Guard My Baby

by Rebecca Savage

  She'd been the only balm to lessen the pain of his family's sudden loss. She'd soothed him, consoled him, and pleasured him. Whatever the reason for his recurring visits with her, he'd sought her out constantly, and he'd been glad of it. He still was, even if becoming a father frightened him out of his ever lovin' mind.

  Good Lord in Heaven above. They were having a baby. He was about to become a father. He'd always wanted to be, if for no other reason than to prove himself a better man than the countless men that'd come into, and out of, his mother's life so abruptly. Still, he wasn't ready. He'd thought he'd be married and settled down before children came along.

  That plan hadn't worked out. His ex-wife had murdered their unborn child, and he'd sworn never to trust another woman again because of her treason. He couldn't trust his own judgment or control his own actions because of his despicable, unpredictable genes. He didn't know who his father was, but his father had been a louse. He'd been irresponsible and hadn't hung around to care for his offspring. All the other men in his mother's life had disappeared just as quickly as they'd shown up. He'd done the same to Lainie.

  Disgusted with himself and his future prospects, he cringed. Was he bound to do it again? Would he tire of her and leave her at the first sign of trouble? Would he fail her and their child? As he had his mother, his sister, and his niece, by leaving them and trekking around the world doing his duty - a duty for his country that took him away from his duties at home?

  He shuddered at the prospect of such a sordid possibility. Maybe it'd even been his fault somehow. His wife hadn't loved him enough to have their child. Why not? Was there something innately wrong with him?

  That disturbing, self-mortifying thought made him want to kick his own ass, but he had no idea how to change. He could only try to live with his extensive faults and do right by his baby and the unconscious woman beside him. He'd stick around this time. At least he could be here for Lainie, now, even if he hadn't been there for her before.

  He winced. She must have been frightened, uncertain, wondering if she was pregnant or not. She must've been scared, wondering how she'd handle things on her own, before coming to the conclusion she'd have to survive and raise their child as a single mother.

  Lainie groaned and moved, her eyes fluttering open. Her fingers gripped his and squeezed. He breathed easier with the knowledge she was at least awake now. "Are you okay, Lainie?" She looked at him, wide-eyed, pale-faced, struggling and trying to breathe in quick pants. She shook her head. "Five more minutes to the hospital. Okay? Can you make it?"

  Please, let us make it.

  Lainie closed her eyes tightly. A tear ran down her cheek. She nodded slightly. Cade released her hands to reach up and swipe away the warm, wet tear. Lainie flinched at his touch, but she didn't pull away from him.

  Did she hate him now? She didn't act as if she did, but did he know her well enough to judge her reaction to him? No. He'd spent three sensual, astonishing weeks with her, but he couldn't say he knew her, or vice versa.

  He exhaled hard and reclaimed her hands on her tummy. They'd have to get past the unfamiliarity and get to know each other for their child's sake, but they could deal with all that later. Right now, Lainie had to deliver their baby, and she didn't need to deal with any more conversation or stress than necessary.

  He'd assisted in the delivery of babies in the ravaged refugee camps of Colombia. Women didn't like to talk while in labor. They couldn't. Too much pain. He hated that Lainie had to go through such intense pain because of him, but he didn't regret her having his child. In fact, his chest expanded with joy. She'd not had an abortion. Lainie would never do such a vile thing. Not like his witch of an ex-wife.

  He swallowed, as the bile rose in his throat... tried to choke him. He shook away the traumatic memory. Eyes closed, she leaned her head back weakly. Sweat popped out in beads across her forehead and made her brow damp with droplets of moisture. The contractions must have stopped, and he was glad for her respite. She breathed easier - seemed a little more relaxed now. Cade breathed a sigh of relief and let her rest.

  After what seemed like forever, but was really only about fifteen minutes from her house to the front doors of the hospital, Cade pulled into the emergency room parking lot. His tires screeched to an abrupt halt, and he threw the car into park and shut off the engine. "We're here. I'll come back for your things later. Wait."

  He got out and ran around to her side. Lifting her into his arms, he kicked the door shut behind his. He hit the automatic lock button on Lainie's key ring and carried her into the emergency room through the sliding glass doors. He placed her gently on the nearest gurney and shoved her toward the nurse's station. The nurses turned to stare at the commotion he caused. He didn't give a damn.

  He barked to the nurse heading their way, "She needs help. Now."

  The nurse took one look at Lainie and turned to give instructions to the other staff members in hearing distance. Cade grasped Lainie's hand, maintaining a connection. It promised to be a hell of a long night, for all of them - Cade, Lainie and the baby. He couldn't believe it. They'd actually made it to the hospital. Lainie was far from okay, though. Her contractions came every few seconds, making her gasp and pant. Cade had never seen this kind of intense labor. The pains came too fast for Lainie to only have been in labor a few minutes - too fast for her to even catch her breath. Something was very, very wrong. Well, at least, they'd made it to the hospital, instead of Lainie's giving birth on the side of the road, with only him there to help, and no medical supplies. Thank God.

  A female doctor came hustling into the hallway. The nurses at the desk had paged her upon Lainie's unexpected arrival. Her name tag read Dr. Gordon. The woman glanced his way, and then stared at Lainie. Her eyes widened in surprise. "What the hell is going on with her?"

  "She's in labor."

  Dr. Gordon grimaced. "I can see that. Was she attacked? What's happening?"

  Cade wondered at the doctor's more than apparent outrage and lack of professionalism, but he kept his questions to himself. "She wasn't attacked. She went into labor, and I rushed her here."

  Dr. Gordon narrowed her eyes. "Are you the bodyguard? How did this happen? Aren't you supposed to be protecting her?"

  Anger flashed through him. Doctor or not, the pushy woman had no right to question his ability to protect someone he was meant to guard. He'd done plenty of protecting, in the military realm. He could take care of Lainie in the civilian arena, too. "I'm her guard, but as I said, she wasn't attacked. She went into labor."

  Dr. Gordon placed her hands on her hips. "There's no just to this. There's nothing normal about this." Dr. Gordon swung around, to shout out orders and clear the way to emergency labor and delivery. She turned back to Cade as she headed for the end of the gurney and prepared to cart Lainie away. "I expected Lainie to walk into my office, alone, on her own two swollen feet, not be carried in and placed on a stretcher by the very man that's supposed to be protecting her." Having cast narrowed eyes on Cade suspiciously, Trish dropped her accusing gaze to the place where he held Lainie's hand. How much did she know about Lainie and him? The doctor seemed more than acquainted with Lainie.

  Cade tossed his own accusing glare back at her. "Don't you think we should get moving, Doctor?" he asked.

  Another debilitating contraction grabbed hold of Lainie, stabbing her right in her midsection, doubling her over, even from the prone position in which she lay. She practically jerked herself off the gurney in the process of struggling with the pain, her muscles convulsing violently. Cade held her in place on the narrow stretcher. "Something is definitely wrong."

  Trish barked out orders for medication and assistance, telling the staff, "Clear out delivery room number four." She glanced at Cade's hand. "Back off. I need to get in there and see what her status is."

  "I'm going into the delivery room with her," Cade declared stubbornly.

  Dr. Gordon caught her breath and halted in mid-stride. She stood with her hands on her hip
s, blocking Cade's path and keeping him from entering into her domain: labor and delivery. "Bodyguards don't accompany their charges into hospital rooms, without the patient's expressed permission."

  The onset of Lainie's next body-torturing contraction caused her to scream out in pain with a spasm that ripped a shrill sound out of her throat and tugged at Cade's heartstrings. A high-pitched screech tore from her lungs, frightening Cade with the terrifying, gut-wrenching sound of it. The shrieking cry of agony brought both Trish and Cade scrambling to her side simultaneously.

  Cade had never considered himself a wimp. He'd seen more blood than most doctors. He'd thought he could handle his own pain and someone else's. But this? Watching Lainie endure pure torture? It was more than he thought he might be able to stand.

  Lainie grabbed and clung to Cade's hand like a lifeline, gripping it so tightly that it hurt. He reveled in the fact that she sought his touch, and the fact that she had the strength to hold on so firmly. He hoped his hand relieved the pain in her abdomen.

  As Lainie's pain subsided, again, she made eye contact with the doctor and inclined her head in Cade's direction. The doctor scrunched up her face with the silent question. Lainie nodded, tears streaming from her eyes.

  Relief washed through him. Her acceptance meant more to him than he thought advisable, but there it was. He was about to be a father, and he'd share the event with Lainie. Thank God.

  Dr. Gordon went to work, then, along with the nurses, frantically yet efficiently hooking up the many elaborate machines and monitoring the gauges, and then staring at the sonogram in disbelief. Frowning, Dr. Gordon turned to Lainie, worry creasing her freckled brow just beneath her fiery red hairline. She placed a hand on Lainie's shoulder. "The baby's breached, Lainie, but she hasn't dropped, so we have time to prep for a C-section, and... "

  Lainie shook her head in adamant denial. "No."

  "But, Lainie... " Dr. Gordon began, her voice trembling. Cade thought it odd that a doctor reacted this way to her patient. What was going on here?

  "No, Trish. Not unless the baby's in danger. I want to do this naturally. It might be my only chance, and... " Lainie stopped, glancing at Cade, and then back to Dr. Gordon. "I want to do this right and experience natural child birth for once in my life."

  What the hell was Lainie talking about? Why wouldn't she have more kids? And why had she called her doctor by her first name?

  Dr. Gordon took a deep, bolstering breath and looked at Lainie seriously. "Then, for the baby's sake, we'll have to turn her, and I don't suggest anesthesia. It could lower your blood pressure or raise it. You'll have enough to deal with, without adding drugs to your system."

  Cade knew what that meant. He'd seen it done - had even assisted once. Lainie would suffer unimaginable pain - even worse than what she'd already endured.

  Lainie nodded in understanding and bit her lip.

  Dr. Gordon nodded back. "I'll have to check you and see how dilated you are, first."

  Oh, God. Breached. No wonder. Fear coursed through Cade's throbbing veins. He wanted to be a father, but it shouldn't have been this way. Lainie should have been prepping for induction. Then she could have found out about the baby's dangerous position well before she was in the middle of unbearable pain and intense labor.

  Cade stiffened. Guilt washed through him and stung him. He was to blame for this. He'd barged into her life and shocked her senseless. He'd brought this trauma on. Cade felt like a son of a bitch. He'd selfishly enjoyed every minute of last summer. Now it was time to pay the piper.

  Another overwhelming contraction overtook Lainie. She gasped in pain, and then unleashed a shout from deep in her diaphragm. She didn't lose her steel-fisted grasp on Cade's hand, though, and that meant she needed Cade... for now.

  He thanked God for that, too.

  Chapter Eight

  For over eight unbearable hours, Lainie struggled desperately to hold onto to life and sanity. Cade worked to do the same, more nervous and afraid than he'd ever been in his life.

  His hands were a combination of numbness and pain. He'd been switching them back and forth, letting Lainie cling to them, grip them, and destroy them without mercy. If she could take the kind of pain he could only imagine her enduring, then he could take squashed, blood-drained, scratched-up, pulverized hands.

  Cade had initially suspected, and then come to realize, that Dr. Gordon - Trish - was much more to Lainie than her physician. After the first five hours of intense labor, Trish had asked Cade to call her by her first name. He guessed that she realized he wasn't going anywhere and decided to make nice. They had gained some semblance of mutual understanding and cooperation, for Lainie's sake. He was grateful that Trish cared about Lainie, and even more grateful that Trish knew her business.

  Lainie nearly passed out with the effort of holding back the screams while the doctor turned her baby inside her - something he, as a man, could hardly see as even feasible. He'd remained by Lainie's side, even if the whole scene made him feel completely helpless and useless. How did women do this? Go through this? And why would they ever do this more than once? And be happy to do it? It wasn't something that made sense to his male mind.

  With a triumphant smile and obvious excitement in her now-high-pitched voice, Trish exclaimed, "Here she comes, Lainie. Almost there. Her head's crowning."

  "Finally, infinity is about to end." Cade rolled his eyes. Trish grinned at him and winked.

  Within minutes, Lainie huffed and puffed, pushed and pushed, breathed and breathed, and Cade could only watch in wonder and awe as her baby, his baby, their baby, came into the world.

  Pride surged through him. And relief. And... love? The emotion swamped him, but he could hardly fathom how he could love someone he hadn't even known existed until a few very long eight hours ago - eight hours that seemed an eternity of pain, suffering and uncertainty.

  Still, the result, even to him - especially to him - astonished him. It was well worth the suffering. He knew Lainie felt the same way. Tears of joy streaked down her tired face. Her bright eyes followed the baby's every move. The nurses cleaned and prepped the little girl, preparing to hand her to her mother.

  The nurse placed the baby in... his arms? He wrapped his hands around the tiny bundle and looked at Lainie for reassurance and approval. She nodded in his direction, her eyes glimmering. Her voice came out raw and exhausted. "It's okay."

  "Are you sure?" Pride and excitement slid through him. His newborn baby was in his arms. Hisdaughter. The idea rocked him to his very soul and purged his hardened heart of much of the ice blocking his whirling emotions. The nurse released her grasp on the soft, warm bundle in his shaking arms. He thanked God again. He hadn't missed the birth of his baby. Dumbfounded and solemn, he stared down at the infant. She was red and wrinkled, and... beautiful.

  Finally, coming out of his mesmerized daze, he realized that the least he could do was thank the mother for going through with this and carrying his child to term, instead of what his ex-wife had done. He tried to erase the sickening memory from his mind. Leaning down, he placed the baby in Lainie's arms.

  Releasing his daughter, he kissed both their foreheads - first their baby's, and then Lainie's, idly smoothing back Lainie's sweat-drenched hair from her forehead. How beautiful they looked, even now, with Lainie worn out and flushed, and the baby all pink and prune-like. All he could manage to croak out was a shaky, "Thank you."

  She looked up at him, surprise etched in her soft, round doe eyes. Her voice was weak and wobbly. "For what?"

  "For not having an abortion. For not giving up our daughter," he choked out.

  Lainie's mouth dropped open in shock. Anger surged through her, and then she studied his chiseled features. Sadness lurked in his haunted eyes. He wasn't accusing her or challenging her. He'd been hurt, somehow, by someone, in his past.

  Still, she had to be mistaken. Were those actually tears in Cade's troubled eyes? Was the most devastatingly handsome and virile male she'd ever met in all her
days actually emotional enough to be tearing up?

  She could hardly fathom it, but the moisture lurked there, glistening, behind his long, dark lashes, held back with an amazing amount of force, threatening to spill over and run down his strong jaw line. She simply had to ask. "Why would anyone do such a despicable thing?"

  "I don't know why any woman would, but my ex-wife did." Cade's voice was hoarse with emotion. He jammed his fists into his pockets, clamped his mouth shut tight, and locked his jaw. He looked away.

  The words hit her like a ton of bricks. He'd gone through hell. No wonder he'd been so shell-shocked when he'd seen her and realized that she carried his child. Saying it out loud and telling her of his loss must have cost him greatly, but not as much as the unforgivable actions of his ex-wife had hurt him. Lainie could see that as plain as day. He'd wanted his child, and his ex-wife had taken the life they'd created away from him.

  Cade refused to even glance at Lainie. He kept his eyes diverted from hers, but Lainie reached her trembling hand up and pulled Cade down to her by his collar. She placed her other hand on his beard-roughened cheek. "I'd never do that, Cade. I'd never take a life, and I'll never keep her from you. She's part of both of us."

  Lainie stared into Cade's tortured eyes. If she didn't watch herself, she'd lose herself in those deep, soul-searching pools of onyx. She could fall for Cade, so easily. Especially now. They had a child together. The realization made her release his shirt with a start and withdraw her hand from him. The knee-jerk reaction was instinctive and done in self-defense... of her heart. What was she thinking, touching him like that, pulling him close to her, letting him share this intimate experience with her?

  Control. She needed to regain some control here.

  Cade stepped back from her and cleared his throat. "Have you thought of a name for her yet?"