He managed a grim smile. “And now my team has taken me off duty. If I go back to them, they’ll boot me out of the Order. I haven’t even died yet, and I’ve already fucked up my family’s legacy.” He turned his head slightly to look at her. “And you, Alice, my sheva. Are you my salvation or the doom that will destroy me forever?”
She swallowed at the sudden hunger in his tone. “I could ask you the same question.”
He studied her for a long moment, his gaze so intense she wanted to squirm. “I know so little about you, Alice. Tell me something. Tell me your secrets.”
“I can’t. It’s against the rules.”
He uttered a low growl. “I don’t care about rules.” He threaded his fingers through hers, and tugged on her hand, pulling her toward him. “I want to know why you don’t carry my mark.” His eyes were blazing with possessiveness, and excitement rushed through her.
“Don’t ask me that, Ian.”
“Oh, I’m going to ask you.” He slid his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her toward him. “I need to know how to break down your walls.”
Her heart began to hammer as he moved closer, his mouth inches from hers. “Don’t—”
“I won’t stop until all the barriers between us are gone.” He brushed his mouth over hers, and desire leapt through her, a white-hot flame too hot to withstand. “I want to know everything about you.”
He kissed her forehead. “I want to know your dreams.”
He kissed her left temple, his lips the softest caress. “I want to know your fears.”
He kissed her right temple, a decadent temptation of tenderness and demand. “I want to know what makes you laugh.”
“Laugh?” She closed her eyes, fighting against her body’s desire to respond to him. “I don’t laugh.”
“Is that against the rules, too?” He kissed one eyelid, and then the other. “Or is your heart too heavy for laughter?”
She scrunched her eyes shut. “Stop it,” she whispered. “Just please stop.”
His breath was hot against her ear, his voice a caress to her soul. “Why am I such a threat to you, Alice? Why do you resist me?”
“I… I can’t tell you—”
Ian swore violently, and before she knew what had happened, he’d swept her up into his arms and tossed her on the bed. Her back hit the soft mattress, and then he was on top of her, his weight pinning her to the sheets. He grabbed her wrists and locked them down above her head, heat blazing in his eyes. “Stop it,” he commanded. “Just stop shutting me out, for hell’s sake!”
Alice knew she should have been afraid of him, but she wasn’t. As trapped as she was, he wasn’t hurting her. The despair was pouring out of him, nearly flooding her senses. She felt his pain, so much pain, and so much stress trying to fight it off. Her heart broke for him, for his suffering, and suddenly she didn’t want to be apart from him anymore. No one had shared emotions like this with her before. It made her feel alive. It made her feel like there was a reason she came back to life every time she got killed. It made her feel like there was hope in this world of something better than her life, and something better than her future. “Kiss me, Ian,” she whispered.
He groaned and closed his eyes, throwing his head back. “Hell, Alice.” His voice was raw and harsh. “I’m not made of steel. If I kiss you, I’m not going to stop. I need you so badly.”
“I need you, too.” The words were a whisper, barely audible, but when he stiffened, she knew he’d heard her.
Slowly, he brought his head back down and opened his eyes. “Say it again,” he commanded.
She almost smiled at his fierceness. You make me feel wanted. It’s so beautiful.
Say it again.
She met his gaze, and anticipation began to pulse through her. She could feel the rigid restraint he was exercising, and she knew that if she gave him any leeway, he would take over and she’d never be able to stop the flood of passion once he unleashed it.
Her heart began to pound. Did she really want to do this? No. Yes.
“Alice,” he whispered, lowering his head until his lips were grazing hers. Not kissing. Not taking. Tempting her with sinful decadence. “Tell me you need me. We are never going to get through tomorrow morning if we aren’t connected. I can’t do this alone.”
The desperation in his voice touched her in that place deep inside that only he could awaken, and the words came of their own accord. Words that were a truth she’d never spoken to anyone. “Yes,” she whispered, her heart racing and desire roaring through her. “I do need you, Ian. I need you to bring me back to life.”
His low growl was his only response before he claimed her.
Chapter Nine
Alice’s kiss was intoxicating.
Her lips felt like the softest silk of a new rose. She was a purity that Ian had never deserved, and yet, here she was, in his arms, her fingers tunneling through his hair, responding to his kiss as if she’d been waiting her entire life just for this moment.
Alice. He whispered her name into her mind as he deepened the kiss, sinking his hips against hers. Sweet Jesus, it felt unbelievable to have her body beneath his, to feel the softness of her flesh below him.
Ian. Her voice was breathless, the magnitude of her desire striking deep, igniting a fire within him so powerful he felt like it would doom him if he didn’t let it come to life. Which, given the curse, was probably not far from the truth.
He ran his hands down her arms as he kissed her throat, her skin so soft and delicate. He brushed his lips across her collarbones and her chest, his mouth teasing over the low neckline of her tank top. His soul screamed for more, demanding he make her his, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough to simply connect physically. He had to have more than that. He had to break through that metaphysical wall keeping them apart. “Tell me what you are, Alice.” He flanked her waist with his hands, sliding his fingers beneath the hem of her tank so her stomach was bared to him.
She didn’t answer his query. Instead, she groaned and arched her back, writhing beneath him. He could feel the intensity of her physical response, and he could also sense her awe and confusion. It was new for her, feeling like this, and an unfamiliar sense of ownership and propriety swelled within him. He was the first man to awaken this side of Alice, and that was how it should be.
He bent his head and swirled his tongue in her belly button, teasing her, taunting her, stoking in her the very fires she was fighting so hard to suppress. “Are you a fallen angel, Alice?” he asked again.
“No,” she gasped, her fingers digging into his hair. “I’m an angel of life.”
“You mentioned that earlier. But you can’t save anyone. It doesn’t fit.” He kissed his way across her belly, holding her twisting hips still, stealing from her the freedom to move, and trying to break through the barriers keeping them apart. He assaulted her defenses on all levels: sexually, telepathically, and emotionally.
“Ian, I can’t tell you—”
“You can.” He trailed his tongue over her ribs, working his way up her belly. “No more walls, Alice. Tell me the secrets you can’t share.” He slipped the built-in bra over her breasts, and she gasped as the elastic brushed over her taut nipples.
Raw desire began to build inside him at the sight of her full breasts, at the way she was responding to him. But her body wasn’t enough. He needed all of her. He needed her spirit to accept and welcome him. Having her this close, but not completely accessible, was brutal. Frustrated, he pinned her arms on the pillow and kissed her breast.
The moment his mouth closed around her nipple, Alice shuddered, her whole body twisting beneath him. “How can you be affecting me like this?”
“Because I’m hot as hell, and you know it,” he said as he lightly bit the puckered tip of her nipple, satisfaction pulsing through him as she yelped in response. “And because your soul craves me,” he added, even as the mere voicing of those words made the curse pulse within him, taunting him that he was wrong. That t
he woman he was made for didn’t need him the same way. That she would walk away. Reject him. Cut him down.
The voice seemed to swell in his mind, ruthlessly hammering away at him, stripping away at his foundation. Isolation. Loss. Rejection.
Swearing, Ian slammed his mouth down over hers, trying to fight off the voice of the curse with her kiss. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she responded instantly, matching him with each stroke, a dance of seduction and desire so intense it seared his very soul. More, Alice. I need more.
Alice was shocked by the sudden crush of emotions from Ian. It was as if he’d dropped all his shields and was flooding her with who he was. His despair and desperation were almost overwhelming, as was his need for her. Her heart ached for him, and she wanted to help him, to ease his pain. What can I do, Ian?
Stop fighting me. Just let me in.
Alice closed her eyes, tears brimming as Ian consumed her with desperate kisses. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him, trying to hold him tighter. Never had she felt so close to anyone. Never had she felt so alive. She wanted more. She wanted to see how far it could go. She wanted to reach out for this man who was calling to her so urgently.
Her mind and heart screamed for him, and she kissed him deeper, trying frantically to somehow open the connection between them, to somehow overturn the barriers keeping her isolated.
I can feel your need. Ian pulled back and tore her shirt over her head.
Alice’s heart pounded as he sat up, his gaze sweeping possessively over her body. Her breasts tingled, her nipples taut in anticipation. Without a word, he pulled his own shirt off, revealing that same chiseled body she’d seen in the water.
Her breath caught at the sheer magnificence of who he was. The breadth of his shoulders and arms, the indomitable strength of his chest, the hardness of his toned stomach. He was all male, pure, raw male, and his need for her blazed in his eyes.
Desire pooled in her lower abdomen, and anticipation roared through her as he came down toward her, his hands braced on either side of her head. He said nothing. He gave her no chance to turn him down. He just kissed her, a kiss designed for the sole purpose of stripping her defenses and claiming her to the very marrow of her bones.
Longing swelled within her, and she kissed him back just as fiercely. She braced her hands on his chest, and electricity leapt between them. He groaned and lowered himself on top of her so that her bare breasts were against his chest. So much skin. An electrifying connection. Unreal. Unbelievable. Incredible. And yet not enough.
She shifted restlessly beneath him, craving more, trying to kiss him deeply enough to ease the ache in her body.
Ian broke the kiss and trailed his way down her body. Hot, wet kisses on her breasts, tantalizing nibbles on her nipples, and daring bold swipes of his tongue on her belly… lower… and lower…
With a growl of possession, Ian grabbed the waistband of her shorts and tore them off her in a single quick move. Anticipation poured through her, and her body began to tremble as he grabbed her hips and pulled her toward him.
He locked his arms around her thighs and braced them apart. You are going to burn for me, Alice.
God, I hope so. She gasped as he kissed the inside of her left thigh. Then the right. Then the left again, all the while working his way closer and closer to her core. His hands were tight around her thighs, holding them apart while his thumbs circled at the edges of her labia, teasing, touching, tantalizing, so close, so very close. Desire seemed to flood her senses as he neared her most sensitive spot, and the anticipation seemed too much to take. Kiss me, Ian!
Demand more from me. He kissed the inside of her thigh, right next to where his thumbs were still working seductive circles. I want you to need me so badly that you can’t take it anymore. His tongue darted out, striking her folds with a tease that made her cry out. That’s what I want. Burn for me, Alice. Let yourself crave me until I consume every thought in your mind, every breath you take. He kissed her again, and this time he didn’t stop. He tugged at her folds with his teeth, drove her to the edge of ecstasy with his tongue, and teased her to uncontrollable frenzy with his kisses.
Alice was stunned by what Ian was igniting within her. The sensations he was creating were incredible. Like waves of hot lava flowing through her body. They seemed to inflame her very soul, and she wanted more, so much more. Ian—
Let me in, sweetheart. It can be so much more. His fingers slipped inside her, and she gasped at the invasion that felt so right. They were supposed to be together. They were supposed to be connected.
She wanted to feel this all the way to her spirit. Damn the rules! She wanted to be free! She didn’t want to play by these stupid rules anymore! How? How do I let you in?
Soften your shields. He kissed her again, and she writhed under him, desperate for more. Stop protecting yourself.
Tears burned in Alice’s eyes at his words. I have to protect myself.
Why? He broke the kiss and moved back up to frame her face with his hands. His eyes were no longer the glittering stones of a warrior, or the tormented pits of the cursed. They were a deep rich brown of such beauty and warmth she felt her soul cry for him. Why do you need to protect yourself?
She laid her hands on his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his whiskers. Because my mother was murdered, and it was supposed to be me. The words were out before they could be stopped, and she held her breath, waiting for the repercussions, for the punishment, for the payback.
But it was only Ian, still watching her, still holding her. Tell me what happened, love.
And with that kindness, the story she’d held inside for so long came tumbling out in a desperate rush to cleanse her spirit before the barriers could rise again and lock her away from him. “I was six years old and I was living in an angel enclave with my mom and hundreds of other angels. That’s where I was trained in all the rules and protocols of being an angel of life. The leaders were extremely strict, and they pretty much terrified all the little girls into never breaking the rules.”
Ian narrowed his eyes. “I thought angels were supposed to be loving and nurturing.”
She laughed softly, but it was with years of suppressed pain. “It was for our own good. Mistakes are too costly if you’re an angel.”
He grunted, but she could see the disapproval in his eyes. “Kids should be uplifted into their powers, not cowed into fear of them. That’s how great warriors are made. With arrogance, bravery, and attitude, not fear. Fear is the enemy.”
Alice shook her head. “Fear is sometimes the only thing we can hear when our heart is trying to get us to make a bad choice.”
Ian leaned closer. “Sweetheart, your heart and your instincts are always right. Fear is the thing that sends you in the wrong direction. Fuck fear.”
Alice stared at him, her heart starting to race at his intensity. A life without fear? Really? The thought was terrifying, but at the same time, it sounded exhilarating. And dangerous. “Do you want to hear the story or not?” She had to stop thinking such dangerous thoughts. Fear was what kept her safe and breathing air instead of seawater.
He gestured with his hand to keep going. “Yeah, continue. Sorry.”
She nodded. “Catherine was there, and she was a little older than I was. We met when I was four and became best friends.”
Ian’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t interrupt.
“One day Catherine and I went out to play in a nearby stream. While we were gone, the camp was attacked by demon specters, which are like the shadows of the demons that come for me when I die. We heard the screams and hid, just like my mom had always told us to do. We were in that cave for days. It was four nights before the screams stopped.” It had been so cold in that cave. So damp. So terrifying. She remembered curling herself into a tiny ball behind a rock, the two of them trying to make themselves so small that no one would be able to see them from the entrance. “We waited two more days after the screaming stopped. We were so weak from
hunger, we had to crawl out.”
Ian began to stroke her hair, and she closed her eyes, focusing on his comforting touch.
“We could smell the blood from a mile away, but we didn’t know what the scent was. Just this awful, acrid smell that burned our noses.” She tried to rub the grit off her hands, remembering what it had felt like to crawl that mile back to camp. “Our hands and knees were bloody by the time we got there. When we got to the hill above the camp, we saw angels strewn everywhere, their bodies caked in blood. Around each one was a circle burned into the ground, and inside the circle was a pentagram.”
“The devil’s symbol? In an angel enclave?”
“It’s not just the devil’s symbol,” she said. “It’s the symbol of eternal life. If they harvest life from an angel of life, then demons can harness that magic and use it to try to break the barriers between our world and theirs. They can use it to give themselves real life.” She looked at Ian. “They tortured every single angel looking for me, and not one of them told them where I was. When we got back, the only one still alive was my mother.” She swallowed, remembering that frantic run across the scored earth when she saw her mother’s body. “My mother was an earth angel, and they’d put her on a slab of cement to keep her off the ground. When I reached her…” Alice stopped, trying to steel herself against the agony of that moment. “She told me to get some earth and pack it in the wound above her heart. That was all she needed to live.”
She couldn’t say anymore. She couldn’t relive it again.
“You couldn’t do it?” Ian brushed his finger over her cheek, and she realized he was touching tears she hadn’t noticed.
“No. All I could do was watch her die. I just sat there next to her, crying hysterically while her soul moved on. When she realized that I couldn’t help her… God, the disappointment in her eyes was horrible. She turned her head away from me and died without looking at me again. Catherine couldn’t save her because she’s…well…she just couldn’t do it either. But I am the one who is supposed to be able to do it, and I’m the one they were looking for. It was my fault she was attacked, and my fault she died.”
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