charisma, 31–59, 239–40
androgyny, 45–48
creativity, 48–51
élan, 33–36
flawed manhood, 54–57
intensity, 36–39
love of women, 42–44
quicksilver man, 51–54
refining the definition, 58–59
sex drive, 39–42
Charlemagne, 56
Charles II, king of England, “Merry Monarch,” 85–86
charm, 61, 80
Chateaubriand, François-René, 173–74
Châtelet, Émilie du, 76, 216
Chekhov, Anton, 43
Cheney, Mamah, 106, 216
Chesterfield, Lord, 145
Child, Maureen, Turn My World Upside Down, 46, 140
Chivers, Meredith, 45, 135, 137–38
Chopin, Kate, The Awakening, 131
Cicero, 182
Clairmont, Claire, 23
Clay (androgyny), 45
Cleopatra, 103, 128, 198–99
Clinton, Bill, 110, 155–56, 166, 167
Clooney, George, 24
clothes, 100–102
Cohen, Leonard, 188
Colette, The Other One, 37
Collins, James, Beginner’s Greek, 153
Collins, Joan, 110
Collins, Wilkie, 159–60
compatibility, 13
compliments, 143–50
Conegliano, Emanuele (Da Ponte), 10
connectivity, 42
Constant, Benjamin, 141
conversation, 159–64, 171–74
mental intercourse, 179–84, 230–31
phatic speech, 171
in postverbal age, 189–90
soothing speech, 172–73
Cooke, Sam, 64–65
Cooper, Duff, 148–50
Cooper, Gary, 47–48, 56, 170
Cooper, Glenda, 232
Corden, James, 179
couples’ therapy, 20–21, 24
courage, 66–70, 230
courtly love, 62
Cragin, Mary, 73
Crane, Stephen, 217
creativity, 48–51
Cromwell, Oliver, 85
Crosland, Felicity, 179
Crusie, Jennifer, 43, 123, 128
Cruz, Penelope, 132
Cuchulain (myth.), 63, 75, 88
Cunard, Nancy, 77
Cunningham, Bill, 103
curiosity, 201–6
Custine, Madame de, 174
Cyrano de Bergerac, 185
Dagda (myth.), 52
d’Agoult, Countess Marie, 72, 210, 216
Dahl, Arlene, 47
Dahl, Roald, 178–79
d’Alvernhe, Peire, 1
Damnation of Theron Ware, The (Frederic), 216–18
dance, 113, 116–19, 134
Dangerous Liaisons (fict.), 139
D’Annunzio, Gabriele, 14–16, 102
and flattery, 148
and gesture, 165–66
as high-maintenance, 15, 210, 228
kisses of, 123
and setting, 105–6
Dante Alighieri, 4, 154
Da Ponte, Lorenzo, 10–12
d’Aragona, Tullia, 140
d’Arányi, Jelly, 77
Darcy, Fitzwilliam (fict.), 63
Darwin, Charles, 109, 115, 162, 202, 244–45
Darwin, Erasmus, 244
D’Aulnoy, Madame, “The Blue Bird,” 161
Dave, Laura, First Husband, 169
Dawkins, Richard, 104
The Selfish Gene, 13
Day, Douglas, 54–55
Day, Sylvia, 209–10
de Angelo, David, 16
decency, 13
Denby, David, 190
Deneuve, Catherine, 244
Depardieu, Gérard, 242–44
dependability, 13
Depp, Johnny, 86, 99
desire, 21, 83
DeTamble, Henry (fict.), 179–80
Diamond, Lisa, 152
Diary of a Seducer (Kierkegaard), 202
Dickinson, Emily, 185
Diderot, Denis, 12, 68, 183–84, 216
Dietrich, Marlene, 112
Dinesen, Isak, 53–54, 128
Dionysian festivals, 39, 71
Dionysus (myth.), 43, 55, 67, 114, 138, 152, 169, 235
and androgyny, 46, 101
and comedy, 162, 176
and creativity, 49, 88
and empathy, 80
and gift-giving, 128, 130, 145
and joie de vivre, 34, 63
music and dance, 109, 117, 199
and pleasure, 83, 106, 196
restlessness of, 52, 75
and setting, 105
as two-sided god, 37, 49, 162, 203, 214
Dirk (law student), 131–32
Dirty Dancing (movie), 118
Disraeli, Benjamin, 170
Dixon, Mildred “Sweet Babe,” 44
domesticity, 13
dominance display, 17
Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands (movie), 40
Don Giovanni (opera), 34
Don Juan (fict.), 5, 16, 53, 86, 116, 176
Don Juan DeMarco (movie), 86
“Don Juanism,” analyst’s view of, 8
Donovan, James M., 58
dopamine, 37, 161, 202
Dowd, Maureen, 161, 224
Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters (Person), 197
Dreiser, Theodore, 130
Duke, Doris, 85
du Maurier, George, 181
Dumuzi (myth.), 67, 79–80, 121–22, 130, 145, 172, 196, 209
Duncan, Isadora, 106, 148
Duras, Marguerite, 244
Duse, Eleonora, 14–15, 210
Edgarian, Carol, Three Stages of Amazement, 197
Ehrenreich, Barbara, 200
élan, 33–36
Eliade, Mircea, 46, 185
Eliot, George, 112, 176
Elizabeth I, queen of England, 80, 148
Ellington, Duke, 44, 167
Ellis, Beatrice “Evie,” 44
Ellis, Havelock, 79, 92, 117, 193, 207, 245
emotional stability, 13
empathy, 80, 168
endorphins, 43
Ephron, Nora, 78
eros/Eros, 21, 33, 62, 244–45
Eroticism: Death and Sensuality (Bataille), 70
Essex Junction, Vermont, 45
estrogen, 152
etiquette, 239
euphoria, 124, 175
Euripides, Medea, 125
Eurydice (myth.), 109
Evanovich, Janet, 39
evolutionary psychology, 48, 63, 75, 79, 87, 104, 138, 186
exuberance, 33–34
eyes, 114, 115
Fair Penitent, The (Rowe), 5
Fancy Pants (Phillips), 114
fashion and grooming, 100–103
Father “Jake,” 31
Feiffer, Jules, Harry, the Rat with Women, 8
Felman, Shoshana, 163
Ferney, Alice, 167
fertility gods, 34, 46, 52, 121, 130, 145–46
fertility rites, 71, 117, 163
festivity/fun, 194–201, 229–30
50 Cent, 5
Finch Hatton, Denys, 53–54, 68, 128
Finck, Henry, 138
Fisher, Helen, 13, 138, 172
Fisher, Maryanne, 223
flattery, 143–50
flawed manhood, 54–57, 91
Flem, Lydia, 9
Flöge, Emilie, 206
Flynn, Errol, 24–25
Fontaine, Joan, 211
Fontane, Theodor, 34
food and wine, 129–32
Fox, Barry, 76
fragrance, 101, 102
France, Marie de, 46, 56, 88
Franklin, Benjamin, 12, 89–90, 91
Franklin, Bertha, 65
Franklin, Rev. C. L., 155
Franzen, Jonathan, 181
Frederic, Harold, The Damnation of Theron Ware, 216–18
French Resistance, 68
The Painter Surprised by a Naked Admirer, 50
Freud, Sigmund, 8, 46, 83, 126, 137
Freyr (myth.), 52, 55, 138
Friday, Nancy, 100
Friedrich, Paul, 122
Fromm, Eric, 168
Furstenberg, Diane von, 78
Gabor, Zsa Zsa, 85, 116, 230
Gaddam, Sai, 229
Gaffney, Patricia, To Love and to Cherish, 72, 105
Gajdusek, Carleton, 34
Ganesha (Hindu god), 75
Garbo, Greta, 47, 111, 211
Gardner, Ava, 23, 112
Gass, William, 150
Gates, Bill, 58
Gaussin, Mademoiselle, 62
Gaylin, Willard, 235
Gellhorn, Martha, 178, 219
Gershwin, George, 35–36
gesture, 165–66
Giddens, Anthony, 238
gifts and wealth, 125–29
Gilgamesh, king of Sumer, 26
Gillette, Douglas, 236
Gladstone, William, 170
Goddard, Paulette, 35
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von, 152–53
Goleman, Daniel, 78, 79
Gordon, Mary, Spending, 84
Gore, Al, 58
Gottman, John, 20
Grahl, Nancy, 10, 11
Grant, Cary, 24, 72
Gray, John, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom, 124
Gréco, Juliette, 19
Green, Bryce, 164–65, 234
Green, Jane, Mr. Maybe, 153–54
Greene, Gael, Blue Skies, No Candy, 147
grooming and fashion, 100–103
Guiccioli, Countess Teresa, 23
Guignot, Elisabeth, 244
Guinevere (myth.), 139
Guinness, Hon. Joan, 19
Gustin (love rocket), 194–95
Gwynne, Nell, 86
gynephilia, 42
Haag, Pamela, 200
Hammer, Michael, 3
Hamsun, Knut, Mysteries, 52
Handyman, The (fict.), 49
Harley, Veronica, 20
Harriman, Pamela, 129
Harris, Jack, 1–3, 113, 201, 239, 241
Haskell, Molly, 244
Hayes, Helen, 47
Hayworth, Rita, 18, 19, 199
heartthrob:
genuine, 21–24
therapy, 20–21
Heaven, Texas (Phillips), 101, 127
Heisler, Stuart, 47
Helen of Troy, 162
Heloise, 182
Helvétius, Claude Adrien, 61–62, 118
Helvétius, Minette, 233
Hemingway, Ernest, 68
Hendrix, Jimi, 107
Hepburn, Katharine, 207
Hermes (myth.), 52, 63, 75, 78, 162, 167, 169, 176, 214
Hero of Our Time, A (Lermontov), 116
Heston, Charlton, 72
Hilderbrand, Elin, Summer Affair, 162
Hiller, Jane, 181
Hollander, Paul, 230, 231
Holt, Helen Maud, 115
Horgan, Edward, 63
Houdini, 212
Howard, Elizabeth Jane, 200
How Do You Know (movie), 142
Huffington, Arianna, 78
humor, 174–79
Huston, Anjelica, 56–57
Hutchinson, Mary, 77
Huxley, Aldous, 25, 56, 76–78, 167, 236–37
Ideal Marriage (van de Velde), 113
identity, 213–20
Igou, Clémentine, 242–43
Iliad, The, 46
Imer, Teresa, 177
Inanna (myth.), 67, 79, 121–22, 130, 172, 196, 209
infidelity, 227
Inquisition, 10, 68
integrity, 62
intelligence, 230–31
emotional, 79
and knowledge, 74–78
social IQ, 78–82
intensity, 36–39
intimacy, 150–58
irony and sophistication, 26
Isherwood, Christopher, 213
Isis (myth.), 152
“It,” 32
Jackson-Opoku, Sandra, 173
Jacobson, Stuart, 127
Jagger, Mick, 49–50
James, Eloisa, Pleasure for Pleasure, 84
Jamison, Key Redfield, 196
Jane Eyre (Brontë), 56
Jeffrey, Stephen, 238
Johnson, Evangeline, 111
Johnson, Hillary, 54, 55
joie de vivre, 33–34, 58, 60, 243
Jong, Erica, 55, 195, 214
Jonson, Ben, 4
Joseph II, Emperor, 11
Jung, Carl, 46, 89, 156–57
Kali (myth.), 152
Kāma Sūtra:
on knowledge, 74–75, 181
as love manual, 84, 108, 113, 114, 122, 125, 138, 172, 181, 193, 196
on music, 108
on sex drive, 39
on unity, 154
on use of voice, 166, 172
Kane, Payton, 16
Karen (financier), 221–23, 228, 230–31
Karr, Alphonse, 221
Kate & Leopold (movie), 238–39
Keillor, Garrison, 235
Kelly, Grace, 47, 199
Kennedy, Jacqueline, 129, 211
Kennedy, John F., 24
Keroualle, Louise de, 86
Key, Ellen, 216
Keyes, Marian, Last Chance Saloon, 167
Khan, Prince Aly, 18–19, 114, 123–24, 129
Khonsu (myth.), 87
Kierkegaard, Søren, 39, 202
Kilmarnock, Lord, 200
Kinsale, Laura, 215
Kipnis, Laura, 196
Kirkland, Gelsey, 118
kissing, 123
Kittredge, Charmian, 212
Kjærstad, Jan, 214–15
Kleypas, Lisa, 56, 118, 121, 162, 173, 204
Kligman, Ruth, 141
Klimt, Gustav, 49, 206
knowledge/intelligence, 74–78
Kooning, Willem de, 23
Krishna (myth.), 109
Kristeva, Julia, 127
Krull, Felix (fict.), 172–73
Kundera, Milan, 80, 203
Kurt (photographer), 51, 71, 240–41
Kutcher, Ashton, 42
ladies’ men:
counterfeit, 24–25
genuine, 25–27
making of, 236–37
selling men on, 235–36
La Fayette, Madame de, 88, 139
Lamb, Lady Caroline, 22, 23
Lamott, Anne, Blue Shoe, 46
Lancelot (myth.), 139
Lane, Anthony, 225
Lange, Jessica, 118
Langer, Susanne, 176
language, 162–63, 186
Laszlo (Hungarian lover), 74
laughter, 174–79
Law, Jude, 232
Lawrence, D. H., 106, 188
LeDuff, Charlie, 225
Leigh, Vivien, 59, 234
Lessing, Doris, Love, Again, 109
Liber (myth.), 200
Liebowitz, Michael, 83, 203
“Lilu” (myth.), 4
listening, 168–70
Liszt, Franz, 210, 216, 233
and age, 25–26
intensity of, 37–38
and Lisztmania, 110
and music, 49, 110
restlessness of, 53
spirituality of, 72
Loki (myth.), 176
Lombard, Carole, 47
London, Jack, 53, 56, 211–12
Loren, Sophia, 112
Lothario (fict.), 5
Louis XIV, king of France, 41
Louis XV, king of France, 41
love:
maintaining, 193
MRI image of, 37
Love, Again (Lessing), 109
Love & Sex (movie), 48
Love Machine (Susann), 5
love of women, 42–44
Luce, Clare Booth, 178
Luke (computer jock), 97–98
lustline, 114
Lyon
, Kate, 217
MacCarthy, Desmond, 189
MacDowell, Andie, 243
Madame Bovary (Flaubert), 34, 101, 105, 197
Madden, Bess, 212
Mad Men (TV), 5
Mahler, Alma, 206
Mahmud, Sultan, 47
Makarova, Natalya, 118
males:
alpha, 12–16, 212
archetypes, 236
attractiveness of, 13–14, 228–29
chauvinistic, 225
cosmetic surgery for, 228
erotic education of, 236
estranged, 225–26
flawed manhood, 54–57, 91
“healthy” qualities of, 9, 26
initiative by, 136–42, 193, 234
machismo, 225–26, 230
neo–ladies’ men, 227–35
selling men on ladies’ men, 235–36
Malipiero, Alvise Gasparo, 177
Malkovich, John, 4
Mann, Thomas, 172
Manners, Lady Diana, 148–49
Mansfield, Katherine, 116
March, Emily, 197–98
Mark Antony, 198–99
Markham, Beryl, 54
Markham, Howard, 195
Marley, Bill, 114
Martelli, Niccolò, 188
Martin, Shelby, 229
Marvell, Andrew, 185, 188
Maslow, Abraham, 214
Mating Mind, The (Miller), 61
Matthau, Walter, 210
Maugham, Somerset, Up at the Villa, 43, 176
Maupassant, Guy de, 129
Maurois, André, “The Art of Loving,” 36
Max, Tucker, 225, 226
May, Rollo, 126
McConaughey, Matthew, 24
Meana, Marta, 84, 137, 144, 229
Meet Joe Black (movie), 246
melodrama, 26
Memoirs of Two Brides, The (Balzac), 37
mental stimulation, 214
Menuhin, Yehudi, 167
Messud, Claire, Emperor’s Children, 153
Meston, Cindy, 116, 202, 208, 232
Methley, Herbert (fict.), 173
Metternich, Clemens von, 81–82
Midler, Bette, 246
Miller, Geoffrey:
on apathy, 83
and evolutionary psychology, 48, 63, 75, 79, 87, 104, 186
on the future, 242
“ornamental brain” theory of, 180
on playfulness, 196, 202
The Mating Mind, 61
on verbal courtship, 162, 186
Miller, Sienna, 232–33
Miller, “Tee,” 211
Millhauser, Steven, “An Adventure of Don Juan,” 86
Millionaire Matchmaker, The, 33
Milton, John, Paradise Lost, 4, 105, 146, 150
mind, 134–58
intimacy, 150–58
praise, 143–50
royal rush (male initiative), 136–42
Minnelli, Liza, 118
Miou-Miou, 243
Mitchell, Joni, 188
Mitchell, Juliet, 4
Mo’ Better Blues (movie), 49
Modigliani, Amedeo, 25, 74
Mohawk, Delores, 65
Monroe, Marilyn, 188, 199
Montaigne, Michel de, 185
Moore, Demi, 42
Moore, Robert, 236
morality/virtue, 61–66
Moreau, Jeanne, 244
Morrell, Ottoline, 76
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 10, 11, 34
Munro, Alice, “Passion,” 88
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