by Len Webster
Annie reached over and took Stevie’s hands in hers. Then she squeezed them in reassurance. “A distraught man can say some very powerful, hurtful words that he’ll never mean. Jarred didn’t mean it, Stevie. He’s just emotional. He loves you.”
No.
He meant every word.
I let down the one person who believed in me the most.
I disgust him.
Stevie stood up, wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands and then sighed. “I need to be alone. I’m sorry, Annie. You should go be with your husband. Tell him I’m sorry. I never wanted it to be this way.”
She didn’t let Annie respond as she left the lounge room and sought shelter in her bedroom. Once inside, she climbed on the queen-size bed and held her breath until she heard the front door close with a click.
When she finally did hear that click, Stevie rolled onto her back and let the tears fall down the side of her face. That had been Jarred’s reaction and it had been brutal. She just knew that Julian’s would be so much worse.
With the twist of the handle, Julian opened Stephanie’s apartment door and stepped inside. The first thing he noticed was that it was quiet. No television or music. The silence had him worried. When he reached the lounge room, he noticed boxes and several items on the couch. He frowned at the sight of the untouched sandwich on the coffee table.
“Stephanie?” he called out.
Silence.
“Stephanie?” His panicked voice met his ears. Then without another thought, he rushed towards her bedroom. He hadn’t knocked. Instead, he burst into the room. He took in her form lying on her side, staring at the bedside table next to her. The late afternoon light brought his attention towards her tear-stained face.
“Jesus, Blondie,” he breathed as he walked towards her bed. Julian removed his shoes and then crawled into bed. He twisted his body so that he moulded himself against hers.
She let out a sob the moment he wrapped an arm around her stomach and brought her body closer to his chest. Stephanie’s hand covered his as his palm rested against her stomach. A sniffle had sounded from her before he felt another sob take over her body.
“What happened?” he asked in a gentle voice.
“He hates me,” she replied in a strangled tone that caused an ache in his chest.
“Who?” Julian kissed her shoulder.
“Jarred.” Her body had stiffened before she trembled. “He hates me so much.”
“Impossible,” Julian breathed. Then he moved his hand from her stomach to her hip and flipped them so that her petite body nestled beneath his. When he looked into her eyes, the blue in them had dulled and the brokenness had flashed brightly.
Stephanie reached up and cupped his face in her hands. “I love you, Julian. Please believe me when I say that I do. I love you endlessly.”
Julian’s lips had curved into a smile before he kissed her. Slowly. Deeply. Passionately. He let himself settle between her legs, and Stephanie quickly crossed her ankles around him, bringing him closer to her.
“Julian,” she moaned against his mouth and grinded against him. Meeting his thrusts. He hated that layers of jeans and underwear prevented him from entering her. But that was not what he wanted. She was hurt, and he wanted to assure her that what they had held substance. That they couldn’t cover their problems with sex.
His lips broke away from hers. Julian looked her down and softly said, “Je t’aime.”
I love you.
“Endlessly,” she added.
“Endlessly,” he agreed before he rolled them once more and had her in his arms. Stephanie rested her head against his chest as they lay silently in the darkening bedroom. Later, when she was ready, he’d ask her why she believed her brother hated her. But for now he’d comfort her. He’d hold her for as long as she wanted because where they lay was theirs. And he felt strongly about the fact that she was finally his and he was finally hers.
Peeking at the clock on the bedside table, Julian noticed that it was just after eight. Stephanie had fallen asleep shortly after cuddling up to him. Though he was starving and needed to use the bathroom, he didn’t care. Watching and feeling her breathe and sleep meant more. He swore that this was as close to heaven as he would ever get. No man should be this happy or lucky. But he was. He loved this woman more than he’d loved anyone else. Julian had held on to the hope that he’d see her again. And for that he’d thank whatever power was out there for allowing their paths to cross once again.
The knock on the front door had him holding his breath. He quickly glanced down to see that Stephanie hadn’t stirred and decided against answering it. But when the knocks turned into loud, heavy bangs, Julian sighed and carefully slipped out of Stephanie’s arms and her bed. He waited several seconds until she snuggled into the pillow and sighed. Once he was satisfied that she wouldn’t wake, Julian tiptoed out of her bedroom and made his way towards the front door. When he opened it, he never expected to find Stephanie’s stepbrother with a scowled expression staring at him.
“Jarred. What are you doing here?” Julian asked, curious. His need to protect Stephanie intensified. Jarred had hurt her. Made her cry. Julian wouldn’t allow him to take a step inside the apartment.
“You,” Jarred said, unbelievably. “It’s you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I fucking know that the guy she slept with in Thailand was you!”
Julian flinched, but he composed himself quickly enough. “Not any of your business.”
Jarred let out an astonished chuckle. “It’s my business. Where is she?”
“Asleep. She’s a wreck. What did you do to her?”
“Me? She’s the one who looked me in the eye four years ago and lied. She’s the one who betrayed my trust. I was there for her and she threw my love for her in my face. She lied to me so easily. I don’t know how you can’t see that she’s lying to you, too.” Jarred dug into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.
“Stephanie’s not lying to me. You should go. I don’t want you upsetting her any further.”
“I’m guessing she hasn’t told you,” Jarred said, stopping Julian from closing the apartment door.
“What?”
Jarred thrust the folded paper towards him, and Julian took it. “You have the right to know.”
Julian’s brows furrowed and he glanced down at the paper and then at Jarred’s flaring nostrils. “What is it?”
“The reason why you can’t trust her,” Jarred explained with a hate that Julian didn’t understand. Just a few weeks ago, he had seen the playfulness in Jarred’s eyes and the admiration he held towards Stephanie.
“Impossible. I trust her with my life.”
“You shouldn’t. You do what you want with what I just gave you.” And with that, Stephanie’s stepbrother turned and walked towards the elevator.
Shaking his head, Julian shut the door. He gazed down at the paper and frowned. Curious at what supposed lies she had kept from him, Julian unfolded it. It wasn’t a piece of paper with scribbling as he had expected. It was a photo.
A sonogram to be exact.
Julian’s heart stopped as he took in the dark image. His breathing heaved as he took in the sonogram. Then his heart obliterated the moment he took in the name and date.
Stephanie Appleton. 16/01/2012
That was what she was going to tell him. That their one-night stand in Thailand led to the conception of their child. Tears ran down his face. She had lied. She had kept their child from him. His knees buckled and Julian fell to the floor, sobbing.
“I have a child,” he breathed out, utterly shocked.
Opening her eyes, she found the room was dark and empty. Stevie sat up and realised that she was alone. She rubbed her stinging eyes and swept her hair back behind her shoulders. With a flick of her wrist, the covers were off her. She’d needed that nap. Jarred had finally learnt the truth about her lie. When she walked out of the healthcare centre, she had panicked. It
was the first lie she had ever told him. The guilt had Stevie covering her face with her hands. If that was Jarred’s reaction, then she couldn’t help but fear Julian’s. Tonight, she’d tell him. She’d cook them something to eat and then she’d tell him. If he loved her as he had declared, then he’d understand and support her. She was sure he’d tell her it would all be okay. She knew him.
Stevie swung her legs over the bed and got off the mattress. She had adjusted her shirt before she made her way to the door. When she left her bedroom, she found that he wasn’t in the lounge or kitchen. Once she reached the hallway, she discovered him on the ground, staring at his hands in his lap.
“Julian,” she called out, but he didn’t look up; he didn’t even flinch. Something was wrong; she could tell by his slumped body language. She rushed towards him and began to bend her knees when she noticed what he held.
One picture.
One name.
One date.
My sonogram.
“This is what you kept from me,” Julian said, the hurt and roughness in his voice made her wince.
“Julian,” she said, careful but so afraid.
He shook his head as his face contorted—whether in rage or pain, she didn’t know. Then Julian stood up and shoved the photo in her face. “Was it even mine?”
She gasped. Her heart had been pulled out from her chest and thrown on the floor. “What?”
“I was your first. You could have slept with several different men after me. You could have fucked half the male tourist population after me. What are the chances that this was even mine?”
Tears ran down her face. “You think I slept with another man in Thailand after you?”
“How would I know? You left me! You fucked me and then you left. You got out of my bed like a whore would!”
Stevie flinched at his accusations. It wasn’t as if she didn’t deserve it. She did leave him. But she had given him her heart. “It was yours,” she replied in a small voice. The sick feeling that started in her stomach made its way up her throat.
“I have a child. Where is he? Or she? Where is my kid, Stephanie?” he demanded, seething.
“You don’t have a child, Julian,” she explained.
He lowered the sonogram and stared at it. “You gave it up for adoption?”
The moment he glanced up at her, she shook her head. “I never gave birth.”
Those four words had tears skimming down Julian’s cheeks. “You killed our baby. That one night. The perfect night we conceive it and you killed my child. You’re a monster. How… How did I fall in love with you? Why did I continue to love you? You killed our baby! My son. My daughter. My child. You took my being a parent away from me. It was my baby, too.”
“That’s—”
“I never want to see you again,” he spat out, stopping her. “I can’t look at you. I can’t stop this hate I feel for you. I held on when I should have let go. You’re not who I thought you were. You were right. You lied from the very start. You may be able to live with the fact that you had an abortion, but I can’t. That was my baby.”
“Julian, please, let me explain,” she begged.
His response was a shake of his head and a heavy sigh. Then Julian took one step back before he spun around and left the apartment. The moment the door slammed shut, Stevie dropped to her knees and sobbed uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry,” she cried as if he were still in the room. “I’m so sorry.”
The tears she had let escape had been sticky and the ability to breathe had been taken away the moment he walked out of her life. She knew she had lost him forever. Unlike Charles, Julian hadn’t loved her through her worst. He wouldn’t love her at all now that the truth had been vocalised and heard.
Jarred hates me.
Julian hates me.
I hate me.
It had been a day since Julian walked out of her apartment. And on that day she had stayed in bed, waiting, hoping he’d return and say he had made a mistake. That he had overreacted even. But he didn’t come back. Her calls went unanswered. And her tears flowed as frequently as she blinked or breathed. Completely and utterly natural and without fail.
Stevie stared at the bottle of tequila on the bench. It had been over a year since she had needed it to confess to Clara about how she’d lost her virginity. Tequila had also been responsible for her many mistakes in London. Ruining a marriage was not one of the things she had wanted to do under the influence of alcohol. She had just wanted to stop feeling, and sleeping with a married man hadn’t given her that escape. But that had been before she met Charles. Before he showed her love and compassion.
With a sigh, she picked up the bottle and held it for a moment, contemplating whether to drink it. With an even heavier sigh, Stevie placed it back on the bench.
“Charles would be so disappointed in you,” she muttered to herself. Then she took out her phone from her hoodie. She glared at it then set it next to the tequila bottle. “There’s no one you can call. There’s no one left here.”
The elevator dinged and then opened to the marketing level of Rogers & Co. The last thirty-six hours had been the worst she had experienced since her miscarriage. The pain of hurting Julian tore right through her. He hadn’t answered any of her calls, and she had given up, crying herself to sleep. All she wanted to do was numb the pain. Numb the way ‘whore’ and ‘monster’ and all the names that Julian had labelled her planted deep within her. The dark demons wanted alcohol. The dark demons wanted drugs. The dark demons wanted her to end it all.
But she didn’t have the courage to do it.
She was far too weak.
The moment she sat at her desk, Mona was by her side. “You look awful,” her mentor pointed out.
“I don’t want to talk about it. You said not to come in today if I wasn’t ready to work on one of your projects. I’m ready, I—”
“Miss Appleton,” a woman interrupted.
Stevie twisted her body slightly to see a woman, roughly in her fifties, in a dark blue skirt and white blouse staring down at her. The formality in her name had Stevie on edge. “Yes?”
“I’d like you to follow me,” the woman instructed.
“Marjorie, what is this about?” Mona asked.
“An HR issue we need to address, Mona. Now, Miss Appleton, I’d like you to have a witness of your choice to sit in with us.”
“Stevie, I’m going in there with you,” Mona stated.
Nodding, Stevie got up from her chair and followed Marjorie and Mona towards the senior offices. They passed every executive’s office until they stood in front of Rogers’. The CEO of Rogers & Co. The panic rose in Stevie. She’d never been called into his office before. As if on autopilot, she repeated the steps Marjorie and Mona made until she wound up in the seat in front of the CEO.
“Yes, hello, Miss Appleton,” Rogers said as he put down the file he held and squared his shoulders. “Would you like to please tell me why you think you are in that chair today?”
“I-I honestly don’t know why, sir,” Stevie answered formally.
Rogers nodded. “As you can see, I’ve invited Marjorie from Human Resources to this meeting. Mona here is your witness?”
It was Stevie’s turn to nod.
“There’s no way to beat around the bush. Miss Appleton, have you had any sexual relations with Mr Moors?” Rogers asked, his index fingers tapping on the desk.
Stevie had closed her eyes tightly before she opened them to Rogers’ serious expression. “Yes, sir. I have.”
“Do you understand what you have just admitted to?” Marjorie asked as she took down notes.
“Stevie, you don’t have to answer,” Mona assured.
Stevie licked her lips and answered, “I’ve recently had an out of workplace relationship with Julian Moors.”
“And this relationship was beyond employee interaction?” Mr Rogers asked, his nostrils flaring.
“Yes,” she responded in a tiny voice. “I had a sexual rela
tionship with Mr Moors.”
Rogers breathed out, pushed the files on the desk aside, and leant forward. “Your father is a good man, Stevie. But unfortunately he can’t help you here. Do you realise that an employee and senior executive sexual relationship is a sackable offence?”
“Dad!” Mona protested.
Stevie didn’t even flinch. She had expected it the moment Rogers had questioned her relationship with Julian.
“He’s just the consultant,” Stevie pointed out.
“That’s where you’re wrong. As of recently, Mr Moors became the VP of Rogers & Co.”
Air quickly fled her lungs and she blinked rapidly at the man her father had rescued from social and financial ruin.
“Last night, Mr Moors contacted me and handed in his consultation report. He outlined your relationship with him and stated that in order for him to accept the position of VP, it was recommended that you be let go of your position here with this company. Your employment has been terminated for inappropriate and unethical behaviour, Miss Appleton, effective immediately. This is Richard.” Rogers gestured at the man who came out of nowhere it seemed and stood next to Stevie. “He will escort you off the premises.”
“Miss Appleton, before you leave, you may defend yourself,” Marjorie added.
Once Stevie rose from her seat, she shook her head. “Nothing I say is valid or will reinstate my internship. Thank you for the opportunities this company gave me,” Stevie said as professionally as she could muster. Without another word, she left Rogers’ office and made her way towards her cubicle. Richard wasn’t too far behind, ensuring she’d leave the building.
I have no job.
My brother hates me.
The man I love never wants to see me again.
I fucked up my own life.
When Stevie arrived at her desk, she discovered that a large cardboard box was waiting for her. She didn’t care that she’d been fired. What hurt her most was that Julian had recommended that she be fired. He chose the vice president position over her. He had made his intentions to her very clear. The chances of Julian Moors forgiving her and loving her again were slim to none.