Grey

by Aundrea Ascencio

  "If I change, then I never loved you," Eric told her. "We are both taking a risk, Chantel. I would not be here if I didn't love you. When you're in the equation, I've got nothing to lose, nothing that I wouldn't gladly give away to be with you. You, on the other hand, are putting at risk everything that's ever meant something to you. Your parents. Your graduation. Your dream job."

  "And you don't think you're worth all that?" she asked. "Why should you be willing to give up everything for me, but I'm not allowed to forfeit just as much for you? How can I convince you I am sure about my decision to marry you if you won't give me a chance to do it? And then you constantly doubt me when I say I want this as much as you."

  "Not like this, Chantel," he pleaded with her. "Nobody is worth you throwing those things away for. Not even me. I want you to graduate, and I want you to have a good relationship with your parents, and I want you to become what you were meant to be. I want to be a part of all those things with you, not be the reason those things were destroyed."

  "Listen to yourself," she said, tearfully. "How can I just let someone like you walk out of my life, even for a little while? You say I have it in me to do it, but you make it absolutely impossible for me to do. That's not fair."

  "I'm sorry, but if you won't let anybody else tell you what's good for you, then I have to put aside my own feelings and put you in check. Even if it means getting up and walking out of here so you don't do something you're not ready for."

  "If you leave me on Thursday, then this is over," she told him firmly. "I will not put myself through a whole year of what you're asking me to do. You need to either take me with you, or rearrange your plans and stay in California."

  "Is that an ultimatum? Seriously?"

  "Are you seriously asking me to wait on you indefinitely while you do God knows what in Colorado?" she returned. "Yes, that's your ultimatum. We do it or we don't do it at all. It's your choice."

  "No," he shook his head. "We're not doing ultimatums."

  "Then you don't want to be with me."

  "No, that's not it and you know it," he said firmly. "What I don't want is for you to look back on today and regret you ever knew me. I couldn't live with that. That's a risk that I'm not willing to take."

  "Don't hit me. Don't cheat on me. Don't disrespect me," she told him. "Don't do those things, and we're solid."

  Eric laughed.

  "What? What's so funny?"

  "Out of all the things you could be afraid of, you're scared of things you have absolutely no reason to fear," he said. "I would never do any of that to you."

  "Then we understand each other," she said, kissing him and resting her head on his shoulder. She locked her fingers around his so their hands rested on his thigh.

  "I just want what's best for you," he whispered.

  "Right now, you're what's best for me. If that's crazy, why does it feel like it's right?"

  "Crazy always feels right, but that doesn't mean it ain't wrong."

  "Well if loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right," she sang to him.

  "That's so fucking corny."

  "Dude, if you're going to hang around me, we seriously got to get you Motown-ified because that's just sad."

  "No, some things might have changed, but as far as music goes, I'm pretty much sticking to the white side of town, thank you."

  "Bigot."

  "Big cock, you said? Ya, I know I do."

  "Shut up. You're not funny. We're in public. There's people around."

  They quietly watched as another couple stood up to meet with the clerk in the front. Chantel's hand tightened around his, and he squeezed hers back reassuringly.

  "What was that nickname you called me?" she asked softly.

  Eric snickered. "Meine Scheibe?"

  Chantel punched his shoulder. "I know what that means, jerk. Mia told me. And no, that's not what you called me the other day."

  "Oh, mein schmetterling?" he recalled, rubbing his throbbing shoulder with a grin.

  "Ya, I really can't pronounce that. You got to find something easier for me to say."

  "Mein schatz?"

  "Neh."

  "Well after today, you can call me mein ehemann, if that makes you happy, and I would call you mein geliebte."

  "I definitely am not going to be able to pronounce those, nor do I have any idea what either of them mean."

  Eric laughed and kissed her hair gently. "You will," he promised her in a whisper. "But at the right time. I won't let you rush me through those things. I intend to take my dear sweet time in proving them to you."

  "Then give me something I can work with for now," she said. "What about air?"

  "Air? Like air as in breathing air?"

  "Ya, how do you say air in German?"

  "Die Luft."

  "Die luft. You are my die luft. Without you, I am motionless, colorless, lifeless. I am nothing."

  "Everything-less," he suggested. "It flows better."

  "Everything-less isn't even a word."

  "It is now," he said. "Everything-less. The lack of everything. Synonym to nothing. I am everything-less without you."

  "Whatever you say, Eric."

  "Next couple, please?" the clerk called to the room.

  "Are you ready for this?" Eric asked Chantel, tilting his head casually toward the front of the room.

  "Are you?" she asked smiling at him.

  It was a contagious smile. For a moment he forgot everything, all reservation and all fear. The only thing he could think about was making a wife out of her, and calling that smile his for the rest of his life.

  Chantel playfully pulled him out of the chair, determined to drag him to the altar, and he devotedly complied. He would always comply.

  When it really came down it, he could deny her nothing. She was die luft, and without her, he was nothing.