Shameless

by Rosanne Bittner

  His eyes moved over her scathingly, as though he could hardly believe his sister would really take a gringo man to her bed. “You should have given yourself only to a Mexican man! Carlos loves you. Didn’t you know that? He has missed you and longed for you ever since you were taken away from us up in New Mexico. I promised him I would bring you back with me.”

  She tossed her head. “What is this? You think you can give me away to another man like some kind of whore or slave? What has happened to you, Emilio? I no longer know my own brother! The whiskey is eating at his brain, that is what I think.”

  “And I think you lie about being with child! Even if you are, I still want you to come with me. I will prove to you that your gringo man wants only this land, not you! He will come back here and he will keep building this ranch, with or without you!”

  “He will come looking for me. And when he does, he will kill you!”

  Emilio grinned. “He will not kill me, because I am your brother. That will be his weakness. He will hesitate, and when he does, I will kill him! But I say he will not come at all. And if you love him so much, you will come with me now and save the rest of this place, or he will come back to nothing! When he learns it is his wife’s brother who destroyed him, he will not have so much love left for his little Mexican woman. He will give up and go back to the States where he belongs. Then this place will be ours again.”

  Someone shouted nearby, and Emilio grabbed up his rifle and hurried through the curtained doorway into the bedroom. “Say nothing or he dies!” he called out to her. When there was a knock at the door, Nina’s mind reeled with indecision. She did not want any of these innocent men to be hurt, and in spite of what her brother had become, she did not want to be responsible for his death. She knew it was only the whiskey and wild living that had made him this way, and he had come to all of it from being forced to grow up too quickly. She opened the door, and Julio removed his hat.

  “I was just checking on you, señora,” the man told her. “I knew you must have seen the fire.”

  “How bad is it, Julio?”

  “I do not think we can save the barn, señora. And there are four horses trapped in there. We are doing what we can. I do not know how the fire got started. You just stay here where it is safe. There is nothing you can do.”

  Nina nodded. “Do what you can, Julio. This will be a terrible shock to Clay. He put so much work and money into that barn, let alone losing those horses.” A lump rose in her throat. She could not bear the thought of Emilio and his men destroying more of what Clay had worked so hard to build, nor did she want any of these innocent men hurt. “I am all right, Julio,” she assured him. “Just do what you can.”

  “Sí, señora.” The man turned and hurried away.

  Nina closed the door and turned to her brother, who stepped out from behind the curtain. “I will pack my things,” she told him. “But you are a fool, Emilio. I can have no respect for a brother who would hurt his own sister’s husband and destroy something she helped build. I find no honor in a brother who would drag his pregnant sister away from her home. You think you can change me, that you can order me around again, make me love the life of the outlaw. But I am different now. You will find out that this ranch is not the reason Clay Youngblood married me. It is me he wants, above all else, and the child that I carry!” How she wished now she had told Clay about the baby. It would give him all the more reason to find her, and yet now she knew that if he looked for her, it would be for her alone and no other reason. “You think Clay will not come for me. He will, my brother. If he had to give up everything here that he has built just to find me, he would do it, but for now, I will not let you destroy his dream.”

  She walked past him and into the bedroom, where she quickly changed, her eyes stinging with tears, her throat aching terribly. Clay! He would come home to find her gone, and they would lose each other again. Maybe this time he would never find her until it was too late. She packed a few clothes into a brocade bag, then pulled on her boots and strapped on her pistol, which she had not worn in months. For a moment she considered using it on Emilio, but the fact remained he was her brother. She made the sign of the cross and quickly asked the Holy Mother to forgive the thought.

  “I have an extra horse waiting for you behind the house,” Emilio told her. “My men are waiting to the north. By now some of them have managed to round up some of your husband’s prize mares from the north pasture, while your men are busy with the burning barn.”

  “You stole Clay’s horses? You said that if I came with you you would do no more harm.”

  Emilio grinned. “I meant that I would not burn down the rest of the buildings and the house. And I did not take all the horses. Just the best ones.” He held his chin proudly. “I am good, Nina. I have a gang of eight men of my own now, and we are strong. I have made much money. We even robbed a bank in San Antonio, and neither the Texas Rangers nor the soldiers have been able to catch us!”

  Nina glared at him in astonishment. “Robbed a bank! Lawmen and soldiers must be looking everywhere for you!”

  “They will not find us. We have been here in Mexico for a month. Now we will ride back into Texas. I have found a man on the coast near Houston who buys horses from me, no questions asked. We will sell your gringo’s horses to him. You will see, Nina, what a free and exciting life it is! You will share my leadership. Once again the authorities will speak not just of Emilio Juarez, but of his beautiful, daring sister, Nina! Our names will be spoken by Texas settlers with fear!”

  Nina shook her head. “Surely you know I do not want that life any longer, Emilio.”

  “You will change your mind. And together we will become richer than your gringo man could ever make you. When the time is right we will flee to California, and I will buy you a place much bigger and better than this one. We will live like kings, and once you are back with us, you will realize how much you have missed the old ways. Now pick up your things, or I will have my men burn everything in sight and shoot down those men out there!”

  Nina could see there was no arguing with him. She picked up her bag and he led her to the door, opening it carefully. The men outside were still busy with the barn, and the roof began caving in just as Emilio hurried Nina away. He led her around back, quickly tying her bag to her horse and telling her to mount up.

  Fighting tears, Nina obeyed. She would do anything just to get her brother away from here and keep him from destroying everything that meant so much to Clay and keep him from hurting Julio and the others. She thanked God Clay had not been here tonight or Emilio, in his drunken state, would probably have shot him dead. She had no idea what lay ahead for her, or how Clay would manage to find her, but she knew in her heart he would come. At least then, if there was a confrontation between him and Emilio, it would be on more fair terms, with Clay prepared and alert—not a surprise attack in the night like this one. The thought of the two men she loved most challenging each other to the death tore at her heart, but she knew deep inside which man she would want to survive. She began praying that somehow all this would be solved without bloodshed.

  She turned her horse and rode off with Emilio. Again she was riding out of Clay Youngblood’s life. For how long this time? Forever? She put a hand to her belly. If she never saw Clay again, she had this child, this precious piece of him that no one could take from her. All she had to do now was make sure to keep this baby.

  “Patrón!”

  Clay drew up the reins of his horse when he saw one of his men riding toward him. In the distance some of his horses grazed quietly, and Clay breathed deeply of the air, his heart rushing with excitement over the fact that he would see Nina soon. In another half hour he would be across the southern section of the ranch and would reach the house. He couldn’t wait to tell her the good news, that he had made more money on the horses than he had expected, and he had established a firm buyer who would definitely take additional horses on a return trip in two months, and more the next spring.


  He waited with a smile, recognizing Julio as the man drew closer, but his joy and smile faded slightly when he realized the man looked upset. He had thought at first he was simply giving him a friendly greeting, but now he looked more like someone bearing bad news. Nina! Was she all right?

  “Patrón, it is good you are back,” Julio said as he rode up next to Clay. He removed his hat and wiped sweat from his brow, his eyes showing their sorrow. “It is very bad, patrón. I do not know how to tell you.”

  A sick feeling came into Clay’s stomach. “Tell me what?”

  Julio, a family man in his thirties, hated having to tell another man he had lost a loved one. He shook his head, feeling responsible for what had happened, wondering if the patrón would tell him he had to leave his job, maybe want to shoot him. “There was a fire…about three weeks ago.”

  “A fire! Is Nina all right?”

  “I…I do not know.”

  Clay’s anger was building. “Don’t know? How can you not know? Explain yourself, Julio!”

  Julio removed his hat again, running a hand through his hair. “There was a fire,” he repeated. “The big barn. Now we know someone must have set it, perhaps to draw our attention away from the house. But I checked on her, patrón, and she was all right. I tell her, I say, ‘You stay in the house, señora, where it is safe.’ She agreed. The other men and I, we worked hard to put out the fire, but we could not. Four horses were lost, patrón. The barn, it is gone. When I go back to report to the señora, she was not there. The gown and robe she was wearing, I found them on the bed, so she must have dressed. She is just…she is gone, patrón! I do not know where or why or if she was forced or hurt. I found tracks behind the house, and some of the men and I, we followed them all the way to the Rio Grande. Then we lose them. I am so sorry, patrón. I only know it was not Indians. The horses, they had shoes.” He sighed deeply, wiping at his eyes. “I am sorry to tell you this, but whoever it was, they also took some of the prize mares from the north pasture.”

  Clay just sat there, feeling numb. Nina, gone? Someone had stolen her away, burned the barn, stolen horses…Stolen horses! “Emilio!” he growled in a whisper.

  “What, patrón?”

  “I’ll lay odds it was that brother of hers!”

  “But…why, patrón?”

  “Who knows why? Revenge, maybe. Just plain stupid pride! He felt I had taken her away from him, felt I had exposed him as the fool that he is! He must have told her something, threatened her in some way. Nina would never have willingly gone off with him again!”

  As though to sense its master’s anger and frustration, Clay’s horse snorted and shuffled nervously, turning in a circle before Clay could calm him. “Sweet Jesus, if she’s gone with him and he pulls any more raids, she could be caught again! If she is, and they realize who she is, she’ll be hanged for sure this time! Damn him! Damn him!”

  “Are you sure it was her brother, patrón?”

  “No, but it’s the most logical explanation. He probably thinks I won’t bother coming after her, but he’s going to be surprised.”

  “If it was Emilio, surely then you do not have to worry about her own safety. He would not hurt her.”

  “Maybe not directly, but because of his ways she has already suffered abuse and time in prison. Besides that, who knows what these new men he’s riding with are like? Nina is a…” He hesitated, pain searing through his heart. “A beautiful woman,” he finished quietly.

  Clay sat staring out over the land he had grown to love.

  Nina! All this time he had dreamed of coming home to her bed, of sweeping her up in his arms and telling her the good news, feeling her pressed against himself, tasting her mouth, invading private places that belonged to him and enjoying the feel of her again. How he had missed her! And now she was gone. She could be hurt in a raid, or caught and hanged before he was ever able to find her!

  “Should I get some men together, patrón, to help you find the señora?” Julio spoke up, interrupting Clay’s musings.

  “Yes. Gather up five or six men, the ones who are best with guns. I just hope to hell we can find them before the law does. Trouble is, I don’t have the faintest idea where to start looking, if Emilio stayed in Texas, or maybe he took her all the way back to El Paso and up into New Mexico.”

  “It is big country, patrón, like looking for one pea in a field of wheat.”

  Clay scanned the endless horizon, studying the small purple line of mountains to the west, so far away that one could not sense just how big they really were. “I know, Julio,” he answered. An intense urge to weep overwhelmed him, and his throat tightened so that he could hardly breathe. He could say no more for fear of breaking down in front of Julio. He felt partly responsible for this. Nina had wanted to go with him to the coast, but he had made her stay home. She had been afraid to be apart from Clay, always fearing that they would lose each other again. How ironic that she had been right in her fear.

  He kicked his horse into motion, amazed at how quickly his world had changed from one of great joy to terrible sorrow in only a moment. For the next thirty minutes he said nothing, and Julio sensed that it was best to keep silent himself. He could feel his patrón’s despair.

  Clay reached the house and dismounted. “Take my horse and get me a fresh one,” he told Julio. He went inside then, closing the door behind him. He walked into the bedroom, noticing the bed was still unmade. Nina’s gown and robe still lay on it. He picked them up, crushing them to his face and breathing deeply of her lovely scent. The tears came then, and it felt good to let them come. He had to get all this grief out of his system so that he could think clearly when he rode out to find his wife. And find her he would. If it meant leaving the ranch for months, forever, then so be it!

  She was alone again. If she was caught, would she think to tell the authorities about her American husband so that they could contact him? She would probably be afraid to tell them where he was, afraid of getting him in trouble, too. After all, he had illegally taken her from jail in Santa Fe. It was not only dangerous for Nina to be on American soil again; it would also be dangerous for him, but none of that mattered. All that mattered was finding his woman. He sat down on the bed and wept quietly into her robe.

  “I ask you again, Emilio, please take me home.”

  Nina sat near her brother, both of them warming themselves over a campfire. Emilio sighed, shaking his head. He looked up from the blanket where his pistol lay in pieces while he cleaned it. “I do not understand you. Always before you were my little sister. I watched over you, and we were like one. You listened to what I told you. I was your whole world.”

  “That was before Clay. I am a woman now, Emilio, not a little girl. I am a woman with child. Clay is my whole world now, not you.”

  “You only need to stay with us a little longer to realize where you belong,” Emilio answered. He picked up the pistol barrel and began polishing it. “You will soon realize your gringo man is not coming for you. When he hears you are again riding with your brother and his gang, he will give up on you. Besides, is this not more exciting than the life you were living? Do you not feel sorry for turning your back on your brother, who raised you and provided for you for so many years?”

  Nina sipped some coffee, glancing at Carlos, who always stayed near her as though he had decided she belonged to him. She had always liked Carlos, but not that way, and now that he and Emilio had formed their own gang and were becoming so successful in their raids and robberies, Carlos had adopted the same cocky attitude as Emilio, as well as taking to drink, too. She did not trust him the way she once had.

  In fact, she did not trust any of these men, did not like the way they looked at her.

  This was a dangerous game Emilio was playing. He could so easily be hurt or killed, and where would that leave her? At the mercy of these men, who she knew would not treat her with the grudging respect they gave her now, and that only because of Emilio. At any moment one of the others, in a drunken fit of
pride, could decide that he wanted to be the leader. Any one of them could shoot Emilio in the back and declare himself in charge. If that happened, that man would claim her as his personal property. She had already decided she would kill any one of them who might think he could touch what belonged to Clay Youngblood.

  “I would have felt guilty for turning my back on the man you used to be,” she answered Emilio, “but not on the man you have become. I ride with you for one reason only, and that is to keep you from hurting Clay and from destroying our home. I no longer belong to this life. How many times must I explain that to you?”

  “He has your brain all turned around,” Emilio answered, setting the gun aside and putting a thin cigar in his mouth.

  Nina shook her head in despair as he lit the cigar. There seemed to be no way to make him understand.

  “You are Mexican,” he continued. “A Juarez. You hate men like Clay Youngblood. You belong with me, with our own.”

  “What about Mike Billings and the other white men we once rode with? They were gringos, but you had nothing against them.”

  “I only used them to learn what I needed to know to be on my own. I never intended to stay with them forever. But none of this is the same without you, Nina. And you cannot tell me you did not find excitement in the raids we made the last several nights. I heard you yell, saw the fire in your eyes when you herded those horses away.”

  “I did my part only to be sure it was done correctly so that we would not be caught. If I am caught, Emilio, I am in worse trouble than you! You were not caught that last time, but if they learn that I was a prisoner before, and that I was not legally released, even Clay will be in trouble! Until now it is possible no one ever found out what he did.”