by K. C. Wells
He nodded slowly. “God, yes. But the way I’d felt that night with Jamie got me wondering. Was I more like Alex than I realized? I’d come to London for the weekend, just to get away. I came across a club called Whispers. What I saw there… excited me. Not the people, but the acts. That was when I ran, because I knew I was like him. I tried to stay away, but then I got invited to Secrets….”
“What happened?”
Rob lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “Alex was there with Leo. I didn’t realize it until they got up on stage…. They did something together, and I was horrified at seeing my brother being spanked in front of a bunch of people. I kept trying to tell myself he was sick and what they were doing was wrong, but….” He reached for his glass again, his hand shaking.
“Finish the story, Rob. Tell me everything.”
“He looked… happy. No, fuck that. His expression was one of pure bliss. When he dropped to his knees and began to suck Leo, God, he put his heart and soul into it. He seemed so free, and I was insanely jealous. That’s what I went to Secrets for. To find someone who could do that for me.”
“What, give you a blow job on a stage?” Vic joked.
The lighter moment was exactly what Rob needed. He chuckled. “You know what I mean.”
Vic smiled. “Yeah, just kidding.” He cocked his head to one side. “Have you thought BDSM might not be what you’re looking for?”
Rob sighed. “I tried to tell myself that. But when I saw some of the things going on there? God, I got so fucking hard, it hurt. Not all of the things—”
“Scenes, Rob. They’re called scenes.”
Rob huffed. “Okay, not all of the scenes did it for me, but yeah, some of them made me want to know how it would feel to be doing… that.”
Vic smirked. “You are such a contrast, do you know that? But forgive me for interrupting. Please, continue.”
“The thing was, I couldn’t picture myself with the people doing them. None of them really did anything for me. Then I bumped into you and….” His heartbeat raced and his breathing quickened. Now what? Do I tell him the truth? It took him all of two seconds to realize what had to happen. Fuck it. I’ve gone this far.
“And?”
“When I saw you, my mouth went dry. I’d never seen someone so…. Fuck, I don’t even know what it was. Every other guy there appeared confident, but you? You blotted out everything that night. I was in awe of you.”
Vic blinked, apparently jolted out of his usual calm state.
Rob wasn’t about to wait for him to speak. “When I got to the door, I turned back to look. I saw you talking with another guy, and wondered if you were talking about me. And that was when I realized I actually cared if you were.”
“We were,” Vic confirmed. His eyes twinkled. “I said what a brat you were, and how you couldn’t be a member of the club, because you had no respect.”
“Oh.” Rob’s heart sank at those words.
What did I expect? That’s how I behaved, after all.
“I was wrong.”
His gaze snapped up to meet Vic’s. “You… were?” Inside, he started up a silent prayer. Please, tell me you mean this.
“I WAS,” Vic said. “At the time I dismissed you as someone who was just a pretty boy who might have wandered into the wrong place. That night when I picked you up, though? Your determination as you walked through the streets in the driving rain, not once giving up? That called to me. It’s part of the reason I picked you up.” He pointed to Rob’s plate. “Eat. It’ll go cold otherwise.”
Rob’s cheeks pinked nicely as he picked up a forkful of pasta. It pleased Vic to know that the anger he held on to so tightly within him, and the tough guy facade he had tried to cultivate, were beginning to crumble.
“And it’s also the reason I was glad when you returned. You were uncertain about whether you were welcome, but you still made the trip. You didn’t let fear hold you back, and to me that’s the mark of someone I want as a friend.”
When Rob looked up, his eyes shone. “Thank you. I… I don’t know what to say.”
“You needn’t say anything. I’m not telling you this because I want you to be grateful. I’m saying it because you need to hear it. Were you wrong with what happened between you and Alex? Yes. I can’t stress how awful you were. But you cared enough about him to try to protect him. But there is something that I’d like to know. Why didn’t you ever reach out to him? Tell him the truth about what happened?”
Rob shrugged. “He had no reason to believe me. I never did a thing to make him question what a shit I was. And he knows Mum isn’t going to win an award or anything, but she’s still our mum. I figured since he already blamed me, I might just as well let him.”
“No,” Vic said firmly. “You can’t take responsibility for someone else’s actions. You’re doing a disservice to yourself and Alex by keeping the truth from him. You need to clear the air. Let him make a decision based on the true facts.” He had an inkling that Alex might be far more forgiving than Rob realized.
Rob’s chin dipped. “I’m not sure I can.”
Vic was certain he could, however. Rob had already begun to own up to his mistakes. He’d obviously been trying to make a change, based on what Vic saw in him.
So many people have let him down. I’ll be damned if I’m going to do the same.
Vic was going to be there for Rob, if he needed him. Literally.
“Would it help if I was with you?”
Rob stared at him for a moment, as though assessing whether Vic spoke in earnest. Then he nodded. “I think it might. But not now. I can’t do it right now. There’s so much hurt and anger between us, and it’s all on me.”
“Tell you what,” Vic said. “Why not give me the two weeks to work with you? Let me teach you meditation so you’ll be able to find your emotional center.” He paused when Rob chuckled. “Okay, share the joke.”
“It’s nothing,” Rob said quickly. “It’s just… well… it’s amusing to hear words like ‘meditation’ and ‘emotional center’ coming from a guy who looks… well, like you do. It just sounds so….”
“New Age? Hippie?” Vic suggested, grinning. “Remind me to show you my Zen garden sometime.”
“Your… you have a Zen garden?”
Vic nodded. “Were you never taught about judging a book by its cover?”
Rob bit his lip. “Oh, come on. Most New Age, hippie types do not have as many muscles as you, and definitely don’t look as….”
Vic arched his eyebrows when Rob’s face flushed. Oh, what wouldn’t I give to know what just went through your mind. His reaction was adorable, and Vic couldn’t resist teasing him a little. “Oh, don’t stop there, Rob. This is just getting interesting.” When Rob swallowed hard, Vic knew he’d pushed him out of his comfort zone. He looks like a bunny who’s just spotted a wolf hiding in his favorite patch. “I’ll continue, shall I? I was about to say, when you feel you’re ready, I’ll go with you to talk to your brother. Or, if you want, your family.”
Rob blanched. “My family?”
Vic had known this was coming. “You can’t move to London and not tell them.”
Rob’s mouth fell open, then snapped shut. He blinked rapidly. “I never thought about that. Hell, I didn’t even tell Mum I wasn’t coming over for my birthday dinner. And do you know what really burns me? In anyone’s book that would make me a rotten son, but if I go there, I’ll only hear the same thing I get every time I visit her. How Alex disappointed her, how I’m the good son…. Man, does she have it wrong. Alex has a new job, he’s got a husband, they’ve got all kinds of friends, and I’m all kinds of fucked-up.”
That last part made Vic’s stomach clench. He really believes that. Then Rob’s words sank in. “And how do you know he has lots of friends? I thought the two of you weren’t in contact.”
Rob lowered his gaze. “I might… check up on him now and again on Facebook.”
Vic said nothing but regarded him with interest. That one
sentence revealed a lot.
Rob peered at him suddenly. “I’m proud of him, you know? Even after the things I did, he’s still made something of himself.”
Vic couldn’t say silent anymore. “Have you ever considered that maybe he made something of himself, as you say, because of you?”
Rob cocked his head. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“What if he wanted out of the house so desperately that he pushed himself? Maybe he studied harder, put himself out there. Sometimes when you’re backed into a corner, you either curl up into a ball and let life shit all over you, or you come out swinging and show that you’re not going to give up. That’s what I see in you.” Vic smiled. “Maybe you and your brother are more alike than you think.” When Rob blinked again, Vic pointed to his plate. “Here, give me that. I’ll zap it in the microwave, along with mine.” He winked. “And then it will be no talking, but eating. We can talk later.”
Vic was confident that there was more to come. He suspected they both had things to learn about Rob.
And we’ll learn them together.
Chapter Fifteen
“I SEE you found my Zen garden.”
Rob looked up from the bench where he’d been contemplating his surroundings. The pond was a series of interlocking squares, made of pale blue-colored stone, with flower beds set into them, the lush green of the foliage a striking contrast to the walls. At the top of the garden, with ferns on either side, sat a wooden structure resembling a summer house, except it contained… a roll-top bath.
Rob glanced at Vic and grinned. “A bath. Really? Tell me it’s just for show. Tell me you don’t really take baths out here.”
Vic held up his hands defensively. “Hey, don’t look at me. My friend, Wayne, kept saying a warm bath relaxes you and helps with meditation. So I tried it, and guess what? He was right.”
Rob stared at him. “You have neighbors! Do you mean they get treated to the sight of you taking a bath?”
“Only if they use binoculars,” Vic said with a grin. He pointed to the bench. “Can I join you?”
“Of course. It’s your bench, after all.” Rob returned his attention to the way the calm waters reflected the sunset, creating a peaceful atmosphere. “This is beautiful.”
“Thank you. My friend, Aaron, designed the house, but I did the landscaping. I wanted a quiet space for meditation and reflection.”
“It’s certainly that.” Rob inhaled deeply, drawing into his nostrils the scent of flowers, the smell of wood smoke, and something else that was pure Vic. Impulsively he inched a little closer, then leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. There was something he’d been meaning to say, and looking at Vic while he said it just wasn’t an option. “I meant it, you know.”
“Meant what?”
“What I said about you.” Rob took another deep breath. “You’re the only person who’s ever made me wonder what it would be like if we were together. You make me feel better about myself.”
The pause that followed made his heart beat all the faster.
“I can be your friend and do the same thing, Rob.”
Rob sighed. “I know, but….”
“But?”
He kept telling himself that he could be happy if they were just friends, but that didn’t change what he wanted, deep down. Those feelings only got stronger the more time he spent with Vic.
“When you hugged me? I’ve never felt like that before.”
Vic chuckled. “I told you I was a good hugger.”
“What you really want to say is, I told you so.”
“Well, duh.”
Vic’s quiet laughter eased the tension in him, and Rob relaxed his posture. He straightened, his fingers laced together in his lap.
“I’ve never wanted to spend time with someone. It was always about sex and then going home. But I like the way this feels, being here with you.” Rob tightened his grip, his pulse racing. “And I know I want more.”
Vic cleared his throat. “You’ve only seen a fraction of my life. While I’m sure you mean it when you say you want more, in order for us to even think about it, you’d have to understand some things about me.”
“Such as?” Rob couldn’t keep the note of caution from creeping into his voice. What things?
“I live in the lifestyle. BDSM is part of who I am, and whoever I’m with needs to know about that part of me.”
Relief flooded through him. “Okay.” Like he didn’t know about the BDSM part. When Vic didn’t respond right away, Rob turned his head to look at him.
Vic grinned. “No, pup. You don’t understand. Being with me means you’d be doing a lot of things you may not enjoy. You’d have a safeword in case things got intense, but beyond that, I’d be in charge. Now, I don’t live it 24-7. You wouldn’t be expected to give up who you are, but you would need to work on becoming the man I know you can be. And you’d need to give me free rein to lead you there.” He cocked his head. “Still think you want to be with me?”
Oh God. Rob tried to cover the surge of panic within him by resorting to humor. “Now wait. When you say free rein, you’re not talking about those guys who like to dress other guys as horses, right?”
Vic laughed, but there was an evil glint in his eyes. “Come to think of it, I’m sure I have a pony tail butt plug somewhere around here.” He rose to his feet. “But we can discuss such delightful possibilities another time. Right now I think we both need an early night, especially if we’re going on a trip tomorrow.”
“A trip?” The prospect of having a tail stuffed up his arse had robbed him of all coherent thought.
“Manchester? Remember? To pick up your stuff?”
Damn. “Oh, yeah. Sure.” Rob got to his feet to follow Vic into the house. “You’re kidding about the pony tail, right? Vic?”
Vic’s shoulders rippled as if he was laughing.
Bastard.
ROB YAWNED as he entered the kitchen. He’d slept like a log. Surprising how tiring it can be, sitting in a car for six hours. The trip had been simple: up the M1 and M6 to Manchester, straight to his flat, where Vic had helped him pack up his clothing and the rest of his belongings; then, after stuffing all the boxes and bags into the car, they’d stopped to grab something to eat at a pub on the outskirts of Manchester before driving back to London.
Of course, it had been during their meal that Vic reminded him of the need to talk to his landlord. That casual remark had been enough to turn Rob’s belly into a snake pit, where things coiled and uncoiled in a writhing mass.
What if Vic decides I can’t stay? Then where will I be?
Vic had taken one look at Rob’s face, leaned across the table, and whispered, “I know what you’re thinking. And you don’t need to worry. Even if you decide you want to stay somewhere else, I’ll be right here to help you find it. I’m not about to toss you out into the cold, cold night.”
How the hell does he do that? Apparently, mind reader was yet another of Vic’s superpowers.
“And if you want to leave, I’m still going to help you find a job. I called Human Resources while you were asleep a while ago. There are always jobs going with the company. They’re going to see if there’s a position that might suit you. It would probably be basic to begin with, but it’s a start.”
Rob had stared at him in amazement. He ached to tell Vic just how amazing he was, except that didn’t get close to expressing how Rob felt. The weight that had been on his shoulders since he’d been fired was still there, only now Rob was no longer afraid it would crush him.
He had Vic to help bear the load.
They’d walked through Vic’s front door, and minutes later Vic had ordered a pizza. They had unpacked the car while they waited for the delivery, and then, once they’d eaten, both of them had collapsed on the couch and dozed off in front of the TV. Rob had awoken when Vic had nudged him and told him to go to bed.
“Good morning!”
Rob peered bleary-eyed at Vic. “Are you always this chirpy in th
e morning? Because if that’s the case, I may have to kill you.”
Vic laughed. “You need to wake up, sleepyhead, especially as you’re the one making our breakfast.”
Rob trudged over to a cupboard, pulled out a box of cereal, and then picked up a bowl from the draining board. “Bowl… meet breakfast. Breakfast… meet bowl.” He smiled. “See? That was easy.”
Vic leaned against the countertop, his arms folded across his chest. “Well, that would be great, except we’re having scrambled eggs on toast this morning.” He took the bowl from Rob’s hand and held it up to his own face. “Sorry, bowl. No cereal for you.” Then he turned it toward Rob. “Say goodbye to the nice bowl.”
Rob arched his eyebrows. “And I thought I was weird.”
Vic guffawed. “Was there ever any doubt?” Before Rob could get a word in, he opened the fridge to remove a carton of eggs, followed by a pack of butter. “Have you prepared scrambled eggs before?”
Rob snorted. “I’m on excellent terms with several different kinds of cereal. I think that answers your question.”
Vic merely stared at him. “Eggs are easy. Just remember the two crucial words—low and slow.” He plucked a spatula from the container next to the stovetop and then pulled open the pan drawer beneath it.
Rob frowned. “You cook them in a frying pan? My mum always did them in the microwave.”
“And they always bounced, I think you said,” Vic commented dryly. “Need I say more?”
Rob shuddered. “No.”
Vic opened a cupboard and took out a glass bowl. “Crack five eggs into there.” He gave Rob a hard stare. “That is, if you can do it without leaving any shell in the bowl.”
Rob took a knife from the knife block on top of the counter, and Vic handed him an egg. Rob gave it the lightest tap, and the shell cracked slightly.
“Harder than that,” Vic told him.
“Bet you’ve heard that before,” Rob quipped.
“Cheeky sod. Now break that bloody egg, or it’ll be lunchtime before we eat.”