114 They create a “lustline”: E. C. Sheedy, “Midnight Plane to Georgia,” in Bad Boys Southern Style (New York: Brava Books/Kensington, 2006), 125. See Givens, Love Signals, 54, 82.
114 “eye sex”: This means to stare at someone in “such a lustful way” that he or she “might as well be doing it.” Urban Dictionary, ed. Aaron Peckam (Kansas City, MO: Andrews McMeel, 2005), 123.
114 rank men’s eyes: Givens, Love Signals, 124.
114 watch men’s mouths: Ibid., 26.
114 “vermillion lips”: Quoted in Henry Dwight Sedgwick, Alfred de Musset (Indianapolis: Bobbs-Merrill, 1931), 51. Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan write that the hero’s lips are invariably “Sensitive! Kissable! Full!” See discussion in Beyond Heaving Bosoms, 89.
114 Dallas Beaudine’s: Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Fancy Pants (New York: Pocket Books/Simon & Schuster, 1989), 48, 121.
114 genuine “Duchenne” kind: Givens, Love Signals, 126.
115 instinctively: For the instinctive response to a smile, see Lloyd-Elliot, Secrets of Sexual Body Language, 89; and Gordon R. Wainwright, Body Language (New York: NTC/Contemporary, 1985), 31.
115 “the best smile”: Quoted in Finstad, Warren Beatty, 164.
115 he was nothing to look at: Margaret Nicholas, ed., The World’s Greatest Lovers (London: Octopus Books, 1985), 87.
115 “true artist”: Quoted in Madeleine Bingham, The Great Lover: The Life and Art of Herbert Beerbohm Tree (New York: Atheneum, 1979), 93.
115 At close quarters: See psychologist Paul Ekman on this in Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life (New York: Henry Holt, 2003), passim, 221–223.
115 Tree finessed this art: Bingham, Great Lover, 37.
116 In studies, women show: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 17–19.
116 “lithe, Indian-like”: Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind (1936; New York: Avon, 1973), 179.
116 “careless, lazy”: Mikhail Lermontov, A Hero of Our Time, trans. Marian Schwartz (1839; New York: Modern Library, 2004), 49.
116 “I watched”: Quoted in Botting and Botting, Sex Appeal, 104.
116 “primitive”: Quoted in Shawn Levy, The Last Playboy: The High Life of Porfirio Rubirosa (New York: HarperCollins, 2005), 168.
116 “And then he danced”: Lord Byron, Don Juan (London: Hamblin, 1828), vol. 2, canto 38, p. 279.
116 “I take them dancing”: Quoted in Levy, Last Playboy, 224.
116 study after study has shown: Alok Jha, “It’s True, Dancing Does Lead to Sex,” Sydney Morning Herald, December 23, 2005; and Nic Fleming, “Good Dancers Make the Fittest Mates,” New Scientist, July 2, 2009.
116 just because he dances well: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 17–18.
116 In one survey: Gail Arias, “Dance Survey: What Women Want from Men!” www.dancedancedance.com/whtwomen.htm (accessed January 1, 2010).
117 Ellis speculated: See Havelock Ellis, “Analysis of the Sexual Impulse,” Studies in the Psychology of Sex (New York: Random House, 1936), 31, 32, 25.
117 Men whose feet smoke: See summary of the work at Rutgers University on the correlation between dancing skill and mate fitness: “Rutgers Researchers Scientifically Link Dancing Ability to Mate Quality,” Bio-Medicine, http://news.bio-medicine.org/biology-news/Rutgers-researchers-scientifically-link-dancing-ability-to-mate-quality-1904-1/ (accessed March 30, 2009).
117 They also exhibit: Miller, Mating Mind, 407.
117 By miming intercourse: See Curt Sachs, World History of the Dance, trans. Bessie Schonberg (New York: W. W. Norton, 1963), 3.
117 Dionysus, “the leader”: Quoted in Walter F. Otto, Dionysus: Myth and Cult, trans. Robert B. Palmer (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1965), 82.
117 Traditional cultures: Sachs, World History of the Dance, 96.
118 When Hardy Cates: Lisa Kleypas, Sugar Daddy (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2007), 135.
118 “honeys who can swing”: Blogger “Susan,” Romance Bandits, March 23, 2011, http://romancebandits.blogspot.com/2011/03/isnt-it-romantic.html.
118 “one of the best dancers”: Quoted in H. Noel Williams, The Fascinating duc de Richelieu: Louis Francois Armand du Plessis (New York: Charles Scribner’s, 1910), 1.
118 “Russian superstar Casanova”: Review, Barbara Aria, Misha! The Mikhail Baryshnikov Story, Publishers’ Weekly, March 1989.
118 Ballerina Gelsey Kirkland thought: “Biography for Mikhail Baryshnikov,” IMDb.com, www.imdb.com/name/nm0000864/bio (accessed May 14, 2012).
118 “the greatest male dancer”: Ibid.
118 “Baryshnikov leaps higher”: Katha Politt, “Ballet Blanc,” New Yorker, February 19, 1979.
119 “Dancing with a woman”: Tony Clink, Layguide (New York: Citadel Press, 2004), 112.
119 “the dance floor” Tom Jackson, “Real Men Don’t Dance,” The Yorker, October 30, 2008, www.theyorker.co.uk/news/alphamale/2191.
119 “Love teaches even asses”: Thinkexist.com, http://thinkexist.com/dommon/print.asp?id=176496"e=love_teaches_even_asses_to (accessed June 21, 2011).
119 “Banging, nailing, and screwing”: The Secret Laughter of Women, direc. Peter Schwabach, Paragon Entertainment, 1999.
120 landmark 1999 study: See study in Edward O. Laumann et al., “Sexual Dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and Predictors,” Journal of the American Medical Association 281 (February 10, 1999), 537–544.
120 more recent five-year survey: See Meston and Buss’s five-year study of over 1,000 women in Why Women Have Sex, 78–210. For an overview, see Elizabeth Landau, “Love, Pleasure, Duty: Why Women Have Sex,” CNN.com, September 30, 2009, edition.cnn.com; and Jessica Bennett, “The Pursuit of Sexual Happiness,” Newsweek, September, 28, 2009.
120 several 2010 polls: See the sex study reported in the special issue of Journal of Sexual Medicine 7 (October 2010), 243–373, which polled 5,865 people, aged 14 to 94. For the study of married women, see the iVillage 2010 and 2011 online surveys summarized in “Sex in Marriage: Survey Reveals What Women Want,” Huffington Post, February 7, 2012, www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/07/sex-in-marriage-study-rev_n_1260699.html?vie.
120 setup for hyperpleasure: For a summary, see Fisher, First Sex, 201–205.
120 It’s a “whole”: Natalie Angier, Woman: An Intimate Geography (New York: Anchor Books, 1999), 77, 78.
121 Classic male guides: For typical man-to-man advice, see Ian Kerner, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring Women (New York: ReganBooks, 2004); Lou Paget, The Great Lover Playbook (New York: Gotham Books, 2005); and Paul Joannides, Guide to Getting It On (Oregon: Goofy Foot Press, 2000).
121 Therapists add intimacy: For a summary of the therapeutic view that “incubating intimacy leads to better sex,” see Daniel Bergner, “What Do Women Want?” New York Times Magazine, January 25, 2009.
121 woman’s optimal pleasure: For a discussion of this ultimate quest in sexual research, see Mary Roach, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (New York: W. W. Norton, 2008), 302; and see Marta Meana on female narcissism in Bergner, “What Do Women Want?”
121 As studies have revealed: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 156, 166, 29.
121 Surprisingly, they’re often: The most popular book genre, romance novels generated over 1.3 billion in 2010. See “Romance Literature Statistics: Overview,” About the Romance Genre, www.rwa.org/cs/the_romance_genre/romance_literature_statistics (accessed May 14, 2012).
121 Jack Travis: Lisa Kleypas, Smooth Talking Stranger (New York: St. Martin’s Paperbacks, 2009), 152.
121 “Murmuring words of love”: Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Noah Kramer, eds., Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer (New York: Harper and Row, 1983), 108, 46, 108, 37, 38.
122 Taylor estimates: Timothy Taylor, The Prehistory of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture (New York: Bantam Books, 1996), 18.
122 Friedrich describes: Paul Friedrich, The Mea
ning of Aphrodite (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1978), 143–144.
122 To pass muster: Complete Kāma Sūtra, 179, 229.
122 If he does not succeed: Ibid., 113.
122 “complete harmony”: Lydia Flem, Casanova: The Man Who Really Loved Women, trans. Catherine Temerson (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997), 74.
122 “three-fourths”: Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life, trans. Willard R. Trask (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1997), vol. 2, chap. 2, p. 25.
122 he discovered the clitoris-climax link: See Judith Summers, Casanova’s Women (London: Bloomsbury, 2006), 15.
122 He told her: Casanova, History of My Life, vol. 3, chap. 2, p. 36, and chap. 3, p. 39.
122 He conducted their love affair: Flem, Casanova, 112.
122 “never a thing to be hurried”: Ovid, Art of Love, 151.
123 Rick is onto something: Givens, Love Signals, 111. Givens explains that women like super-gentle strokes that strum the tender C-fibers, which reach the “sensual centers of the emotional brain,” 92–93.
123 Women have more sensitive skin: Ibid., 99, 111.
123 Skin is the largest organ: Ackerman, Natural History of the Senses, 80.
123 hero’s ankle play: Jennifer Crusie, Tell Me Lies (New York: St. Martin’s Paperbacks, 1998), 199.
123 kiss is turbocharged: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 68–69.
123 matter of timing: See Susan Quilliam, Sexual Body Talk: Understanding the Body Language of Attraction from First Glance to Sexual Happiness (New York: Carroll and Graf, 1992), 58–59.
123 Instead of rabid tonsil-hockey: See Givens, Love Signals, 104.
123 Michelangelo of oral pleasure: Jullian, D’Annunzio, 131, 243.
1231950 s lover Porfirio Rubirosa: Levy, Last Playboy, 225.
123 Like Aly Khan: Leonard Slater, Aly: A Biography (New York: Random House, 1964), 139.
124 Gray claims: John Gray, Venus and Mars in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion (New York: HarperTorch, 1995), 116.
124 “This was all”: Udana Powers, “The Private Life of Mrs. Herman,” in Lonnie Barbach, ed., Erotic Interludes (New York: Harper Perennial, 1987), 29.
124 “Most sex is about nonfeeling”: Quoted in Douglas, Great Seducer, 97.
124 “carried [her]”: Quoted in ibid., 219.
124 “indefatigable”: Quoted in ibid., 221.
124 “He satisfied me”: Quoted in ibid., 246, 177.
125 “spiritual and talked”: Quoted in ibid., 268.
125 “I felt in my heart”: Quoted in Dennis McDougal, Five Easy Decades: How Jack Nicholson Became the Biggest Movie Star in Modern Times (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley, 2008), 351.
125 Kāma Sūtra admits: Hugo Williams, “Some Kisses from the Kama Sutra,” in Jon Stallworthy, ed., The Penguin Book of Love Poetry (New York: Penguin, 1973), 110. The Kāma Sūtra is emphatic about love canceling out the importance of technique: “when seized by passion, no particular order has to be followed.” Complete Kāma Sūtra, 119.
125 “Gifts persuade even:” Euripides, Medea, in The Hecuba, Medea, Phœnissœ and Orestes, trans. G. Dindorf (London: Henry Washbourne, 1846), lines 968–969, 40.
126 recent poll: Cited in Hilary Black, “Introduction,” in Hilary Black, ed., The Secret Currency of Love (New York: Harper, 2010), xvi.
126 another 2009 survey: “Bad Week, Good Week,” Week, April 3, 2009, no. 4.
126 economic motive: For a summary of this, see Norman O. Brown, Life against Death: The Psychoanalytical Meaning of History (Middletown, CT: Wesleyan University Press, 1959), 238, 234–304.
126 “Wealth brings”: Quoted in ibid., 254. Also see Georges Bataille: “Within the Dionysiac cult, money in principle played no part.” Bataille, The Tears of Eros, trans. Peter Conner (San Francisco: City Lights Books, 1989), 64.
126 “Falling in love”: Robert Louis Stevenson, “On Falling in Love,” in James L. Malfetti and Elizabeth M. Eidlitz, eds., Perspectives on Sexuality: A Literary Collection (New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, 1972), 238.
126 Romantic passion: Rollo May, Love and Will (New York: W. W. Norton, 1969), 122. Among one of the characteristics of love in the Kāma Sūtra is “indifference to money.” Complete Kāma Sūtra, 417.
126 They’re embedded: This is David Cheal’s observation, cited in Helmuth Berking, The Sociology of Giving, trans. Patrick Camiller (London: SAGE, 1999), 13.
126 Women put stock: See Ellen Chrismer, “Researcher Examines Gender, Other Gift-Giving Trends,” December 13, 2002, dateline.ucdavis.edu/121302/dl_rucker.html, in a review of Margaret Rucker’s work on the science of gift-giving about women’s “personal view” of gifts and preference for “a romantic gesture.”
126 Receiving love tokens: Berking, Sociology of Giving, 11.
127 “The path” ibid., 12.
127 Zahavi’s “handicap principle”: See Miller’s discussion of this in Mating Mind, 122–129, passim. This is the old principle popularized by Thorsten Veblen in The Theory of the Leisure Class that the best way to demonstrate wealth is by wasting it on luxuries.
127 Kristeva points out: Julia Kristeva, Tales of Love, trans. Leon S. Roudiez (New York: Columbia University Press, 1987), 196.
127 “quite an art”: Ovid, Art of Love, 28.
127 Gifts must fulfill: See Marcel Mauss, The Gift: The Form and Reason for Exchange in Archaic Societies, trans. W. D. Halls (New York: W. W. Norton, 1990), 10, 24–25, 37–38, 74–75.
127 “At its finest”: Quoted in J. D. Sunwolf, “The Shadow Side of Social Giving: Miscommunication and Failed Gifts,” Communication Research Trends, September 1, 2006.
127 it’s an object of beauty: See Miller’s theory of this in Mating Mind, 258–291.
127 “emanation of Eros”: Lewis Hyde, The Gift (New York: Vintage Books, 1979), 27.
127 Phallic deities embodied: Georges Bataille, Eroticism: Death and Sensuality, trans. Mary Dalwood (San Francisco: City Lights Books, 1986), 231.
128 Dionysus, the “giver of riches”: Otto, Dionysus, 80.
128 Courtly love: See Andreas Capellanus, The Art of Courtly Love, trans. John Jay Parry (New York: Columbia University Press, 1960), 176–177.
128 Updike’s “Hamlet” novel: John Updike, Gertrude and Claudius (New York: Ballantine Books, 2000), 62, 64.
128 presented one lover with a spaniel: Derek Parker, Casanova (Gloucestershire, UK: Sutton, 2002), 136.
128 “absolutely irresistible”: Quoted in Charlotte Haldane, Alfred: The Passionate Life of Alfred de Musset (New York: Roy, 1960), 64.
129 “in her attic”: Quoted in ibid., 67.
129 Riches raise the stakes: Berking, Sociology of Giving, 41.
129 “It was like”: Quoted in Slater, Aly, 9.
129 Women were crazy: Judy Bachrach, “La Vita Agnelli,” Vanity Fair, May 2003, 202.
129 He furnished total: Ibid., 214, 205.
129 “The loves of most people”: Quoted in A Thousand Flashes of French Wit, Wisdom, and Wickedness, trans. J. De Finod (New York: D. Appleton, 1886), 142.
129 Sensual dishes follow: Guy de Maupassant, Bel-Ami, trans. Douglas Parmée (1885; New York: Penguin, 1975), 105, 108.
130 She hands him: Actually Duroy doesn’t pay with his money but takes the bills from the hostess’s purse at her request. The sexual symbolism is patent.
130 “After a perfect meal”: Quoted in Botting and Botting, Sex Appeal, 168.
130 Taste is the multisensory sense: For a summary, see Kate Hilpern, “Taste the Difference: How Our Genes, Gender and Even Hormones Affect the Way We Eat, Independent (UK), November 11, 2010.
130 Although men have: See “Male vs. Female: The Brain Difference,” www.columbia.edu/itc/anthropology/v1007/jakabovics/mf2.html (accessed May 14, 2011); and “Girls Have Superior Sense of Taste to Boys,” Science Daily, December 18, 2008, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081216104035.htm.
130 Just as animal species: See Miller, Mating Mind, 209.
130 “rich cream”: Wolkstein and Kromer, eds., Inanna, 33.
130 In rural Peru: Botting and Botting, Sex Appeal, 81.
131 “Definitely rich, creamy”: Janelle Dension, Wilde Thing (New York: Brava Books/Kensington, 2003), 101.
131 “highly seasoned dishes”: Casanova, History of My Life, vol. 7, Introduction, p. 32.
131 He set the table: Flem, Casanova, 18.
131 “was never inclined to drink”: Peter Biskin, Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2010), 18.
131 His fabulous fêtes: Simon Sebag Montefiore, Potemkin: Catherine the Great’s Imperial Partner (New York: Vintage Books, 2005), quoted in 339, 341.
132 Food researchers point: See Eleanor Glover, “Rise of the ‘Gastrosexual’ as Men Take Up Cooking in a Bid to Seduce Women,” Mail Online, July 21, 2008, www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1036921/Rise-gastrosexual-men-cooking-bid-seduce-women.html.
132 Allende argues: Isabel Allende, Aphrodite: A Memoir of the Senses (New York: HarperFlamingo, 1998), 40.
132 Money, says book: Kate Ashford, “Women, Men & Money—How It Can Muck Up True Love,” HerTwoCents.com, February 15, 2010, interview with Hilary Black, ed., The Secret Currency of Love, www.lemondrop.com/2010/02/15/the-secret-currency-of-love-truth-about-men-women-and-money/.
132 “hedonic treadmill”: The notion of the “hedonic treadmill,” coined by Brickman and Campbell in 1971, argued that increased wealth does not bring a permanent gain in happiness. Instead, we adapt and experience both decreased pleasure and increased desire for more goods. See P. Brickman and D. T. Campbell, “Hedonic Relativism and Planning the Good Society,” in Adaption Level Theory: A Symposium (New York: Academic Press, 1971), 287–302.
CHAPTER 4: LASSOING LOVE: THE MIND
134 “Love looks not”: William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, in Complete Works, ed. Stanley Wells and Gary Taylor (Oxford: Clarendon Press/Oxford University Press, 1988), act 1, scene 1, line 234.
135 “be fully explained”: Irving Singer, Sex: A Philosophical Primer (New York: Rowman and Littlefield, 2001), 32.
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