by Ashley Jade
The muscle in his neck flexes. “I didn’t realize that I would grow up to be just like him...with one huge exception.”
His hand slides under my hair and his eyes bore into me. “Leah, I need you to know that before I met you—I lived to be an asshole. I just wanted to dominate women, control them, use them, and own them. I did it because it was my outlet...it was my emotional release. I never wanted to keep them close, and I sure as fuck never let myself fall in love.
His gaze softens. “Until you. The day I walked into your office was the greatest and worst day of my life. Instantly, I knew there was something different about you. I felt it. I don’t know if it was love at first sight, or a connection because of how our past is tied together. I couldn't explain it then and I still can’t. But you turned my life and my heart upside down. You made me, the real me.”
He releases me and looks down. “And then you fucking left me for heroin and broke me into a million fucking pieces.”
I tilt his chin up to look at me. “I'm sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn't control it. It's not an excuse, but I never wanted to hurt you, ever. I thought at the time that me leaving would prevent me from destroying you. I didn't want to put you through all the pain of my addiction."
His eyes narrow and I feel his entire body become tense. “It doesn't change the fact that you still did. It doesn't change the fact that you still broke my heart. You broke my soul.”
He hangs his head. “Just like nothing changes the fact that you're also the only person who has my heart and soul.”
He slams his fist into his chest. “I wanted to punish you because I hurt so much on the inside. I thought if I became the asshole again, I would hurt you like you hurt me. But as usual; you flipped the tables and amazed me instead. You met me, match for match and showed me so much strength and love, despite how I treated you.”
His hand cups my cheek. “You made me realize how much we're truly meant to be together. Which, of course, I resented. So, I ignored you like a jerk. I figured it was the best option, instead of telling you that I’ll never be able to stop loving you and letting you see how vulnerable you make me.”
His other hand wraps around my lower back and he pulls me to him. “I lose all my control when it comes to you, because I love you so fucking much. It kills me to know that you will never feel that way about me...you'll always want something more. Something stronger than me. But I’ll accept it now, because I can't live without you. I've tried. I'm tired of controlling you—when all I want to do is love you, Leah, because I can't help myself. It's beyond my control.”
I stare at him and all I can think is...I love him. Even more now, after I’ve seen him for all that he is.
I love him so much there aren't any words to describe the depths of my love for him.
He does own me, he owns all of me, the good and the bad parts.
And he needs to hear it, even if he can't believe it. I’ll spend the rest of my life telling him every single day.
I straddle him and grab his face forcefully. “I love you more than anything in the whole entire world, Jacob Sand. You have me, all of me. Every single part. You own my heart, body, and soul, and you always will.”
His eyes flicker and I continue, “I love you more than drugs. I want you more than drugs. I need you more than drugs. I need you because I love you.”
I brush his hair out of his eyes and stare into them. “I can survive without drugs but I can't survive without you. I don't want to.”
He looks down again and my face falls, because I’ve just spilled everything in my heart for him and I’m afraid he still doesn’t believe me.
I open my mouth, but he lifts his head and my air leaves my lungs.
His eyes are glassy and he looks so scared I just want to wrap him in my arms. “Please don't hurt me again, Leah,” he whispers.
I've never seen this man more naked in my entire life. It’s the most powerful thing I've ever experienced.
I back up slightly and pull his head against my heart. “This is yours and I’ll never hurt you like that again. You’re everything I've ever wanted and more. I won't leave you again, I promise. I will prove it to you every day of my life, if you'll let me.”
My voice drops to a whisper. “If you can forgive me."
“I forgive you,” he whispers as I continue cradling him against my chest.
He shifts and moves his head away. Then he pulls me into a kiss so intoxicating...it’s the highest I've ever been.
My emotions are all over the place and I rip his shirt off and run my hands over his beautifully defined abs and moan. I’m getting ready to unzip his pants, but he stands up, lifts me up, and puts me over his shoulder.
“What the hell?” I sputter. This man is so freaking frustrating.
“I've just bared my soul to you. Told you I won't ever run from you again and you're kicking me out!” I scream
“Baby, I would never kick you out. I need you in our house, in our bed...with me—where you belong,” he says. His voice is so full of determination, I wouldn’t dream of arguing with him.
As we make our way into the house, we pass Lillian walking up the staircase. She simply sighs, shakes her head, and smiles.
Jacob charges past her and opens his bedroom door. He lays me down on the bed and strips my clothes urgently before planting soft kisses over my stomach and sweeping his tongue along my navel.
I whimper because I can’t take it any longer, I need to feel him inside me...more than I've ever needed anything in my entire life.
“I need you, right now. Please,” I plead.
His eyes hold mine as he enters me and softly begins thrusting inside me. I wrap my legs around his waist and writhe my pelvis against his. He lets out a low groan and buries himself in my neck.
“Fuck me like I know you want to, Jacob,” I moan, before nibbling his shoulder.
“You know damn well I want to make love to you right now, Leah,” he growls.
He plunges deeper inside me then, merging our bodies together. The friction between us causes a bolt of heat to rush through me and I cry out in ecstasy.
He runs his tongue over my collarbone and picks up the pace. Emotion and desire fill me to the brim when he exhales my name over and over again like a hymn.
I look into his eyes and give him every single part of me as I come apart while he’s immersed inside of me.
“I love you, Leah,” he whispers, his own body spasming against mine.
“I love you, Jacob,” I breathe.
He holds me in his arms and I soon drift off to sleep, knowing there’s no place in the world I’d rather be than right here in his arms.
There’s no better escape, there’s no stronger feeling, there’s no high greater than being loved by Jacob.
****
The next morning...I roll over and see a piece of paper on Jacob's pillow, instead of him.
I don’t even need to read it, because right away, I can tell it’s some sort of contract.
I roll my eyes in annoyance and search for my clothes.
Is he fucking kidding me? I thought we were over all this bullshit.
I grab the paper and storm downstairs where I find him eating breakfast with Lillian and Danny.
I put my hand on my hips and shove the contract in his face. “What the hell is this?”
He lifts his head from his bowl of cheerios, sits back in his chair, and rubs his chin as he gives me his cocky smile. “Well, you obviously didn't read it—”
“No, of course not,” I exclaim frantically. “Why would I? I hate these stupid contracts, Jacob. I thought we were past all this now. I told you, I don't want your money. I also don't need or want anything else. I only want you. I'm not leaving you, ever!"
I stomp my foot on the ground and Lillian and Danny start laughing.
Muttering a curse, he gets up from the table and makes a face. “Leah, in the future. I’d really appreciate it if my wife would read the fine print on
a contract.” He smirks. “It makes me look like a horrible businessman."
Then he gets down on one knee.
Needless to say, I snatch the paper back from him and read it.
Leah Adams,
Stop running from me. Stay with me. Love me. Marry me. Own me.
I love you forever,
—J. Sand.
My jaw hits the floor and I drop the paper in shock. My eyes quickly fall upon a beautiful diamond that’s awaiting my answer—along with a very anxious Jacob looking more nervous than I've ever seen him.
As usual, I can't resist Jacob—not that I ever want to again.
“Yes!” I scream as I fling myself into his arms.
Lillian and Danny cheer in the background and Jacob flashes me that cocky smile again, right before pulling me into a kiss so full of hunger, I almost faint.
This is unconditional love. This is everything I’ve been searching for my entire life.
I can finally stop running now....
Epilogue (Jacob)
A little less than 9 months later, Leah officially makes me the happiest man alive.
I would have married her that same day—but she wanted to wait until she had a full year in her recovery first. I certainly wasn't going to argue with that.
I watch her walk down the aisle lined with lily of the valley’s and my heart stops in my chest.
She’s the most captivating vision I’ve ever seen or dreamed of.
She looks like heaven…
The birds chirp and a cool breeze flows through the woods, Leah closes her eyes for a moment before they connect with mine again.
Leah said she couldn’t get married without Jamie by her side, and I wasn't going to argue with that either.
Hence, why our wedding’s currently taking place in the woods.
If I’m being honest, I’d marry this woman in a damn sewer if she insisted on it.
But the only thing she wanted was a very small, quiet ceremony in the woods. Since I plan on giving this woman the world, of course, I made it happen.
I’ll do anything she wants for the rest of my life.
She smiles at me as her steps draw nearer, I physically tremble and my vision becomes blurry.
The things this woman does to me.
I can hardly wait for the few steps that will finally bring her into my arms. I’m so impatient, I briefly contemplate walking down the aisle myself and carrying her up here.
I glance down at her stomach and I grin like a lovesick fool...7 ½ more months and our family’s going to be welcoming another addition.
That fact, only makes me love her more—I didn't even think it was possible, but as usual, Leah works her magic and I find myself falling for her more and more with every day that passes.
After what feels like a lifetime, she stops and stands in front of me. I can't help but pull her into a passionate kiss that steals both our breaths.
We say our vows between more kisses and I hold her in my arms the entire time.
I don't even care that the priest keeps frowning at me for it.
No one—not even god himself, can keep me from touching and loving what's mine.
The ceremony is just a formality as far as I’m concerned.
I said my real vows to her that night I bared my entire soul to her.
“I love you more than anything,” she whispers in my ear, sending a spark of both lust and love right through me.
I think it's safe to say, neither one of us are paying attention to the ceremony anymore.
Danny nudges me and hands me a box. “Jacob....take your ring, man.”
Oh rings, right.
I shoot a look laced with mild annoyance at the priest who keeps jabbering on and on.
I look over at Lillian who’s standing beside Leah and quickly realize I shouldn’t have.
She looks about two seconds away from wagging her finger in both our faces for not paying attention.
We slide our rings on one another's fingers and I immediately cup her face in my hands and kiss her until the air leaves our lungs again.
“You may now kiss your Bride,” the priest proclaims. “But then again, you haven't stopped doing that since the ceremony started,” he mumbles.
I snap my head up. “And I don't ever plan on stopping,” I growl.
The priest holds up his hands and laughs.
I focus my attention back on Leah, scoop my beautiful bride in my arms, and carry her back down the aisle.
Lillian lets out a sigh of frustration and pinches the bridge of her nose.
Leah laughs and smiles as I continue carrying her all the way back to our house.
She knows exactly what’s coming next, and there’s no point in her trying to fight or run away from it.
Not that she ever will again.
My need to be with her overtakes everything and I kick the door to the bedroom closed behind us.
I need to be so deep inside her, I won't be able to tell where she ends and I begin.
I’ll never be able to stop making love to her.
And fortunately for me? I plan on spending the rest of my life doing just that.
After all... Leah is my best deception.
The End
Sneek Peek
If you liked the book, it would mean the absolute world to me if you left a review. It’s so hard for indie author’s to receive acknowledgment and reviews really make a difference for us.
By the way, keep reading for a special sneak peek from my latest project. ‘Blame It on the Pain’- Coming out 5/24/16.
Sneak Peek for ‘Blame It on the Pain’- Due out May 24th, 2016!
Pain. It hurts us. It pushes us. It punishes us.
Or, for the few poor souls out there like me...it defines us.
I'm not a good person.
There are no redeeming qualities about me...not anymore.
Any that I had, I'd given to the devil on the night that changed everything.
The night my baby sister died.
The night I murdered her killer.
Yes, I've taken a life...and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
And I would never, ever, have an ounce of regret for being who I am.
Until her.
My name is Jackson Reid. There are two things you need to know about me. The first- is that I'm in love with Alyssa Tanner. The second- is that I'm a murderer.
My name is Alyssa Tanner, but you probably know me as the whore who caused her step-father to lose the election for New York City Mayor.
And you would be right- because the day the world branded me a slut I decided to become one.
You think you know all there is to know about me because you've seen what I look like naked.
Believe me, you haven't even cracked the surface.
What you don't know- is my past, because I've been forced to keep it a secret to ensure my safety.
What you don't know is my pain.
Because if you did- you'd be dead.
I bet you think you know how this story will unfold...but trust me, you really have no idea.
Warning: This is a full-length, novel. (100,000+ words.) Due to strong language, some violence, and explicit sexual content, this book is not intended for readers under the age of 18. (less)
Prologue (Jackson)
Pain. It hurts us. It pushes us. It punishes us.
Or, for the few poor souls out there like me...it defines us.
I'm not a good person.
There are no redeeming qualities about me...not anymore.
Any that I had, I'd given to the devil on the night that changed everything.
The night my baby sister died.
The night I murdered her killer.
Yes, I've taken a life...and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I grew up in Boston. For the most part, I was just an average hard working kid trying to make it into the professional world of MMA fighting.
My mom kicked the bucket when I was 18 from a he
roin overdose, and if you know where my father is...well then, give that asshole sperm donor a big 'fuck you' for me.
It's safe to say that Lilly was the only family I had.
She was four years younger than me, and I spent most of my life either looking out for her or bitching about how annoying she was.
After our mom died, it was just her and I.
Who am I kidding...it was her and I since day one.
My mother's death changed nothing.
In fact, Lilly's high school didn't even question when I was the one who stepped up and filled in for all the parental duties.
Here's where I fucked up.
I let my best friend date my little sister.
Mike was training to become a professional MMA fighter as well.
We all grew up together, and one day, I caught him making eyes at Lilly...or rather, her making eyes at him.
Obviously, I put an end to that shit as soon as it started.
When she was 14.
The next four years were filled with them making constant googly eyes at one another, but other than that- we were like the three musketeers.
Lilly would even watch us train...she was like our own personal cheerleader.
I'd see her innocent blue eyes and strawberry blonde curls routing for us at every single session.
On her 18 birthday...I caved.
"I'm in love with your sister and I swear to god, I'm going to marry her one day," Mike said as I choked on my beer.
Before I even had time to knock him out or protest...Lilly's 5'1, lanky frame bounced into the room and landed beside Mike.