans. William W. Kibler (New York: Penguin, 1991), 214.
139 “violent, unbridled”: Choderlos de Laclos, Dangerous Liaisons, trans. P. W. K. Stone (New York: Penguin, 1961), 190.
139 “I shall on no condition”: Ibid., 147.
139 His love is earth-shaking: Madame de Lafayette, The Princesse de Clèves, trans. Nancy Mitford (London: Penguin, 1950), 60.
139 “Let’s get some tea”: Mary Wesley, Not That Sort of Girl (New York: Penguin Books, 1987), 66.
140 In the first chapter: Maureen Child, Turn My World Upside Down (New York: St. Martin’s Paperbacks, 2005), 1.
140 “The man”: Ibid.
140 She crumbles: Mary Jo Putney, The Rake (New York: Topaz Books/Penguin, 1998), 172.
140 “intense and aggressive”: Mary Jo Putney, “Welcome to the Dark Side,” in Jayne Ann Krentz, ed., Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women: Romance Writers on the Appeal of the Romance (Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press, 1992), 110.
140 Filippo Strozzi: Georgina Masson, The Courtesans of the Italian Renaissance (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1975), 95.
140 “That is nonsense”: Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life, trans. Willard R. Trask (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1966), vol. 7, chap. 10, pp. 216, 217.
141 “doubts, qualms”: Dan Hofstadter, The Love Affair as a Work of Art (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1996), 6.
141 “My whole life”: Benjamin Constant, Adolphe, trans. Leonard Tancock (New York: Penguin, 1964), 54, 55.
141 abstract painter fastened on: Ruth Kligman, Love Affair: A Memoir of Jackson Pollock (New York: Cooper Square Press, 1974), 31.
141 “I want you”: Quoted in ibid., 41, 44.
142 To nail “targets”: Neil Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists (New York: HarperCollins, 2005), 21.
142 “will do almost anything”: David DeAngelo, email, June 2, 2007; and The Tao of Steve, direc. Jenniphr Goodman, Good Machine, Thunderhead Productions, 2000.
142 According to Maxim: Lisa Lombardi, “Conquer Her,” Maxim, November 2001, 50.
142 To enamor women: Tom Terell, “Ten Ways to Be a Lover: A Man Looks at Romance Novels,” Salon, August 12, 2004, salon.com; and Why Your Wife Won’t Have Sex with You, Julia Grey Blog, http://juliagrey.wordpress.com/contributors-stories/ten-ways-to-be-a-lover-a-man-looks-at-romance-novels/ (accessed April 24, 2012).
142 “do appreciate men”: Quoted in Joann Ellison Rodgers, Sex: A Natural History (New York: W. H. Freeman Books/Times Books/Henry Holt, 2001), 221.
142 Charleen, a character: Sherman’s March, direc. Ross McElwee, First Run Features, 1986.
143 “O flatter me”: William Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona in Complete Works, ed. Stanley Wells and Gary Taylor (Oxford: Clarendon Press/Oxford University Press, 1988), act 2, scene 4, line 146.
143 Rolf possesses: Bernard Schlink, “The Other Man,” in Flights of Love, trans. John E. Woods (New York: Pantheon, 2001), 138.
143 “I was made”: Ibid., 145, 121.
143 According to erotic theorists: See Robert C. Solomon, About Love: Reinventing Romance for Our Times (New York: Touchstone Books/Simon & Schuster, 1988), 40–41, 199, 148, passim; and see Ethel S. Person, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion (New York: Penguin, 1988), 29, 30, 259, passim, where she points out that a defining premise of romantic love is to be “the most important person in someone else’s life.”
143 “maximizes self-esteem”: Solomon, About Love, 199.
143 Some extremists: See Theodor Reik, Psychology of Sex Relations (New York: Farrar and Rinehart, 1945), 91, 243.
144 They accord higher importance: See study in Anne M. Doohan and Valerie Mausov, “The Communication of Compliments in Romantic Relationships: An Investigation of Relational Satisfaction and Sex Differences and Similarities in Compliment Behavior,” Western Journal of Communications (Salt Lake City) 68, no. 2 (Spring 2004), 170–195.
144 may be flattery-operated: For a summary of the erotic effect of praise on women see Tracy Clark-Flory, “Narcissism: The Secret to Women’s Sexuality!” Salon, January 24, 2009, www.salon.com/2009/01/24/female_desire/.
144 “the object of erotic admiration”: Quoted in Bergner, “What Do Women Want?”
144 Beauvoir made the same point: See Simone de Beauvoir, “The Narcissist,” in The Second Sex, trans. H. M. Parshley (1952; New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 1988), 629–644.
144 “devil’s gateway”: Church Father Tertullian quoted in Susan Groag Bell, ed., Women: From the Greeks to the French Revolution (Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press, 1973), 85.
144 Fifty-five to eighty percent of women: For the 55 percent figure, see Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, Why Women Have Sex: Women Reveal the Truth about Their Sex Lives, from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between) (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2009), 1
93. On low female self-esteem, see Ulrich Orth, Kali H. Trzesniewski, and Richard W. Robins, “Self-Esteem Development from Young Adulthood to Old Age: A Cohort-Sequential Longitudinal Study,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 98, no. 4 (2010), 645–658.
144 Women are biologically primed: See discussion in Louann Brizendine, Female Brain, 40–41. For summary, see Aimee Lee Ball, “Women and the Negativity Receptor,” O, The Oprah Magazine, August 2008.
144 “A man can win us”: Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales, trans. Nevill Coghill (New York: Penguin, 1958), 283.
144 “applause response”: See Michael R. Liebowitz, The Chemistry of Love (Boston: Little, Brown, 1983), 102.
145 We feel exhilarated: Ibid., 91.
145 “Flattery works on the mind”: Ovid, Art of Love, 124.
145 “as much as possible”: Quoted in Richard Stengel, You’re Too Kind (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2002), 155.
145 “What if our strongest wish”: Adam Phillips, Monogamy (New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 1996), 43.
145 He’s seconded by many theorists: See, for example, Jean Baudrillard, Seduction, trans. Brian Singer (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1990), 68; Solomon, About Love, 239; Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse, trans. Richard Howard (New York: Hill and Wang, 1978), 19, 28, 158; and Ronald de Sousa, “Love as Theater,” in Robert C. Solomon and Kathleen M. Higgins, eds., The Philosophy of (Erotic) Love (Lawrence: University Press of Kansas, 1991), 477.
145 worst gaffe: See discussion of the “Above-Average Effect” in 2010 Scientific American reported in “Health & Science,” Week, January 29, 2010, 23.
146 “I marvel at you”: The Odyssey of Homer, trans. Allen Mandelbaum (New York: Bantam Classic, 1990), book 6, line 121.
146 The Eve that Milton portrays: For a summary of women’s position in Milton’s England, see Antonia Fraser, The Weaker Vessel (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1984).
146 She will be an “Empress”: John Milton, Paradise Lost, ed. Gordon Teskey (New York: W. W. Norton, 2005), 212, 213.
146 He admires her “difference”: Edith Wharton, Summer (New York: Harper and Row, 1979), 67.
146 “He was praising her”: Ibid
147 Sukie the town reporter: John Updike, The Witches of Eastwick (New York: Ballantine, 1984), 46.
147 They assure her: Gael Greene, Blue Skies, No Candy (New York: William Morrow, 1976), 20, 43.
147 She’s “Remarkable”: Ibid. 33.
147 to be a man’s deity: See Denis de Rougemont, Love in the Western World, trans. Montgomery Belgion (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1983), 260, where he notes that at bottom, “passion requires that the self shall become greater than all things, as solitary and powerful as God.”
147 The “good,” authentic heroes: Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan, Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance Novels (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2009), 233.
147 “Rick had been exposed”: Carly Phillips, The Playboy (New York: Grand Central, 2003), 13.
147 sailor, meanwhile, is even more: Jill Shalvis, The Sweetest Thing (New York: Forever, 2011), 228.
148 Excusing his ardor: Casanova, History of My Life, vol. 1, chap. 9, p. 276.
148 “Darling of the English Cleopatra”: Robert Lacey, Sir Walter Ralegh (London: Phoenix Press, 1973), 51.
148 The lady was: Gabriele D’Annunzio, L’Innocente, trans. Georgina Harding (1892; New York: Hippocrene Books, 1991), 12.
148 “To hear oneself”: Isadora Duncan, Isadora (1927 as My Life; New York: Award Books, 1968), “Introductory,” 11.
148 Lady Diana Manners: Philip Ziegler, Diana Cooper (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1982), 94.
149 “the brightest color”: Quoted in ibid., 97.
149 “Two lily hands”: Quoted in John Julius Norwich, ed., The Duff Cooper Diaries: 1915–1951 (London: Weidenfeld and Nicolson, 2005), 154.
149 “empress of seduction”: Quoted in Jean Bothorel, Louise ou la vie de Louise de Vilmorin (Paris: Gernard Gasset, 1993), 290.
149 “returned [his] kisses”: Norwich, ed., Duff Cooper Diaries, 332.
149 “You are a treasure”: Quoted in Botherel, Louise ou la vie de Louise de Vilmorin, 160.
150 With his usual panache: Norwich, ed., Duff Cooper Diaries, 436.
150 “Cad” Cooper: Quoted in Selina Hastings, “A Dedicated Hedonist Duff Cooper Was the Consummate Diplomat—Except in His Love Life, Says Selina Hastings,” Sunday Telegraph (London), October 2, 2005.
150 Hip dating instructors: Mystery, Mystery Method, 97, 96.
150 “love is a form of flattery”: William Gass, “Throw the Emptiness out of Your Arms: Rilke’s Doctrine of Nonpossessive Love,” in Solomon and Higgins, eds., Philosophy of (Erotic) Love, 453.
150 “Thy other self”: John Milton, Paradise Lost (London: Bensley, 1802), vol. 2, book 8, lines 450–451, 55.
151 When Lucy arrives: Megan Chance, An Inconvenient Wife (New York: Grand Central, 2005), 64.
151 course of her treatment: Ibid., 109.
151 “I understand you”: Ibid., 156.
151 Desperate to be: Ibid., 233.
151 say erotic philosophers: Barthes, Lover’s Discourse, 228, 226; Solomon, About Love, 24, passim., especially the “Intimacy” chapter, 272–283; Robert Sternberg, for whom “intimacy” is one of the three essential components of love, “Triangulating Love,” in Robert J. Sternberg and Michael L. Barnes, eds., The Psychology of Love (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1988), 120; and John R. Haule, Divine Madness: Archetypes of Romantic Love (Boston: Shambhala, 1990), 42–61.
151 While both sexes crave ego fusion: Hormonally, desire generates the release of vasopressin in men and oxytocin, “the love hormone,” in women, which triggers intimacy and connection. See Liebowitz, Chemistry of Love, 116.
152 complain of inadequate intimacy: Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 51. Surveys continually document this. Women’s rise in infidelity, according to a Newsweek study, is caused in part by parallel lives “instead of intersecting ones.” Lorraine Ali and Lisa Miller, “The Secret Lives of Wives,” Newsweek, July 12, 2004. See, too, Nancy Friday, Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (New York: Pocket Books, 1991), 50.
152 Diamond believes: Cited in Bergner, “What Do Women Want?”
152 Even in the womb: See Brizendine, Female Brain, 37, 67–70, passim; and Natalie Angier, Woman: An Intimate Geography (New York: Anchor Books, 1999), 330–348.
152 man who acknowledges that need: Rafford Pyke, “What Women Like in Men (1901),” in Susan Ostrov Weisser, ed., Women and Romance (New York: New York University Press, 2001), 48.
152 Egyptian myth: “Isis and Osiris,” in Diane Wolkstein, ed., The First Love Stories: From Isis and Osiris to Tristan and Iseult (New York: HarperPerennial, 1991), 14.
152 Kali, the Hindu energy: “Shiva and Sati” in ibid., 79.
152 Becoming “one”: Walter F. Otto, Dionysus: Myth and Cult, trans. Robert B. Palmer (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1965), 123.
152 women of fairy tales and myth: Haule, Divine Madness, 51.
152 “red, bald, and short-sighted”: Quoted in “Frederick II,” GluedIdeas.com, http://gluedideas.com/Encyclopedia-Britannica-Volume-9-Part-2-Extraction-Gambrinus/Frederick-Ii.html (accessed August 21, 2011).
153 “They were one person”: Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Elective Affinities, trans. R. J. Hollingale (1809; New York: Penguin, 1971), 286.
153 “Nelly, I am Heathcliffe”: Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights, ed. Pauline Nestor (1847; New York: Penguin, 1995), 82.
153 “or the impression of it”: Claire Messud, The Emperor’s Children (New York: Vintage, 2006), 10.
153 “into the heads of women”: James Collins, Beginners’ Greek (New York: Little, Brown, 2008), 64.
153 “The human heart”: Ibid., 111.
153 “can read her mind!”: Christie Ridgway, Unravel Me (New York: Berkley, 2008), 221.
153 Botts argues: Amber Bo
tts, “Cavewoman Impulses: The Jungian Shadow Archetype in Popular Romance Fiction,” in Anne K. Kaler and Rosemary E. Johnson-Kurek, eds., Romantic Conventions (Bowling Green, OH: Bowling Green State University Popular Press, 1999), 62–74.
153 “You’re not really”: Jane Green, Mr. Maybe (New York: Broadway Books, 1999), 19.
154 “you’ve got your other half”: Ibid., 298.
154 “I would do anything”: Paul to Meg, TV Megasite, “As the World Turns Transcript 3/27/08,” http://tvmegasite.net/transcripts/atwt/main/2008transcripts.html (accessed May 15, 2012).
154 “The desire for intimacy”: Martha Nochimson, No End to Her: Soap Opera and the Female Subject (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1992), 127.
154 “like two wheels”: Complete Kāma Sūtra, 76.
154 advocate of up-close seduction: Ovid, Art of Love, 140.
154 Stendhal adjured men: Stendhal, Love, trans. Gilbert Sale and Suzanne Sale (New York: Penguin, 1975), 104–108.
154 concept of spiritual union: For a summary of this yearning, see Norman O. Brown, Life against Death: The Psychoanalytical Meaning of History (Middleton, CT: Wesleyan University Press, 1959), 43, 40–53.
154 unrelieved togetherness can also depress: See Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic (New York: HarperCollins, 2006), 24, where she concludes from her work that “emotional intimacy is often accompanied by decreased sexual desire.”
155 engineers of intimacy: John Lahr describes Frank Sinatra as an “engineer of intimacy” in Sinatra: The Artist and Man (New York: Random House, 1997), 22.
155 “the kiss that unites”: Judith Summers, Casanova’s Women: The Great Seducer and the Women He Loved (New York: Bloomsbury, 2006), 14.
155 With the castrato Bellino: Lydia Flem, Casanova: The Man Who Really Loved Women, trans. Catherine Temerson (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997), 101.
155 “absolutely loved him”: Quoted in Nick Salvatore, Singing in a Strange Land: C. L. Franklin: The Black Church and the Transformation of America (New York: Little, Brown, 2005), 205.
155 “his uncanny ability”: Quoted in ibid., 157, 209.
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