Lost Portals

by Bruce X Brown

  “You mean United States of America also known as the USA. And it’s GMC Protocol 9,” Dee sighed. “I was just at the local grocery. Literally, no one was talking like that.”

  “…really?” Priest asked.

  “Really,” Dee’s dead eyes reassured him.

  “And that’s why we make a good team, Dee. You complete me. The point is we need some kind of magical item to—”

  Priest noticed something inside the replicator. “What do you have inside the Sim Replicator? What is that?”

  He grabbed a heavy container out of the Sim Replicator and set it on the kitchen counter.

  “No,” Dee said trying to stop him from handling it. “That’s not for the mission.”

  “That’s not for the mission,” Priest mocked his voice. He noticed a tap and a button on the side. “Well, welly, well, well, what do we have here?” Priest had a shit-eating grin on his face. “Some sort of liquid… Is this a keg? Is this beer, Developer 6174?”

  “Yes,” Dee said looking around the room. “It is a type of beer. It’s... not ready. It’s a personal project. I just got bored here and got into microbrew—”

  “Oh, gawd!” Priest’s face contorted as he swallowed the brew down. His voice went raspy, “Bitter…”

  Dee took a sip and swished it around in his mouth, “I am still working on taste and—”

  “Wait-a-minute,” Priest put his hand to his head, “Something is happening. Something is wrong with this beer. I feel really good!”

  “Yes, it is not normal beer,” Dee replied.

  “Magic beer!?” Priest nodded. “We can use this… This could work.”

  “No, Priest McKenna. That beer is not magical—”

  “Then why do I feel like this?” Priest said taking another sip.

  Dee looked at the ground, “Technically, it’s a… narcotic.”

  Priest spit out the beer, “A what?! Why would you make beer drugs?”

  “I am experimenting with alchemy. This beer is designed to increase suggestibility.”

  “Ooohkaaay.” Priest said cautiously afraid of the answer to the next question. “Why the actual hell would you make a beer that increases suggestibility?”

  Dee swished another sip in his mouth, “Well, technically, it’s a potion. Not beer…”

  Priest took another sip then stared at the yellow-brown liquid, “We have to work with what we got.”

  Dee took the cup from his hands, “Priest McKenna, this substance is my first attempt at alchemy. It could be quite dangerous. We don’t know the long-term effects on player characters let alone NPCs. And, I am quite certain this substance is illegal even in this version of Colorado, USA. It is effective but untested.”

  Priest through his hands up and turn his back, “Dee, all I want to do is convince our new group of NPCs that reality is not what they think it is. But… you’re not giving me anything to work with! I mean, you don’t want me to sneak past my ex-wife to steal a magical item from my own warehouse. You won’t let me kill you. If I kill myself in front of them, I don’t know if I will respawn. You can’t create any magical items because you don’t have ‘admin rights’ (whatever the hell that means in a simulation of the multiverse). AND NOW I can’t even use your magical beer!?”

  “I got you that substitute teacher job in that Castaneda College to talk to Samantha Monroe who might be a portal mage.” D-6174 protested. “That was not easy, Priest McKenna. I had to get rid of the real professor.”

  Priest slowly turned to Dee, “…What do you mean by ‘get rid of’?”

  Dee rolled his eyes and sighed, “He’s alive…”

  Under his breath, he said, “It would have been waaaay easier to kill him.”

  Priest had a worried look on his face.

  Dee said, “I sent him and his wife on an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Bahamas. They’ll be there a few days. Then they’ll be back… ALIVE.”

  Dee threw his hands up, “Priest McKenna, they are not giving me much to work with here. Supposedly, we have the backing of the free nation states, the Developer’s Lab and Game Master Corps but why don’t we have resources? Isn’t this quest supposed to be important?”

  “Bureaucrats, man,” Priest agreed. “They say it’s decentralized now, but it still feels centralized to me.”

  Dee continued, “You have no class and no abilities. I have some skills but I’m an intern... New developers are supposed to be an apprentice to a Lead Developer with 10 years of singularity system experience! No offense, Priest, but you only have less than 1 year of experience as a Game Master which is not even my profession. Do you know how complex this system is? It is literally a set of infinite universes. It is a set of infinities within infinity and my code is supposed to talk to something that the human mind cannot even comprehend. Do you know that our greatest minds don’t even know if this is actually a simulation? That is how realistic it is. In some ways, it is, in fact, MORE real than our so-called ‘real world’.”

  Priest looked around the room at the ‘reality’ and laughed, “It’s a mystery.”

  “Yes, no one knows. Humanity doesn’t even have the processing power, storage capacity or technology to create something this complex. So how is the singularity doing this? How is it even giving us access? It is a black box. Your loss of class and abilities seems to be based on your consciousness so it might give us more answers into how the system is able to do all this. When you went into that lost portal, you may have even found the source. They all know how important this is so I don’t understand why they have limited our resources. The Developers have not given me access to magic or explosives… I mean, I don’t have much to work with, Priest McKenna. I am left with beer alchemy. It’s humiliating.”

  Priest stared at D-6174 for a moment then he nodded and pat the young man on the back, “It’s ok, Dee. We’ll get through this. I’ve got an idea. Do you have a copy of the Czarzakian Multiverse Online guide?”

  “Yes.” He pointed to a small paperback book on the counter, “But why would you need that?”

  “I’ll show it to the class. Our potential portal mage will be there and hear it,” he said grabbing the book.

  Dee shook his head, “We cannot just give the general public of a pre-singularity civilization a copy of the Czarzakian Multiverse—”

  “What do you mean?” Priest said, “I’ve already posted it on their Internet. It’s on Amazon and Audible. People are reading, listening and reviewing it right now.”

  D-6174 put a palm on his face, “Why? Why would you—”

  “There is something about the truth, Dee. When people hear it, they cannot un-hear it. It’s infectious,” Priest held up the book. “Besides the booksellers rank sucks. Nobody is reading this book. Was hoping to help us bring in some Corporate American dollars. Luckily, you hacked their bullshit stock gambling system so we’re good now.” Priest grabbed the cup of beer from Dee and sipped.

  D-6174 sighed, “Nobody will believe—”

  “They don’t have to believe, my software developer drug pushing friend,” Priest tapped the book to his ear. “They just need to hear the truth. There is a saying in the pre-singularity Corporate Americas and it says, ‘you shall know the truth and the truth shall… unbind- unbind your hands that were bounded.’”

  “‘You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free’ John 3:8, Kings James Bible. And it’s the United States of America,” Dee corrected.

  Priest’s enthusiasm deflated with a sigh, “My point is that this book may be all the magic we need… and that beer.”

  Chapter 8:

  This is a LitRPG novel.

  After a quiz, the professor collected all the results and then he got in front of the class and spoke, “Welcome to Philosophy 101. I am substituting for Mr. E. Cline. Your regularly scheduled teacher will be back in a few days. Sorry about the test… not my idea. Let’s just jump right into the lesson, shall we?” He held up a 6 x 9-inch paperback book to the class of 40 students.


  “This is a LitRPG novel,” he said looking around the class. He didn’t look like the typical professor. He looked too young to be anyone’s professor. He looked like a cross between a lawyer and a televangelist; handsome and slim wearing a beige suit jacket and no tie. His black hair was slicked back.

  He asked, “Do I have any LitRPG fans here?” Two students reluctantly raised their hands. One was a distinguished older white gentleman in a button-down shirt with a full head of white hair and a matching white beard. The other was a handsome Latino geek wearing a blue “pi” t-shirt. They looked at each other and put their hands down slowly.

  “Only two or three of us? Not many. Makes sense. I don’t know if you knew this, LitRPG readers but... you are the nerds that other geeks call nerds.”

  A few people in the class chuckled, “Just sayin’. For you muggles, LitRPG stands for literary role-playing game, it usually features classic sci-fi, fiction or fantasy but the world or characters of the story have elements of a role-playing game crucial to the plot. Anyway, this one is called the Czarzakian Multiverse Online. It scored a solid 3 stars on Amazon reviews, and a 5 out of 10 on the Nerd Bytes Podcast. It’s got the best audiobook performance I have ever heard in my life… it brought tears of joy to my eyes… Unfortunately, audio performance wasn’t enough to help the story. It’s not the best LitRPG book out, to be honest. It’s no ‘Ready Player One’. But if you can get pass the below average writing, the premise is interesting. It’s about a sentient computer that creates a simulation of the multiverse that humanity can explore. That simulation allows humanity to bypass the limitation of space-time and see alternate versions of their own reality. Essentially, humanity makes a game out of exploring the universe. The difference between this LitRPG others, is that... this one... this one is real.” The professor held up the book and looked around the class.

  The professor walked near Samantha’s desk and tapped the book on the edge of her desk hoping to keep her awake. She had been nodding off. She’d binge watched three seasons of Lost last night with Gina. Now, she was paying the price. It didn’t help that the professor was speaking in what sounded like nonsensical, philosophical riddles.

  The professor continued, “It’s about this universe. It’s about this Earth. This state. This college. It’s about me. Saying this to you. Right now. I want you to suspend your disbelief for a moment and imagine… what if this is really a simulation?”

  He droned on about a corny sci-fi book. It had something to do with portals, and the universe and fantasy or something. Samantha was struggling. Since it was the first few weeks of college, most students were alert, eager and ready to learn. Everyone except Samantha.

  Gina moved closer to her to get her hand into Samantha’s inner thigh. She pinched hard.

  “Ouch! What the hell, Gina?!” she said in a loud whisper that got a few looks.

  “Then wake up,” Gina whispered back.

  Samantha was not a fan of PHIL 101. She wondered where in actual real-life situations she would be able to use this particular community college course. With courses like software engineering or the CompTIA A+ hardware, she would be able to use that knowledge and skill set to land a shitty IT job on a help desk somewhere on the East Coast. But philosophy? Perhaps pondering the existence of humanity would help her land a 9 to 5?

  She was only taking philosophy because her new friends, Gina and Noelle, had convinced her to join them to take the elective presumably to screw around in the back of the class.

  “What were you guys doing last night?” Noelle whispered. “And why wasn’t I invited?”

  Gina was a sexy red-head and Noelle was a platinum blonde with a dimpled chin. Their favorite pastime seemed to be teasing college boys and partying.

  Samantha had only known Gina and Noelle for a few months and all she knew so far was that they were naughty girls. She was pretty sure they only befriended her because she was 22 and could buy them booze legally. They were her first attempt in a long time to have friends again.

  Sam was very attracted to Gina. She thought maybe being in the same classes would make their relationship a little closer, but after only a small dose of philosophy, Samantha was already nodding off. She took a sip of her lukewarm Venti white chocolate mocha and blinked hard hoping that it would keep her awake.

  Gina moved her cherry glossed lips close to Sam’s ear and whispered, “Wanna go with me and Noelle tonight?”

  “Where?” Sam asked.

  Gina put a finger to her lips, “Secret. I’ll send directions.”

  The professor kept talking to the class, “We’ll be talking more about this subject, so I want you all the to give it careful consideration. Any questions?”

  A guy in glasses, dreads, and a light beard raised his hand. He wore a blue tropical cap, matching tropical swim shorts, teal Polo shirt and socks with sandals. He was either trying to start a new fashion or his mommy let him dress himself that day.

  “Yes, sir. Go ahead. What is your question?” The professor said.

  The student stood up, “Hello professor. I am a rather new transfer student, so my face is probably unfamiliar to most of the college-aged students. I go by the name of Dan. I live in pretty much Canada Minn—”

  The professor cleared his throat and interrupted, “Ok, Dee, Mr. Dan. You had an important question to ask?”

  “Oh, yes,” the teal man-boy continued. “How can I learn more about being in a ‘simulation’? I just wish there was a trusted resource that would allow me to get more information.”

  “Well, Dan,” The professor said. “I’m glad you asked because I actually have a lecture covering this very thing.” The professor turned on a projector displaying the location of some event:

  1st Quest

  Join the cult of simulation lecture! 9 pm

  4242 4th Street Lounge (in the back)

  Alamogordo, Colorado

  Free beer

  The professor looked at the time and began to dismiss everyone, “Ok, that’s it for today. For extra credit, come check out the lecture.” The students shuffled out of the room.

  Gina guzzled the last of Samantha’s latte, and stole a kiss, “Ok. Gotta go. See you tonight, ok?” She trotted down the steps. Sam caught the professor staring at Gina and Noelle as they walked toward the exit. She couldn’t blame him. They were wearing those white yoga pants. Gina had that long red hair drifting over dangerous curves.

  Gina dropped a book as she passed the professor. The professor picked it up, “Ms. Fuego, your book. You dropped your…” Gina was out the door before he could get her attention.

  Samantha approached him, “Hey, I’ll take it to her. How do you know Gina?”

  He handed her the textbook, “She is one of my students in another class. You two know each other?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I’ll see her tonight. I can get it to her,” Sam gave a hint of a polite smile and left.

  Philosophy was her last class, so she was headed home. As usual, the bus stop for the #81 back to Florin Grove smelled like urine courtesy of the bag lady that frequented this bench. Samantha was afraid to sit. She leaned against the bus stop sign swiping through her phone. She sent a message to Gina.

  Sam to Gina:

  Got your book. You dropped it in Phil 1o1

  Message from Gina:

  New Phone. Who dis?

  Sam to Gina:

  This is Sam.

  Message from Gina:

  Hey baby. Meet me at 4th and Main, downtown at 9 pm.

  Can you cum ;)

  Reply:

  Yes. Wut is up?

  Message from Gina:

  u will c. bring your car if you can.

  Gina was a tease. More than likely it would be more flirting. But she had to admit that it was fun to not know what was going on. Gina represented undiscovered territory.

  Regional Transit had its usual human smell that you could almost taste. She boarded the bus, flashed a bus pass and found a seat without looking up from her pho
ne.

  Back home, mom left a message on the fridge in her sloppy cursive under a ladybug magnet, “working late. Leftovers in the fridge. Love Ya. P.s. the roses are mine!”

  She glanced at a freshly cut bouquet of roses in a vase on the dining room counter. She snatched one to put in her room.

  She heated up the spaghetti in the microwave and ate it while checking messages on her phone.

  Her room still looked like it did when she was 15 with a Dialga & Palkia Pokemon on the wall, lacy pink bedspread on a queen-sized mattress, trophies and bronze medals from her glory days in high school volleyball. She was still that tall, athletic, awkward, short-haired girl in the volleyball pictures. Every time she walked into her bedroom, she felt a little ashamed of being a 22-year-old college freshmen living with her mom. Her mom was ok with it but Samantha wasn’t.

  All the girls smiling in that old volleyball picture were doing well… like REALLY freaking well. They were starting internships at law firms, marrying rich guys, going through med school, training for the Olympics. Not Sam. She was hoping for part-time work at the local burger place to maybe move into a cheap studio apartment with a roommate.

  The warped Salvador Dali clock ticked away the seconds of her life. It was loud. This wasn’t the first time she thought about throwing that damn clock away.

  Maybe she could move in with Gina? She rolled her eyes and smiled to herself. She was only a few months into knowing Gina and she wasn’t sure where the relationship was going. Or… if there was a relationship. They had only kissed a few times.

  “Some high school BS,” she thought to herself. If she didn’t get her shit together, she might have to call that Army recruiter back. The seconds ticked away…

  None of this would have been an issue if she had not messed up her volleyball scholarship at California State University, Chico. She was all settled in and doing great in college until she got some bad news. She found out that her boyfriend, Brad, and her best friend, Lori had been dating.

  Samantha and Brad had been together since high school. But her and Lori had been friends since they were children. Lori was like the sister she’d never had. Lori was the tall sexy blonde on her right in the volleyball picture. They’d made the team together. They’d graduated together. They’d gotten a scholarship into Chico State together. And now, apparently, they’d fallen for the same guy together.