Guard My Baby

by Rebecca Savage

  Lainie headed up the walk towards her front door. Cade stopped her from escaping, which he suspected she sorely wanted to do, with his hand on hers. "Lainie, wait. I... "

  He what? How should he proceed? He scowled. What was wrong with him? He'd proposed before. He'd been married before. He dropped Lainie's hand and paced the length of the sidewalk. This was different. It was Lainie. The mother of his child. For some reason, it mattered more than he wanted it to. He didn't want to mess this up. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to sound like an idiot. He did anyway.

  Cade stopped pacing and blurted out, "Marry me."

  She looked at him as if he'd gone mad. He probably had.

  "Excuse me?" Lainie croaked.

  "Marry me, Lainie. Eli needs a father, and since I am her father, I fit the role perfectly." He smiled a little, dying inside. She was going to say no. He just knew it.

  "But... you don't love me." Lainie's face wilted, and her shoulders slumped when he didn't answer right away.

  "I can't love you. I know it's a stupid cliche, but it's not you. It's me. I know that sounds lame, but I can't love you." Cade took her other hand in his. "But it shouldn't matter, Lainie. We both love Eli. We don't have to love each other."

  "And what if... what if I fall in love with you, Cade? What then?" Her lips trembled, and her chin quivered.

  He jerked back as if she'd hit him right in the mouth, pulling both his hands free of hers. "But you won't. You can't. You shouldn't. You're smarter than that. Don't."

  The thought terrified him. He'd hurt her once before, just by leaving her behind and making her think she'd be alone to raise their child. Men had refused to love his mother. Men had left her behind. They'd hurt his mother. He didn't want to hurt Lainie that way, but he had no choice. Anyway, it'd be okay. She was wrong. She couldn't love someone who couldn't love her back. She didn't work that way. Just the thought of loving her terrified him, and trust was even further from his mind.

  Lainie turned to go into the house, but not before he saw the tears falling. She swiped them away and tried to open her front door, fumbling with her keys with trembling fingers. Cade stopped her, locking her in his arms, holding her tight against the door, drawing her back to his needy body and bracing her against his aching chest. Lainie sobbed uncontrollably, her head bent and tucked against him. She went rigid, but she let him hold her. It was his fault, his lacking, that made Lainie heave with heart-wrenching sobs that tore at his very bitter soul. It'd be his fault if he lost her and his child.

  He hated himself for doing this to her, and to himself, and to his baby - correction, their baby. Eventually, Eli would sense their discord, if they stayed together, loveless but married. Still, he couldn't bring herself to think that was a totally bad thing. It had to be better than not being able to hold Eli when he wanted, and not being able to be with her and Lainie, physically. What did that say for him?

  Cade felt ill, and he felt like a user - a selfish bastard who wanted a woman, but only for the pleasure she could give him, and for the child they shared. Actually, he wanted Lainie to care for him, but he didn't want her to love him, and he didn't want to love her back. Caring was one thing, loving quite another.

  She'd given her virginity to him, and she'd been infatuated with him, but it'd only been a major case of puppy love, a crush on the man to whom she'd lost her virginity. It hadn't been love. She had to be smarter than that, stronger than that, for both of them.

  He did want her, though, and she wanted him. He knew that much for certain. He'd felt her undeniable reaction to him when he'd kissed her. At least they could have that. Heat. Passion. Desire. Magical moments and amazing sex. They just couldn't have love. It simply wasn't in him.

  Lainie stopped crying and melted into him. Her bare neck was too close for him not to want to kiss it. He did, tasting her sweetness and the salt of her skin. His arms wrapped around her waist, and his fingers locked at her stomach. He unlaced them, unable to resist, and let them drift upward, to cover her breasts.

  She sucked in a surprised breath, the sound hissing between her teeth. She let her head fall back and allowed him to lick her neck and fill his hands with her more-than-ample, heavy, milk-filled breasts. They must be overly sensitive right now, and he wanted to taste them. He wanted to know what Eli tasted, strange as that sounded, even to him.

  Lainie turned, laced her arms around Cade's neck, pulled him closer, and kissed him back, responding to his demands, taking his tongue deeper and deeper into her mouth, giving herself over to the kiss... the mind-boggling madness of it.

  What else could she do? What else could she ever do? She loved him. Even if she couldn't tell him, mostly because he'd never believe her, never trust her, never love her back.

  Damn him. And damn the women who'd turned his heart to stone, damaging him, ruining Lainie's own chance at happiness with the man she now knew she loved with all her mind, body, heart and soul.

  Cade broke away from their connection, a connection that seemed life-giving. He tugged her cotton top up and ripped the nursing bra down. He couldn't get enough of her, and neither could she get enough of him.

  Everything inside her exploded, and the sensation rippled outward, and then downward when he took her nipple into his mouth and suckled. He groaned a deep, throaty groan, drowning out her moan. She gasped, and then bit her lip, trying to keep from screaming out his name.

  She couldn't do this. She had to keep her head. She necked on her front doorstep like a horny teenager, and her mother was inside, hopefully sleeping, and...

  Trish. Oh, Lord. Lainie hoped Trish had made herself at home and slept soundly in another guest bedroom and...

  Lainie's mind blurred, and she lost all thought and resistance when Cade dipped his free hand into her loose slacks and found her moistened core. She ignited and erupted into oblivion within seconds of his expert touch. He knew exactly how to please her, and it had been so long. All she had ever wanted was him. Her body tensed, and she arched into him. Her body jerked, as her orgasm slammed into her. Cade drew out the pleasure for her, with his talented touch, until she went limp in his arms, no longer able to stand on her weak wobbly legs.

  Cade picked her up and held her close, kissing her, one arm under her spaghetti knees, one around her quaking shoulders. She clung to him, aftershocks echoing through her. It was all she could do to hold on to Cade and let him carry her into her home.

  Cade was so hard he hurt with want of Lainie, but he couldn't take her. No matter how badly he wanted to. Trish had told them to wait six weeks, especially under the circumstances of Lainie's difficult birthing experience. At the time, Cade had ignored her, thinking it'd never get this far. Right now, two more weeks loomed like an eternity.

  Cade took the keys from Lainie and opened the door. He carted her inside, closed the door, locked, and dead-bolted it behind them. He took her into her bedroom, thanking his lucky stars that everyone else in the house slept, in other rooms, with their doors closed. He laid her on her bed, and she curled into a little ball and looked up at him warily. His heart hammered in his chest. She looked wounded, and she probably was. In more ways than one.

  Then he saw it, the love shining in her eyes, and he hated himself, now more than ever, because now he knew that she truly loved him. He left her to sleep alone, and he knew one more thing: he was a cold, callous, heartless son of a bitch.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Two weeks later, Lainie's nerves were so taut that they approached the breaking point. The only thing keeping her jittery nerves from snapping in half and her body from collapsing was her sweet little Eli. Eli held the key to calming Lainie whenever she needed calmed. She kept Lainie from spouting off her mouth. She helped Lainie resist telling her mother she could go home any day now.

  Her mom had stayed with her for a whole month. There was a reason children grew up and left their parents' homes. There was also a reason why Sharon Blanchet had not yet gone home. Secretly - but not so secretly, since Lai
nie could read her mother like an open book - Lainie's mom harbored the hope she could drive Cade away.

  Cade wouldn't budge. Not that he spent much time at Lainie's these days. Mostly, he stayed at Chuck's. Even when he was at Lainie's, he locked himself away in his room like a hermit, messed around outside in the yard, or hung out in the garage, fiddling with his truck.

  Lainie sighed. She had no idea what he did most of the time or where he was now. He made himself invisible and stayed out her mom's sight, which was more than Lainie could manage to do.

  Cade was always there at night, though, causing Lainie to ache, knowing that only a few feet and a couple of thin walls separated them. So close, yet so far away. He remained untouchable, especially with Lainie's mom in the house, watching their every move, hanging on their every word.

  It was probably for the best. Lainie needed some space, time and distance from the emotions running through her, confusing her, bruising her heart. She couldn't get away from the humiliating fact that she'd basically told Cade that she loved him, or at least that she'd hinted that she could fall for him.

  She couldn't escape the sizzle running through her body each time she remembered Cade's most recent devastating touch to her body. It'd been much easier to ignore him when he'd been a last summer fling. Now, Lainie practically felt his hand, caressing her woman's folds. She shuddered at the recollection. Every time she passed her front door, she barely resisted the temptation to go into his room, especially at night.

  He'd sent her over the edge with such ease, so fast. It had taken her breath away and shattered her resolve, almost. She clung to her willpower by a very thin thread, but her mom would be leaving soon. Then what?

  Not that she should have been surprised at how badly she'd wanted Cade, or how easily he'd driven her body to ecstasy, or how wantonly she'd reacted to him. She'd acted the same way last summer. She'd probably always react that way to him, maybe even stronger, if he ever let her get close to him and let their hearts meet, instead of just their bodies.

  She had to think straight, and she needed to be a reasonable, responsible adult and think of Eli and of her own future. Lainie was in love with Cade, yes, but he'd not told her he loved her. Deep down, she knew he wouldn't. Ever. He was probably right. Maybe it really wasn't in him to love anyone, anymore.

  What a shame. For all of them. For Lainie. For Eli. Even for Cade himself. He refused to let himself believe Lainie really loved him. He refused to trust her. He refused to trust himself with the emotions that could turn lust into love. So, yes, his ex-wife had ruined him, along with all the other tragedies in his past. Damn them.

  Sharon walked into the kitchen, just as Cade did. They nodded coolly in acknowledgement and greeting, and then avoided each other like the plague. Her mom sat down to her glass of warm milk, nuked in the microwave - the beverage she always consumed just before she went to sleep. Cade stepped to the other side of the table, sat down, and popped the top of his evening bottled beer - his drink of choice for falling asleep, if he suspected a restless night, he'd informed her grumpily one night. Lainie sipped at her wine, her tonic for the sleepless night she might otherwise have.

  Was no one in this house sleeping well? Yes, Eli was. Finally. She'd begun sleeping through the night, mostly, to Lainie's ultimate relief. Seldom did Eli wake up hungry now, during the wee hours of the morning. Instead, she ate a little baby cereal at night, drank her fill at Lainie's breast, and faded off to a deep slumber.

  Lainie glanced first at her mom, and then at Cade. The scene would be comical if it weren't for the palpable tension - so thick that she doubted she could cut it with a serrated steak knife with a lifetime guarantee of sharpness. Stress filled the room whenever all three of them were together.

  Sharon took a deep breath. "Well, I think I'll be going now."

  Lainie blinked. Cade went still. They sat, waiting, expectant, holding their breath. "Well?" Sharon prepared to pout, her lip protruding, quite like Eli's when she puckered up to wail. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

  Lainie asked tentatively, "Like what?"

  "Aren't you going to ask me when? Where? Why? Aren't you going to try to convince me to stay?" Sharon practically shrieked, out of control.

  Lainie and Cade looked at each other dumbly and said simultaneously, "No."

  Sharon narrowed her eyes and screeched: a high-pitched sound that ground on Lainie's nerves, and always had. "I know what's going to go on around here when I'm gone. Don't you think I don't, Cade." Sharon shook her finger at him in accusation. "You're going to seduce my little girl and... "

  "Mother." Lainie was furious and embarrassed out of her mind. "Stop right there. I'm an adult. There'll be no seducing. Even if there is, it'll be none of your business." Lainie took a calming breath when her mother jolted and jerked back as if Lainie had slapped her. "Listen, Mom, I love you, but you can't run my life anymore. Acting like this, you're only making things worse, for me, for Cade, and for Eli. You've got to accept that the fairytale dream isn't going to come true for me. Nor am I going to marry the man you want me to marry." Lainie put her hand on her mother's. "I don't love Drayton."

  Tears bloomed in Sharon's eyes, and she sniffed and stood. She rinsed her glass. "Yes, well, love doesn't determine lots of things these days, and neither does any other moral value I ever tried to instill in you, like responsibility, for example."

  She drilled Cade with a look. He glared back a challenge, but to his credit, he didn't say a word.

  "We are being responsible, Mom. Cade and I are trying to do the right thing, for Eli. She's all that matters now. Cade's here, and he's doing what he needs to do. He's here for us, keeping us safe, and... "

  "And what about years from now? Will he be here then?" Sharon threw her hands in the air in frustration.

  Cade spoke then, his voice level. "Yes."

  Sharon's tone iced. "In what capacity?"

  "As Lainie's husband and Eli's father. And your son-in-law," Cade tossed back at her.

  Lainie blinked, and then found her voice. "That's not... "

  "Yes, it is going to happen," he finished for her. "Stop denying it, Lainie." The determined look in his steely eyes spoke volumes. Lainie clamped her mouth shut. She could deal with him later. Cade turned his meaningful gaze on Sharon. "She'll marry me. Don't worry about the baby being fatherless. Don't worry about Eli growing up thinking her daddy doesn't love her. I'll never make her feel that way."

  "And what about her mother? Do you love her mother?" her mom drilled.

  Lainie waited, breathless. Cade narrowed his eyes. "I thought you said that didn't matter, as long as we did the right thing... the responsible thing."

  "Don't you dare throw my words back at me, Cade Sheridan. I want my daughter to be happy, and whether you believe it or not, she's in love with you. A child can sense the unhappiness in a home. Living together in a loveless marriage is one thing, as long as there's compatibility, but you two are always walking on eggs around each other, and I can just bet Eli knows it already. She'll know it even more when she gets older and hears you fighting and... "

  Cade interrupted her mom's tirade. "You seem to think we're a couple of immature idiots that'll battle it out in front of Eli every waking minute. I can assure you that I have more control than that. I might not love your daughter, but I care for her deeply, and I respect her. I'll treat her with dignity, take care of her, and provide for her needs for the rest of her life. If she'll let me," Cade promised, standing and looming over Sharon's small stature. Lainie decided to let them have it out and get it out of their systems.

  "She doesn't need your money, if that's what you mean by providing for her. She won the lottery, you simpleton." Sharon's unexpected announcement made Lainie wish she'd not had that last thought. Maybe she should have stepped in and shut her mother up after all. She hadn't wanted Cade to know that, yet.

  Cade's head snapped in her direction. "Is that true?" Lainie swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded helplessly. "How
much?" His gruff voice, rigid stance, and hard expression turned his usually cool exterior cold as an iceberg.

  She laughed hysterically. "Does it really matter?" She shrugged in nonchalance. "Millions."

  He glared at her, and then sighed and shook his head. "Then you truly don't need me."

  He walked out of the room, and Lainie wilted, her hands on her face. "Mother, what are you trying to do to me? Can't you let me do this my way?"

  "Your way isn't getting you very far very fast, honey." Sharon sat next to Lainie and tried to console her, rubbing her shoulder blade.

  "Go to bed, Mother. Please, leave me be."

  Sharon got up. "Fine. I'll leave in the morning. If you could see that I get to the airport, I'll be out of your way. I'll pray for you not to make the biggest mistake of your life and marry that man."

  "I have no intention of marrying him, Mom," Lainie insisted again.

  "But I think you will. Because I know you, Lainie. I see the love shining in your eyes every time you look at Eli, and every time you look at him, adoringly, greedily. You love him, and you want him. You're hungry for him, and I think you'll have him. He'll make sure of it, even if he has to get you pregnant again and make you think you can't survive without him." Her mom shook with anger.

  "Surely, you don't think that's what he did the first time." Lainie stared at her mother in shock.

  "I think he knew exactly what he was doing all along. I think his showing up here might not have even been a mere coincidence. I think he might even be the one sending the messages. Oh, I know, you think it isn't possible, since there was someone who called when he was here, but maybe he has someone helping him. Maybe even his brother, the so-called security guy. Well, I don't know about you, Lainie, but I don't feel all that secure here," her mom admitted, her hand on her hips.

  Lainie's gut twisted, and her temper flared. How could her mother think such a thing of Cade? What was wrong with her? Maybe she was unstable. Lainie blanched at that thought. She needed to talk to her father. Maybe there was something really wrong with her mom. Maybe she was pre-menopausal or something. Yes, she was still a little young to be menopausal, but still... There had to be something wrong with her for her to think, speak, and act this way. Maybe it was depression.