Reinis locked eyes with her. “I don’t choose who appears in the dreams. I don’t choose who I imprint. It’s like new grass coming up in spring or a bird coming home. How does the bird know how to return to his nest after winter?” He kissed her gently on the lips. “I’m coming home to you.”
His words sang in her ears as he dozed off curled against her. Her connection to him was like none other. She might agree to be Auseklis’ mother if his coven accepted her. Of course, he made it clear they didn’t accept humans, but she would make her case. She’d be saving their kind. She would fight for him. She would fight for their child. Reinis made it clear he would fight for her, too. Could he really die for choosing her and for loving her the way he did? It seemed unbelievable. Still, if his coven’s whole existence, for thousands of years, depended on a strict hierarchy, it made some sense.
She recalled his teeth extending when they made love. It made her a little nervous, but even more so, it fired her up. If accepting that made her weird, who cared? Reinis was the most amazing person she ever met. The fact that he was a vampire wasn’t going to stop her from loving him.
“What’s up, Sarma? When you think, you wake me up.” He smiled without opening his eyes.
“For the first time in my life, I’m free to choose. I broke up with my boyfriend right before I went to Latvia, and I’m so glad I did. Like I closed one door to open another.”
Reinis pounced up and straddled her hips. “Good, because he isn’t for you. Things happen for a reason.” He held a kiss on her mouth until she couldn’t breathe anymore, then slid back to her side.
Sarma’s heart pattered in her chest. She loved how clear his feelings for her were. She laced her fingers between his. “You told me that in Latvia things happen for a reason. I suppose you want to be the person for me?” She peered at him sideways.
“I don’t suppose. I know you’re the person for me.” He stared at her intently. “I crave you. I love being around you, holding you, listening to your voice and your thoughts. I love to pleasure you, protect you.
Sarma, my whole life has been about the duty to my coven and my family. I wasn’t permitted to have feelings for anyone. I know you think our ways are insane. Perhaps they are. Even vampires question our own actions, but when you’re my heartmate, my companion, you’re my everything.” He caressed her cheek, kissing her tenderly.
His words hit her in all the right ways. “Heartmate? That’s so beautiful. But you’ve said I’m not allowed to be with you.” Sarma closed her eyes, gloom filling her chest.
“That’s what we call someone who is our life companion after we complete the joining ceremony. I said those are our decrees, yes, and I know what consequences I face, but nothing is set in stone. The elders have told us this many times. I will fight them.”
“You sound so sure of yourself.” Every word he spoke compelled her to change her mind. More and more, she leaned towards saying yes to becoming Auseklis’ mother.
“Because I am sure of myself, Sarma. I told you, no matter what, I am going to find a way. You’re here with me now, Sirsniņa.” He pulled back her hands that covered her face and kissed her cheeks, her forehead.
“Sirsniņa? You called me that before.” She dipped her nose into the crook of his neck.
“Little heart. I’m saying you’re my little heart. It’s an affectionate term for someone you care for, someone you love.” He hugged her, gathering her in his strong arms.
“And what do I say to you?”
“You could call me Mīļais. It’s like calling me, ‘love’” He buried his nose in her hair.
“Mīļais.” She giggled. “I may be Latvian, but my language is terrible.”
“I have an accent in English.” He laughed.
“Yes, but yours is sexy.” She covered her eyes with her hand, smiling.
“Yours is too. You drive me crazy when you say words in Latvian.” He dipped his tongue into her mouth. Heat from his previous kiss still drifted in her body.
“Unless you plan on doing it again, don’t do that.” She ran her fingers through his hair, over his rough fade that started to grow out long.
“I could do it again all day.”
She kissed him back and then pulled away.
“Wait, I wanted to ask you something. How does it feel when you’re turned on and your teeth grow?” She poked a finger under his lips. Though his teeth were pulled back, they were still sharp. An incisor pierced the tip of her finger. A drop of blood fell on his tongue.
Reinis shot across the room so fast that she tumbled onto the mattress face first. “Don’t do that, Sarma! I haven’t fed in days. I’m starving.” He clenched his fists. His teeth extended out, every muscle in his body rippled with tension. His eyes expressed the wildness of a wolf.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I’m sorry,” Sarma gasped.
“Don’t say sorry. I don’t like telling you, because I don’t like to remind you of what I am. It must be strange and wrong to you.” He pulled on his black, slim jeans.
“No, I told you I love you the way you are. Wait. Where are you going? You’re not strange to me. Different, yes, ok, I’ll admit it’s taking time to understand that you eat something else than I do to live. You’re more primal, more animal than me, but remember you said animals aren’t bad.”
He continued to get dressed.
“Reinis, stop.” She stood up, raced across the room, and pressed herself against him.
“No, Sarma. Please, don’t touch me. The taste of your blood in my mouth is hard to handle. I’m so hungry right now, it’s dangerous.”
Sarma moved away from him.
“I have to go. I’ll be back.”
She hated that look in his eyes. As if he didn’t believe his own words.
Chapter 37
Sarma lay on the bed, restless, with no way to get ahold of Reinis except to think about him. The more time they spent together, the more the imprinting made sense. She experienced some of his feelings, and it was obvious he felt all of hers, including reading her mind. He taught her that if they thought about each other, they could make a connection—like a mental phone call. Trouble was she still had difficulty knowing when he “paged” her, though he sensed if she sent him messages.
Reinis was intent on her becoming Auseklis’ mother. The idea didn’t bother her anymore. Ironic, when Reinis said he’d be with her either way, those words sealed the deal. Plus, he said he wouldn’t have to complete duty anymore if they were together. Sarma’s heart filled with warmth. She missed him and wished he would come back.
~ * ~
After Reinis shot out the door, he searched out a man and fed. Sarma’s blood had tasted delectable, sweet, and tangy in his mouth. It made him want to sink his fangs into her and come while he fed. He wandered through town angry that he had waited so long. It was torture to pull himself away from Sarma, even though his body ached with hunger.
Reinis entered a small diner and grabbed a table. He felt Sarma’s restlessness and needed to get back to her but he sensed Dita’s scouts in California. How close were they?
He ordered a coffee and a piece of chocolate pie, then reclined in the booth. People ate, talked, and laughed, enjoying their short, mortal lives. At one point, living forever would sap his lust for life, but now, because of Sarma, it was the opposite.
Sirsniņa was the perfect woman. He loved her with all his heart and wished she sat across from him right now so he could watch her devour food. He laughed as he remembered how she inhaled those pancakes at Big Sur and the ones he made for her. She thought he didn’t notice, but he observed and savored every second.
Even the smallest things made him think of her. He tapped the fork on his plate. She missed him, and he needed to return. When he explained that he’d sensed Dita’s scouts, she would understand why he didn’t arrive right away. In the meantime, he ordered some food to go for her and Marita.
Reinis understood he had pulled her out of her life and into his, and now
he carried the responsibility to care for her. Which was fine. Perfect. But where could he take her? He couldn’t take her back to Latvia. They wouldn’t accept her. They didn’t even know he was in love with her, let alone that he’d imprinted her. He promised he would defend her. And he would. He’d transfer money into her account and hide her somewhere safe until he figured things out.
Taking a bite of pie, he smiled to himself. Her imprint was a warm stone in his chest that glowed enough to keep his hands warm on a frigid night. His heart ached with a deep desire to join with her forever. Humans didn’t live forever, but he’d figure something out.
Sipping his coffee, the hair on the back of his neck stood up like a radio antenna receiving a signal. Someone dear to him lurked nearby. Out the window no one familiar walked by, but then he scanned the café.
“Mammu!” He leapt up from his seat, a huge smile on his face.
Laima stood in the restaurant entrance like the queen she was. Her black hair was braided into a silky crown. Her long, maroon dress looked regal. As she approached, she moved with such grace that other patrons couldn’t help but notice her.
Reinis wrapped his arms around her in a long, warm embrace.
“Reinis. It took me forever to find you. You hid well.” She kissed his cheek. “We need to talk. Pay up so we can get out of here.” She motioned to the entrance.
Usually, he would offer her something, but her serious expression and tone indicated she was in a hurry. He threw a twenty on the table and followed her out the door.
The cold November air, peppered with rain, slapped them as they left the café. They headed for a motel for privacy. Inside the room, they sat on the bed while Laima allowed him to update her on the situation. Sarma moving, Marita and Gatis, and that the girls were hidden nearby.
“The December Solstice is our last chance. After that, the conception will not take,” Laima replied, creasing her forehead.
He rambled on.
“Reinis, stop.” She took his hands in hers, closed her eyes, and allowed tears to slip out from beneath her eyelids.
He stared at his mother, taken aback. His mother never cried in front of him.
“Reinis, you must return to Latvia, immediately. With me. The elders found out you imprinted Sarma and that you disobeyed our decrees. Coven police are outside, watching me, and if you don’t return with me now, they will kill you. You have no choice in the matter.” She sucked in her breath. “I’m pulling you from duty with Sarma and elsewhere. You can never be in a relationship with Sarma. The elders prohibited it. If you keep your word, you may have a chance to be with her on Winter Solstice. If you do what they say, you won’t die.”
Laima’s words sprayed like pellets from a shotgun splintering his flesh and bones. Every word’s sharpened edge blasted through his heart, leaving a gaping hole.
“No. No. No, Mammu, not this. Please, not this. I can’t leave her. I promised I wouldn’t.”
He shook his head fighting reality, rejecting what she just said. He bent his head down onto her shoulder and begged as if she could change seven other elders. They would destroy him if he didn’t submit. Despite the dreams, despite Auseklis.
He crashed down on the bed. “At least, let me go to them and explain. I tore her away from her life, Mammu, and now she has no job, nowhere to live.” He covered his face with his hands, blocking out the reality of what this would mean for Sarma.
“If you don’t obey, the scouts will find Sarma, imprison her and then punish me. Someone else will then take your place in December. You may not see her at all until all eight elders authorize it. You are ordered to return immediately. I will go and help her. But you cannot. Understand this.” His mother touched his arm, but she was galaxies away as if they were two stars flung across the sky in different directions.
Imprison Sarma? Punish his mother? Replace him in the ceremony? Reinis would kill the male that dared to lay a finger on her. He sensed the scouts nearby. They would follow orders or die themselves.
“Listen, I did a secret dreaming ceremony with Miervaldis. I never saw something like that. I dreamed darkness. I’m afraid for you Reinis. Afraid for Sarma. For our future. Please, listen to me. Don’t destroy our chance to heal our species. Besides, I spoke to the elders,” Laima murmured. “They would not listen. They named all the reasons we don’t mix—insanity and—”
“Don’t you think I’ve heard it my whole life!” He shot up on his feet, his voice rising. He never shouted at his mother. “I’m sorry, Mammu. I know it’s not your fault. What will I do? Sarma won’t forgive me if I don’t go to her.” He’d been gone for three days. Now he was going to leave her after everything they had shared. After everything he promised her?
“Didn’t you hear me? If you go to her, you will die. We don’t have much time as it is. You must leave, now, Reinis. They’re monitoring me. And what about me? I’ll be punished too, Reinis. Please,” Laima pleaded him with her voice and eyes. “Come with me, outside, let the rain clear your heart.”
Reinis barely registered her hand as she grasped his, rising together into the stormy, dark sky, rain soaking them to the skin as they flew into the mist, wishing they’d carry him away. He didn’t know if he shivered from the cold or from the agony. Reinis wanted the cold to freeze him to the marrow until he became numb.
Chapter 38
Sarma paced the room, glancing up at the door every few seconds. Reinis had been gone more days than he promised and the imprint went dark like a light turning out in the night.
The door cracked open. She rushed toward it, yanking the doorknob.
“Reinis!”
Sarma came to a dead stop and blinked. Her mouth dropped open but she could say nothing. Laima came through entryway. Only Laima. Her knees wobbled and she grabbed the doorframe. Laima didn’t have to say a word. The expression on her face said it all—skin gray as a tombstone, mouth slack, and stern eyes. Reinis wasn’t coming back.
Laima caught Sarma as she crumbled to the floor. She slipped through Laima’s hands and curled up in a ball, trembling on the floor, whimpering, though no tears fell from her eyes. Although there might be consequences for the choices that she and Reinis made, their moments together shielded her from facing reality. Laima lifted her off the floor as though Sarma was light as a feather, carried her into the bedroom, and tucked her in the bed.
Reinis promised he wouldn’t ever leave her side again, but his words fractured the moment Laima walked in the door. Suffocating in sorrow, she lay in bed staring up at the ceiling under a gray iceberg of grief and pain. Things finally began to make sense. He was a vampire, his duties as a vampire came first, and now she was more alone than ever.
Sarma stayed with Laima for several weeks in the cabin outside Arcata. When Marita improved enough to return home, they took a trip, left Marita in San Francisco, then headed to Penngrove. Sarma left the furniture and other things that weren’t “hers” and packed up the rest. She felt as if she was in a vacuum—with no idea what tomorrow would bring.
Laima did her best to help stem the agony that rode Sarma like a five-hundred-pound weight. She wanted to comfort her, and Sarma accepted it. Laima was her only connection to Reinis, her only way to know his status. She needed to know so badly how he was doing. The elders were so unfair. So shortsighted.
She spent time under the redwoods and at the beach. Laima stayed by her side. At night, she sat alone, hopeless. The little light that flickered within was empty without Reinis’ imprint meshing with hers. He didn’t even get a chance to kiss her goodbye.
Without Laima’s teas, she wouldn’t have been able to sleep. Seductive and loving with his hands and heart, Reinis marked her for life. He risked his life for them both. Admittedly, she hadn’t completely believed they would punish him for love. Why were the elders so cruel?
Laima rehashed their history and all their reasons humans and vampires were not compatible. She came and went, checking in on Sarma, bringing her new teas to help, but Sarma’s
life capsized, and she drowned in an ocean of illogical decrees. A seed of bitterness took root inside her. The imprint barely hummed. On an occasional visit to town, the human world was fleeting, irrelevant, and alien.
In the mornings, she hiked to the redwood trees nearby, hugging their soft bark. Both she and Reinis loved nature. It brought them together. At times she wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She asked Laima how Reinis was doing, but the elders didn’t allow her to share information with Sarma. In the beginning of December, rain poured down every day, and the bitter seed planted firmly in her heart began to sprout.
She needed work and searched for a job. Depending on their money was a bad idea. The job hunt should have helped her feel better, but she couldn’t decide whether to go or stay in Arcata. She took walks and purchased books, but they remained unopened. There was no way she could go to Latvia, make love to him, or have a baby for the coven. Did they think she was insane?
Rain pelted her window. She reverted to the same depression that shrouded her when she lost her child. The rhythm of rain lulled her to sleep. She rolled onto her side, sinking into a bed—and a life—that was barren.
~ * ~
Reinis sprawled out on the cold, stone floor in the vault down in the manor’s basement. The elders could exile him, but separation from Sarma was the worst punishment. Worse than death or banishment. He wished they kicked him out forever, but his cousin Svens was exiled, and ended up dead. Perhaps he should find a way to escape. Escape and hide. But the vault was four-foot deep, solid rock, and sealed with a heavy, titanium door. Two small, barred windows were on the far wall. They bolted the door shut and chained him to a wall. Titanium was the only metal he couldn’t control with his mind.
Miervaldis brought Reinis bottles of blood.
“You need to feed. You can’t go on like this.” Miervaldis sat next to him in the pitch-black room.
Forbidden Darkness (Immortal Desire Series Book 1) Page 21