by Lexie Ray
“I know,” Toby said, casting me a sidelong glance. “He’s a lot better than my old daddy.”
“Excellent.” The judge offered us the papers once more. “Sign these, then you all had better kiss to make this wedding a done deal.”
Zoe and I did what the judge asked. She offered me a lopsided smile right before I kissed her, and I returned it before pressing our lips together. This was all kinds of weird and fucked up, but it was the right thing to do. We were good for each other. We’d be good for each other. This was what needed to happen.
Wasn’t it?
“Gross,” Toby commented.
“I now declare you husband and wife,” the judge said, patting us both on the shoulder. “Now, just give me a few moments to get the adoption paperwork in order and we’ll be ready to go in no time.”
He left us for a little bit, Toby fidgeting, stepping on the tiles on the floor in a certain way, but in no pattern I could discern.
“Well, that’s that,” Zoe said, not looking up at me. “We’re married, now.”
“Doesn’t feel like much has changed, does it?” I asked. “Kind of like people asking you if you feel any older on the day of your birthday.”
“I guess so,” she allowed.
But something was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Zoe and I had been seeing each other so secretly and tentatively that it was strange to suddenly be married to her. I could kiss her in public, take her hand in full view of anyone else, and it would be because we were married. I was well aware that you could do all those things without being married, but they just felt safer, somehow, with the pieces of paper we’d just signed.
“Okay, then.” The judge re-entered the room and sat down heavily at his desk with a sigh. “Let’s get these filled out.”
“Once these are all prepared, that’s it?” Zoe asked him. “There won’t be any question of who Toby’s father is?”
The judge opened his mouth to answer then closed it again, apparently thinking better of whatever he was going to say.
“Best man, would you do me a favor?” he asked, beckoning Toby with a crooked finger.
“Sure, but I have to ask my mama,” the boy said, inching over uncertainly.
“You can do as the judge says,” Zoe said, nodding encouragingly.
“There is a clerk right down the hall from this room who has the best candy in all of the courthouse,” the judge said. “Would you kindly go pay her a visit and ask her for a sweet for the judge? I bet if you ask nice enough — and let her know you were just the best man in your mama’s wedding — she might give you one or two pieces to keep for yourself.”
“Okay!” Toby scampered from the room, stomping out of the corridor, eager to pursue some adventure rather than rot away in here with us. If it wasn’t my own wedding — and if I wasn’t throwing my own life into upheaval by adopting someone else’s kid — I’d be bored out of my mind, too.
“You’re having custody issues with the boy’s biological father, aren’t you?” the judge asked as soon as Toby was out of earshot.
“That’s right,” Zoe answered quietly. There wasn’t a reason to lie to the judge. I just wished it hadn’t gotten so personal so quickly. I didn’t want him thinking that all of this was just a ruse to screw over Forrest, even if it actually was. It wasn’t really that, though. We were doing everything we could think of to protect Zoe and Toby. Feelings and love and all of that could come later.
“What we’re doing here today is establishing that Chance here has legally adopted the boy,” the judge said. “If the biological father does broach custody concerns, that’ll be another thing entirely.”
“So he hasn’t yet come to you or anyone else here?” I asked, interested.
“No, though it doesn’t mean he won’t at some point in the future,” the judge said. “Let’s speak honestly, here. I’m to suppose that the boy’s biological father isn’t a great person. True?”
“True,” Zoe confirmed.
“Then you’re doing the best you can right now,” the judge said. “By doing this, Chance is confirming that he wants to give the boy the best life possible by becoming his adopted father. True, Chance?”
“True,” I answered.
“Then do that,” the judge urged. “Love each other, and love that boy. The boy’s done nothing wrong.”
“We know that,” Zoe said, cross.
“You need to prove to the state that you know it,” the judge said coolly. “Make sure everything is kosher for the boy on the ranch. That he’s supervised, well cared for.”
“There are so many people on that ranch who love him,” I said. “He’s always with someone.”
“Make sure all your ranch hands have background checks,” the judge said, looking at me. “Don’t bring people on the ranch who would endanger his safety.”
“Of course not,” Zoe said softly. “He would never be in danger there.” I knew she was thinking about the serial killer, the one who’d shown up at the house looking for Amelia. I remembered finding her and Toby still there, Tucker tearing out to find the killer before he added Amelia to his long list of horrors. Zoe was shaking, nearly inconsolable, even as she was trying to be strong for her son. What if that madman had found her and Toby instead of his true target? I doubted he would’ve said no to taking a few extra lives that day, if only to prove some kind of twisted point to Tucker.
“We have a lot of safety features now,” I said. “A security system with cameras. Things like that.”
“Excellent.” The judge made a notation on a pad of paper. “Keep him happy, and keep him safe. If custody comes up — and maybe your successes with Toby will intimidate his biological father into not trying to pursue a custody agreement — make sure you have everything lined up.”
“Judge, this isn’t a power play,” Zoe said. “Forrest Holland — Toby’s biological father — isn’t a good person. He’s abusive. Vindictive. If he were to have any sort of custody over Toby, it wouldn’t be good.”
“I hear you,” the judge said. “Let’s get this paperwork filled out, then, and hope for the best.”
When it was all said and done, both Zoe and Toby ended up Corbins. The judge even spared Zoe a trip to the DMV, helping her get the paperwork rolling to change her driver’s license.
Toby was sticky with candy and had made several new friends in the form of doting courthouse clerks by the time we were finished with everything.
“We’ll have to bring him every time we need something from this place,” I mused as we walked outside, Toby skipping from all the sugar he’d consumed. “They love him.”
“He’s a lovable boy,” Zoe agreed.
Being transformed into a husband and father with a few hours and strokes of a pen didn’t weigh too heavily on me in this moment. I felt the same, like nothing major had happened, and I tried to embrace that. Maybe this would be painless — a good deed that only I could’ve done. Most good deeds, though, made a person feel at least temporarily good about themselves. I couldn’t say that I felt that.
“Do you have anything else to do in town?” Zoe asked once we got back out to the truck. “We’re here, after all.”
I felt suddenly like having a drink or ten at the bar, but not if I was going to be driving back to the ranch — and certainly not with Toby in tow.
“Nothing that can’t wait, I reckon,” I said. “We should get on home. People will be wondering where we are.”
Zoe cleared her throat and hesitated at getting into the truck. “I mean, do you want to do anything?”
“What do you mean?” I was confused, unable to understand what she was really trying to say. “There’s nothing in this town to do. I thought you’d realize that by now.”
She picked at her nails. “We’re dressed up, and looking pretty nice. Maybe we should go out to eat somewhere.”
“I’m hungry,” Toby threw in eagerly.
“You’ve lived here long enough to know that none of the restaurants he
re are worth a damn,” I said, bewildered. “Why would you want to eat some trash at one of them when you and Amelia are such good cooks? We have plenty of food back at the house.”
“So I’m going to cook my own wedding dinner?” she asked, her voice brittle. She looked off down the street like she was watching the sparse traffic go by, but I’d already seen the tears gathering in her eyes. I was an asshole, pure and simple, and an idiot to boot.
“You’re right,” I said quickly. “I’m sorry. It would be silly to drive all the way back to the ranch when we’re already in town. We can get a bite to eat. That’s no problem. Just tell me where you want to go.”
“Wherever Toby wants,” Zoe said quietly.
“McDonald’s!” he cheered, and that’s how I spent the afternoon of my wedding — picking at over-salted french fries while Zoe shoved chicken nuggets around in a box, fretting over Toby clambering around in shoddy playground equipment that smelled overwhelmingly of stinky feet.
The judge had been so strange in insisting on romance during the impromptu wedding ceremony. There wasn’t a damn thing romantic about this, I realized. Zoe was frazzled and lacked an appetite. Why had she even wanted to eat out? I could’ve been back on the ranch already, immersing myself in tasks to keep the place up and running. I could check some of the video feeds for the security cameras. I hadn’t done that ever since we’d taken people off the night shift. There were a million things to do, and there always would be. I didn’t have time to fuck around at a McDonald’s just because Toby wanted to.
“How are things going to be between us, Chance?” she asked, giving up on keeping track of Toby’s progress in a grimy ball pit.
“Excuse me?” I asked, surprised out of my downward spiral of thoughts.
“You had a nasty look on your face right now,” she said. “Were you thinking about all the regrets you had marrying me and adopting my son?”
“No,” I lied. “I just … McDonald’s isn’t my favorite.”
“I fucking hate McDonald’s,” Zoe confirmed. “But get used to it. I don’t know why, but it’s Toby’s favorite place to go. Probably the playground.”
“Maybe we should build a swing set or something in the yard back home,” I said. “It wouldn’t smell like feet.”
Zoe snorted. “Listen to what I’m trying to tell you, Chance. Parenthood isn’t glamorous. Most of the time, it’s a dirty and thankless job. You have to do things you don’t necessarily want to do. Things that would make him happy.”
She watched Toby flail around in the ball pit, his suit irreversibly rumpled.
“He’s just a kid,” I said. “I know all of that.”
“You might think you know, but you don’t until you’re in the middle of all that shit,” she said.
“Do you regret marrying me?” I asked. “You can tell me.”
Zoe took a long swig of her cola before answering. “I regret the way we’re having to do it. It’s all because of Forrest.”
“We can make it all about us,” I said, covering her hand with mine. “I know today wasn’t romantic — even with the judge’s best efforts. I know that this is a desperate time. But give us a chance, Zoe. I really do care for you.”
“And I’m humbled that you care for me,” she said. “I don’t know why. I come with so much goddamn baggage I might as well be a Greyhound bus.”
“You’re selling yourself short.”
“I’m being honest with myself, and with you.” She looked at me her eyes strangely dull. “You need to be honest with yourself about all of this. What it all means.”
“I signed those papers, same as you,” I said. “I know what it all means.”
“Forrest hit me,” she said. “He hit Toby, too. He made our lives living hell. I was frightened all the time.”
“It’s not like that anymore.”
“It’s like that all the time for me,” she said. “I'm always thinking about what I would do, where I would go if he showed back up in our lives. I thought this would be enough distance to discourage him, but it’s not. I don’t even know how he found out where we were.”
“You don’t have to go anywhere anymore. You live with me. You live on the ranch with all of us. That’s your home, now, and it’s Toby’s home, too. That’s where the both of you belong.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be normal again.” Zoe stared toward the playground, but I doubted she saw any of it. Otherwise, she’d probably fuss at Toby for doing belly flops into the ball pit from the slide.
“Normal’s overrated,” I offered. “Normal is boring.”
“I would have wanted to be better for you,” she said. “You deserve someone better than me.”
“And you deserve someone better than me,” I said, lifting her hand to my lips and kissing it. “But here we are, mediocre for each other.”
She stifled a guffaw. “Mediocre for each other. We should get that put on a wedding cake.”
We were trying. We were trying so hard to do this the right way, but the truth of the matter was that there wasn’t a right way. Maybe a marriage would’ve been more feasible and loving in a year or two, when Zoe and I had a chance to explore our relationship and our feelings for each other better. And maybe, after that period of time, we would’ve instead discovered that we worked better apart. However, we didn’t have the luxury to take our time to figure all of that out now. Forrest was a threat real enough to push Zoe and I into a marriage we didn’t necessarily want. That was our reality.
“Everything is going to be okay,” I said, trying to reassure both of us. I wove my fingers through hers and squeezed. “We’re going to get this figured out.”
“I want to believe you, but I know better,” she said. “I don’t believe in fairy tales any more. I can’t afford to. Not with Toby.”
“You know that everyone on that ranch loves Toby,” I said. “He’s happy there.”
“Do you include yourself when you say everyone?” she asked.
“What?”
“Never mind.” Zoe rooted around in her purse for a moment before producing a rubber band for her hair, whipping the waves out of her face and on top of her head. “We should probably get going. I made some excuses to Amelia about running into town with you, but I think she was suspicious.”
“We’ll tell them soon enough,” I said. “This is just ours, for now. Zoe?”
“Yeah?”
“Your hair looks nice when it’s down. It looks nice all the time. You look nice all the time. But just in case you were wondering.”
She laughed at me. “I wasn’t wondering, but thanks. Thanks for the compliment.”
“You know one good thing about this marriage, right?”
“What is it?”
“Consummation.” I waggled my eyebrows at her in what I hoped was a lecherous manner, and she rolled her eyes.
“So romantic. Can’t wait to make it official with you.”
“We could even do it in the truck, right here and now, in the McDonald’s parking lot,” I said, lowering my voice like I was proposing something really enticing. “I bet Toby won’t even notice we’re gone.”
“You’re quite a catch, Chance Corbin.”
“Same to you, Zoe Corbin.”
And at night, after everyone was in bed and the house was quiet, Zoe slipped into my room and under the covers with me.
“Your feet are ice cold,” I whispered, drawing away from her.
“Warm my feet now, husband,” she murmured back, shaking with quiet laughter. “That’s your responsibility now.”
“You need to move down here so you aren’t creeping around the house, getting your feet cold,” I said.
“After we tell everyone.”
“Okay. After.”
We touched each other shyly in the dark. It didn’t matter that we’d already had sex before now, that we already knew what we both liked, the right way to touch to elicit soft sounds from each other. We’d never been married before. We’d never had that b
ond to think about when exploring each other. Now, it made us awkward and unsure.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Zoe, rubbing her back.
“Does it feel different?” she asked. “It feels different to me.”
“It’s just a mind game,” I said.
“A mind fuck, you mean.”
“That would probably be a little more appropriate, yes.”
“Then how can we un-mind fuck ourselves so we can at least have a decent lay on our wedding night?”
“I hope it’s going to be more than decent. We’re Mr. and Mrs. Corbin now. Unstoppable in and out of bed.”
“We’ll see about that,” she said, chortling.
It was the laughter that helped. We just had to relax, let our minds take a break and our bodies do all the heavy lifting. If we just took our minds out of it, we were perfectly natural. Our bodies were old friends by now. I knew just the right pressure to apply when I squeezed her nipples, teasing them to attention. She knew just what kinds of nibbles along my skin would make me tense up and shudder. My hands knew the shape of her like a map to a familiar place, and I liked it that way. I knew she liked to be on top, liked to ride me until we were both panting and shaking. I liked her there, too, liked to guide her hips, grab them, move her along with my own thrusting.
I loved it when she came first, loved to watch her face tense up and then slacken, come apart as her climax crashed over her. I tried to hold out as often as I could for this particular pleasure. It heightened my own orgasm, when it arrived, seeing her let go in the throes of everything.
And I liked most of all when we were stuck to each other, covered in sweat and juices and saliva and all manner of things, exhausted, our heartbeats synced to the same rhythm, lying in bed.
“We’re going to have to tell everyone, you know,” Zoe murmured sleepily afterward, curled up at my side.
“I know we will.”
“Better sooner than later.”
“You’re right.”
“It’ll get harder the longer we wait.”
“I’ll get everyone together for a family meeting tomorrow,” I vowed. “Don’t worry about anything.”