SHIPS CompanionSHIP, FriendSHIP, RelationSHIP

by K'Anne Meinel

  That evening they were chatting as they got ready for bed. Joan told Grace about what she had read. Grace was quiet. She had never read the explanation of that portrait. She felt so stupid for not having seen that the portrait GRACE was of HER. It never had occurred to her. Joan took her into the studio and showed her the passages about it. Grace was truly touched by it. It spoke of Joan’s agony until they had forgiven each other. It showed how much she loved her. She teared up after finishing Joan’s notes. Joan was watching her closely, seeing how it affected her.

  “Grace?”

  She looked up where she sat on the floor of the studio.

  “Could I ask you to do something.” Joan was very uncomfortable but she was curious about something and screwing up her courage.

  Grace stood up and said “of course.”

  “I was wondering” she hesitated, she felt silly. Was it fair to ask? Then thought, nothing asked, nothing gained. “Would you, could you, kiss me?” She gulped, looking down at the floor and feeling foolish.

  Grace was astonished. Of what Joan could ask her she hadn’t expected this. She bent over and gave Joan a quick peck on the lips. Joan looked up and laughed a little “that’s not quite what I meant.”

  Grace didn’t respond. With what she was feeling from the passages she had read and with this woman she loved standing before her she thought, what the hell. She took Joan in her arms and lowered her mouth to Joan’s. At first Joan didn’t know what to do with her hands and lightly held Grace’s shoulders for balance. She didn’t respond at first but as Grace deepened the kiss she couldn’t help herself. She opened her lips and relaxed her jaw and Graces tongue plunged in. Joan thought she would have been grossed out but instead she felt a real delicious feeling inside. The feeling grew, as she stood there with Grace she gathered her close into her arms as well. Finally, Grace stood back and panting she gathered her wits.

  Looking straight into Joan’s eyes which were dilated she asked if that was what Joan had in mind. Barely able to think Joan nodded and thanked her. Grace dropped her arms and returned to the bedroom. She went immediately to bed. Joan turned off the lights in the studio and closed the door. She went into the bedroom and saw that Grace was already in bed. Turning out those lights she got in on her side and with her back to Grace tried to sleep.

  Grace had trouble going to sleep right away. She was very aroused. It had been so long. She’d suppressed that part of their relationship for a long time now. The kiss and Joan’s response had been such a surprise. She hoped that she hadn’t scared Joan away. Since they hadn’t talked about it, she didn’t know. She stomped down on her desires and emotions and tried to analyze it. She wasn’t too successful. When she finally did go to sleep it was to have dreams that she knew couldn’t be fulfilled.

  Joan wasn’t surprised to find that she had trouble sleeping. The emotions that Grace had generated had totally taken her by surprise. She had been playing with fire she could see now. She wouldn’t do that again. It wasn’t fair when she knew that Grace was in love with who she used to be. It had been so nice though. Graces arms around her had made her feel comfortable and safe. That was a surprise. She hadn’t felt safe in a long time. She hadn’t known these people and been afraid for so long in their midst, not knowing them. Now Grace had made her feel safe? With the thought of how the kiss made her feel, she went to sleep. She woke to find Grace wrapped around her. Slipping out was harder this morning. Later Grace spotted her out on the deck with a steaming cup of hot cocoa.

  Opening the patio door woke Joan from her reverie. She’d been thinking over the kiss and other things. What people had told her about Grace. The stories of their wedding and her beautiful ring stories. Grace came out with a cup of coffee in hand. It was a cold fall morning, brisk but the hint of a hot day to come. Perfect weather. Joan said good morning and Grace responded in like. She went on though.

  “Joan, please don’t take this wrong. Don’t ask me again to kiss you like last night unless you are willing to take it to it’s natural conclusion.” Grace had thought it over and decided the best way to handle it was to be bold about it.

  Joan nodded and said “All right. I’m sorry.”

  “It isn’t that I want you to be sorry. I enjoyed it, I really did, but I just don’t want the emotions it generates to frighten you.” She knew that wasn’t a complete explanation but she wasn’t about to tell Joan how aroused it had made her.

  “Actually, I enjoyed it myself.” Joan surprised both of them in answering.

  Changing the subject, Grace and she chatted about the morning and then Grace went to shower and change for work.

  Over the next month they really enjoyed each other’s company. Grace took her for rides in the Jaguar on the weekends. She told stories about places they had been and things they had done. Since Joan didn’t remember them they were all new to her. She relaxed as she hadn’t before. Occasionally she had a flash which she wasn’t certain was a memory so much as something one of them had told her. She discussed this with Jason and he said it was a good sign. She didn’t rest on those hopes though. She became resigned to never getting her memory back.

  One thing Joan couldn’t get out of her mind though was the kiss that she and Grace had shared. Sometimes it generated in her a longing for she knew not what. Occasionally Grace unconsciously touched Joan. It wasn’t obvious and it was usually in private. A gesture or a slight touch on the shoulder. It was so natural to Grace that she didn’t realize she was even doing it. These didn’t panic Joan any longer. She began to think perhaps she wanted more from their relationship.

  She was sitting on the deck enjoying a cup of cocoa one day as Craig and Aaron fished from their dock. All the kids were over today. She’d gotten used to it now. She didn’t feel so closed in with all these people. The grandchildren were a blast and she enjoyed their presence. The adults brought fresh news and occasional remembrances that she hoped would trigger something. She sat there staring off into nothing when she had a blinding headache. It hit the scar on her forehead before passing right through her skull to the base. Her indrawn breath of pain was heard by many. She grabbed her forehead with her hand and dropped her cup. Rushing to her side Grace asked her if she was okay. She asked for an aspirin. Two were rushed to her from the medicine cabinet. Sipping some water to get them down she decided to go lay down. Concerned Grace helped her to the couch inside. She lay there telling them that she was okay, she just had a blinding headache. Kim asked if she had them frequently but she told her no. She really hadn’t had any since she’d woken in the hospital.

  Over the next few days she had more and more headaches. She tried to hide them from her family and especially from Grace. Sometimes though Grace could guess from the facial expressions. She found that sitting in the steamroom in the dark sometimes helped. Grace of course wanted her to see someone about it. Joan refused, telling Grace she felt it was all useless and that she wanted to stop seeing Jason three times a week as well. It didn’t help and was a waste of time. Grace didn’t argue with her much to her relief.

  Over the next few weeks they became more intense. One Saturday afternoon the pain became unbearable and she tried the steamroom trick, but to no avail. It became so painful that she could feel herself losing her equilibrium. Grace found her sleeping in the robe from the steamroom on the couch in front of the entertainment system. Joan woke up as Grace tried to cover her up. Staring at Grace through one eye she asked her to please get her some aspirin. Grace got her 3 and she gulped them without a blink. It hurt to blink and the nausea from swallowing the water and pills she had to fight. Grace sat and watched her as she settled back down on the couch. After a long time the pain seemed to be subsiding. Grace was really getting angry at Joan and her stubbornness. She needed to see someone about the pain. Who knew what was going on in the brain? Joan ignored all her arguments and announced she was going into the Jacuzzi and then did so. Grace came in 15 minutes later and joined her, wearing a swimsuit. Joan was nude and at first unc
omfortable but the bubbling hot water hid it and was relaxing her. Grace watched her and then asked if she’d like a massage. Suprised Joan looked at her. Grace explained that she had learned massage to help calm patients. Joan wasn’t so sure but Grace calmed her down telling her that it would be purely platonic and not to be so uptight about it. Okay, Joan agreed and got out of the Jacuzzi. Grace admired what she saw, missing what they had had but tried not to let Joan know that she was even looking. They went upstairs to the bedroom, Joan wearing a terry cloth robe from the steamroom.

  Grace was right, the massage did the trick and the headache was gone. Joan was nearly asleep it felt so nice. So soothing, so relaxing. Then a problem arose as Joan realized she was becoming aroused. Grace wasn’t doing anything other than massaging her and Joan felt something beyond her control. Feigning sleep she found that Grace stopped and went to take a shower. She found herself watching into the glass enclosure. She could see Grace washing her body and this aroused her further. Surprised at herself she kept telling herself she should be ashamed. She wasn’t though. She had thought about the kiss forever and now being in this state she just couldn’t feel ashamed at her feelings. Furthermore, according to the pictures she had seen and what people had told her, they were married. She had wondered about this and what it meant for a long time.

  Grace had been aroused by the massage as well. She remembered many times over the years where Joan had turned over during the massage and it led to other more delightful play. Relieved to hear Joan sleeping she hurried to take a shower, totally unaware that she was being observed. The shower aggravated her condition to a degree and she turned the water to cold. It didn’t help after all and she shut off the water. Reaching for a bath towel she dried herself and then her hair. Looking to where she thought Joan slept she was surprised to see Joan watching her. She went to her side of the bed and sat down as she finger combed her hair.

  Joan reached up and touched Graces hand, stilling it. She pulled herself to a sitting position looking into Graces eyes. She leaned over and cupped Graces face. Grace froze as Joan kissed her. Pulling back Grace told her not to do that unless she intended to finish it. Joan put her hand on the back of Graces head and pulled her forward until her lips touched Joans. Grace no longer resisted. Her hands were inside Joan’s towelling robe in an instant, caressing, soothing, arousing. Joan hesitated, unsure of what to do but she knew what she wanted. She tugged at Grace’s towel until it pulled free. Kissing along Grace’s jawline she licked at her ear and below it. Grace moaned her enjoyment of the caress. Grace kneaded first one and then the other of Joan’s breasts. Joan was ecstatic at the feelings this aroused in her. She could feel herself becoming wet. Grace took care of that as well as she pushed Joan back on the pillows and covered her with her own body.

  A long time later they lay cupped together in spoon fashion. Joan couldn’t believe the things that Grace had done and made her feel. They hadn’t even used the toys she thought with a laugh to herself remembering her fears. She felt so good. She didn’t know how or what to say to Grace. Finally, inadequately she had simply said “thank you.” Grace seemed to understand as she pulled Joan close to her body and held her.

  Grace was feeling all sorts of emotions. She couldn’t believe what had just occurred over the last hour. Joan had been like a virgin again. She didn’t know what to do and copied Grace whenever she could with devastating results. Grace had been reminded of the first time they had been together. It had been explosive, good, and satisfying. Grace was sure that Joan didn’t realize that she’d moaned over and over again that she loved her. It made Grace sad to realized this wasn’t the Joan that she had known but a different one. Perhaps someday she would actually love her again. Meanwhile, she was grateful for this small moment of happiness. She truly hoped Joan would have no regrets.

  Joan woke a few hours later. No headache but an odd euphoria seemed to grip her body. Stretching she could hear cracks in her ankles, her knees, and her arms. Suddenly she cracked her neck both ways and a blinding flash seemed to envelop her sight. Blinking back the sudden tears that this caused she waited while the pain dissolved. She was dizzy, almost nauseous. Gawd, that had hurt. She hadn’t felt a pain like that in years. Suddenly she realized she could remember the last time she’d felt that kind of pain. It had been in LA when she’d been in the sun for too long and almost had sunstroke. She realized she COULD remember LA. It wasn’t just as a story anymore. Surprised she started remembering other things as well. Oh my God she thought. It’s back, I’M back! She tried to sit up suddenly to tell Grace but the pain had not gone away and her sudden movement caused deep nausea. She lay there a long time breathing deep cleansing breathes to clear her and help with the nausea. She listened to Grace sleeping next to her on the bed but didn’t want to look over in case she threw up. She drifted off to sleep again. She woke and looked at the clock. It was 5AM. Slipping from the bed she had Grace draped over her again and was careful not to wake her. As she went to the bathroom she drew on her robe, tugging it from the bed. Walking downstairs she let out D.O.G.. He must be bursting she thought. He hadn’t been out since yesterday afternoon. She walked down to the dock with a steaming cup of cocoa to watch the sun come up. It was a bit cold in her terry cloth robe but she was enjoying the beautiful morning. She couldn’t wait until Grace woke up to share with her that she remembered everything.

  Grace woke to a cold and empty bed. She thought about the previous afternoon. She’d enjoyed herself immensely. She’d waited so long to love Joan again. It had been worth it but now she wondered if Joan regretted it. Looking around she could see that Joan was gone from the room and that really worried her. She grabbed her satin robe and tied it about her waist as she went in search of Joan. She figured wherever D.O.G. was there would be Joan. She was partially right. She spotted Joan on the dock before she spotted D.O.G. on the lawn nosing through the morning grass. She was sure that Joan’s absence from the bed meant she was regretting their intimacy. She debated whether to join Joan or not and then figured what the hell. She fixed herself a cup of coffee and went down to the dock. Joan heard her on the path and turned from where she was watching the sun come up over the river.

  Smiling Joan said “Good Morning.”

  Grace had expected that Joan was feeling remorse. The smile threw her a bit. “Good Morning” came her own response.

  Indicating the sunrise Joan said isn’t it beautiful? Grace agreed watching her, not the sunrise. Joan turned back to watch the sun. A bit of steam seemed to rise on the river. Joan suddenly had an idea. Turning back to Grace she said “how about a swim?”

  Startled out of watching her and the sunrise Grace answered “are you crazy? It’s the beginning of October for crying out loud. We’d freeze!” But she was too late as Joan stripped off her robe and dove from the end of the dock. Grace called to her from where she stood as she surfaced “Joan! You’ll die of pneumonia, get back here.” Joan just smiled and dove again coming up farther out. D.O.G. saw the fun Joan was having and running down the dock he too jumped with a huge splash and proceeded to swim to Joan. Joan greeted him but pushed him away laughing. Joan called to Grace to come on in, the water was fine. Grace laughed and said “NO, I don’t think so.”

  Joan teased her for awhile and then said “I know a way to get you in here.”

  Grace was sure that she wouldn’t be going into that cold river at 6 in the morning on a fall day. “Yea, what?”

  “I remembered” Joan called.

  “You remembered what?” Grace asked.

  “Everything” Joan answered with a beguiling smile. With that she started swimming further out.

  Grace called to her but she wouldn’t answer. Finally Grace threw off her own robe and dove into the river. She swam hard towards Joan, she passed the dog on his way to shore. It took awhile but Joan wasn’t swimming hard and she’d heard the splash, she’d slowed down so Grace could catch up. Grace was right the water was freezing but so invigorating. If you didn’t stop a
nd kept moving the adrenaline kept you warm. “What did you remember?” she asked as she came up.

  Joan turned around with a smile. Her braids were plastered to her head. Grace could see the sparkle in her eyes. “Everything.”

  “Everything as in everything?” She was astounded. She treaded water trying to comprehend it all and what it meant.

  “Yes. I think those headaches meant something after all.” Joan felt good. She twirled around in the water in her joy. She started swimming towards shore. It was cold!

  Grace swam in tandem with her. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute. Oh my gawd, she had Joan back!

  They reached the dock and pulled themselves up. Laughing, Joan rushed for her terry robe and Grace for her satin one which was useless. Joan grabbed Graces hand and they ran up the steps to the chalet. Into the steamroom they ran and turned it on full blast. Joan let D.O.G. into the house but ordered him to stay in his kennel, she’d deal with wet dog smell later. Graces teeth were chattering and they both took a plunge into the Jacuzzi before sitting in the steamroom once it had warmed up. They talked for hours that day, catching up. Laying in bed together they just couldn’t get enough of each other, the relief, the love. They shared it all.

  It was 6pm and they were making dinner together. It was so nice, everything was familiar to Joan once again. She still didn’t know where everything in the kitchen was but that was because she never had as she avoided cooking as much as possible. They were joking and teasing when the tone for the gate sounded. Looking at the monitor Joan saw that Bryan was coming to call. She met him at the door with a smile. Accompanying him was Kim. Joan was delighted to see her as well and gave her a hug. Kim had helped her a lot these past few months as well as becoming a friend.