Cityscape Affair Series: The Complete Box Set

by Hawkins, Jessica

  I looked away and held a tissue to the corner of my eye.

  “Now, now. That doesn’t mean it’s not normal to have doubts about your partner. It’s not common to be so sure. Dav and I were different. We had an exceptional love.”

  He drew me back to him. I had declared to Lucy that I didn’t believe in soulmates, but contrary evidence held me in its arms. Did I have any doubt that Mack and Davena were meant to be? Or even Lucy and Andrew for that matter?

  What if I’ve been wrong all along? What if there is such a thing as soulmates, and what if . . . ?

  David recalled something unidentifiable in me that I’d been missing since my parents’ divorce. His embrace, his scent, his adoration felt natural, effortless. When I was away from him I was cold and empty and longing for something more.

  Why then is it so wrong?

  I’d been trying to rationalize away my fears about making a home with Bill. But the image he’d painted for me was different than what I’d seen in the Oak Park house. He had seen us, children, a warm and open home. And what had I seen? David.

  It was true, I thought. I’d done a terrible thing. I’d led Bill to believe that he could trust in us.

  Was there a wrong way to fall in love? I couldn’t remember when or how it had happened with Bill. Gretchen had called him safe. He couldn’t hurt me because I wouldn’t let him close enough for that. He couldn’t hurt me because he wouldn’t, and I had known that from the start.

  Bill didn’t deserve to be loved with my hands on the wheel, controlling the direction we took. Even though he couldn’t understand the depth of it, I was hurting him—I had been even before I’d met David. And the way David opened and closed to me, as though he was fighting himself, I saw that I was hurting him as well.

  Things could not continue as they were.

  There was only one option. The idea of losing David constricted around my heart like a snake. When he returned, I would have to end things for good. I’d taken a vow, and even if David thought he wanted more from me, it wasn’t mine to give. And not only that, but he, as a lifelong bachelor, couldn’t understand what more meant.

  I wanted to tell David everything. Every feeling I’d experienced since the moment I’d met him—what it had meant to make love with him and for us to become one. But saying those things to him was even worse than my physical betrayal, and so I had to bury it.

  Mack never once asked what it was I had done because to him, it didn’t matter. He loved me regardless. “Come now,” he said into my hair. “Let me make you some tea, and we can catch up.”

  The three of us spent the morning remembering Davena. The despair I’d been holding in over her death flowed from me finally. Mack told us about her foundation, and how he’d been coping by pouring himself into it. We talked about work, and he congratulated me on my promotion, assuring me that Davena would have been proud.

  On the walk back to the car, Bill was quiet. My time with Mack had been cathartic in many ways. And though I knew what I had to do, I felt no clarity from my decision.

  As the silence dragged uncomfortably between us, I chewed my cheek.

  “You never cry like that with me,” he said finally, squinting ahead.

  I swallowed, unsure of how to respond. But he didn’t look like he wanted me to. On the way home, I sought the words to comfort him but came up short. I didn’t know how exactly I would proceed, only that something had to give.

  Back at home, as we finished dressing for the masquerade ball, Bill raised his eyebrows at me in the bedroom. “Wow.”

  I looked down at the ivory floor-length ball gown that billowed out from a tight corset. My breasts were trussed up, and I had pinned half of my hair back and curled the rest into soft, golden-brown waves. “I hope that’s a good ‘wow.’”

  “It is. I like it.” He straightened his tie in the mirror on the back of our door and smoothed back a few stray pieces of his hair. “That’s from the costume shop?” he asked. “How much was it?”

  I brushed my hand over the fabric of the skirt with a pang of disappointment. I wanted him to like it enough to make the cost irrelevant. “It’s a special occasion, babe,” I said.

  “Yeah. You’re right.” He grabbed his mask from the table and slid it on. It skewed left a little, structured black felt with two cutouts for his eyes. I’d asked the rental company for the simplest mask they’d had, knowing Bill wouldn’t wear anything elaborate. “How do I look?”

  “Good.” I picked up my own mask and fingered it. It had come with the dress and was more intricate—ivory lace overlay, glass pearls at the corners of the eyes, and a spray of white feathers off to the side.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked when silence stretched between us. “Are you still upset about this afternoon?”

  I gave him a reassuring smile. “No.”

  “K.” His shoulders slackened, and he smiled goofily. “Tonight’s going to be fun. I’m looking forward to it.”

  I nodded, wondering at his shifty mood. As of late, our dispositions had rarely been on the same page. So, as I stretched the mask over my hair and fixed it on my face, I promised myself that I would be in high spirits for the night. No matter what.

  18

  Tickets to the animal shelter’s masquerade ball had been expensive, but Bill knew how much supporting the shelter meant to me. It was held on a temperate September night at a private mansion just outside the city, a lavish home with curved staircases and velvety gold décor that reeked of luxury. Bill and I circled the silent auction table, joking about how much we’d bid on an eighty-two-foot yacht or a ten-day Jamaican vacation. We found Lucy and Andrew hovering over courtside seats for the Bulls.

  “You look stunning,” Andrew said, appraising me. “Well done.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a sheepish smile, turning to Lucy. She donned an ornate sky blue dress that matched both Andrew’s tie and her Venetian mask. “You guys look great, too.”

  “Your waist is so tiny in that dress,” I heard from behind me.

  I turned to face Danielle, Lucy’s sister. “Oh. Hi, Dani.”

  “Really, Liv, you’re so little,” she continued.

  “I’m not little,” I said with a hint of irritation. I’d never been that close with Dani, but had she always been so patronizing? “Lucy’s barely five feet—she’s little.”

  “You know what I mean—skinny,” Dani said, waving her hand nonchalantly. Her long, chocolate-colored hair was styled in perfect, luxurious ringlets, her eyes especially green behind a brown mask. A pang of envy washed over me, and I remembered the stupid pink hoodie. Hadn’t David broken things off? Why did she look so happy?

  I glanced around. Was he here tonight?

  “Not much of a mask, Bill,” she quipped.

  He shrugged. “Better than Phantom of the Opera over here.”

  Andrew visibly blushed under the white mask that covered half his face. “What’s wrong with mine?”

  “You look very handsome, honey,” Lucy said.

  We all laughed and headed into the ballroom to take our seats. Since Bill and I had been seated at a table closer to the front, I waved at Lucy from across the room and texted her to save me a dance. The director spoke about the shelter’s mission and their goal to spread the word about animal adoption and the plight of homeless animals. Bill squeezed my knee. He whispered he was proud that I’d been regularly volunteering there the past few years, even though I knew in my heart it wasn’t enough. When the director’s speech concluded, the room filled with applause.

  “That was nice,” Bill commented as the dancefloor filled up. When ballroom music started, he turned to me and grabbed my hand. “Come on.”

  “What?” I hesitated. “I don’t know how to dance to this.”

  “Just come,” he said, pulling me to the dancefloor.

  I started laughing, more from nervousness than anything. “Bill,” I protested between giggles.

  He whirled around and stood in front of me before bowing at the
waist and offering his hand. “May I have this dance?”

  I adjusted my mask and put my hand in his. “Certainly.”

  He stood just slightly from my body while gripping my hand in the air. He began to dance, leading me in a waltz. I wasn’t surprised, since I knew of his childhood lessons, but I was thrown by how confidently he led me. I moved easily with him, unable to hold back a big smile.

  We glided across the floor, darting through some couples while the less experienced ones moved aside to watch. He danced in sync with the tempo, and I let myself get carried away, spinning faster and faster as the music hit its stride. His posture lengthened with the acceleration, and soon, the flurry of my skirt and the violin had swept me up. As the music hit its apex, Bill whirled me. I spun around. Chestnut-brown eyes hit me like a wall. At David’s masked glare from across the room, I lost my step, and Bill broke just in time to catch me. My smile fell instantly at the piercing fury radiating from David, despite the distance between us. Bill whisked me around again, and David had disappeared. I finished out the dance, not wanting to ruin Bill’s moment, but dread built inside me.

  When the music stopped, Lucy and Andrew gushed over our dance. Bill gave me a hurried kiss on the cheek, laughed, and explained to them how his parents had made him take ballroom dancing as a teenager for his college apps. With my heart in my throat, I excused myself to the bathroom.

  I exited through the doorway where I’d seen David practically vibrating with anger. Was it my fault? A quick scan of the foyer gave me nothing. My next stop was valet in case he’d decided to leave—but again, nothing. As I turned to go back in, I saw him pacing off to the side of the house, dark and portentous like a brewing storm. I picked up my skirts and ran over to him, not knowing what I’d say, just that I had to know what had run through his mind when he’d looked at me that way now.

  “David,” I hissed, careful not to draw attention to us.

  His head jerked up, and he froze. “Olivia.”

  “I thought you were in New York.”

  “I was.” With his mask in a death grip, he resumed his march. “I got back last night.”

  “You’re mad,” I said, moving my mask to my forehead.

  “I can’t even look at you right now.”

  “Me?” My heart fell. “What did I do?”

  He stopped pacing in front of me and ran a hand through hair as black as his tuxedo. His grip tightened on the silver mask in his hand when he asked, “Are you happy with him?”

  “David,” I said, my eyes darting around. “We can’t do this here.”

  “Answer me. Are you happy, Olivia?”

  I glared at him a moment before walking further around the house. I heard him tramping behind me as I led us toward a concealed, wooded area that seemed to separate the neighborhood’s sprawling properties.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” he yelled and threw his fist into a tree. “To see his hands on you—it’s too fucking much.”

  I blanched, unprepared for this to be the moment David snapped.

  “Please, calm down,” I pleaded when he started pacing again. “Let’s talk about this rationally.”

  “I should be the one touching you like that, not him.” He fisted the mask so tightly in his other hand that it cracked in half. “It should be me.”

  I drew a sharp breath. “David, we need to—to talk,” I said. My heart jump-started as though it were on the verge of exploding. I readied the words in my head, fighting back hot tears.

  We’re through. You have to go away. I have to push you away even though what I want is to run to you, to drown in you . . .

  “I can’t. I can’t share you like this.” He shook his head hard and gestured toward the house. I gasped when I noticed his bloody knuckles. “It makes me want to just . . .”

  “You’re bleeding,” I said, reaching for his hand.

  He pulled back. “He has you, and it drives me fucking crazy. It’s all I can think about and then to see you in there dancing with him . . .”

  “He’s my husband,” I said, my voice hitching.

  “No fucking shit.” He turned away. “I can’t believe I let myself get so involved with this.”

  I hated to see him hurt, but what could I say that he didn’t already know? I attempted to swallow the lump rising in my throat. “You knew what we were getting into.”

  “So it’s my fault, I guess.”

  “We did this to ourselves.”

  He turned back to me. “You have to tell me what you want, Olivia. I can’t do this anymore.”

  I gritted my teeth, fighting back unwelcome tears. “I—he’s my husband.”

  “So that’s it? You’re not even going to consider . . .?”

  “What, David?”

  “You and me, Olivia. You know that’s what I want—and I’ve been patient when all I want is you to myself. You have to decide once and for all.”

  “Decide what?” I screamed, surprising us both. “I already told you that morning in your apartment. My decisions are made. There are no options.”

  “Well, then what the fuck am I even doing here? “ he asked, stepping back. “Go on and be happy with him, your fucking husband.”

  “Me? What about you?” I shot back, suddenly incensed. “Why are you here tonight? Did you come with Dani?”

  “I told you, it’s over with her.”

  “Then why are you here?” I demanded.

  He was quiet as he paced, shaking his head from side to side. Pieces of his hair had broken from their marble wave, and it was the most disheveled I’d ever seen him.

  I nodded and crossed my arms. “That’s what I thought.”

  “She begged me—”

  “You claim you want more, but you can’t even give up one of your girls. How many others are there? Are you still with Maria?” I stepped forward, blocking his path, and he stopped short. “You answer me. When was the last time you fucked Maria?”

  “Olivia,” he pleaded.

  “You can’t even give one of them up for me.”

  “For you?” he growled with menacing heat. His expression shifted into rage. “For you, I would give up anything,” he said. “It’s all for you, everything I do. Can’t you see that? Everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve ever built is for you.”

  His words sliced through to my heart. I backed away and shook my head. “You don’t . . . that’s not true.”

  “It is. I knew one day, the love of my life would come along. I never thought in a million years that she’d be taken.” His chest heaved. “You asked what I want, Olivia, I want you. I need—”

  “It can’t be,” I cried. “Please, just stop. It can’t be.”

  “I need you,” he said.

  And I needed to walk away. Because right then, I would’ve done anything to ease the hurt in his eyes. I couldn’t ever remember feeling so out of control of my surroundings, sucked into David’s riptide as my husband and our friends waited just inside the house. I turned to leave, but he caught my waist and pulled me against his concrete body.

  “We’re done, David,” I said, grabbing his dress shirt as he backed me into the tree. Even as I pushed him away, my hands made two tight fists, pulling him closer. “We can’t do this anymore.”

  He swallowed my words with a hard kiss. My tongue lashed back, tasting him, devouring him. My body ached, in need of a drug only David could administer.

  David pinned me to the tree trunk with his pelvis while he feverishly gathered up my dress. His hand ran up my clenched thighs, and when he released an animal growl into my mouth, I responded with a traitorous moan. I shoved his hands away, knowing I wouldn’t be able to resist if they went any higher, but my mouth stayed latched on his as I denied him.

  A fiery need tore through my body as both of his hands found the edge of my panties. “I need to feel you, Olivia,” he said into my mouth. “I need you.”

  I gulped back a frustrated sob, my desire for him overtaking everything. Yanking him closer by his tu
xedo lapels, I kissed him with everything I had.

  He ripped my underwear away, took my bottom lip between his teeth, and slipped a finger inside me. I moaned loudly into his mouth as he felt me, but it was the hiss of his zipper that sent me spiraling into a frenzy. He would be inside of me any moment, quenching my need, filling me in the way only he could, thrusting and fucking all my pain away.

  David opened me urgently with his fingers. I instinctively wrapped a leg around him, and we moaned together as he drove into me. He drew back, looking me in the eye as he thrust again, bouncing me against the tree. His drives grew quickly frantic, as out of control as the look on his face. Harsh punishments tore across my back from the bark, but I barely noticed. I bit down on my lip to keep from screaming my pleasure.

  “Christ—yes,” he hissed into my ear.

  Hearing my name fall so hot and needy from his lips, I cried out, and he clamped his hand over my mouth. “Oh, God,” I yelled into his palm.

  His eyes squeezed shut, and he pumped as fast as our position would allow. With another throaty growl, he seized my other leg, fastening me to the tree. I accidentally bit down on his hand and he snarled, tightening his grip on my face. When I thought I couldn’t take any more, he grabbed both my hips in his hands and hammered me so wildly that I had to grip his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall off the trunk.

  “Don’t stop,” I breathed, “don’t stop, David, fuck me.” He didn’t stop, and within seconds, I was coming around him, grasping for his body while I was hit with waves so extreme that they bordered on painful.

  “Shit,” he breathed. “I’m going to come.”

  “Come inside me, baby,” I urged. “Make me yours.”

  With a guttural groan he withdrew. Supporting me with one hand, he pumped his hand over himself and came feverishly on the inside of my dress.

  What the fuck? My labored breathing hitched in my throat as I looked down between us. Wetness stuck on my thigh, making me feel used and dirty.

  He set me harshly on the ground, and my cum-soaked skirts fell around me.

  “What was that?” I cried.