Shameless

by Rosanne Bittner

  Good, she thought. I hope the next time the Indians find him, they sink their tomahawks deeper into his flesh!

  Clay met her eyes, and she reddened, wondering if he had just read her mind. His eyes moved over her strangely, and she felt a flush of warmth move through her. Again she took slight hope. Surely she could still find a way to appeal to him before it was too late. She thought about the terrible pain in his voice when he had told her his wife was buried in that place called Pennsylvania. Yes, he could love. He could hurt. He had even tried to comfort her a couple of times. And he would not let her confess to Jess Humes’s death.

  “Forward! Ho!” Clay shouted then.

  They continued northwest, toward San Antonio. Nina thought with some relief that at least she was not going to the horror there that Jess Humes had planned for her. If the Rangers hanged her, that would be better than being forced into prostitution. She would rather die than be touched that way by any man. She glanced at Clay again. Not even by one such as you, Señor Lieutenant Youngblood, she thought. Again Clay glanced back at her, but she could not bring herself to meet his eyes. Deep inside a forbidden voice tried to speak to her, a voice to which she refused to listen. It told her she wanted very much to be touched by the handsome lieutenant, gringo or not.

  Everyone mounted up, and the long procession of horses and mules and camels was again under way. Nina looked back to see that the outlaw John’s head was bandaged and that Billy rode beside him with a dark, angry look on his face. Both men had their wrists tied to the pommels of their saddles and were led by one of the other soldiers, several paces behind Nina and Emilio. Nina realized then that she had not seen either man the whole night before, or even that morning, until now. Had the lieutenant kept them from her sight for her own comfort?

  She turned to face forward again, trying to understand Lieutenant Youngblood. He could be so considerate, but when it came to rules and regulations, all emotion seemed to leave him. She tried to strike up more conversation with him, but he seemed evasive, not easy to talk to as he had been last night. Perhaps there was something about the darkness and being relaxed around a campfire that had made him different; or maybe he had just felt sorry for her last night.

  They reached a well-used road to San Antonio, and the lieutenant called Corporal Mills forward, untying the rope that led Nina and Emilio’s horses from his own pommel and handing it over to the corporal.

  “Keep an eye on them. I’m going to ride ahead and watch for other travelers,” he told the corporal. “Warn them about the camels. I don’t want any more accidents like the one that happened back in Indianola. I can’t afford to pay for any more horses.”

  The corporal nodded, and Clay rode off without even a backward glance at Nina. It struck her that he was deliberately trying to avoid her. Was it because he was afraid he might change his mind about turning her over to the Rangers if he let himself get too close to her? She smiled inwardly. Perhaps there was a chance after all. No matter how angry she was with him, she would find a way to warm him again, tonight, after dark. Maybe he liked her more than he let on. She was not experienced with men, but one thing she knew, and that was, she could ruffle them with her beauty, make them do foolish things, like Hernandez had done. Jess Humes and the man called Hayden had dueled over her. If she could cause havoc like that for such wicked men, what could she do to a law-abiding man like the lieutenant? Perhaps tonight she would find out, and perhaps tomorrow she and Emilio would be free again.

  Clay kept the circuslike caravan going until it was too dark to see. By the time he stopped to set up camp, they were only a day’s ride from San Antonio. Nina offered to help the cook feed the hungry bunch of men, and Clay gave her permission, telling the cook to keep an eye on her. He posted a man to guard Emilio, securing the other two outlaws some distance away with another man to guard them separately. He knew the two men hated Emilio and Nina, and he didn’t want any more trouble than he already had.

  Clay noticed how the others watched Nina, eyeing her appreciatively when she brought them plates of food to where they sat around three separate campfires. He watched her himself, the way she walked, the slim hips, the straight posture that enhanced her full bosom. All day he had avoided her, had not spoken to her, but it had not helped this ache she stirred in him.

  He watched her take a plate of food to her brother. They talked quietly for moment, and Emilio seemed to be urging her to do something, a look of anxiousness and anger in his eyes. Clay suspected what the young man wanted, and moments later Nina came toward him with a plate of beans and bacon. Clay sat on a log away from the others, quietly smoking.

  “You must eat,” Nina told him, giving him a seductive look. Clay glanced at Emilio, who watched from a distance. He took the plate, fully suspecting what Nina was trying to do. Nina Juarez was indeed a provocatively beautiful young woman, but she did not have the experience with men to know how to be truly seductive; nor could she fully hide her quiet fear and near revulsion of men. He grinned, taking the plate from her. “Gracias.”

  Nina stood in front of him as he took a bite of food. She folded her arms and smiled. “Do you speak much Spanish?” she asked him, deciding she must try to strike up another conversation with him.

  “A person can’t help picking it up if he lives in Texas for long. I know enough to get by.”

  She moved to sit down beside him. “¿Le sirvo a Ud. un poco de vino?”

  Clay chuckled. “I’m afraid our elegant camp meals don’t come with wine,” he answered.

  Nina smiled. “I just wondered if you knew what I said.”

  Clay swallowed a bite of food. “How about, uh…Mucho gusto en conocerla, señorita.”

  Her smile faded slightly. “Are you just practicing, or do you speak the truth?”

  “Oh, I always speak the truth.”

  She looked away. “Why would you say you are glad to meet me?”

  Clay set the plate aside, swigging down some strong coffee that he already had with him. He set the cup aside, resting his elbows on his knees. “Because I’ve never met anyone like you. Because you’re brave, a little too confident for your own good, a fighter. Y muy bella.”

  Nina rose, stepping out of the firelight. What was he after? He had said she was very beautiful. Did he mean it? All day he had acted so cold and unfeeling. Now here he was being warm again. She heard him rise, felt his presence behind her then.

  “I meant no offense, Nina.”

  She sighed, walking even farther into the darkness, away from the others. How she dreaded doing anything to tempt a man, yet if there was any possibility she could talk him into freeing her and Emilio…“I do not understand you, Señor Lieutenant. You make me like you, even make me smile. You show me concern, touch me when I weep. And then you are cold again.”

  She turned to face him, studying the handsome face in the moonlight. “Por favor, Señor Lieutenant. Do not turn us over to the Rangers. I will…I will do whatever you wish.”

  Clay smiled in the darkness, knowing damn good and well she couldn’t bear the thought of a man touching her. Yes, this wild, beautiful thing truly was brave. Should he dare her to make good on her offer? How tempting! But this was not the way, not with a woman like Nina. All he really wanted was to teach her a good lesson, to make damn sure she stopped the life she was leading before it destroyed her.

  “You will, will you?” he teased, bending closer and feigning a look of masculine hunger. It was not hard, for deep inside he did hunger for her. He told himself it was just the fact that it had been so long since he’d been with a woman.

  Their eyes had adjusted to the light of a partially clouded moon. Nina could see his eyes better now. She held them challengingly, trying to look brave. She managed a smile as he drew her into his arms then, but her heart pounded wildly. “Maybe I will let you go,” he told her, crushing her breasts against his chest. “But you’ll have to make it worth it.” His face came closer, and she told herself she must let him do this. She closed h
er eyes, and in the next moment his lips were touching hers, parting them gently, his tongue softly running over her mouth and lightly inside.

  Nina felt her blood running hot, felt faint with the shock of discovering the kiss was not nearly as repulsive as she had always thought a kiss from a hungry gringo man would be. Her arms hung limp at her side. She told herself to raise them, to push him away, but something stopped her. He grasped her hair, pressing her mouth closer against his own as the kiss lingered seductively. He groaned lightly, and she reminded herself this meant nothing to the hated gringo. She had offered herself, and he had accepted like the animal he was. She could not do this! No matter if it meant hanging! She could not let a man take pleasure in her, nor could she take pleasure in return when he was only using her like the Texans had used her mother!

  She drew in her breath, bringing up her hands and cramming them between herself and Clay’s broad, powerful chest. She pushed hard, twisting her head to get her mouth away from him. His grip on her tightened, nearly squeezing the breath out of her.

  “Do you really think you fooled me, Nina?” he asked gruffly. “And did you really think I would fall for it or that I would really try to make good on your offer?”

  “Please, let me go,” she whimpered.

  “Listen to me,” he said, giving her a jerk. “You can’t do things like this, Nina, or someday a man with lower morals than mine will take your offer seriously. You don’t want any man touching you, but you’ll do anything for that brother of yours, won’t you? You just want me to let you go!”

  He felt her jerk in a sob. “Please. I have…made a fool of myself. I do not…care what you do now,” she wept.

  He grasped her hair, making her look up at him. “So, there are the tears at last.” He shook his head. “You didn’t have to do this, Nina. Didn’t you know I always meant to let you go?”

  She sniffed, watching the blue eyes, now full of kindness again.

  “I do not understand.”

  “I only wanted you to think about it for a while, to consider what is going to happen to you and Emilio if you keep up your outlaw life. I let you offer yourself to me to make you realize just how low you’re going to end up if you don’t stop this! Someday you will have to offer yourself, just to get yourself out of trouble. Is that what you want—for your first man to be some animal who just uses you? Will you really prostitute yourself for your brother?”

  “Stop it,” she whispered, pushing at him again.

  But he would not let her go. “I know better, Nina. I know that right now it would be the same as rape for a man to touch you. Even if I really wanted you, I wouldn’t do that to you. I would never let it be this way.”

  Their eyes held. “You…really do not want me?”

  He searched her eyes, wanting to smile. “Do you care?”

  She stiffened. “No.”

  “I think you do care, Nina Juarez. Siento el fuego bajo tu piel.”

  Her eyes widened. He sensed fire under her skin? There was no fire under her skin. It was his imagination! “Please let me go,” she asked him.

  He slowly released her. “Gather your things in the morning. You and Emilio will be free to go, but I want to see you heading straight south. You remember that if you get into any more trouble in Texas, there won’t be a damn thing I can do to help you. You won’t always be at the mercy of men like me, Nina. Remember that.”

  He walked back to the campfire, and Nina watched him, shaking, confused, surprised by a terrible longing to have him just hold her. She touched her skin. Hot, so hot. And her face. It was just like he had said. She was on fire! What had he done to her?

  Chapter Eight

  Nina awoke from a nudge, rubbing her eyes and turning on her back to look up at Clay, who stood over her. It was barely dawn. “Get up,” he told her. “I’m letting you and Emilio go.”

  She sat up, putting a hand to her tangled hair, wondering how she must look. She had hardly slept all night for thinking about…Her face felt suddenly flushed. The lieutenant had kissed her last night! It all seemed so unreal now. What had he thought of that kiss? Was she right in sensing that he had truly wanted her, that he seemed to have feelings for her? Surely not. He had told her himself in so many words that he was just making fun of her offer. He had meant to let them go all along, yet he let her offer herself like a harlot, had taken advantage of her ignorance to steal a kiss!

  She got to her feet, picking up a blanket as she did so. “So, you cannot wait now to get rid of us,” she said with a slight sneer as she folded the blanket. “Did you have a good laugh with the others last night when you told them what you did to me?”

  Clay folded his arms. “What I did to you?”

  She met his eyes. “You could have just told me you intended to set us free all along. You didn’t have to let me crawl.”

  “I told you why I did that. I want you to remember and get out of horse stealing. I’ve already had a talk with your brother.”

  Nina turned to see Emilio coming out of Clay’s tent with a cup of coffee in his hand. He gave her a look that told her he thought she had sweet-talked Clay into letting them go. He grinned. Some of the swelling in his face had begun to recede, although a considerable amount of green and purple still showed. “We are free to go, Nina,” he said, sauntering closer and looking cocky. “The good lieutenant has decided he will not take us to San Antonio.”

  “Only on your word that you will go back to Mexico,” Clay added, his eyes still on Nina.

  “Of course we will,” Emilio told him, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

  Nina could not tear her eyes from Clay’s. What had that kiss really meant to him? She was not even sure what it had meant to her, nor was she sure of how she felt about the man now. She should hate him, but part of her hated the thought of leaving and never seeing him again. Suddenly she didn’t want to go back to Mexico. It seemed so far away. Clay Youngblood would be heading even farther north. She would never see this blue-eyed gringo again, yet she already knew she would not soon forget him.

  She turned away to finish folding her bedroll. She was already fully dressed. She bent over to pull on her boots, then picked up her hat and put it on, wondering why she suddenly wanted to ask the lieutenant more questions, wanted to find out about his wife, ask him how much longer he would be in the Army, what they intended to do with the camels. Why did she feel this sudden panic, as though everything was happening too fast?

  “We will go to Mexico as you say,” she told Clay. “We will leave right away. We need no breakfast. We won’t waste any time getting out of here so we will be no more trouble to you.”

  Was that regret she saw in his eyes? Did he suddenly hate letting her go as much as she suddenly hated going?

  “I’ll have the cook give you a good supply of food. You can have your horses and gear, including your guns. Just don’t go using them against innocent people.”

  Nina shook her head. “We have never used them that way.”

  Emilio noticed with alarm that Nina seemed to be looking at the lieutenant with something that resembled sadness, as though she didn’t want to leave him. The lieutenant seemed equally moved. What had happened between the two of them last night? Surely Nina had not allowed herself to have feelings for this man who was ready to turn them over to Texas Rangers. Even without that, he was a gringo, and a soldier!

  “Come, Nina. Let’s get loaded up. I cannot travel very far in one day. I am still too hurt.”

  Nina tore her eyes from Clay, turning to her brother. “Sí, we had better get ready.” She ran her fingers through her hair, longing for another bath, a real bed, surprised that she was upset at how messy she must look, barely awake as she was. This was the last sight Clay Youngblood would have of her. But why did she care that she did not look her best? She met his eyes again, angry with herself. “I should hate you, but for now I will thank you for letting us go.”

  Clay shifted his eyes to Emilio. “You remember what I told you. You’ve s
een where this life will lead Nina. Think about your sister and put your vengeance behind you before it’s too late.”

  Emilio straightened proudly. “It is as my sister said. I should also hate you, but you are the first gringo who has shown any kind of reason and fairness to us.” His eyes suddenly showed his baser distrust and hatred. “That is why I cannot believe you are doing this out of the goodness of your heart or out of a sense of justice. I think you are doing it for Nina, and because without us you can take all the glory for catching the horse thieves.”

  “Emilio, let’s just go,” Nina said, dropping her eyes. Her cheeks felt hot.

  “Think what you want,” Clay told him. “I’m just giving you two a break because you’re young, and in my opinion pretty damn stupid. You got a bad break. Now you’re getting a good one. Use it wisely.”

  Emilio did not like having his pride hurt. He certainly didn’t like being called stupid. His jaw flexed in anger. “If I find out you tried something bad with my sister in return for this—”

  “Emilio!”

  Clay leaned closer, fire in his eyes, his look making Emilio drop his cocky attitude. Clay talked low enough to keep his men, who were already busy breaking camp, from hearing him. “Don’t make me hit you when you’re already injured,” he growled. “If I had tried anything, it would have been your fault. You think I don’t know you set her up to try to get me to change my mind?” His fists clenched. “You were so worried about finding her and rescuing her, Emilio. You think about why Jess Humes had her in the first place! You ask yourself whose fault that was!”

  Emilio scowled. “I have never let anything happen to her before. I will not let it again.”

  “Then take her back to Mexico and find a way to support her without running against the law and against other outlaws! When I first found you, Emilio, I felt sorry for you, but not anymore. Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind! You both deserve to be turned over to the Rangers!”