Still Life (Forever Still #1)

by A. M. Johnson

  “Really. This crazy road we’ve both been down, it was paved just for us. The hard and the good. There isn’t another soul on this planet I’m meant to be with. I want to start a family with you, do things I never thought possible for myself. I never thought I deserved love, but you showed me I’m worth it. I want to spend every day of my life thanking you for giving me a chance, for pulling me out of the dark and showing me the sun. My light… my Elizabeth… marry me?”

  A quiet cry blew from her lips. She nodded her head gathering her ability to speak.

  “Yes.” Her lips collided with mine. This kiss was greedy with happiness. Her lips slowed and I felt her smile against my mouth.

  “You’re incredible, you know that?” I grinned.

  She chuckled softly against my cheek. “So I hear.”

  Eight months later

  “I can’t believe you’re getting married. Holy shit Liz, this is it!” Cam’s voice shrieked with excitement as she laced up the back of my dress. She was pulling so tight I could barely breathe.

  “I can’t breathe.”

  “I know, it’s so exciting!” she squealed again.

  “No, seriously, I literally can’t breathe,” I started to pant.

  “Oh… oh! Sorry Liz, hold on.” She worked fast at loosening the laces and I quickly sucked in a ragged breath.

  “Much better, thanks.” I turned and found Cam grinning from ear to ear.

  “You look so incredible, Lizzie.”

  I turned just a fraction more and got the first glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes big gazed back at me taking it all in. The ivory dress hugged my body tightly. The silky fabric hugged all my curves and gathered at the side giving the dress a Grecian feel. It was originally strapless, but I had the tailor add thick pleated straps that almost came off the shoulder. The dress was hand stitched with beautiful embroidery on the bodice. Pulled back in a loose ponytail, my hair hung in giant flowing curls down one shoulder. My makeup was light, my skin smooth, my lips popped in red. I couldn’t believe that was me.

  That beautiful girl in the mirror was me.

  “I’m… I’m… so—”

  “Don’t you dare cry if you ruin your make-up, I’ll seriously kill you.” Cam gave me a hard, stern look.

  I couldn’t help it, but I laughed. A knock on the door made us both jump.

  “Liz?” Todd’s voice called through the door. “Can I come in for a minute?”

  Todd had been pretty distant from my life. After those horrible few weeks, when everything had gone down, he slowly disappeared again. He came north to visit every now and then, but he was busy with school, running the bar and playing in his new band with Seth. His boss ran him ragged at the record label as well.

  “Sure, come in,” I said. The door opened.

  “Lizzie, you almost… ready?” Todd’s face, now always so hard and stoic, broke into the biggest smile I’d seen in a year. “Wooow,” he said, drawing out the word.

  “I know, right? Sawyer is going to flip his lid.” Cam clapped her hands.

  Todd’s smile faltered immediately at Cam’s words. His face slowly morphing into that emotionless veneer he wore so well.

  “He’s a lucky guy.” He smiled, but this time it didn’t reach his eyes. “Mom wanted me to give you these.” He handed me delicate sapphire studded earrings. “You know something borrowed, something new. Whatever the saying is. She wants you to wear them. She’d have brought them back here herself, but she wants to be surprised when she sees you for the first time… coming down the aisle and all that garbage.” Todd laughed to himself.

  “Nice!” I swatted at his arm then put the sparkling earrings in place.

  There was a knock at the door.

  “It’s time. Greg’s losing his mind. Couldn’t Sawyer have picked less of a diva for his best man?” Colby poked his head into the room from the doorway, snickering at his own joke. Greg was no diva, just punctual. “Holy shit, Lizzie bean! You look—”

  “Amazing right!” I don’t think Cam’s smirk could get any bigger.

  “You really do.” Colby winked at me. “Let’s go, Cam… Todd.”

  “I’ll be right there.” He gave his brother a death glare.

  “All right, all right, see ya on the flip side, Liz.” Colby took Cam’s hand in his. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you in a minute.”

  The room suddenly felt overly warm. Todd’s eyes met mine. “I just wanted to say congratulations. I really am happy for you, Liz.” He gave me a crooked grin.

  “Thank you. You know—”

  “I know and I love you, too. Really, I’m glad you’re happy. Don’t doubt that… ever. Anyways, my dad is probably waiting to walk his girl down the aisle. You ready, baby girl?” His smile deepened as he took my arm in his.

  Most men would be sweating bullets right now, but watching my bride walk down the aisle to our forever was something I couldn’t wait for. I straightened my tie for the millionth time. I wasn’t anxious about my future with her, I was just anxious for it to start already. The piano stopped abruptly and everyone in the church stood. The piano then started playing ‘The Wedding March.’ I swallowed down the lump in my throat and turned to look toward the back of the church.

  I closed my eyes for just a second. I took another deep inhale of the cool air and opened my eyes. Once she came into full view, everything around me disappeared. There was only her, my pulse quickened as my heart pounded erratically in my chest. The feeling of absolute joy that swept over me at seeing her like this was something I could have never prepared for. She was breathtakingly beautiful. My intake of breath at the sight of her had Greg, my best man, chuckling. I felt my fingers start to twitch with the need to touch her, to hold her. The soft ivory material clung to every blessed curve of her flawless body, her red full lips stood out against her alabaster skin, her brilliant smile beamed when our eyes met for the first time. The blue depths started to glitter with unshed tears as she appraised me.

  “She looks… spectacular,” I mumbled out loud.

  “She’s all yours, brother.” Todd patted me on the back and I never felt more proud.

  Mr. Dixon kissed her on her cheek. “Congratulations, I couldn’t be more pleased to give my girl away to you. Take care of her.” Mr. Dixon smiled the biggest smile I’d ever seen on the man.

  “Don’t worry sir, I always will.” I locked my eyes with her and knew that I’d never be without her. That she was my beginning, my end, my now, my eternity. I took her hand in mine and brought her up to the altar, enfolding my arms around her small waist. Our bodies aligned and everything clicked into place. The electricity between us was profound.

  “I love you so much,” she whispered with a shaky voice.

  “I’ve never seen such beauty in my entire life, I’m so damn lucky. God, I love you too.” I took her face between my palms and kissed her cheek, tasting the sweet tear that escaped her control. I lightly placed a stray dark auburn curl behind her ear. “You ready, Elizabeth?” My smile spread wide at the blush in her cheeks.

  She nodded. “I’m ready, I’ve always been ready,” her voice was quiet and I loved this secret exchange. Even though all eyes were on us and my heart was still pounding in my chest, seeing her all wrapped up like the best damn present I’d ever gotten, stilled my hurried pace. Elizabeth was my world and I wanted to savor this moment.

  “Shall we begin?” the pastor asked.

  “Yes,” Elizabeth’s voice was clear and pure with ease.

  “Hell, yes!” my tone louder than it should have been in a church. I didn’t give a damn though, I was ready to start my forever, with her.

  “I do.” The two words slipped easily from my lips. Sawyer’s bottomless jade eyes sparkled with pure joy. Pride emanated from his chest. He looked powerful in his dark tux. The steel green tie he wore only made his eyes that much more appealing. Looking at his gorgeous ecstatic smile, I knew I’d never feel alone, that I’d always be cherished. My heart knew his heart
from the first moment words were ever spoken between us. I knew that because of him, I’d never be stuck standing still, posing for a caricature of a life. I was a full-blown Technicolor canvas and with him I was alive.

  “You may now kiss the bride,” the preacher declared.

  My lashes felt heavy with tears. Sawyer dusted his lips across my eyelids.

  “You’ll forever be my light,” he whispered just before our lips met as Husband and Wife.

  Two years later

  The sound of her cry broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. My breath stuck in my throat as I watched the doctor gently place my baby girl onto Elizabeth’s chest. Tears poured down Liz’s cheeks as she greeted her daughter for the first time. Lizzie was a damn hero. Nothing I ever did in my whole damn life was as miraculous as what she just did. My wife smiled at me and tilted her chin down at our little princess; her thick dark hair just like her mom’s. I watched as the doctor cut the cord and quickly clamped it. The nurse scooped our baby up and brought her to the warmer where they cursorily cleaned her up, took vital signs, and gave her some medicine in her leg with a needle. My baby girl cried out and my heart stopped.

  “Is she okay?” I asked nervously.

  “She’s perfect.” The nurse smiled up at me while she wrapped my baby… our baby in blankets. “You want to hold her?”

  I was still shocked. I just gawked at the nurse like an ass. Send me to a war zone, I’m ready. Hold a six pound seven ounce human, no way! What if I dropped her? My hands are too big for such a small, precious creature. I started to shake my head.

  “Sweetheart, you should hold her. Let her hear that voice that’s been talking to her these past months.” I walked over to my wife and pecked her on the cheek and sat on the bed next to her.

  “You sure you don’t want to hold her for a bit?” I asked.

  “I already met her, she needs to meet her daddy.”

  Her daddy.

  Her dad.

  I’m a father.

  I swallowed back the insecurity that came with those words. Liz squeezed my hand like she always did when she was trying to reassure me. The nurse came over to me and placed this small person in my arms.

  I carefully snuggled into her. My daughter. Her pink and blue stripped hat was too big for her tiny head. She sucked at her miniature fist. I couldn’t help the tears that started to fall down my face. I kissed my daughter’s forehead. Her bleary eyes looked up at me. I wondered if she was as glad to meet me as I was her.

  “Hi there, I’m your daddy,” I whispered so only she could hear. I pulled the blanket slightly from her face to get a better look. Her small hand found mine. She gripped my pinky tight and in that moment… I was a lost man.

  “She’s so beautiful,” Elizabeth’s voice smiled.

  “We made her.” My eyes wide with surprise. I couldn’t believe I was lucky enough to have two amazing women in my life.

  “We did.” Elizabeth leaned toward me and kissed my lips. My heart couldn’t be fuller.

  If you are in emotional distress or struggling to cope, and are affected by any of the issues covered in this book, please contact:

  The Samaritans USA 1(800) 273-TALK

  The Samaritans UK 08457 90 90 90

  ‘Bleed Out’ by Blue October

  ‘Set Fire To The Third Bar’ by Snow Patrol

  ‘Shake It Out’ by Manchester Orchestra

  ‘Running Up That Hill’ by Placebo

  ‘Heavy In Your Arms’ by Florence +The Machine

  ‘Holocene’ by Bon Iver

  ‘Congratulations’ by Blue October and Imogen Heap

  ‘Poison & Wine’ by The Civil Wars

  ‘Barton Hollow’ by The Civil Wars

  ‘Bigger Than Us’ by White Lies

  ‘Fineshrine’ by The Purity Ring

  ‘Wherever You Will Go’ by Charlene Soraia

  ‘Remember Everything’ by Five Finger Death Punch

  ‘Never Gonna Change’ by The Broods

  ‘I Wanna Get Better’ by Bleachers

  ‘Like Real People Do’ by Hozier

  ‘Human’ by Christina Perri

  ‘Let Her Go’ by Passenger

  ‘Capsized’ by Samiam

  ‘Don’t Break’ Me by Samiam

  ‘Falling In Love at A Coffee Shop’ by Landon Pigg

  ‘Bloodstream’ by Stateless

  ‘Skinny Love’ by Birdy

  ‘Michicant’ by Bon Iver

  ‘Disarm’ by The Smashing Pumpkins

  ‘Your Guardian Angel’ by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

  ‘Dear Agony’ by Breaking Benjamin

  ‘Hurt’ by Johnny Cash

  ‘Summertime Sadness’ by Lana Del Ray

  ‘Demons’ by Boyce Avenue Feat. Jennel Garcia

  Thank you for reading Still Life.

  If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review at your point of purchase and on Goodreads. It means a lot to me to hear what you think.

  Check these links for more books from Author A.M. Johnson.

  Goodreads Links

  Click on the links below to add to your TBR list.

  Still Life

  Still Water – Coming Soon

  Playlist

  Spotify

  Email: a.m.johnson713@gmail.com

  Facebook

  Goodreads

  Twitter @pinulia13

  Amanda Marie Johnson was born and raised in Valrico, Florida. She’s now surrounded by mountains with her husband and three children in Ogden, Utah. She attended Weber State University and graduated with her A.S.N. She is a full-time registered nurse and works on the mother/newborn unit. Reading and writing have always been something she is passionate about. She loves to write about the human experience, love and happily ever afters. Still Life is her debut novel.