Footsteps

by Umm Zakiyyah

  “Finding a good woman is hard,” Ismael said.

  “Teddy doesn’t have any problem attracting women.”

  Abdur-Rahman met his father’s gaze in the rearview mirror just as his father winked at him. “Dad, please.”

  “No, tell the truth, son. Women flood Pet Oasis by the dozens carrying wounded pets. I bet some of them injure the animals themselves to get a good two-minute consultation from Dr. Pet.”

  He laughed beside himself. “I run a pet store, Dad, not a veterinarian clinic.”

  “That’s precisely my point, son. They want to listen to you sympathize long enough to tell them that.”

  Abdur-Rahman saw Ismael trying to suppress laughter. Even Sulayman, who had tried to remain stoic throughout Ronald’s torment of his son, could not keep from grinning.

  “That’s the thing about women, Teddy. They’ll feign pet injuries, and even terminal illnesses, if it means you’ll give them a concerned shake of the head and a phone call to follow up.”

  They all broke out in a laugh, although Abdur-Rahman’s was more of a chuckle.

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Oh, you don’t?” He could see his father’s eyes widened playfully in the horizontal mirror. “I thought Sam taught you that.”

  Abdur-Rahman stared at the reflection, hoping his father would not tread the sensitive subject. Samantha was the last person he wanted to talk about right then. He had wasted seven years of his life on her, and he didn’t want to be reminded of that. To Abdur-Rahman, Sam was the exception. Most women would not try to take advantage of a man’s kindness like she did.

  “Sam’s a good friend?” It was apparent that Ismael thought Sam was a male friend of Abdur-Rahman’s.

  “Samantha,” Abdur-Rahman corrected, fearing that with his father present his silence was more damaging than words. “An ex-girlfriend. Emphasis on the ex.”

  “Well, you do learn a lot about women from women.” Abdur-Rahman was grateful to Ismael for his comment. He feared if Ismael remained silent, his father would resume his exposé of Teddy’s life before Islam.

  “Oh, yes, indeed,” Ronald agreed as the vehicle slowed to a stop in front of a gas pump. He wedged a hand into his pocket to retrieve his wallet, lifting himself from the seat. “There’s nothing like knowledge from experience. Though I prefer Jerry Springer myself.”

  Ismael laughed, and Abdur-Rahman and Sulayman looked at each other before shaking their heads, humored. It was hard to stay upset with his father for too long, and Abdur-Rahman found himself feeling grateful for this outing. Moments like these, Abdur-Rahman wished he could travel more often with his father, but he could not successfully run his store and pet consulting business if he was gone often. But his heart was in traveling, and he hoped to generate enough gross income to allow him to delegate the manager-supervisor role to someone else.

  Ronald opened the storage compartment next to his seat when he didn’t find his wallet in his pocket, and he rummaged through the items there before closing it. He pointed to the glove compartment.

  “You mind seeing if my wallet is in there?”

  Ismael opened the compartment and peered in. He moved some papers around before Ronald reached over the brother to check himself.

  “I can pay,” Ismael said when Ronald shut the small door and cursed.

  “No, no.” Ronald shook his head. “I can’t let you do that. Tonight is my treat.”

  “You forgot your wallet?” Abdur-Rahman said.

  “Looks like it.”

  “I have my Visa.”

  “You mind?”

  “It’s no problem.” Abdur-Rahman opened the car door and climbed out. He inserted his credit card into the machine before he began pumping gas. He locked the pump in place then folded his arms across his chest as he watched the digital numbers change rapidly calculating the price. He knew his father was upset with himself for leaving his wallet at home, and he imagined he would circle back home to get it even though they had already been driving for more than fifteen minutes.

  “I appreciate it, son,” Ronald said after Abdur-Rahman returned to the car and he began to pull off. “I guess this is my punishment for giving you a hard time.”

  Abdur-Rahman’s shoulders moved in quiet laughter.

  “I apologize.” Ronald turned to Ismael. “But I’m going to go back for my wallet. I don’t think the restaurant will take my word that I’ll pay them back.”

  “You don’t have to go through all that,” Ismael said. “It’s really no problem if—”

  “Nonsense. I offered to treat, and treat I will.”

  “Dad, I don’t mind—”

  “I’m not taking charity tonight, Teddy. Gas is different.” The laugh lines became more defined in the mirror. “I wouldn’t want us to walk.”

  “But our reservation is—”

  “Oh, Bob wouldn’t give it away. You can count on that.”

  Abdur-Rahman resigned himself to the fact that they would be in the car for at least another forty minutes.

  “Why do you live at home?” Ismael asked a few minutes later.

  Abdur-Rahman was grateful for the inquiry, knowing it was only asked to pass time, if not to make up for Ronald’s embarrassing comments for which Ismael most likely blamed himself. “After everything was over with Sam,” he said, “I missed my mother and decided I wanted to spend more time with her.”

  “Heartbreak,” Ronald cut in.

  His son nodded with a defeated smile. “Yes, heartbreak, something only a mother can fix.”

  Abdur-Rahman saw Ismael look out the side window, and he sensed he had broached a sensitive subject. He wondered if Ismael had lost his mother recently.

  “Anyway,” Abdur-Rahman continued, “I couldn’t live in the condo anymore.”

  “You had a condo?” Ismael’s voice had changed to polite disinterest, and he continued to look out the passenger side window.

  “Sam and I bought one together.”

  “So you were pretty serious about her?”

  “Yes,” Abdur-Rahman said, looking out his own window now. “I was.”

  “On cloud nine,” Ronald put in.

  “Not exactly,” his son said, void of enthusiasm.

  “But he’s moving on,” Ronald said, turning to Ismael briefly, as if he were reporting on his son’s marked improvement in health. “Faith tells me a beautiful woman came to visit while I was away, and Abdur-Rahman was hooked.” He chuckled. “Even got up the nerve to ask about her.”

  “MashaAllaah.” Ismael glanced at Ronald then to Abdur-Rahman, smiling for the first time since Abdur-Rahman’s comment about his mother. “Was she Muslim?”

  “Oh, yes,” Ronald said. “Faith says Teddy’s pretty headstrong about that one.”

  “That’s good. Having the same religion as your partner is very important.”

  “Well, I don’t know if we can call her his partner. Turns out, the woman is already taken.”

  “That’s a hard one.”

  “Yes, I know,” Ronald said, glancing in the rearview mirror again. “But there are more fish in the sea. Right, Teddy?”

  Abdur-Rahman saw Sulayman smile sympathetically at him, but he only glanced at the brother with a faint smile on his face. “That’s right dad.” He sounded drained from the attention and hoped for a change in subject.

  Ronald turned to Ismael. “Faith tells me you have a daughter. She said your wife mentioned her a few times.”

  Embarrassed, Abdur-Rahman wanted to interrupt, but Ismael was already responding.

  “Yes, we do have a daughter,” Ismael said slowly, as if he were uncomfortable with the idea. Or unsure how to say this without offending anyone. “But she’s not available, for the time being.”

  Ronald sucked his teeth as he shook his head, meeting his son’s gaze in the mirror again. “Strike two, son. One more strike, and,” he grinned, “well, you know.”

  Abdur-Rahman was relieved when they pulled into the driveway of their home, and
he really didn’t mind getting his father’s wallet when he asked him.

  “Don’t scare the ladies, son,” Ronald said as Abdur-Rahman was getting out of the car. “Let ‘em know you’re coming in before you do.”

  Abdur-Rahman nodded as he shut the door, relieved to be outside in the night alone ascending the walkway leading to the front door. The car had become suffocating, and he feared he would not be able to last much longer under his father’s good fun. He knew that beneath his father’s jokes was a sincere concern for his well-being, and he appreciated his father for that. But publicly referring to his mother’s mention of Aminah for him had disturbed him more than he could bear. He already felt humiliated by the way Aminah had treated him when they first met, as if he were some circus sideshow she was forced to watch. Abdur-Rahman could almost hear her silent prayers that he wouldn’t come too close when he had introduced himself with a pet cage in either hand. He knew part of that was because she was a Muslim woman who actually respected Islam’s limits on male-female interaction, and he couldn’t help admiring her, and her family, for that. But he sensed part of it was also due to her finding Abdur-Rahman himself so anomalous, most likely because of the animals he carried at his sides.

  Theodore had never had the confidence of his peers when it came to women, and in high school he had been coined a freak. It was not open taunting that made him aware of their label, but the way the popular boys and girls would don an artificial cordiality whenever he passed them in the halls. Girls would pretend to like him so that they could use him to cheat on homework assignments and exams. Although Theodore was well aware of their motives, in his naïve optimism he had hoped that after talking to him they would come to realize he was a likeable person after all.

  Samantha was the first girl who actually seemed to like him for who he was, but he was not experienced enough to know that being a nice guy was synonymous with pushover for a woman like Sam. It was naïveté that made him think they would get married, have children, and live happily ever after one day. But two years of being in the same home made it clear that Theodore was just Sam’s walking mat, if not springboard to better things. It still hurt him to think that she was not what he thought. She had treated him like no one had before and had not even shown discomfort upon meeting him for the first time.

  He slid his key into the front door, accepting that it was his abnormal love for animals that had turned Aminah off, and he feared her uneasiness represented what other Muslim women would think. But Alika had not displayed the same discomfort when he introduced his animals, and in that moment Alika reminded him so much of Sam when they first met.

  What’s so wrong with loving animals? he thought as he opened the front door and stepped inside. The sound of the women’s loud laughter rose, and it was apparent they were all downstairs, which was a relief to Abdur-Rahman, who was lost in his thoughts. Allah, Ar-Rahmaan, created animals and commanded Muslims to treat them well. Why then was he beginning to sense he would be an outcast for that love? Suddenly, he missed Freddie and Freda, and Charlie, and he wanted to check on them right then. He shut the front door behind him, and stepped into the living room to see if their cages were still there. Startled, he halted his steps as he saw the birdcage on the couch and the back of a khimaar and abiya—a woman knelt before them. She was talking, a finger wedged into the opening where she touched Freda’s beak.

  “—what I mean, don’t you?” the woman said. “You must know what I mean. I can see it. You have all these colors, so you have to know how it feels.” The woman forced laughter. “But you know what? I have the same colors, but they’re all inside. Yes, you must be Freda. You’re so beautiful. I wish I could be you. Then no one would care. Then no one would—”

  “As-salaamu’alaikum.”

  At the sound of his voice, the woman jumped to her feet and turned to face Abdur-Rahman with widened eyes. As they recognized each other, Aminah’s cheeks colored and she lowered her gaze, quickly picking up the cage by the handle although she didn’t seem to know what to do after that.

  “It’s okay,” Abdur-Rahman said, lowering his gaze himself. “I was just, uh, coming to check on them.” He paused. “Do you know where Charlie is?”

  “Downstairs,” she said quickly, in a hurry to go herself. The sound of dishes clanking in the kitchen told Abdur-Rahman that the maid was still preparing their meal, and the now louder laughter from downstairs told him that everyone else, except Ismael’s daughter, was with his mother in the sitting room.

  “I just, um,” Aminah said, “was coming to get Fred—the birds.”

  He nodded, and his heart was racing. The maid appeared in the living room a second later, apparently concerned by the sound of a strange voice. But Theresa returned to the kitchen upon seeing that it was just Teddy.

  “It’s fine.” He started to reach for the cage then remembered he couldn’t take the cage from her, not without making her more uncomfortable. So he resigned himself to studying Freddie and Freda for the moment and marveled at how relaxed they seemed under Aminah’s care.

  “I was just going, anyway,” he said, now turning and pointing toward the steps that led to the upper level. “My dad forgot his wallet.”

  When Aminah didn’t say anything, he hesitated for a second before ascending the stairs. He willed himself not to turn and look as he heard her hurry from the living room and go downstairs to join the other guests.

  In his parents’ room, he found his father’s wallet on the nightstand next to their bed. He picked it up and pushed it into the pocket of his tan slacks, pausing as he recovered from what had just occurred. His heart was still racing as he left the room and closed the door, and he let each foot rest on the carpeted steps as he descended the stairs, distracted by his thoughts. What was Aminah talking about to Freda, and why was she saying she wished she were colorful and beautiful like his bird?

  Outside, the Range Rover’s headlights glowed in the driveway as he headed toward it. The night suddenly felt calm, and he felt the trace of an amused smile on his face as he climbed into the truck. He handed his father the wallet, and he actually smiled back when he saw the laugh lines of his father’s eyes crease in the mirror, a warning sign that his father was going to continue to embarrass him that night.

  “Thanks, son,” Ronald said then turned to Ismael. “Or, what is it? JazaakAllahukhair.”

  Ismael smiled over his shoulder at Abdur-Rahman. “It means may Allah reward you.”

  Abdur-Rahman nodded gratefully although he already knew the expression and what it meant.

  “Yes, may Allah reward you,” Ronald agreed. He paused before adding with a grin in the rearview mirror, “With a beautiful Muslim wife.”

  “Ameen,” Ismael said. Even Sulayman nodded and grinned at Abdur-Rahman, and Abdur-Rahman grinned too.

  “Ameen,” he said, staring out the car’s window, wondering if his father’s lost wallet was Allah’s way of showing him the miracle of a changed heart. If so, he knew it wasn’t only Aminah’s heart that had changed. But his too. At that moment, he felt that Allah had shown him his future wife. He hoped his feeling was correct. He had been wrong with Sam, but he wondered if it were possible to be wrong twice, and for the second time in a row. Strike two?

  No, he planned to hit a homerun.

  “Well, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Aminah’s mother said upon her daughter’s return to where they were sitting downstairs waiting for Theresa to finish setting the table for the meal.

  Aminah set the birdcage on a table and found a place on the far side of the couch on which Tamika sat at the other end. Aminah could sense Tamika’s concern, a cup of juice in hand with her forehead creased and her eyes studying Aminah.

  “That would explain what took her so long,” Tamika said, but her words didn’t come out as the joke Aminah sensed her sister-in-law was trying to make.

  “What did you see?” Sarah asked, a trace of laughter in her voice.

  “Abdur-Rahman,” Aminah said finall
y, looking at her mother right then.

  “Teddy?” Faith gathered her eyebrows.

  “Yes,” Aminah said, now looking at her mother’s friend. “He came to check on the birds.”

  Faith laughed. “On the birds?”

  “And Charlie.”

  They laughed, but Aminah couldn’t bring herself to.

  “Why would they come all the way back home for that?” Faith’s forehead was creased, even as she recovered from laughter.

  “I think your husband forgot his wallet.”

  Her forehead relaxed and she nodded. “Well, that’s definitely Ron.”

  “Are they still here?” Tamika’s concern was for being uncovered. She, like Faith and Sarah, had removed her khimaar and abiya, something Aminah knew she would be unable to do for the rest of the night.

  Aminah shook her head. “I heard the door shut after I came downstairs.”

  “Well,” Faith said, grinning, “that would definitely explain the ghost.”

  Aminah forced a smile, but she knew her cheeks were still pink from shock.

  “Don’t worry,” Faith said, “you were covered.”

  Aminah nodded. “Yes, that’s true.” But she didn’t want to say that that wasn’t the reason she was so shaken. Yes, thank God, she was covered. But even in her Islamic attire she had made a complete fool of herself. She was talking to a bird, his bird. She wanted to sink through the floor right then.