All He Feels - Dax & Ginny (Crossroads Book 11)

by Melanie Shawn

  Ginny bent down to say goodbye to Capone and then he saw real emotion. Then he saw a tear slip down her cheek as she smothered his dog’s head in kisses. That just cranked the knife deeper and harder.

  “I need to go move my truck.” He sniffed back emotion as he hurried out of the house, hoping she would follow him.

  Was it pathetic? Yes. He didn’t give a shit. Pathetic was all he had at this point. He thought about blocking them in. Not letting them leave. Declaring his undying love for her and demand that she look him in the eye and tell him that she didn’t love him back. But what good would that do?

  She’d come here to get a break from people telling her what to do. People putting their opinions and their agendas on her. And even though it would have been done in love, he thought Mona was a perfect example of how it would still be a bad idea.

  So instead, he got into his SUV and backed up as they were piling into the car. The only goodbye he got from her was a small wave from the back seat. He wanted to believe that he’d seen her lower lip tremor but it could have been his eyes seeing what they wanted to. Or it could have been because she was going to miss Capone.

  Either way, it didn’t change the red lights of their car disappearing around the corner. It didn’t change the fact that she was gone. So he did the only thing he knew to do, he pulled out his phone and texted Seth that he was good to go and messaged Bones, Balls & Belly Rubs to let them know he’d be dropping off Capone for boarding.

  As he pulled into the garage he looked over at Ginny’s empty seat. Somehow, in the past few weeks, that had become her seat. He didn’t know how long it would take before he’d be able to look over at it and not expect to see her there. If the sharp agony in his chest and gut was any indication, it was going to be a long-ass time. He might even need to sell the damn thing.

  When he walked in from the garage he turned his head from side to side and everywhere he looked he saw her there. Not actually. He wasn’t losing his mind. But he saw the memory of her standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Her glancing over her shoulder with a flirty glint in her eye. And the pain grew worse. It wasn’t just emotional pain. It was physical. He was hurting. Bad.

  Why the hell had she made him feel? He would do anything to go back to being numb. To being desensitized. To being immune.

  The thought of going into his bedroom was unbearable. He doubted he would get any sleep anyway so he just collapsed on the couch. Cap jumped up and he wrapped his arms around the stinky mutt and held on tight to try to get some comfort from his pain. But even that was tainted. He could smell Ginny on his fur.

  Being a glutton for punishment, he breathed it in as his phone buzzed. His heart slammed against his ribs as he grabbed it out of his pocket. It was her. It had to be. There was no way she could just leave like that.

  He was wrong. It wasn’t her. It was the boarders messaging him back.

  It read: Bones, Balls & Belly Rubs is looking forward to Al Capone’s stay.

  “Well, buddy.” He sniffed. “At least one of us is going to be getting some.”

  Chapter 24

  The nerves in Ginny’s stomach were like Pop Rocks under a soda fountain. They were exploding like crazy. She’d performed two hours ago and had no reason to still be hanging around.

  Yet, here she was. At The Plate. Alone. On Valentine’s Day. Hanging around like a stalker. At a wedding, no less.

  On a scale of sad to pitiable she’d shot right past pity and hit desperate.

  Sure, she could tell herself that the reason she’d agreed to perform at Ace and Stephanie’s Valentine’s Day wedding was because she’d thought it was romantic that she’d been a part of their love story. When she’d interviewed them they’d told her that she’d sung at The Plate on their first date and then again when they’d gotten engaged on Stephanie’s birthday. So when they called two weeks ago and asked if she would perform at their wedding she’d agreed.

  She wanted to believe that she would have done the same thing if agreeing hadn’t meant coming back to Harper’s Crossing, to The Plate, after not hearing from Dax for three weeks. That she would have said yes just for the couple she’d inadvertently become a good luck charm to. And maybe she would have. But, now she’d never truly know.

  Especially since her behavior since she’d arrived at the wedding had been purely self-serving. From her song selection, which included “The Moment,” which was inspired by Dax, to her attire, which while technically appropriate was definitely pushing the boundaries of “wedding attire.” It was red, which she thought she might be able to get away with since it was Valentine’s Day. It was also a halter that was backless, form fitting and only came down to her mid-thigh. Thankfully, there were quite a few women there pushing those same boundaries, the bride’s sister included, so she considered herself in good company. At this point though, she had definitely stayed longer than socially acceptable at a wedding she wasn’t technically invited to, in the hopes of seeing Dax or at least finding out where he was. Dax inquiries aside, she could take some comfort in knowing that Ace and Stephanie would not be privy to her social faux pas as they had already left. That’s right folks, she was at a reception after the cake had been cut, the bouquet had been tossed and the bride and groom had left for their honeymoon.

  Yep. If there were awards given out for most pathetic, she was sure she’d win. Hands down.

  But she wasn’t sure what else she could do. She felt sick about how she’d left the night her mom had shown up. Looking back she still wasn’t sure what had happened. Her best guess was that her idiot paralysis had been caused by a perfect storm of disaster. Her mom showed up with no warning and it sent her into panic mode and she basically just shut down. She’d already been in a pretty vulnerable state after the leaks, the fake relationship outing, and then finding out that Shane…well, everything Shane did. Her body had gone into full on power save mode.

  Add that to the fact she had also been carrying a ton of guilt for meeting her grandpa behind her mom’s back, though things were great now. She spoke to her Grandpa Don everyday on Facetime and her mom sometimes joined her. Mona and Don had actually become good friends.

  Ginny had broken down and told her mother the truth on their flight back to Nashville and Mona had sobbed and apologized over and over again for making her feel like she was doing something wrong. She said she’d never known that Ginny wanted to know her family. Her mom explained that all she’d ever wanted to do was get away from her family, that she’d loved it being just her and Ginny and she’d projected those feelings onto her. They actually had a trip planned to go to Valentine’s Bay next month so Ginny could finally meet her mom’s side of the family.

  And then perhaps the biggest contributing factor to her leaving the way she had was Dax himself. Aside from the talk they’d had the first time they’d been together, they’d never discussed what would happen when she left. Part of her had truly believed that when that time came, he’d ask her to stay. That what he’d told her was true and what they had was magic. That he’d never had a relationship before but he wanted to try with her. But then the time had come and he let her go without a word.

  That night, she’d let him get away with that because she was in too vulnerable of a state to use her newfound skills and ask for what she wanted. But that was three weeks ago. And she was done waiting to hear what he wanted.

  She was going to tell him that she loved him. That they were perfect together. That she’d felt the most alive, the most herself, the most right when she’d been with him. That the weeks that they’d been apart had felt like she was missing a part of herself. That she never wanted to be with another man for the rest of her life because she’d got it right the first time.

  That she missed his smile. His jokes. His hands. His arms. His kisses. She missed every part of him and she really missed Capone. She was going to get down on one knee and ask him to marry her. She had a whole Julia Robert’s at the end of Runaway Bride speech prepared.

  S
ure, he wasn’t Richard Gere and he hadn’t asked her to marry him or even said that he loved her, but this wasn’t a romcom. This was real life. It was her life and it was the only one she was going to get, so she was going to live it to the fullest and put her heart on the line. At least that way she could start to heal her broken heart knowing she’d done everything she could on its behalf.

  “That dress is too pretty to be on the sidelines. I think we should take it for a spin on the dance floor.”

  “No thanks, I’m actually—” Ginny was smack dab in the middle of her go-to polite decline, but when she saw who she was declining, she did a double take. “Nate?!”

  Forget billion, never in a trillion years would she believe that computer genius Nate Holmes would use such a cheesy line. Especially on her. They’d exchanged very nice, professional emails over the past few weeks she’d been in Nashville.

  He’d worked seamlessly with her new team, which included Karina’s manager Bernie Kaplan and her new label Spin Records’ legal department to hold Shane liable for his indiscretions. She was seeking restitution and though chances were he wouldn’t be able to reimburse her, she was standing up for herself. And that was the point.

  Nate’s eyes narrowed like he was trying to search her face and figure out who she was.

  She wagered, “Have you been drinking?”

  “Why yes I have, speaking of which, it’s time for a refill.” He shook a rocks glass that had one piece of ice floating at the bottom and left.

  She watched him go and wondered if she should contact someone. Obviously Dax wasn’t returning her calls. Every time she called it went straight to voicemail. Over the past three weeks she’d left eight messages, which some may think is excessive but she’d felt like she’d been showing extraordinary self-control.

  There must be guys he worked with here, she’d met a few of them when she’d done her interviews. She tried to scan the area while still keeping an eye on Nate, who was now climbing on the bar stool backwards.

  “So, you met my brother.” A deep voice sounded behind her and she jumped in a start.

  When she turned around she saw it was Nate. But then she spun back around and Nate was still climbing backwards on that bar stool. She did a triple and quadruple take before the Nate behind her grinned and said, “He’s my twin brother. Neil.”

  “Oh my gosh!” Ginny clasped her hands to her chest as she studied his face. She wasn’t trying to be rude but she couldn’t help herself. He looked i-den-tic-al to his brother. Right down to the offset dimple in their chins. Their resemblance was uncanny. “You look exactly like each other. I was so worried about you. When I thought he was you.”

  The real Nate exhaled slowly through his nose. “Yeah. No one can tell us apart. It can be an issue sometimes.”

  Ginny could see that it was not a good subject so she did what she always did and tried to lighten the mood. “Hey, I bet when you guys were in high school even girls couldn’t tell you apart. That was probably fun.”

  “No, they couldn’t.” His face actually grew more serious. More pained. “And it wasn’t fun.”

  Open mouth. Insert foot.

  “I’m so sorry. I was just…” she wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago.” He smiled, a resigned smile that said the pain he felt was one that he was used to. “You wouldn’t by any chance want to dance, would you?’

  She smiled broadly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  * * *

  Dax stalked out of the Elite offices with the envelope that, for security reasons, he needed to personally deliver to either Seth or Riley. He could not believe his luck. Or should he say, lack thereof. There was always someone at these damn offices. Except tonight. Tonight they were all at The Plate because it was Ace’s wedding. Which was shitty for two reasons. One was, well, he’d missed his friend’s wedding.

  But the real bitch of a reason was now he had to make one more stop before he could get his ass on a plane to Nashville and find Ginny. Tell her he loved her. That he was a jackass for letting her walk out of his house.

  If she was young and needed to see other people, he’d even agree to that as long as he was one of them.

  He’d realized something over the past twenty-two days when he’d not been able to hear her laugh, see her smile, hold her in his arms, be inside of her. He realized that he wasn’t full of shit when he’d told her that what they had was special. That people lived their whole lives and never experienced one tenth of what they had. So if she had to kiss a few frogs before she was sure, then he was man enough to deal with that. As long as he was in the running.

  Of course, that was in theory. When it actually came down to practice he wasn’t sure if he’d be so pragmatic about it. But he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. He just needed to be able to see her angelic face. To kiss her full lips. To hold her in his arms. To feel her soft curves against his body. To hear her addictive laugh. To pick up the phone and call her.

  He hadn’t talked to her since the night she left his house. His phone had thankfully been the only casualty in this mission. It had gone down in a fiery blaze on day two when he’d dropped it in their fire pit. It wouldn’t normally be a big deal, especially since the mission was dark so they were prohibited from using their devices anyway. But even when comms had been cleared he couldn’t call her because he was a dumb ass and hadn’t memorized her phone number. However, in his defense, who memorizes phone numbers?

  In the past two weeks he’d lost eight days being stranded thanks to not one, but two convoys breaking down. Not falling under attack. Breaking. Down.

  Thankfully, they hadn’t been in high-risk areas, although since they were not there with the official knowledge of the country they were in, they couldn’t exactly call for a taxi. And he’d been fucking miserable. Not because he’d been hungry, they’d had plenty of supplies and rations to keep their four-man team comfortable. The temperature had actually been preferable to the harsh Illinois winter they were experiencing. It hadn’t been dangerous, unless you counted the mosquitoes with fangs.

  His misery had stemmed from a blue-eyed, blonde-haired country singer that he was either going to marry or spend the rest of his life trying.

  As he pulled up to The Plate he noticed that there were still a lot of cars in the parking lot. He determined before he walked in the door that he didn’t care who stopped and wanted to talk to him, what issues at the restaurant needed his attention, even if the bride and groom themselves asked him to stay and toast he’d have to say no.

  The only thing that he was doing was walking in, locating either Seth or Riley Sloan, relinquishing possession of the parcel that he was charged by the United States Government to deliver and get the hell out of there and find Ginny.

  He knew there was a possibility that she wasn’t in Nashville, but he’d deal with that variable when he was there. He already had an action plan in place if that was the case. He would find the nearest cell phone store. Be there when they open. Replace his phone with his current SIM card so that he could call her.

  After that he’d have to wing it. He had to take it one mission at a time.

  He sprinted up the steps to the bar. He remembered the reception was up there because that’s where Ace and Stephanie had their first date. It also happened to be where he’d seen Ginny for the first time.

  He opened the door and his eyes automatically flew to the stage that she’d been singing on that night. It was dark except for the corner where a DJ was set up. He continued to scan the room and hit the jackpot on his first pass. Seth and Riley were both posted on the corner nearest the bar.

  Keeping his eyes on the prize, he beelined straight towards them. He could see some people waving out of his peripherals but they were fuzzy, he was locked on his target.

  When he reached them he held the envelope out between them and said, “Here.”

  They both looked at it and then up at him.

  Neit
her made a move for the envelope.

  In case they couldn’t hear him over the music he said it again. Louder. “Here.”

  “How ya’ doin’?” Riley asked him with a concerned look.

  “I’ve been better. But I will be better when one of you takes this and signs.”

  They both still just glanced down at it and then back up at him.

  “You in a rush?” Seth asked.

  “Yes.” He wasn’t sure why they were being such pricks, probably because they’d been drinking and they thought it was funny. That really wasn’t their MO, though.

  Trying a different approach he calmly said. “There’s somewhere I need to be, so if one of you could just take this and sign the damn received slip that would be fan-fucking-tastic!”

  Well, he’d tried to be calm. He’d definitely screamed that last expletive but hey, the music was kind of loud. Actually, it was at a fairly decent level to hold conversations, but he didn’t give a shit about this music, his smug bosses or the manila envelope that he held in his hand. If he lost his security clearance over this, he was honestly getting to the point where he didn’t care.

  Riley casually leaned back against the bar and the asshole actually crossed his arms and he even had the nerve to smirk. “You seem a little tense. Is everything all right, man?”

  “Is everything all rig…” Dax let out a harsh laugh and dropped his head. He took in a deep breath and then exhaled because if he didn’t take a moment he was afraid his head might explode. He knew that he was on the edge and it had nothing to do with Seth and Riley, but they sure as hell weren’t making things better. Looking back up he decided to let them know just how not all right everything was.

  “No, Riley. You know, actually everything is not all right, because three weeks ago I was a world class jackass and let the love of my fucking life walk out my door and I haven’t been able to do anything about it because I have been thousands of miles away on a mission that won’t be complete until you sign this fucking paper.”