Greengage Shelf

by Emma Sterner-Radley

  “A bloody cross-trainer for my cottage. I never want to have to go running again!”

  Laura laughed, then took Kit’s face in her hands. “We can go shopping for one later. Right now, there is something I need.”

  “Okay. What?” Kit mumbled, spellbound by the beautiful eyes gazing into hers.

  “This.” Laura closed the distance between their lips and kissed Kit as if there were no tomorrow. Which there luckily was. And then the day after that, and the many days following that… And hopefully most of those days, they could spend together.

  Epilogue - The Yearly Kitten Race

  Kit listened as insects buzzed and birds sang their hearts out. Still, they were almost drowned out by the murmuring of the excited crowd. It was a beautiful July afternoon with the air still fresh from last night’s heavy rains, though the day warmed under the bright sun.

  Perfect weather for Greengage’s annual kitten race.

  Kit switched her glasses out for her new prescription sunglasses and stuck the regular pair into her rucksack. She slung it onto her back even though its rough appearance stuck out. She’d learned from last year that people dressed up for the kitten race and had conceded to put on a white shirt instead of her usual T-shirt or tank top. The only issue was that Laura had worn an almost identical shirt. Sure, she’d paired hers with expensive-looking suit trousers, high heels, and jewellery while Kit just had a pair of dark blue jeans and her faded Converse. Still, they’d gotten close to the dreaded lesbian-twin-syndrome’, but hey, that was a normal progression of any sapphic relationship. It was merely frustrating that Laura looked so much better in the shirt than she did. Kit was trying very hard not to gawk at how the shirt strained a little over those wide hips.

  As if sensing that Kit was drooling over her, Laura came sauntering over. “Hello, dearest. Are you all right?”

  “Fine. I am starting to wonder if Aimee and George got lost, though. Perhaps I should’ve met them when they got off the ferry?”

  Laura retrieved a hairband from her pocket and assembled her wild curls into a ponytail. “I’m sure they’re fine. They’ve been here before, the island is small, and there is plenty of signage to the main square. I suppose if you’re worried you could text her?”

  “Nah, you’re right, they’ll be here soon. I’m just excited to see them! They haven’t been here since my birthday.”

  “Oh, speaking of birthdays, Uncle Maximillian called me from his house to say that he has made the same decision regarding the kitten race as he did on my birthday: the crowds are too much for him.”

  “Brilliant! I mean, I’m sorry he’s been spending so much time in his house after moving back home, especially now that I like him since he’s a fan of our relationship, but he’s clearly happy.”

  Laura beamed. “He is. Furthermore, it means you and I don’t have to worry about his constant company. I will, however, call to check up on him and my cousins. Later. Much later. Maybe after the weekend.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by a squealed, “Kitten race!” Shortly followed by, “And Phyllis, Mummy!”

  Even if Kit hadn’t known her godson’s voice, she still could’ve guessed that it was George based on the shouts about his two favourite things on Greengage. She rushed over to give Aimee a hug and then picked the toddler up and spun him around while kissing his face until his squealing subsided into giggles.

  Aimee smiled at Kit and George. “Good. You keep hold of the little squire here and I’ll go get myself some booze.”

  “I thought you might say that.” Laura joined them, holding out a paper cup to Aimee. “It’s Gage Farm apple cider. Be careful, it’s potent this year.”

  “Music to my ears, mate! It’s been ages since I had a drink, or anything else potent, if you know what I mean,” Aimee said, winking and taking the cup.

  Laura laughed and gave her a hug, careful not to spill the cider. After that, she returned to Kit’s side to greet George and to wrap an arm around Kit’s waist.

  Aimee grinned at them. “Man, it’s great to see you two. I’ve missed you syrupy lovebirds.”

  “We’ve missed you, too,” Laura replied. “Kit has counted the minutes.”

  “I’m sure she just wanted other mainlanders here to have her back,” Aimee said with a wink and a slurp of cider.

  George squirmed in Kit’s arms. “Phyllis where?”

  “Where’s Phyllis? Uh, I don’t know.” Kit scanned the square, trying to locate Rajesh and that wonky-toothed mutt of his.

  Aimee drained her cup and muffled a hiccup. “Don’t worry about it, Kit. I have enough cider in me to go looking for that ugly dog now.”

  “Not ugly. Phyllis pretty,” George said with a frown.

  The grown-ups glanced at each other.

  “Pretty special at least, little chum,” Kit said, putting him down. “Go with your mum, and she’ll help you find Phyllis and Rajesh.”

  Hearing an asthmatic bark by the busy sandwich table, George rushed off. Aimee handed Kit her empty cup and followed the running toddler.

  Kit watched them go, and that was when she spotted Josh and Matt at the fringes of the sandwich-table crowd. Matt moved his big, beefy self to the right and revealed Caitlin Caine, holding Clark in her arms. She wiped something off his downy head, and Kit had to smile at how confident she looked. Caitlin handed the sleeping baby over to Josh, who said something that made her laugh and that made Matt roll his eyes before kissing his husband’s cheek.

  Kit had never gotten the expression “warmed my heart,” but with the current, toasty feeling in her chest, she thought she understood it. Or maybe that was due to the sun beaming down on her white shirt? She tugged at the offending garment.

  Who wears long sleeves when it’s 27C? Madness.

  Next to the happy couple and their young friend and babysitter was Greengage’s leading politician. He had a tiny triangle masquerading as a sandwich in one hand and was using the other to wave Laura over.

  “Uh-oh. You’re wanted,” Kit murmured.

  Laura ogled Kit’s Converse as if they’d become mesmerising in the last two seconds. “I know. Don’t look. I’m trying to ignore him.”

  “Okay. Shouldn’t you go talk to him?”

  Laura still directed the conversation to Kit’s shoes. “No. He can wait.”

  Kit put a finger under Laura’s chin and gently tipped her face up. “You sure, babe? It’s probably events business.”

  Laura pursed her lips. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “Still, it might be important. Perhaps they’ve discovered that one of the kittens is taking performance-enhancing drugs, like testosterone-raising catnip or something?”

  “Whatever it is, it’s not as important as us having some quality time before I get sucked up in all the island madness again.”

  With that, Laura shielded herself from his view by stepping into Kit’s embrace. Surprised but pleased, Kit wrapped her arms around Laura with pride. Greengage had wanted Laura’s attention and time, but she had prioritised Kit. She had chosen their relationship before everyone and everything else. Just as she promised.

  Kit was going to point out how lost Greengage’s events committee was without its leader but thought better of it when Laura hummed contentedly and placed a kiss on her pulse point.

  She’s right. They can wait.

  From the corner of her eye she noticed people taking their seats, meaning that the race would be starting soon.

  Kit extracted herself from the hug to wave at a few of the Greengagers. Some waved back, while others nodded towards her and whispered to each other. She could make out words like “detective” and “mystery.” She blew out a long breath and let it settle in—the acceptance of her position as the island’s amateur investigator and problem fixer. There were worse roles to have in a society. At least she could help people. And yes, have a reason to be nosy.

  Kit took Laura’s hand and looked around for Aimee, George, Rajesh, and Phyllis. Watching the k
itten race next to them had been perfect last year, and she’d like to repeat that if possible. She couldn’t see them, but did spot Alice Caine, who was sitting down on a chair currently being softened by the cushion Phillip had placed on it. When she was seated, Anthony came over with a parasol and a glass of cider for her.

  “Nice to see they’re finally cherishing their mother,” Laura said.

  Kit, with the cynicism of a Londoner, wondered how long that would last. She worried it had more to do with the fact that the will had recently been changed and could therefore be changed again.

  I hope I’m wrong. I hope the Caine brothers have mended their ways.

  A smack on the back of her head informed Kit that Aimee had found her. “Oi, sloth. Get a move on! We’re sitting over there with Raj.”

  “You didn’t call him that, did you? You know he hates nicknames,” Kit said as she and Laura followed Aimee towards some seats to the side.

  “Of course not. Now, shift yourselves, lovebirds! I don’t want to miss the start. George will start wailing if I’m not there to see the first kitten get bored and fall asleep.”

  “Really? He looked quite calm today to me,” Laura said.

  “For now, yes. We had four temper tantrums this morning when I wouldn’t let him bring one of those stuffed toys you sent us, Kit.”

  Kit eyed her. “Stuffed toys? I haven’t sent you any of those, Aimes.”

  “Sure you have, babes. That fox and the hare and—”

  Laura interrupted Aimee by gasping.

  It took Kit a few seconds more to understand. When she did, she held out a brief hope that Aimee was joking. “Uh, Aimes…”

  Her friend gave her the once-over. “What’s wrong? You’re paler than bird poo.”

  “Aimes, you do know that the animals I sent you aren’t toys, right?”

  “What are you on about? What else would they be? I mean I know they’re creepily like real animals, but obviously they aren’t.”

  “Oh gosh,” Laura whispered.

  The disgusted shriek that came from Aimee later, when Kit explained that those were real animals, killed and then stuffed by a skilled taxidermist, made the entire crowd gawk at them.

  “Tell me you’re having a laugh,” Aimee said with such pleading that Kit felt bad about shaking her head.

  “Kit was given the animals from my uncle, who is a taxidermy fanatic,” Laura murmured, in the way of a debateable explanation.

  “Bloody hell! You mean I’ve let my kid play with dead animals?”

  “Well, yeah,” Kit said, pushing her glasses up. “But I assumed you knew what they were and would take some funny pictures for Instagram and then bury the poor things. It never occurred to me that you’d be enough of a doughnut to think they were toys!”

  Aimee stared into space before whispering, “As soon as I get home, I’m donating them to the biology section of the University of Southampton. Or to anyone else who’ll have them.” Then she gulped and added, “Oh, god.”

  “What?” Kit asked.

  “George made me kiss them all good night every evening.”

  Even Laura, quite desensitised to these things mumbled, “Blimey,” at that.

  They led the shell-shocked Aimee to their seats. Kit was busy watching George staring into Phyllis’s mangy ear, and didn’t look where she was stepping, so of course her foot landed in a puddle of mud from last night’s rains. She cursed under her breath but sat down with the others, accepting her fate.

  While waiting for the race to start, she felt the sludge seeping into her Converse and actually smiled. Mud stains brought this adventure full circle, from today to the first day of the bookshelf mystery, when she and Laura had dropped into the mud outside Alice’s cottage.

  The corners of her mouth went from smile to frown when she realised that she hated mud almost as much as she hated running. Still, it was worth it. For Laura. For Alice. For her friends. For her new family. For all of Greengage, in all its sweet but strange glory.

  She sat back, still holding Laura’s hand, and waited for the kittens to be released.

  Notes

  1. Rhinos and Reluctant Detectives

  1 The famous Gage Farm. Read Greengage Plots for more info. Or keep reading this book. One mustn’t let footnotes dictate reading habits.

  2. Updating Rajesh

  1 Experienced Greengage readers will know that Rajesh hates nicknames, meaning that Kit can’t call him Raj, much to her disappointment.

  3. Shelving Romance and the Teddy Bear Technician

  1 See the novella Greengage Holiday Cheer. Unless you’re too busy, of course.

  2 This unfolded in part one of the series, Greengage Plots. Best not to bore you with repetition. This story is long enough as it is, and we need to move on to more pressing things.

  4. A Hotpot and Rachel in Hot Water

  1 Propriety keeps the writer from explaining this further here. Read Greengage Holiday Cheer to find out more.

  2 The one-year-old came to them without a name, so they had named him after Clark Kent. Partly because he was also adopted and partly because they said their son was “their little Superman.” Sadly, he also seemed to have the hero’s Super-hearing power as he always knew when his fathers were trying to have a romantic moment and interrupted it with a Super-wail.

  6. Mustard Heathen and the Broom Closet Prisoner

  1 To name some: a Vietnamese Vengaboys tribute concert, a dank cave with two guys with terrible body odour. Oh, and Mabel Baxter’s bedroom on that fateful afternoon when Mabel got a zip stuck and needed assistance. More about the terrifying Mabel later.

  7. Trimming the Veg Patch

  1 Which, weirdly, also smelled of cabbage.

  2 Another Greengage luminary and part of the same book club as her best friend, Mabel Baxter. You’ll see more of them both later. Unless you give up on the book here. In which case you’ll miss not only the sexy times and solving the book mystery, but also more on Maximillian’s Susan obsession.

  8. Codswallop

  1 Short for “Tosser With Head Up Arse”. Pardon the bad language; Aimee is like that.

  9. Ants in Your Bra

  1 Well, the humans were. Phyllis slept and then she washed her bum. And then slept some more.

  2 This refers to Greengage Holiday Cheer, in which Ethel talked some sense into Kit. We could all do with someone to talk some sense into us sometimes. Perhaps even to suggest that we’re using too many footnotes. Or that we shouldn’t eat yellow snow.

  10. Barbie Balloon

  1 Another long story from Greengage Plots, one which you probably wouldn’t believe if I told you.

  2 A sort of snuffling squeal, a cuteness which belies the fact that a badger could take your face off in five seconds with its vicious claws. So could Laura Howard, but you’d have to push her very far for it to happen. Meanwhile, you’d only have to look at a badger the wrong way for your face to be off.

  11. The Biggest Tosser

  1 No really. If you looked up the word “annoyance” in an image search, you’d probably find a picture of Phillip Caine wearing that exact expression.

  12. This One Has Sex in It

  1 Some might claim that tea and that scented candle were too autumn-themed for June, but Kit has always been a rebel.

  13. Snail Murderers and Spilling Tea

  1 A not overly sweet, fruit-filled biscuit that Kit informed Alice she liked at the end of Greengage Plots. For you non-Brits, imagine a flat, oblong cookie with a currant filling. Never mind that now, get back to the story.

  2 Actually, they were seashells.

  14. Who Killed the Glorious Badger?

  1 Although she would still pop down into the orchards to check on them. Laura never stopped working completely. Kit alleges that she even once ran through new recipes of jam out loud in her sleep.

  17. A Very Howard Birthday Bash

  1 Scottish expression from the 1700s meaning sexual intercourse, generally adulterous in nature. You learn someth
ing new every day, right?

  2 See Greengage Plots to find out more about the dreadful blonde giants of the Stevenson family, including what Leslie Stevenson did at that year’s kitten race.

  21. Gossip and a Quivering Moustache

  1 Also, her pulse rate was 129. Whether that was due to eating so fast, hurrying out, or the thrill of a classic Greengage scandal, you can decide for yourself.

  25. Don’t Die to Death!

  1 The big four-wheel drive cars—like new Range Rovers, which looked to Kit like fancy tractors mated with tanks—that have become popular in some British suburban areas.

  27. Twisty Knickers and Twistier Confessions

  1 Tortoises live on land, while turtles hang out in the water some or most of the time. Basically, tortoises don’t like to get their shells wet as it ruins the silky finish and lavish shine. (That last part might not be true.)

  30. Gay Squad Saves the Day

  1 There was no reason to tell Caitlin that their channel only had four subscribers. She was trying to make the girl impressed, not make her pity her new role models.

  31. Badgers, Susan, and Other Treats

  1 She did so loud enough to frighten a pigeon that had been creeping up on them to steal some biscuit crumbs. It still has a nervous twitch, which manifests to this day whenever it sees humans on blankets.