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Collected Novels and Plays

Page 51

by James Merrill


  LAOMEDON:

  I’m very easy to please, you know. I had a reputation for it throughout my regiment.

  TITHONUS:

  I told Mrs. Mallow this morning, I’ve decided to leave home.

  AURORA:

  Tithonus, how wonderful! You’ll come with me!

  (He nods. AURORA turns to LAOMEDON.)

  You can’t imagine—I’ve been asking him for months! He needs to travel, it’s so broadening!

  LAOMEDON (after a pause):

  Do as you wish, Tithonus. You may one day regret—no, I have nothing more to say.

  TITHONUS:

  Father, wait, I want you to understand!

  LAOMEDON:

  I want to understand. But not now.

  (With faint irony.)

  Will you be leaving before lunch?

  TITHONUS:

  No, I needn’t ….

  LAOMEDON:

  Splendid! Perhaps you can spare a moment or two then, in private.

  TITHONUS:

  Certainly, Father.

  (Exit LAOMEDON.)

  AURORA:

  He is rather pompous, even for one’s father. I suppose it’s the result of a military career. Ho hum, what shall we do until lunch?

  (Eagerly.)

  We could make love!

  TITHONUS:

  Really, Aurora! If somebody came in—

  AURORA:

  All right! It was only an idea!

  (Aside.)

  Modesty, modesty!

  (To TITHONUS.)

  Well, then, on with my education! Last time we took up—let me see, was it pain? Sportsmanship? One’s brotherhood to the ape?

  TITHONUS:

  You remember perfectly well—we talked about religion.

  AURORA:

  Ah yes, religion! I was fascinated—to see oneself through the eyes of others! Couldn’t we go on with that?

  TITHONUS:

  You’re disappointed, aren’t you, that I’m not leaving with you until after I’ve talked to Father?

  AURORA:

  No, not at all.

  TITHONUS:

  Well, I would be—having to wait even a few hours.

  AURORA:

  But you see, I have no sense of time. You’re giving me what I wanted. A few hours or a few days sooner or later, what difference does it make?

  TITHONUS:

  It would make a difference to me. I need time. Some days I choke on my food. I feel I can’t keep up with life.

  AURORA:

  Really? Why I could sit for days over a meal, even a dull meal.

  TITHONUS:

  Or else I don’t try at all. I lie down. I sleep.

  AURORA:

  Now this interests me very much. Oh darling, you see why I love you! You show me what people feel. In no time at all I’ll be having the same feelings myself! Go on!

  TITHONUS:

  Aurora, I’ve tried to put it out of my head, but I can’t. You don’t really understand what I say, do you?

  AURORA (biting her lip):

  No, I don’t.

  (He turns away. She giggles.)

  But tell me—darling, I’m serious now—why should I understand?

  TITHONUS:

  You’re forever smiling!

  AURORA:

  I am she who smiles. I am the rosy-fingered one. What do you mean by understanding?

  TITHONUS:

  You see!

  AURORA:

  I do see. I see what is shown to me, my dear. When I go into a room and find, say, a book lying on the table, it is not my way to open it. I’ve never held letters to the light in order to read what might be inside. If the book lies open, if the letter has been dropped, open, to the floor—why then, I do read it. I feel it has been left for me to read. I mean, I never see the hidden side of things. That must always be most unpleasant. If people are unhappy, I don’t want to know about it. I’ll do anything—I’ll even lie to them!—in order to keep them smiling. I can’t bear to know what people do in the dark.

  TITHONUS:

  But you do know.

  AURORA:

  With you, I don’t think of it as being in the dark ….

  TITHONUS (taking her face in his hands):

  And what do you see now?

  AURORA:

  I see that you’re handsome and full of life. When I get my camera I shall photograph only you. I see that your ear is translucent. The capillaries fan out like twigs against a sunset—

  (Frightened.)

  You’re hurting me! I see what’s there! I see light and love!

  TITHONUS:

  You see your own light and your own love!

  AURORA:

  Darling!

  TITHONUS:

  I don’t mean that. Aurora, I love you. But to see only what is shown to us isn’t understanding. Understanding is when we see in the dark, the way a cat does. Some part of me is dark and sad, invisible in your brightness. Understanding will be the day you come to me suffering, or with a capacity for suffering. Understanding has more to do with tears than with smiling. And you’ve never wept.

  AURORA:

  No. Would I enjoy that?

  (Pause.)

  Be reasonable! If gloom and murkiness are what you want, there are plenty who’ll be delighted to oblige you. Just don’t ask—

  (Striking her brow.)

  Oh, silly me! I have something that will cheer you up!

  TITHONUS:

  That’s not what I need!

  AURORA:

  But I have! I’m not the goddess of the dawn for nothing. Ah, now you’re interested!

  TITHONUS:

  Tell me then.

  AURORA:

  Perhaps now I won’t, you’ve been so horrid.

  TITHONUS:

  Ah, don’t play with me! Tell me or not, as you please, but don’t play these games!

  AURORA:

  I’ve brought a little gift. Oh, promise you’ll like it!

  TITHONUS:

  What is it?

  AURORA:

  Nothing at all, really. Something you once said you wanted ….

  TITHONUS:

  Aurora! It isn’t—

  AURORA (nodding):

  Are you pleased?

  TITHONUS:

  Oh my angel! You’re sure? There’s no mistake?

  AURORA:

  Mistake! Oh really now!

  TITHONUS:

  Forgive me. But tell me yourself, then, what it is.

  AURORA:

  You’re such a baby! You know what it is!

  TITHONUS:

  But say it!

  AURORA:

  One doesn’t put these things into words … Must I?

  TITHONUS:

  You’re playing with me again!

  AURORA (annoyed):

  But I love to play! All right. Henceforth you are immortal. There!

  TITHONUS:

  Say it again!

  AURORA:

  Henceforth you are immortal.

  TITHONUS:

  I’ll never die?

  AURORA:

  Never.

  TITHONUS:

  Can it be that simple? Don’t I need to do something?

  AURORA:

  No. You may kiss me if you like.

  TITHONUS:

  I can’t believe it! And I said you didn’t understand! Do you know what it means?

  AURORA:

  So very much? I’m glad, too. To me it means that I shall have you always. Didn’t you want to kiss me?

  TITHONUS:

  Oh, I love you! Aurora—thank you!

  AURORA:

  You’re welcome, I’m sure.

  TITHONUS:

  But how—I’m sorry, I want to know everything. How did you go about it?

  AURORA:

  Well, let me see. You expressed the wish—mercy, it must have been a month ago. I didn’t think too much about it at first. Then I began to rack my brains. I wanted you to have some little thing fro
m me, something small and useful that you would always have to remember me by. And it came to me! Just the thing, I said to myself.

  TITHONUS:

  There’s nobody like you!

  AURORA:

  Well, after that I had to wait. Every day I’d ask if he was in a good humor.

  TITHONUS:

  He?

  AURORA (pointing upward):

  He’s fearfully bad-tempered, or can be. It’s quite proverbial. And while it was little enough to ask, since everybody’s entitled to one gift, I didn’t want to be refused. Well, to make a long story short, yesterday evening I was given the sign. I slipped right in and spoke my piece, rather prettily, I must say.

  TITHONUS:

  Just like that!

  AURORA:

  No. No, you don’t understand at all. There’s a whole etiquette involved. You have to sort of crouch beside him, with your left hand on his knees and your right hand fiddling with his beard—like Thetis in that Ingres painting. I was the slightest bit nervous, having never done it before. But, you know—it worked!

  TITHONUS:

  It sounds so easy, how can you be sure?

  AURORA:

  Don’t worry! What’s the matter with you? You keep complaining about how you hate difficult things, and now that something perfectly simple happens, you’re not satisfied!

  TITHONUS:

  I am, I am! It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I just don’t feel any change yet. I guess it takes a certain time.

  AURORA:

  I wouldn’t know. Probably it does. Oh, you mustn’t frown, I feel responsible for you! Tell me I’ve made you happy!

  TITHONUS:

  You’ve made me infinitely happy. Now I think I’m beginning to feel it. Yes. My heart is beating quietly and happily. It will never stop. Look at this hand. It will be mine always.

  AURORA (taking his hand):

  It will be mine always.

  (They kiss.)

  TITHONUS:

  I’m hungry! Should I be?

  AURORA:

  Did you have your breakfast?

  TITHONUS:

  No. But I mean, does one get hungry, now that …?

  AURORA (laughing):

  Now that one’s immortal? Yes, my darling, one does!

  TITHONUS (ringing a bell):

  How glorious the world is! Look at those flowers glowing, look at the grain of this wood! I feel such excitement, a tingling in me, as if I were never again to be tired or bored, an energy that will never exhaust itself!

  (Enter MAID.)

  Jeannie, bring me some muffins and jam, will you please?

  (To AURORA.)

  Would you care for something?

  AURORA:

  I couldn’t really. I’ve had my ambrosia.

  TITHONUS:

  Just the muffins and jam, then. Oh, and a cup of tea might taste good.

  MAID:

  Right away, Sir. The water’s boiling already.

  TITHONUS:

  And Jeannie, what’s my father up to?

  MAID:

  He’s out talking to John, Sir. About the mistletoe. It’s killing that beautiful apple tree, Sir.

  TITHONUS (peering into the garden):

  Good. Here they come.

  (Playfully.)

  Now that Jeannie’s under the spell of the new gardener, she’ll talk of nothing but trees and flowers.

  MAID:

  La, Sir, you’re such a tease!

  (Exit.)

  AURORA:

  You’re going to tell your father?

  TITHONUS:

  He’ll have to know. Besides, here’s the real alternative to Mr. Hobbs!

  (LAOMEDON and GARDENER are seen through the French doors.)

  AURORA:

  Oh, I suppose it would be, wouldn’t it?

  GARDENER:

  You mark my words, Sir, that whole fine branch will be dead inside of a year.

  TITHONUS:

  Father, have you a moment?

  LAOMEDON:

  My wife loved the mistletoe ….

  GARDENER:

  I don’t say it’s not pretty to look at, like a little cluster of pearls. But it’s a parasite, Sir.

  LAOMEDON:

  I’m tempted to let it grow, just the same.

  AURORA:

  I’ve always heard that mistletoe was something one got kissed under.

  GARDENER:

  So it is, Miss.

  AURORA (to TITHONUS):

  You see, your father’s quite a sentimentalist.

  LAOMEDON:

  Very well, go ahead with it. And, John, that trunk looks ready. Ask Mrs. Mallow if she will be good enough to lock it. Then you can take it to the carriage.

  GARDENER:

  Right you are, Sir.

  (Exit.)

  TITHONUS:

  It’s odd, I felt such a pang a while ago, looking at that trunk. I don’t feel it any more.

  LAOMEDON (stepping into the room):

  Well, Son, what is it?

  TITHONUS:

  Father—

  LAOMEDON:

  You had something to say to me?

  TITHONUS:

  Father, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken that way to you.

  LAOMEDON:

  Is that all you have to say?

  TITHONUS:

  No ….

  LAOMEDON:

  Then out with it! Time is money.

  (Enter MRS. MALLOW, followed by GARDENER.)

  TITHONUS:

  When I say I’m sorry, I don’t mean only for that. I’m sorry for you, also.

  LAOMEDON:

  Ah. And how have I come to deserve your pity?

  TITHONUS:

  I don’t mean to be impertinent. I feel so full of warmth and compassion—towards everything and everybody! Mrs. Mallow, I haven’t made things easy for you, either.

  LAOMEDON (to AURORA):

  And what part have you played in this worthy transformation?

  AURORA:

  Oh it’s so trivial! I simply—

  TITHONUS:

  Father, you are going to die!

  (Pause. LAOMEDON and AURORA share a moment of irrepressible gaiety.)

  LAOMEDON (to TITHONUS):

  Not this morning, I trust, unless someone has prompted you to do away with me.

  TITHONUS:

  Can’t you listen to me? You’re going to die and—I’m not!

  (MAID enters with tea things on a tray.)

  LAOMEDON:

  Don’t talk nonsense! You’re wasting my time.

  TITHONUS:

  Listen to me! I’m never going to die! Aurora has given me immortal life!

  AURORA:

  It’s true. I have given Tithonus immortal life.

  MRS. MALLOW:

  For shame, Aurora!

  MAID:

  Immortal life!

  GARDENER:

  I don’t know as how I’d enjoy that!

  LAOMEDON (to them):

  That will do, both of you.

  (Takes the tray from the MAID.)

  Not a word of this in the kitchen, you understand.

  (MAID and GARDENER nod dumbly and go out.)

  TITHONUS:

  I don’t see why you both should act as if something shameful had happened.

  MRS. MALLOW:

  The less said about it, the better, dear.

  LAOMEDON:

  Did you mean for me to congratulate you?

  TITHONUS (to MRS. MALLOW):

  I thought he’d be pleased for my sake. For his own sake, too, if it comes to that. He needn’t worry about me now.

  (To LAOMEDON.)

  Or are you envious?

  LAOMEDON:

  No. Here, take this tray from me.

  TITHONUS:

  You can just hold the tray for a bit! Selfish, pompous old man! Must we learn that suffering is the common lot? When you say that, you mean one thing only—that you want me to suffer!

  LAOMEDON: />
  I have never wanted you to suffer—until perhaps this instant.

  TITHONUS:

  Stop lying to me! All those warnings, all those homilies! We let it happen, do we, Mrs. Mallow? We have no choice? You’ll let it happen, you’ve made your compromise! Oh Father, even if you live another ten, another twenty years, even if you were my age—you’ll dry up and die, each year older and sicker, and your mind gone! And I’ll be as I am now, strong, young, a hundred years, a thousand, after you’re in your grave!

  LAOMEDON (handing the tray to MRS. MALLOW who puts it down):

  That’s enough. Live if you can. I’m glad neither I nor your mother will be here to see what you make of your life. Those are the last words I shall ever speak to you.

 

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