by K. C. Wells
“No. Absolutely not,” Vic said with sincerity. Expect, no…. Hope? That’s another matter.
“Oh.” Rob placed his hands on the table, his fingers twisting around one another.
In that moment Vic saw things more clearly. Rob is obviously fighting a war with himself. He wants me to lead the way, to take the decision out of his hands. But there was no way Vic was about to do that. Rob had to be the one to admit what he wanted. Anything else had the potential to drive Rob deeper into his closet. He also didn’t want Rob to use him as an excuse or for someone to blame if things didn’t go the way Rob hoped.
This has to be up to him.
“This isn’t about sex, and I’m pretty sure you know that. I’ve not asked you for anything in the time we’ve been together, and I don’t intend to. All I want is to help a friend pull himself out of the hole he’s in.”
Vic tried to push as much sincerity into his voice as he could. What he’d said was true, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t sleep with Rob in a heartbeat. Despite their initial meeting, Rob ticked so many of his buttons that Vic was beginning to feel a sense of anticipation for what lay ahead—or at least, what he hoped lay ahead. Rob needed him in a way no one had in a very long time. But he also needed to get a handle on his life, and until that occurred, they couldn’t move forward.
“So, now we’ve got that out of the way? Your plan for the remainder of the day is to rest up. I’m sure you’re still hungover after last night, so maybe you should take a nap.”
Rob regarded him for a moment. “Is the bossiness part of your job, or is it just you?” He smirked.
Vic grinned. “Oh, it’s me, through and through. And tomorrow after breakfast, we’ll get up and go into Manchester.”
“Okay.” There was no hint of amusement in Rob’s expression.
Let’s give you something else to think about, boy.
“Tonight, though? You’re going to be helping me make dinner.”
VIC STOOD back as Rob moved about in the kitchen. It was obvious the young man had very little in the way of skills, but he made up for it in enthusiasm. Vic had chopped the vegetables for the sauce, but one look at Rob trying to sauté them over a low heat had him sorely tempted to step in and offer to help. Still, one of the things Rob needed to learn was how to be self-sufficient. When—if—he decided to leave, it was important that he have some ability to take better care of himself.
Listening to him grumble as he attempted to prevent the vegetables from burning was amusing, however. Will he carry on or will he ask for help?
“How long do I boil the pasta for?” Rob called over his shoulder.
“What does it say on the box?”
Rob sighed. “If you know, why can’t you just tell me?”
“Because if I wasn’t here, who would you ask? I assume you’re able to read, or am I wrong? I mean, you like books, right?”
Rob made a face like he’d sucked on a lemon. “Of course I can read. I’m not stupid.”
“The ability to read doesn’t make someone smart or stupid. However, bright people know where to go to find the answers they need. They use a variety of tools at their disposal to find the answers on their own. I’ll give you a clue.” Vic grinned. “There are directions on the box.”
Rob snatched the box from the cabinet and scanned the package. “Seven minutes.” He scowled. “You could have saved time and told me.”
“You’re absolutely right. I could have. But I chose not to. I won’t be there to hold your hand every time you have to cook something, so you’ve got to know where to look for your answers.”
It would be easier to help Rob, to actually teach him, but the littlest things had him flying off the handle. He was clearly nervous and more than a little tense. Still, he was doing a good job and seemed to be enjoying himself, at least until the veggies started burning.
“Why are you being such an arse about this?” Rob demanded. He dropped the box on the countertop, and the contents spilled out onto it, some of the dried pasta ending up on the floor. “I asked a simple question, but you couldn’t give me a direct answer.” He threw the spoon onto the stove. “Forget it. I’m out of here.”
Vic crossed the kitchen floor to switch off the heat under the saucepan. He waited until Rob had his jacket and was headed for the door before he spoke out. “Running is easy for you, isn’t it?”
Rob paused, his hand on the doorknob. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Vic gave a shrug. “What I said. You get angry, so you run. If you don’t want to face something, you leave the first chance you get. When you can’t do that, you shove everything to the side. Take that night we met in the club, for instance. You were confused and angry, so you took it out on the closest person—me.”
Rob spun, his face bright red. “You think you’re so fucking smart, don’t you? You’ve got me all figured out. Well, you don’t. People are lucky that they don’t have to deal with me.”
Vic nodded sagely. “Ah, yes. I forgot. You’re the bad boy. The one who doesn’t need anyone other than himself. But tell me something. Do you think you make for good company?”
“You’re not making any sense,” Rob huffed, his hand still on the doorknob, but the set of his shoulders told Vic he was no longer as certain.
“At the end of the day, when your friends have all left, when you’re at home by yourself, do you ever long for someone to talk to so the night isn’t so lonely? Or are you good enough company that you truly don’t need anyone else? Do you dazzle yourself with your sparkling wit? What about when you’ve had a shit day and really need a hug? Can you give yourself one?”
“I don’t need a fucking hug,” Rob snapped. “I’m fine just as I am.”
Vic could hear the lie in the words. Though Rob hadn’t said as much, Vic got the distinct impression that he was lonely. It went some way toward explaining why he’d travel all the way to London—on more than one occasion—to see the one person who’d shown him kindness.
Maybe that’s exactly what’s needed here.
Vic opened his arms. “I don’t think you’re fine at all, Rob. In fact, I think maybe you do need a hug. I could be mistaken, of course. Come here and prove me wrong.”
“No,” Rob answered, his voice quivering. “I’m leaving. And I’m not coming back.”
“Okay,” Vic replied, dropping his arms. “Just so you know, though? You haven’t lived until you’ve had a hug from me.”
Rob snorted. “Because you’re an expert.”
Vic shrugged. “I’ve been called that, yes.” He held up his arms once more, his tone becoming coaxing, soothing. “Come on. One hug. See what it’s like. What have you got to lose?”
For one fragile moment, Rob regarded him, standing there so still, swallowing.
Vic remained silent, his arms outstretched, but inside he was yelling. Come on, boy. Let go of your fears and trust me.
Rob moved slowly, like he was being pulled along by an invisible string. Vic could only guess at the conflict within him, the need to prove himself warring with his need to submit.
When he got to where Vic stood, Rob frowned. “One hug. That’s all. Then I’m out of here.”
Except his words were laced with sadness, and just like that, Vic understood. He doesn’t want to go. Rob wanted a place in the world, and he’d come all this way in the hope that Vic could provide it. Maybe he doesn’t realize it, or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it. Vic held his arms steady, and Rob stepped into them. He laid his head on Vic’s chest as Vic wrapped his arms around him, and the only sound in the room was Rob’s sigh. Vic held him tightly, his chin on top of Rob’s head so that the young man could breathe in his scent. Instead of the struggle Vic had anticipated, Rob sank into his arms.
“You don’t need to be strong with me, Rob,” Vic whispered in his ear. “With me, you can be the man you’re meant to be. You can let go.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Rob said, his voice breaking.
; “It means stripping away the layers of hurt, the walls you’ve built up, and finding out who Rob truly is and his place in the world.”
“Do you know?” Rob asked, hope in his voice.
Vic chuckled. “No, but I’d like to be along for the ride to find out.” Vic nuzzled Rob’s hair. “I think you could use some sleep. What do you think?”
Rob lifted his chin and gaped at him. “Sleep? We’re about to have dinner.”
Vic released him and took a step back. “That’s a polite way of saying, ‘Go upstairs and chill for a bit while I sort out dinner.’”
Rob turned his gaze to the floor. “Maybe after I clean up my mess.”
“Good boy,” Vic replied. He reached out to stroke Rob’s hair, not at all surprised when Rob pressed into his palm.
How long has it been since you’ve been touched or shown any affection at all?
If Vic had his way, all that was about to change.
Chapter Fourteen
ROB LAY in bed, staring at the ceiling, all manner of thoughts going through his mind. He’d once again lost his temper with Vic.
Am I purposely trying to drive him away? Does some tiny part of me figure that if Vic pushes me away now, it will hurt less than it would if I were attached to him?
That made him laugh out loud. Fuck, who am I kidding? I’m already attached.
When Vic had hugged him, Rob couldn’t get over how nice it had felt. In the past, when he’d held someone, what had resulted was a purely sexual response. This time, it was just… warmth. He’d actually missed the touch when Vic broke their connection. Vic had told Rob to relax and he’d call him when dinner was done. But….
“Shit. You’re an idiot,” he mumbled to himself. Vic hadn’t asked for much. He wanted to give Rob some cooking lessons, and Rob had blown up over something as insignificant as how long to cook pasta.
I don’t know myself anymore.
There was a time when Rob had been able to laugh off things so easily. When he hadn’t let anything bother him. Now? With all the shit that had been heaped upon him, he’d started to lash out at anyone who tried to get close. While he didn’t care what most people thought, Vic was different. Vic had taken Rob into his home. He’d given him a place to stay, a chance to start life over. And what had Rob done? Turned around and bitten Vic’s head off.
This shit has to stop. And it was up to Rob to do just that.
He climbed off the bed and went downstairs to the kitchen. Vic had turned on some music and was bobbing his head along to it as he stirred something in a saucepan. It smelled a damn sight better than it had when Rob was making it.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
Vic didn’t even turn when he asked, “And what are you sorry for this time?”
This time. That was a great way to put it. How many times had Rob said he was sorry to Vic? How many more times will I apologize before I admit that it’s not Vic I’m angry with?
No more. It ended there, right then.
“Being a dick. You didn’t deserve it, and I’m going to try to keep a better hold of my temper.”
“We’re going to work on that,” Vic promised. “Meditation will help, at least as long as you’re willing.” He flashed Rob a glance before returning to his stirring. “But you’ve got to be the one to decide if you want to find the person you like again.”
The person I like? Who the fuck is that? The person he used to be was arrogant, rude, and a total arse to his brother. Rob didn’t like him at all.
“What if I don’t?”
Vic put the spoon down, turned, and leaned against the cabinet. “Don’t what?”
“I’ve actually given this a lot of thought. What if… what if I never liked the person I was? I mean, I thought I did at one time, but…. No, I never did.”
“Then we’ll help you become someone you can be proud of.”
That stopped him dead.
I want that. More than anything, I wanna be someone who I can look at and not feel disgust for the things I’ve done.
Rob pointed to the stove. “Can I help?”
Vic went back to his sauce, stirring it gently. “Sure. Pull some plates down from the cabinet. This will be done in a few minutes. Do you want some wine with dinner?”
It was a nice idea, but Rob had a feeling he was going to need a clear head. “No, that’s okay. I’ll pour you some if you want.”
Vic considered the proposition for a moment before smiling. “How about if we have juice? There’s a carton in the fridge.”
Rob opened a few doors before he found the cabinet he wanted. He took out two plates and a couple of glasses, then put the things on the table. Then he opened the fridge, grabbed the juice, and filled the glasses.
“Just so we’re clear on one thing? I’m not upset, nor are my feelings hurt. There isn’t anything to be sorry for,” Vic assured him. “You’re under a lot of strain right now, and I’m here if you need to talk. It will get better.”
He said it with a certainty that Rob didn’t share. Rob hadn’t been sure of anything for years.
Vic drained the pasta, put some on each of the plates, and covered it with a deep red sauce filled with chunks of vegetables. He’d also warmed some rolls in the oven, and put those out as well.
As Rob ate, his mind worked overtime. He glanced across at Vic, and his chest tightened. How can he be so calm and centered? It was something Rob strove for. But maybe, if he truly wanted to allow Vic to help, he needed to share.
I’ve been holding this inside me for so many years. It’s about time I shared it with someone.
Then it hit him. He finally had someone to share it with.
Let’s hope I can still say that when I’m done. Except he had no clue how to begin.
“My brother hates me,” he blurted out. Yeah, subtle, Rob.
Vic dipped his bread in the sauce and bit into it. A moment later, his gaze met Rob’s, his expression calm. “And why is that?”
Rob took a deep breath. He’d started, and he was damn well going to finish. “Alex lives with his husband, Leo, who is also his Dom.”
Vic raised his eyebrows. “I see.” He took another bite of bread, his gaze still focused on Rob.
“It was about five years ago, I suppose. I was heading home from Jamie’s one night, and—”
“Was this before or after your epiphany about Jamie?”
“Before,” Rob replied with a shiver. “Anyway, I saw the two of them in Leo’s car, kissing. It wasn’t really a surprise. I’d long suspected he might be gay, but with that confirmation, I decided to use that knowledge to see what I could get out of it. I tried to blackmail him for, believe it or not, a new computer.” He paused, surprised to find his hands were trembling. He tightened his grip on his fork and waited for Vic to say something. When the anticipated condemnation didn’t materialize, he let out his breath in a long exhale.
“Were you successful?” Vic continued eating, his attention still on Rob, still calm.
Rob stared at his plate. “He decided that one way to make sure I had no ammunition was to break up with Leo. Only one thing—Leo wasn’t going to allow that without Alex telling him why. It wasn’t long after that I saw bruises on Alex. I told him it didn’t matter if he was into that kinky stuff, and that I wouldn’t tell our parents.”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”
And it was a damn big but, one he wasn’t proud of. “I went back to my room and thought about it. What if Alex wasn’t really thinking straight? Maybe Leo was doing it without Alex’s permission. Could my brother be the victim of a domestic assault? The more I thought about it, the more scared I got. Yeah, I didn’t show it, but I did care about my brother. I didn’t want him hurt. So I did something that I regret to this day.”
The memory was burned into his mind. He should have known things were going to go to shit when it happened, but he’d had to do it. This was Alex.
“Go on,” Vic urged.
“I went to our mum. I knew it wa
s a mistake. She’s… difficult, and that’s putting it mildly. In hindsight, there were probably better choices to make, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“How did she react?”
Rob shook his head. “She blew a gasket. Didn’t even listen when I tried to explain to her why I was worried. I told her that Alex said it was consensual, and that I only came to her to see if she could talk to him. Make sure he was safe. She went off the deep end and called the police.” His chest tightened. “I overheard a conversation between her and Dad. Apparently she not only told them Alex was covered in bruises, but also that I’d said Alex had told me he’d been beaten up.”
“But that’s not what you said to her, was it?”
Rob stared at him. “God, no. Look, I promised Alex that I wouldn’t mention BDSM to her, but hey, guess what? I lied. I told her what was going on, so she fucking knew Leo wasn’t beating up on him. She just gave a different version to the police.”
“What happened?”
“They questioned Leo, but Alex told them he wasn’t being abused. Not long after that, Alex moved out. I didn’t see him much after that.” Rob’s gut felt like it was in a twist. Not that I can blame him.
“Can I ask something? When did the business with Jamie occur? I’m trying to get my head around the timeline.”
Rob took a long drink of juice before answering, to ease the tightness in his throat. “Between seeing him with Leo, and seeing the marks on him. Then when this whole thing with Jamie went down, I… I tried to talk to him. I needed to talk to someone. I wasn’t that surprised when he told me to fuck off. I mean, I had tried to blackmail him, right? But in my messed-up mind, he was being an arse. So I shifted a lot of the blame to Alex. I got angry with him, even though, deep down, I knew he had nothing to do with it. Still, it gave me an easy target and I had some really awful thoughts about him.”
“Thoughts that you’re regretting now, I’m guessing.” For the first time since they’d begun this conversation, Vic’s voice held a trace of sympathy, as if he could see the pain inside Rob.