Danger Deception Devotion The Firsts

by Lorhainne Eckhart

  Gobs of blue dripped out of Trevor’s mouth. He’d found a crayon and was now chewing the paper off along with bits of the crayon. Emily reached across the table. “Trevor, no—spit it out.”

  Brad jammed his fingers into Trevor’s mouth and pulled out what was left of the blue crayon then used a napkin to wipe his face. Emily made sure, this time, she’d confiscated all the crayons. Trevor whined and reached for the crayons which, of course, he wanted back. “Brad, more crackers.” Emily wiped the bits of crayon and spit off the table as Brad dumped a pile of crackers in front of Trevor. “Here give me that.” Emily took the soiled napkins and dumped them in the garbage by the door.

  She felt grounded when she slid back in her seat. Trevor ate his crackers and swung his legs knocking the bottom of the booth, thud, thud. They’d better hurry. His crackers were almost gone.

  Brad tapped his hand on the back of the booth. His face colored. “I never should have let her back in. That was my mistake. Since I never filed for legal separation or abandonment of Trevor—full custody...” He threw his hands in the air and leaned back. “Let’s just say; she’s one smart B…” He almost said it but caught himself before the vulgar word slipped.

  He glanced over at the waitress who raised her eyebrows from where she lingered behind the cappuccino machine. “She’d seen a lawyer and had a plan in place before she ever walked back into my house. She knew exactly what to say and do. I screwed up. And I can’t force her to leave. I’m the one that has to leave if I want a separation. And I can’t take Trevor. She said I threatened and abused her and threw her out after Trevor was born; that she suffered from depression, didn’t know her rights. Now, she’s back because Trevor’s autistic. She’s threatening to take him because this therapy is abusive. She believes because he was born this way, he is to live this way. He needs to be respected for who he is. She’s even gone so far as putting him on a waiting list for an institution in California, specializing in autistic children. She’s using Trevor; for what reason, I don’t know yet. But I can’t, no I won’t, let her do that to my little boy.” His eyes filled with tears as he placed his hand protectively on top of Trevor’s head.

  Emily wanted to leap up, race out to the ranch and give the woman a tongue lashing. “What do you mean she’s threatened to take Trevor? She can’t handle him. An institution, what the hell… She can’t do that!” Emily slammed both hands on the table.

  Brad grabbed her arms, jerked her forward. The man and woman across the room watched and whispered behind their hands. “Calm down, Em. I won’t let her get away with it.”

  Emily lowered her voice, shooting a meaningful glance at Trevor. “I’m sorry, Brad, but what the hell does she think she’s doing? She hasn’t spent any time with him. She avoids him. Her body language alone screams out how uncomfortable she is around him. She doesn’t know him; she can’t stand to be in the same room with him and he picks up on that.”

  “She can’t fake motherly concern. He won’t respond to her. She freaks him out. I don’t understand why anyone would stoop that low. She’s his mother; doesn’t she want what’s best for him?” Emily couldn’t hold back the venom. She tried—she really did. She’d always tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt; hadn’t she? But this was too much. Trevor wasn’t hers. But she wanted him to be.

  “Em, you’re right, but I need to think of Trevor. I already got raked over the coals by my lawyer. I need to listen to him. Follow what he says to win this and get her out of my life.”

  Understanding what really happened didn’t make the hurt any less. How long had the woman planned to drive a wedge between her and Brad? It was odd if you thought about it. Her timing in coming home; just when she and Brad had developed a closeness. They’d almost consummated their relationship. She winced as her mind dreamed up “what ifs” and “what might have been.” “Brad, I’m so sorry. I should have known better. Please, is there anything I can do?”

  Brad clammed up and looked away. He reached for his wallet, threw a ten on the table.

  “Are you finished?”

  “Yes.” Emily snatched her groceries and slid out. Brad followed with Trevor. The sun dipped lower, but it was still nice and warm. Emily stopped and faced Brad. “Thanks for the coffee and for buying my groceries.” She didn’t want to walk away. She hated these awkward moments, and smiled one of those tense awkward smiles. Emily squatted in front of Trevor. “Bye, Trevor.” He stared at the ground. He made no notice of her. Did he know she was even there? “He’s regressed.” Emily stood and didn’t miss the way Brad flinched. “You know, Brad; I’ve stayed silent about a lot of things. But Trevor deserves better than to be victimized because of a greedy, selfish mother. Look at him.”

  Brad flushed and touched the top of Trevor’s head. “I know, Em, but I promise you, I’ll start his therapy again. I know you’re right. She’s fighting me right now.”

  “She’s wrong, Brad.” Tears misted, blurring Brad. “To not help any child, to deny them therapy is cruel. Would you deny a child with cancer his treatment?”

  “That’s not the same, Em. A child with cancer is fighting for their life.”

  She wanted to hit him. “What kind of life will Trevor have if he can’t function?” Brad squeezed her shoulder. His eyes turned kinder.

  “Hey, hey, Em, I know what you’re saying. And I love your passion. You showed me, remember? And you did everything you could to help Trevor. And I promise you I’ll win. Remember your words, ‘don’t give up.’”

  He was still touching her. And that touch was doing all kinds of weird things to her resolve. He was under her skin. He managed to make every part of her hot and cold, anxious, happy, and wanting to leap up to the moon. After the hurt and pain he'd caused her; why did he still affect her so? “I should go.” He dropped his hand, but neither turned away. So, finally, Emily looked down, shifted her grocery bag to the other hand and backed away.

  “Em.” He called out. “Are you walking?”

  “It’s only a few blocks.” Emily waved her hand and backed away.

  “Jump in. I’ll give you a ride.” Brad gestured to his dark blue one-ton.

  He stepped toward her, one step, two steps. He wasn’t giving her a choice. “Alright.”

  Brad shoved Trevor’s booster to the middle and buckled him in. He placed Emily’s groceries in the back of the truck. Emily climbed in beside Trevor, Brad closed her door and strode around the front of the truck, waving to a couple walking who smiled and waved back. Brad climbed in and said nothing as he placed his arm along the back of the seat; his fingers brushed Emily’s shoulder as he backed up. The touch lingered, distracted so she didn’t realize Brad hadn’t asked where she lived. In fact, he knew where to turn. “How’d you know where I live?” She pointed out the window and Brad pulled in front of her house.

  He shut off the truck, winked when he finally faced her. “I asked around. Not many places to rent, Em. You were easy to find.”

  Her mouth opened to say something. But she couldn’t put two sensible words together. She glanced out her window and laughed until tears glistened. She touched Trevor’s arm beside her, and he watched her for the first time today. “Can you come in for a while?” Trevor kicked his legs back and forth; he was reaching for her now. “Please.” He glanced out his window.

  “Sure.”

  Thrilled, she wanted to bounce up and down on her seat and clap her hands like a little kid. But she didn’t. And she didn’t try to hide the easy smile that lifted her up. However, she shoved that cynical protective voice that piped up, bad idea, away in that locked cubby where she’d shoved her self-esteem and self-worth for so many years. Damn it all to hell, she wanted this time with him. And she’d take every minute she could get.

  Emily unbuckled Trevor, and Brad grabbed Emily’s groceries. She led the way into her tiny neat bungalow. She wiggled the lock that frequently stuck with her key. She shoved open the door that often jammed on warmer days. “Em, call your landlord, get him to f
ix this door. Put in a new lock.” Brad studied the doors seal, running his hand up and over the inside doorframe. Maybe some women would find that annoying, but Emily didn’t. It’d be nice to have a man to handle those details.

  Emily led Trevor to the toy box in the corner of the small, cozy living room. It was by no means a bright house; it was one of the older box style houses from the fifties. Emily pulled out Katy’s Barbie cars, some blocks, and grabbed her doily from the table. Trevor didn’t need to be told what to do. He plopped down on his side, driving the cars in front of his face, back and forth.

  Brad was gone when Emily stood up. She wandered into the small square kitchen. Brad had unloaded her groceries onto the round hardwood table, surrounded by four small pine chairs. Brad faced Emily and held up the bag of ripple chips and gestured toward the dip, Cheezies, a can of ginger ale and carton of milk. He raised his eyebrows. “Planning a party, Em?”

  “Ha, ha,” Emily stepped in and grabbed the bag of chips and stuffed it in the cupboard by the fridge, along with the rest of the junk food. “I was planning on treating myself—dinner and a movie.”

  He frowned and looked around. “Where’s Katy?”

  Smiling, she put the milk in the fridge. “Bob has her for the weekend. His mom’s in town.”

  Brad leaned on the counter beside her. There really wasn’t a whole lot of room in the kitchen. Brad, all lean, solid; a tall, gorgeous man, took up more than an average man’s share of space. She moved around him, brushing his arm, his back. Sweet torture—Emily had to wonder if he deliberately continued to stand so close. She couldn’t think and felt heat rush to her cheeks. So she grabbed the kettle and filled it with water. “Excuse me, Brad.” He slid over a step, so she needed to reach behind him to plug in the kettle. She couldn’t think. “Tea?”

  He shook his head, smiling in a most unsettling way. “No thanks. So how are things going with him?” He flicked his hand.

  “Paperwork’s done for legal separation, and I’ve asked my lawyer to file for divorce as soon as it’s signed. He’s finally agreed to pay some child support.”

  He blinked and then narrowed his eyes, his face taking on a darkness Emily had only seen a few times. “Are you telling me, he never paid you? I thought he was sending you something.”

  The truth was Emily hadn’t told anyone. She’d been embarrassed by his childish behavior. “He sent a little bit at first. Then he’d forget.”

  “God dammit, Em, why didn’t you say something? You need any help with him, you call me. I’ll make sure he pays you.” He moved away from the counter, stalked toward Emily, and then leaned back against the counter.

  She should have stopped herself. But it was too late by the time her reasoning brain kicked in. She slid her hand across his cheek, the stubble. His deep brooding eyes had her pausing and she pulled her fingers away as if she’d been burned.

  Thankfully, the kettle whistled so that she now had something to focus on. She yanked the plug from the outlet, grabbed the kettle and somehow sloshed out a heap of scalding water onto her hand. She dropped the kettle, steaming water pooled on the counter and covered her pink throbbing hand. “Shit.”

  She exhaled hard. Brad grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the sink, shoving her burned hand under the icy cold water. “Hold it here. Are you okay?”

  Emily gritted her teeth and shook her head. “That was stupid. You must think I’m a klutz.” She peered under lashes at the man who glanced at her in such a subtle way. What the hell was he thinking? She could never tell. He held his cards so close to his chest.

  “No, I think you’re a little nervous having me here.”

  When Emily tried to pull her hand away and out of the frigid water, Brad held tighter. “Leave it, you’ve got a bad burn. You have a towel?” he asked.

  “In the bathroom.” Emily glanced out the small single pane window above the sink. The sting decreased as her hand numbed. She could hear his heavy walk across the creaking floorboards on his way down the narrow hall to the only bathroom. She hoped he didn’t notice the bare, dingy walls. She’d not unpacked yet, let alone hung pictures. This place was merely a stopgap to her permanent home. The tiny backyard was crammed with Katy’s climber and an old swing set inherited with the property. The old wood fence was missing boards here and there and needed painting.

  “How is it?” She hadn’t heard him come back.

  “Doesn’t hurt, as long as I keep it in the icy water.” She turned off the tap.

  Brad handed her a small peach towel. “Sit down.” He ordered, and pulled out one of the wooden chairs. Brad dragged out another chair, stretching out his long legs in front of him when he sat. “How about some coffee?” Emily asked. “I can make you some.” He burst out laughing.

  “I think in order to save your other hand, let’s skip the coffee. I need to get Trevor home for dinner anyway.” Brad glanced around the corner. Emily could hear Trevor rustling in the toy box.

  “Stay for dinner, please.” He tilted his head and allowed a cat-like grin to lighten his face. “That’d be nice, I’ve missed your cooking. I’m sure Trevor would appreciate a home cooked meal.”

  Emily didn’t wait. She jumped up and yanked open the fridge, pulling out a package of ground beef. She fried the hamburger, adding seasoning, and sauce, boiled potatoes and threw together a casserole. She tossed together a salad while Brad chatted and lingered beside her.

  Even through dinner, the conversation remained light and carefree, and she didn’t miss the appreciation he groaned after his first bite. Trevor was restless. He ate some with his fingers, and then slipped away, leaving his fork sticking out of his mashed potatoes, back to the toys. When they finished eating, Emily washed and Brad dried. He searched her cupboards as he put the dishes away. “I’ve missed you, Em.”

  She dropped the dishrag in the soapy water, and met his reflection in the darkened window in front of her. The illusion he cast toward her was one filled with yearning and regret. She turned around, her heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t catch her breath. She glanced at the clock on the wall. She didn’t want him to leave. Her mind raced, doing everything it could, short of pulling a rabbit out of her hat, to find a way to keep him here. “Let’s go sit in the living room. Unless you want coffee?”

  “No, I’m good.”

  Emily wandered behind Brad. Her eyes dropped to ogle his swagger and the fine way he filled out his jeans. She loved the way he walked, and she remembered, all too well, how tight his ass was the one time they’d almost… Emily nearly choked when she realized what she was doing. And Brad watched her; in a way that she was positive he knew where her thoughts had gone. She cleared her throat and darted to the TV. “Let me put a movie in for Trevor.” She threw in Peter Pan, turning down the volume. Trevor jumped on the faded leather sofa; the one that had seen better days. Brad sank into the matching loveseat angled beside the sofa. Emily darted a glance at the cozy spot beside Brad, but curled in beside Trevor. She wrapped the purple afghan over Trevor’s legs when he rested his head on the pillow.

  “It was a great meal, Em. I’ve been cooking for me and Trevor, and I’m probably the worst cook around. Mary comes only two days a week, she won’t stay long. I’ve asked her to come more, but she refused, said those two days take everything out of her, having to deal diplomatically with Crystal.”

  Emily watched him. She missed the time they’d shared at night, talking.

  “So who looks after Trevor when you work, Brad? I mean, you have a ranch to run.”

  “I take him with me. Needless to say I don’t get much done.”

  She didn’t realize she was holding her breath, until it escaped in a whoosh.

  “You don’t honestly believe I would leave Trevor with her, do you?”

  Emily flushed. She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away. “Brad, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to think. Everything that happened… when you allowed her to stay… How could I not? I don’t think you know how much I care ab
out you. When she showed up, you turned your back on me, on us. I didn’t know what to think.”

  He shook his head and leaned forward, brushed away the tear that traced its way down her cheek. “No, Em, I’m sorry. I let you think the worst of me. I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want to drag you into the mess I created.”

  He pressed his back into the loveseat, running his fingers through his hair.

  “I screwed up, Em, big time. I should have filed the minute she walked out the door. Instead, that is the one area of my life I allowed to slide. If that were a business, I would have protected myself. Instead, I kept putting it off. And now look. The other night she actually had the nerve to suggest we have another baby, in the same breath she brought up the institution for Trevor. Trying to justify that they could help him. It was as if she wanted him replaced, out of sight, out of mind. I’ve started paying real close attention. She leaves the room whenever Trevor’s there and goes out of her way to not spend any time with him. She has this iron wall around her heart and won’t let him in.” He moved closer and intertwined his fingers with Emily’s. “It’s not that she’s not capable of loving him, but I've realized what it is. She’s scared. She’s not strong like you. She’s closed herself off to protect herself.”

  “So what are you going to do?” Emily asked with a slight catch in her breath.

  “I’ve filed for divorce. If she fights me for the ranch, so be it. It’s been in my family for two generations, but this is about Trevor. I’ll fight her for him. She’s already threatened to take Trevor if I try to leave, but my lawyer says I’ve got a real good chance. Especially since she’s already left once.” He let out a heavy sigh and then glanced over at the clock in the darkened room. It was well past nine, and Trevor had fallen asleep beside Emily.