Sass

by Laramie Briscoe

  “Shut up,” I yell at him, my eyes watering. I know all of these things. I’ve had these talks with myself. I don’t need him to throw this in my face too. This is one time in my life where I don’t need him to be straight with me, I don’t need him to be honest. I need him to be my big brother and tell me everything is going to be okay, the same way he did when our dad died.

  “No, it’s time you face this. How do you think this is going to end?” He looks down on me, and I can see his disappointment. It’s devastating to me.

  I swallow against the lump in my throat, looking up at my big brother. The one who’s been there for me so many times since our dad died, the one who’s protected me. I know he’s doing the same here, but fuck, this hurts so much more than I thought it would. I’m not prepared for this; I’m not prepared for his disappointment in me, or mine in Reed. I’m completely lost, and I’m not sure I know how to find the old Sass. The one who would bite back with a smart-ass retort. She’s not here at the moment; I’m not sure she’ll ever be back. That forecast is looking cloudy.

  “I want to end up spending the rest of my life with him, but I’m scared I’m going to end up alone and wishing things were different. Hoping like hell he realizes I’m not Lacey,” I admit, hugging my arms to my body.

  “At least you’re honest with yourself, but I won’t be there to pick either one of you up from this. You’re blindly in love with him, and he’s falling for you, but neither of you want to admit it to each other. This shit is stupid. You need to be honest with one another—if not, it’s going to implode. I know how this goes.” He throws his hands up and heads out of the office, obviously done with this conversation.

  Unfortunately, I know how this ends too. My heart broken.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Reed

  I pull at the collar of the shirt I’m wearing; cursing the fact I have a business meeting on such a hot fucking day. Two days after my encounter with Taylor and my anger still has yet to cool. Taylor has pissed me off, and I’m pissed off at myself because of how I treated Sass. It’s a double-edged sword I haven’t figured out how to navigate yet. I can’t get his words out of my head—that he could get her as easily as he got Lacey. And I can’t seem to forget the way Sass looked when I came inside her. I’m halfway ashamed at the way I made love to her. It wasn’t soft, it wasn’t tender. I took my anger out on her, and I’m feeling like a total bastard. I’ve felt like a total bastard since I woke up and again found her gone. I wonder if this is the kind of man I’ve turned into. When did this start? When did I lose the piece of myself that believed in love and flowers and caring more about your partner? It’s time to take a hard look at my life, and that begins with me.

  Right now, though, right now I need to focus on business and not the tattered shreds of my love life.

  “Reed?”

  I look up and see Mr. Stanton, the one who’s coordinating the planned subdivision, the one with whom I have the meeting. Luckily for me, Alexa has taken the helm on hiring the new help, and at least that’s been taken care of. It’s time for me to get my game face on and deal with business.

  “Sir.” I hold out my hand. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You too, Reed. I hope you have some good news and some good plans for us.” He’s looking at me like I hold the world in my hands, and I guess in a way I do. I’m going to tell him whether what he wants to do is feasible or not. I have the option of telling him yes or no. This is one part of my life I do have control over, one part I know I won’t fuck up. I need this today, more than I’ve ever needed it before.

  I hold up my hand where I carry a folder holding blueprints, mock-ups, and anything else about which the man can ask me. I’m prepared, like I always am when it comes to my business. I don’t understand why I can’t be this way in my personal life too. “I’ve been hard at work. I hope you like what we’ve done.” When I say we, I mean Sass too, because there’s one thing this woman is, and it’s a partner in everything with me.

  “What’s got your attention so preoccupied?” Sass asks as she leans over the back of the couch.

  The two of us are in my living room, relaxing after our long day at work. That day, however, is not done for me, and I hope she’ll understand. I hope she doesn’t fly off the handle the way Lacey used to.

  “These plans for the subdivision. They wanted me to come up with some mock houses so they could see what they would be working with. I haven’t had time to make it to the office in the past few weeks, and these are due soon. I wanted to get a head start on them, so I figured this was something I could do while we watched TV.” I shrug. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all.” She moves her legs off the couch so she’s got her feet next to mine.

  She has a seat on the floor next to me, folding her legs up Indian style, leaning her head against my shoulder. Her eyes run over the drawing, and they light up as she obviously gets an idea. “You should let me draw in some flowerbeds and let them see what landscaping will do for it. I think it’ll give it more curb appeal and make it more eye-catching.”

  That’s an idea I hadn’t thought of, and I’m all for it. “Yes, please do that. It’ll be easier for me to tell him the person who’s drawn all of this is going to be available to do it.”

  I sit back and watch as she takes control of my plans and works her magic. This is a different situation for me, and I can’t say I hate it. Having her here, working side by side with me has made this one of the best nights of my life.

  I’m banking on it. The plans I’ve drawn up will allow both RS Construction and Straight Edge to grow. It’s important to me this happens. There are families and life-long relationships depending on this.

  “Let’s go talk about it.” He ushers me through the door, and I put my game face on. This is where I excel, and I refuse to let my friends down. I’ve done enough letting people down for the time being. This is where I need to man up and prove to myself I’m a winner.

  *

  The meeting went well, contracts were signed, and one is being sent over to Straight Edge right now. It’s a good feeling to know I can possibly help my friends secure a contract that will help make their business grow. I hope it allows Justin to make changes so he can encourage the growth of the business and stabilize the cash flow. It’s something we both always worry about. Our work, in this industry, is fickle, and it’s a guessing game as to how things will be from year to year. Thinking about Justin makes me think about Sass. I wonder, not for the first time, what the hell is going on with her. I wonder what she’s doing, if she’s thinking of me, and if I’m still in the shit house with her. By all accounts, of what I can remember about myself, I damn well should be. My cell phone rings beside me, interrupting my thoughts. I’m on auto-pilot at this point, and I grab it, answering without looking.

  “RS Construction, this is Reed.”

  A crying voice greets me, and for a moment I’m paralyzed with fear, until I realize it isn’t Sass. It’s Lacey. My heart slows down, and I’m not in complete panic mode—now I wonder what in the hell she wants.

  “Reed, I’m at your office. I need help.” Her voice is thick with tears.

  This is her damsel-in-distress voice. She uses it when she wants to get something. I’ve heard it all too much over the years. I roll my eyes and do my best not to yell at her just to scare her off. I want her gone, and I’m going to have to brace myself for whatever it is she’s going to throw at me. “I’ll be there in a second; I’m pulling onto the street right now.”

  As I pull into the parking lot, I realize I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to mess with her anymore. If someone had told me I would be at that point in my life, I would have laughed at them, but I’ve realized she’s not what I want—maybe she’s never been what I want. Maybe I went with it because it was what was expected of me and not because it was what my heart said.

  Getting out of my truck, I walk towards her and cautiously ask her. “What’s wrong?”
>
  She’s crying—huge crocodile tears. I’ve also seen these a few times in my life.

  “I made a huge mistake.” She runs up to me, throwing her arms around me, pressing herself into my body. “I should never have left you.”

  At one time I wanted to hear these words from her; I would have died or killed to hear these words from her. Now? They mean jack shit to me. They mean less than jack shit to me. I want out of this situation, and I want out of it yesterday. This has bad idea written all over it.

  “What happened?” I ask, trying to keep the mocking tone out of my voice, but it’s a struggle. “Did he not give you a piece of jewelry you want?”

  Her face screws up as she tightens her arms around my neck. “You make it sound like I’m materialistic, that I don’t have feelings. It’s much more than that. He won’t give me the wedding I want. That’s the symbol of our love, and he doesn’t want it to be what I want it to be. It hurts my feelings,” she cries.

  I laugh, trying to remove her arms from where they are locked around me. “We both know you’ll run back to him. I was giving you the wedding of your dreams. I built you the house of your dreams, and I still couldn’t keep you. This is a shit excuse because something’s clicked with you and you realize you no longer have any kind of chance of us getting back together. Now you’re scared. Trust me, you and your boyfriend, you’re perfect for one another. You think you want me, but you don’t. You never did, Lacey. We weren’t good for each other.” And for the first time, I realize, this is what Lacey does. She moves from one person to the next, depending on who she can latch onto at one time. She always has to feel wanted and needed, and whoever can give her that is her person.

  “I do,” she argues, and I’m too slow to miss her lips as they descend on mine.

  I’m trying like hell to make her let go, but she’s got hold of me. A car pulls up, and I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Stop,” I plead against her lips.

  “So this is how it’s going to end, huh?”

  My blood runs cold when Sass gasps out a really loud motherfucker, and I know this is it. She won’t believe me, will never allow me to explain, will never give me a shot after this. Whatever we had is over, because she will leave and never look back.

  “Have a nice life, Reed.” She flips me off as she gets back in her car.

  I turn to Lacey, wiping her lipstick off my lips. She’s grinning, because she knows exactly what she’s done. She’s proud of herself, and I want to hit her. If she were a man, I would wipe the floor with her. “You’re a stupid bitch. Get the fuck off my property.”

  “With pleasure.”

  I watch as she leaves, pissed I fell for her games again and scared to death I’m never going to get Sass to trust me after this. I hop in my truck and follow her to wherever it is she’s going.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Reed

  We end up at her apartment building. I pull in behind her, blocking her from leaving as she parks. I don’t want her to be able to let me get out of my truck, and her back out of the parking space. “Let’s go upstairs and talk about this.” I’m trying to avoid the scene I know is coming. This is a scene I had hoped to avoid all the way around.

  “No.” She shakes her head. “We can do this here or not at all.” She folds her arms over her chest and stands her ground. Her chin juts up at me, and I want to let her know how proud I am of her for standing tall, but the other part of me wants to tell her to stop being so fucking stubborn, that this is not what she thinks it is.

  I don’t understand why she wants to do this where other people can hear it. Then it hits me, she thinks this is the big break up. She wants the stage; she wants people to hear it and to know we’re over. Sass still thinks I’m playing around with this, that it’s a game. And why wouldn’t she? I haven’t been honest with her. I’ve internalized all my feelings; I haven’t once spoken out loud what I’ve been realizing when it comes to her, and with a cold reality, I know she’s not going to believe me now. She’s going to think I’m saving face, and that’s not at all what I’m doing. I’m trying to save my sanity.

  “No, Sass, I don’t want this,” I try to let her know my feelings are true; this stopped being a game for me a long time ago. I can see in her eyes though she’s not getting it. She’s sticking to her part, and this is killing me. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to tell her this isn’t what she thinks it is, and she’s got this all wrong. She’s not going to believe it, and we’ll be stuck right back where we started. This is a fucking helpless place to be in.

  “Don’t lie to yourself. You’ve always wanted this. It was always meant to end this way, Reed. You and I both know that.” She’s got her arms crossed over her chest, putting up a good front, but I can see beyond it. It’s killing her to say it as much as it’s killing me to hear it.

  “No, you’re not listening to me,” I argue, wanting to take her by the arms and shake her. “This isn’t what I want at all, and I’m not sure you understand what I’m saying. This isn’t how it started out. I have strong feelings for you.” I hope she recognizes the truth in my words, the honesty in my voice. It cracks as I beg her.

  “No it’s not how it started out,” she says. I can see the devastation on her face as she realizes we’re not playing parts here anymore. “This is so much more than it started out being. I was dumb to think I could do this,” she whispers, real tears coming to her eyes.

  “I don’t want to let you go.”

  “That’s not what I saw a few minutes ago. I saw you wrapped up in your ex-fiancée. I should have listened to Justin.” She laughs, and the sound is bitter. It makes my stomach hurt and my chest cold. “If you wanted me to believe this was real, you have a fucking funny way of showing it. Nothing could have hurt me more than to see her in your arms, and you know that.”

  “Justin knows nothing about what I feel for you. Fuck, you don’t know, and you’re refusing to listen. I’m ready to talk, please.” I’m trying to grasp her hand in mine; trying to hold her to me so she can’t leave. I know if she leaves I may not have another chance, and I’m not ready to face that yet. “Listen to what I’m saying to you.” I finally grasp her hand and pull it to my chest. My heart is pounding, and the way her pupils dilate, I know she gets it, but she’s being fucking stubborn. I’m laying my emotions on the table for both of us to see. It’s a gamble, but it’s what I have to do.

  “All I know is in the end we’ll both hurt. This all ends the same way. I don’t see us having a future. I can’t do that. Not with you. I can’t let you take your anger out on me again; I can’t let us hate each other when we’re done.”

  I scream at her. I can’t help it. I’m so frustrated we’re talking in circles. “Because you refuse to listen to reason, Sass. It’s changed for both of us. I’m telling you this with my heart on my sleeve.”

  “It changes until Lacey finally decides she’s had enough of the games and you go running back to her. I can’t do that,” she whispers, the joy I usually hear in her voice gone. Her tone is dead. “Please let me go.”

  “I will. I’ll give you the space you want, but I’m not letting you go permanently. I promise you that. Get used to us, Sass, because we’re going to be together for the long haul.”

  She gives me a look that absolutely breaks my heart. “I wish I could believe you.”

  “You will. I’ll prove it to you.” And I know without a doubt I will.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Sass

  “You’ve got to get out of this office and go on some jobs today,” Justin tells me as he sits across from the desk, staring at me like I’m about to break.

  It’s been two weeks since Reed and I last talked face to face, and to be honest, I’m still raw. There’s still a part of me that’s been left on the blacktop of my apartment parking lot, and it’s getting run over day in and day out. Sure, we text and we talk on the phone, but it’s missing something. An innocence we had in the beginning. I haven�
��t gone anywhere since that day besides this office and back home. “I don’t know if I can, Justin. I don’t know if I’m up for that.” I’m fighting depression, and the fact he wants me to brush it off gets me madder than I ever thought it would.

  “Look, you can’t keep wallowing around in this bullshit. I’m going to tell him the same thing. So what? You took a chance and it backfired, or you think it did. I’m not even sure what the fuck is going on with the two of you right now. I know y’all are still talking. What I don’t understand is why you don’t work this shit out. You have the option, but you’re being too fucking stubborn,” he continues. “Either figure it out or move on. Stop texting, stop calling, and stop fucking stringing him on.”

  “Me? String him on? I did this to help him,” I defend my actions. “My intentions were in the right place.”

  “You and I both know that’s a crock of shit. You did this because you wanted to know what it would be like to be with him. You were purely selfish, and now it’s come back to bite you in the ass,” Justin argues. “He’s offered you what you want, and you’re too scared to take a shot when real feelings are on the line. Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want, but stop moping around and stop bringing him with you. He has a life to live just like you do, and I’ll be damned if I lose him again the way I lost him before because of some woman.”

  My mouth hangs open as Justin gives me his back and leaves. The truth is hard to take, but I know he’s right. I know I need to make some sort of decision, and I need to make it soon.

  *

  My day has gone from bad to worse as I sit in line at the gas station with my low fuel light on. I try not to think of the last time this happened. Reed had been in the next stall over, and with a few words, a few glances, and a night at his house, he changed my life.