Playing Fate (Endgame Series Book 1)

by Leigh Ann Lunsford

  “You can’t say hello to me?”

  “I’d rather not have any conversations with you.”

  “You promised you’d remain my friend no matter what.” I’m frenetic. I know I can’t be with him, but not having him in my life in any form is terrifying.

  “I lied,” he deadpans and leaves me standing, staring at his retreating form. I recoil from his harsh words like he slapped me.

  “Shortstop!” Mason skids to a halt next to me. “What’s up? I got a 9-1-1 text from Deacon telling me to meet him here.”

  “He just left.” I point in the direction and can still see him walking in the distance.

  “What the hell happened?”

  “The end happened. Written in bold. No turning the page for a preview. Our chapter ran its course. Time for a new story featuring his family.” I don’t try to suppress the crack in my voice, the tears staining my cheeks, the weakness in my legs.

  I turned and saw her in his reach, and I reacted. I don’t regret it. He was told to avoid her, and he didn’t fucking listen. She was within my grasp, and hearing her voice, it took all my strength not to turn and grab her, pull her to me, hold tight. I hadn’t seen or talked to her in a month, and all she said was ‘Hey.’

  She should have said I’m sorry.

  She should have said I miss you.

  She should have said I made a mistake.

  She should have said a lot of things—instead, she decided to open the lines of communication with ‘Hey.’

  Reminding me of the promise I made her . . . it was a promise I didn’t intend to keep because I never planned to be just friends with her. She took that decision from me and she can damn well live with the consequences. I hear footsteps, and Mason hollers for me to wait. I’m at my Jeep and don’t feel like dealing with him . . . or anyone for that matter.

  “You text me 9-1-1 and bail, not cool.”

  “I handled it.” I’d texted him as a precaution. Alec made me see red, and I didn’t trust myself to intervene without backup to pull me off him.

  “I saw Saylor, and she looked shaken up. What happened?”

  “Alec. She bumped into him, and I reacted.”

  “Fuck. He didn’t learn the first time?”

  “Nah, it wasn’t like that. She ran into him. He apologized, but I still punched him.”

  “Feel better?”

  “Not really.” I need to remove my head from my ass. Games start next week, and I owe it to my team and my friends to be at my best when I step on the field.

  “I don’t think she was upset about Alec.” His accusation is evident in his tone.

  “Yeah, well she doesn’t get to be upset.”

  “Deacon, quit making her the bad guy. You know her history, hell you told us. You fucking refuse to tell her or let us enlighten her to the truth. For all she knows, you and Adriane are playing house. Place the blame where it needs to be…on Emberlee.”

  “She had two weeks to call me or any one of you when we were in Colorado. She’s had a month since we’ve been home, and I’ve gotten nada.” He isn’t going to make me feel bad for my decision.

  “Bullshit. She was wrong for running. I’ll give you that. Do you know what I’ve seen since we’ve been home? Nothing. She stays in her room. I’m sure to avoid Emberlee, but more than likely to avoid accidently seeing you and Adriane.”

  “There is no me and Adriane.”

  “I know that, but she doesn’t. Blame her for jumping to conclusions, but you need to accept some blame for being just as stubborn.”

  “So I tell her what went down. What does that change? Nothing because the next time a situation arises that creates doubt, she runs again—over and over. That is her pattern. I won’t do that to myself, but I sure as hell won’t let Julie be subjected to that. You know she watches the door every night when I feed her? Waiting for Saylor. She’s nine months and she’s formed a bond. What do you think will happen when she’s one? Or two? If I won’t let her mother do that to her, what makes you think it’s okay for some girl to have that power?”

  “Because she isn’t some girl. You and I both know that.”

  “Whatever.” I open my door and end this conversation.

  “You’re wrong. You know I have your back, but I’m telling you you’re a dumbass. So things may not work with her—hell you could break her heart, but you won’t know unless you try. Talk to her.” His words hold some truth, but I don’t want to hear them.

  I knew she was a bit broken. I went into it with my eyes wide open. What I didn’t prepare for is feeling this broken. I was willing to take her pain. Her past. Her guilt. I wasn’t going to fix her, but I hoped I could soothe the scars she carried. I wanted her trust. Her loyalty. Her love. I was patient. I was strong. I was honest.

  I was now the damaged one. I was the one left holding a baby who still searched for her. In trying to mend her, I was the one who ended up broken. And she wasn’t bothering to mend me.

  I start the ignition and rest my forehead against the steering wheel. Sam Hunt’s ‘Make You Miss Me’ sparks a fire in me. I don’t know if I want to fan the flames or extinguish the burn. I know I miss her. I know she hurt me. I know I still want her, but don’t know if I’m willing to fight for her all over again.

  The decision is made for me. Ms. Hill, Julie’s sitter, informs me she’s moving to Ohio to help her daughter. Her son-in-law is set to be deployed for six months, and they have three kids under the age of five . . . with another due in three months. She is leaving in three weeks. Baseball season begins next week, traveling included, and I am at a loss. I know my mom will step in, but that’s the situation I’d tried to avoid.

  Saylor and I had set up our schedule so traveling wouldn’t be so rough, but we still need a sitter for Julie. I had all my classes early so I was done by mid-morning and had time with Julie before practice and games. Saylor’s classes were mid-morning to early afternoon to free up her evenings and minimize the time Julie wasn’t with one of us. That’s what makes everything that happened harder to accept. This was Saylor’s idea; she jumped in with both feet when she decided she wanted this. She hauled ass the same way she jumped in—completely and all at once.

  “Little girl, what is Daddy gonna do?” Talking to an infant who doesn’t speak is the highlight of my day.

  “About what?” Avery scares the piss out of me. I didn’t hear her come in.

  “Damn woman, you shaved ten years off my life.”

  “You told me I could come get Julie for a few hours.”

  “Shit, I forgot. Long day. Ms. Hill just told me I need a new sitter. She’s moving.”

  “That sucks. Why don’t you see if Saylor can help?”

  “Nah, I’ll handle it.” I’m tired of everyone telling me I need to talk to her, ask for her help. What about what she should do? First on that list is to reach out to me. It shouldn’t be the other way around. “Let me check her bag to make sure everything is ready.” Avery takes Julie from me. “I should be back by eight-ish. Practice shouldn’t be long, but we are preparing for opening day.”

  “Take your time. The monster and I will be fine.”

  “If Emberlee is there, you know my rules.”

  “If that bitch is there, I’ll just come back over here. I just have a few things to do anyway, so we’ll be here when you get home.”

  “Thank you, Avery.”

  “That’s what friends are for. You know I’m proud of you, Deacon. You’re doing an amazing job with her.”

  “She makes it easy.” I kiss Julie and hug Avery.

  “Tell Daddy bye.” Avery jokes.

  “Da-da-da-da-da.” Julie babbles. Tears spring to my eyes. Everything stops. Everything quiets.

  “Did she just…”

  “Yeah, she did. See, great job, even she knows it. Now go play ball Da-da.” I leave for practice, floating on cloud fucking nine. I needed that after everything, but I begin to deflate a bit when I automatically reach for my phone to call Saylor and tell
her. The one person I want to share moments like this with isn’t in my life.

  I call my mom instead and feel lame. I’m nineteen, close to twenty, calling Mommy to share news. At this rate, I’ll never get my man card back. I work out childcare while I’m talking to her. Of course my mom is elated, and she offers to drop Julie off to me in the evenings, so I’m only making one trip over there each day. It’s easier for me to make the drive in the mornings. I hate I need so much help, and I contemplate quitting baseball. The travel is going to make me dependent on someone to care for Julie overnight. I know it’s just a few months, but nothing is more important than my job as a dad.

  “You ready for next week?” I shrug. Mason lives for the season. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “My sitter quit. I’m a fucking statistic as a teenage, single parent—a father at that. I have to ask Mommy and Daddy for help because Julie’s own mother didn’t want her, and the closest thing I’ve had to love decided she didn’t want me. I’m thinking of quitting the team because I don’t know how to juggle my life.”

  I can tell he feels bad. “One month. Give it one month, and if you still feel the same way, or it’s affecting Julie, I’ll support you one hundred percent.”

  “One month.” I know what’s going to happen. At least when it ends I’ll have his support instead of disappointment. My endgame walked away and may cause me to end playing the game I love.

  I love Julie more, and that’s what it comes down to. Always.

  Avery walking in with Julie is a shock to my system. Her little hands clapping, her big eyes wide as saucers, and her smile lighting up my world. I hesitantly step to her, and she thrusts her chubby arms out so I can take her, kicking her legs in excitement. Babbling incessantly, I can see her two bottom teeth have popped through her gums. I smile through my tears and feel her weight settle in my arms. I inhale her scent, burying my face in her neck. “Someone is happy to see you.” Avery smiles at us. “That’s a beautiful picture.”

  I nod, knowing I’m wrong for feeling so content in this moment. I’m going to hell for coveting someone else’s child, for praying this was my actuality as it once had been, for wishing the family she belonged to was non-existent. A reserved seat in the VIP section of hell was waiting for me, one I’d gladly succumb to for this moment.

  “Why do you have Julie?” I’m not complaining. Just curious.

  “Deacon had a late practice.” I nod. Of course, I want to question that explanation, but I don’t. Not my place anymore.

  “Do you mind if I feed her?” I miss it. I miss her. I miss him. I miss everything.

  “That’s perfect. I need to finish a paper real quick.” I situate her in the portable chair and dig through her bag. “Oh, no carrots for you, little missy.” I chuck them in the trash wondering who the hell bought those. I stop the nasty thoughts running in my head. “Green beans and apples. Such fine dining.” I’m cooing and talking to her, and I miss Emberlee walk in.

  She stops and stares, digging her phone from her designer purse, ready to call Adriane, I’m sure. This is a shit storm I don’t need. “Call off your dogs, Emberlee. I’m keeping her busy for Avery.” That seems to satisfy her, and she walks to her room. Avery comes dashing down the hallway from her room at warp speed as I finish wiping Julie’s mouth.

  She makes sure everything is back in the bag and picks Julie up. “I have to take her back to the house.” Her face contorts in worry and regret.

  “I understand.” I’m sure Deacon and Adriane will be pissed when they find out I had any time with her.

  “Sorry,” she whispers. I decide a soak in the tub is what I need, and when I hear Emberlee’s voice, I decide to turn on my music . . . extra loud.

  “You need to be careful who you let keep Julie.” Emberlee is narking on Avery. “Yeah, I came home to Saylor playing Mommy. I know you wanted to spend some alone time with Deacon, but just be careful.” I slam the bubble bath against the counter. She’s acting like I’m a serial killer, and I’d love to remind her it was me taking care of Julie, loving her, when her dipshit friend was nowhere to be found. I refrain…barely.

  I climb in the hot water, begging it to relax my muscles. Calgon. Damn false advertisement. I dress in my sleep clothes and make my way to the kitchen for a drink. “Hope you enjoyed your time with Julie because it won’t happen again.” She’s such a bitch.

  “I don’t know what I did to you, but you can stop being hateful. I got the memo loud and clear, Emberlee. No reason to keep repeating it.”

  “You tried to take a place that wasn’t yours.”

  “I didn’t take anything that wasn’t offered to me,” I remind her. I wasn’t the one who broke Deacon and Adriane up.

  “You were just a place holder.” Her words slice.

  “What do you want from me?” I hate my voice for betraying me. Wobbling, on the verge of tears.

  “To remember your place.”

  I nod. “Noted.” I take refuge in my room and pull up the apartment finder website. I can’t do this for another four months. Everyone has a breaking point, and I just reached mine . . . with some help from an evil bitch.

  Mason/Caden/Avery

  Mission Playing Fate

  “What the hell was so important that you interrupted my afternoon sex session?” Caden storms in the house.

  “Make it quick, Mason.” Avery is dancing a jig covered in paint.

  “No shit, Avery. Caden you could have taken your normal five minutes and finished.”

  “Fuck you, Mason.” Caden glowers at me.

  “We have a mission. It could be dangerous. Met with belligerent lovesick minions. You may be called names. You may get shit thrown at you, maybe fists, but Shortstop’s won’t hurt. If you wish to accept, you will be rewarded by spoiling many nieces and nephews that come from the mating of Deacon and Saylor.”

  “What the actual fuck are you smoking?” Avery stares at me.

  “Holy fuck, you’re dumber than I thought.” Caden throws a water bottle at me. Good thing I’m the pitcher— his aim sucks.

  “Our hands are tied, so we need to be creative. Here’s the low down. Deacon is miserable. Saylor has no idea he and Adriane aren’t together. Deacon made us promise him in Colorado we wouldn’t get involved, that we would tell Saylor nothing. Stubborn grasshopper he is.” Both of my protégés are staring at me waiting for my UFO to come take me home. “He’s losing his sitter and said he may quit baseball. He and Saylor worked their schedules out so if this happened Julie wouldn’t be affected. I asked him for one month so we have twenty-nine days to implement Operation Playing Fate.”

  “I’m lost.” Avery is staring at Caden, and he doesn’t seem to follow.

  “Deacon and Saylor need to fix their shit.” They both nod. “We have to make that happen, and it’s going to be hard but doable.” They agree. I have a plan. “Time for Master Mason to teach you something. Here’s the plan…” We all pore over the diagrams and notes I’ve drawn. Careful execution without getting caught will be key to this mission.

  After we conclude I’m a genius and my DNA should be cloned for the greater good of America, we toast our success with a beer. “T-minus twenty-nine days, bitches.” Our bottles clink, our smiles appear, our feet prop on the coffee table, our bond is strengthened. Un-fucking-breakable is what we are.

  Our first away game is tomorrow, and the good thing about a long bus ride is I’ll be able to finish my coursework. I hate leaving Julie, and as the month is coming to a close, I know my decision. Mason and Caden know it, as well. Every day one of them or Avery is at my house helping me some way. It isn’t hard to manage while I’m at home. For practices, Avery is able to cover, so all-in-all, my mom is keeping Julie three to four hours a day. She begs for extensions all the time.

  Funny how it didn’t bother me when I thought Julie would be home with Saylor. I was still going to travel, but knowing they’d be at my house, Julie able to adhere to her schedule . . . at her house with her things . . .
stability for her is important to me. There are so many unknown variables in her life. How will she feel as she learns Adriane didn’t want to be her mother? Having a teen single dad? Savages for uncles? A schedule, love, security—that’s what I want for her, and being gone three nights some weeks isn’t the way to give it to her. Shuffled back and forth, a different face waking her up, feeding her, bathing her. That doesn’t work for me.

  I’ve heard it all. Kids are resilient. You aren’t harming her. She’ll be a better person for having a happy father, so do what you love. I could record that shit and play it while I slept and the subliminal message wouldn’t sink in. I have a way I want my daughter raised, and this isn’t it.

  “How you holding up, man?” Caden is quiet but observant.

  “Two more weeks,” I tell him. Yes, I’ll miss it. Yes, I hate giving it up. I feel like the choice is taken from me, and I have to do it.

  “If you know that’s the outcome, why keep going?”

  “I promised Mason. I gave him a month, and I feel like my situation has changed everything with us. The least I can do is keep my word.”

  “Keep your head and your heart in the game. Things could change.”

  I shrug, “Maybe.” He knows I’m not feeling it.

  “Head and heart, Deacon.” I go back to my textbook and let his words sink in. Nothing I can do about leaving Julie for two more weeks, so I’m going into each game like it’s the playoffs. Take no prisoners attitude. Hopefully I give my teammates one hell of a start to the season.

  “Douglas!” Coach Gill hollers as I board the bus. I descend the steps and walk to where he stands with Mason and Caden.

  “Sir?”

  “Hell of a game, Son. I haven’t seen that fire since your junior year of high school when I started scouting you. You three should have moved up and played majors.”

  “I wish they would have.” They’re locked into three years at college level . . . MLB guidelines stipulate they became ineligible for draft when we started school. We signed to a four-year college and have to complete three years or turn twenty-one. I begged them to follow their dreams, and I’d be fine, but none of us were ready to quit playing together.