Mindgasm - A Bad Boy Romance With A Twist (Mind Games Book 3)

by Gabi Moore

  It took me a while to understand what I was seeing. The room was so unnervingly dark. The only light was from candles – a lot of candles – but even they seemed to be struggling to ward of the heavy and all-encompassing blackness that fell like a blanket over the place.

  And what a place it was.

  The demolished kitchen sink to the left of me told me that the place I was standing in had once been a kitchen, but the interior was so expansive I guessed that all the walls inside had been pulled down at one point. The crumbling edges of those walls still remained, giving an indication of where each of the rooms had once been. Candles were buried into the exposed raw edges of the walls, and weird cascades of dripping wax laced over them. It was an old derelict building. A candlelit ruin.

  I took a few steps forward and my eyes settled on a group of people sitting in the center of the building, like campers only it was the apocalypse. I heard the guy behind me shut the glass paned door and guide me towards them. The air was heavy with a smell I didn’t recognize, and it hung in a haze around the group. There were seven or eight of them, curled around a small fire made right there on the bare concrete, the fronts of their bodies lit up with an eerie glow.

  A cool shiver flicked up the length of my spine.

  “Just in time for the ritual sacrifice, love, I bet you’re glad you put on so much mascara for us, yeah?” laughed the guy behind me.

  “Mickey, who’s that?”

  “I found her outside. And she’s got wings,” he said and gave a playful tug on one of my feathers.

  “Oy, leave her alone,” said a friendly voice, and I recognized Adam standing up from the group and coming over to me.

  “Adam!” I cried.

  “Don’t let this one scare you, being a dickhead is basically Mickey’s life’s calling,” he said, and gingerly hugged me.

  “What? She does have wings, doesn’t she?” said the voice behind me.

  I was led to the circle and I sat down, wing tips grazing the floor. Quiet music played somewhere far off, but nobody seemed to care much about it. The fire felt warm and I huddled round it, trying to understand what the hell kind of ‘party’ this was. Mortified, I discovered I was badly overdressed.

  Adam settled down next to me and opened his broad hands to the fire. With something like irritation, I realized he wasn’t even wearing the sailor hat he has made such a big deal out of ‘borrowing’.

  “So, who have we here, Adam? One of your conquests?” said a small girl sitting opposite us, the light catching on the hollows of her eyes and giving her the look of a prop in a haunted house ride.

  “Enough with you lot. This mesmerizing young lady is Nyx Westling, and she’s the set designer for my play, but she’s actually an actress in disguise.”

  Everyone nodded and looked me over.

  “And she has wings,” giggled Mickey. Adam playfully flicked a burnt piece of wood in his direction and he ducked just in time.

  “Nyx. That’s an interesting name,” said another girl.

  “She’s the ancient Greek goddess of night,” I said.

  The group was silent.

  “Isn’t there a makeup brand with that name as well?” the same girl asked.

  Adam flung another dead ember at her and she laughed cheekily.

  “Let’s just agree that she can be the goddess of night and the goddess of heavy make up at the same time,” said Mickey.

  The group was chatting loudly now, ignoring me and the temporary distraction my overdone makeup and black wings had brought. I tentatively cast a glance over to Adam and to my surprise found him staring right back at me.

  “Is it… OK that I’m here?” I whispered.

  “What? Are you joking? They mean no harm, don’t you worry. Sometimes our little get togethers can get out of hand…” he said, and something naughty twinkled in his eyes.

  “I’m not worried!” I said, and shrugged. And I wasn’t. Sort of. I was certainly no stranger to wild nights myself, and took a little offense that everyone assumed I was …innocent? I couldn’t tell, but everything in here was very strange.

  The evening wore on a little and the fire warmed us all. Our conversation was fragmented and strange, but flowed easily somehow, chunks of conversation starting up and stalling seemingly of their own accord. Soon, I had put away two beers and felt a pleasant buzz in my head. I wasn’t ‘innocent’ exactly …I had just made a deal with the devil in the form of my aunt Lila: my soul in exchange for a full ride at one of the country’s most prestigious theatre schools. Was it a fair deal or not? I hadn’t yet decided.

  Adam cast sideways glances at me throughout, but I pretended not to notice. In this light, he looked almost painfully handsome. There was that same depth in his eyes I had seen the first time we met, but it seemed more at home tonight, warmer somehow. He was wearing a dark navy shirt rolled up at the sleeves, revealing forearms that looked veined as a thoroughbred racehorse’s.

  All of a sudden, everyone jumped as a great clatter interrupted the conversation. We all turned to see a series of stones being thrown at the same window I had come through.

  “Oh God, that’ll be your girlfriend, Adam,” said the small girl opposite us.

  A hard lump formed in my throat. It was probably time for me to go home anyway.

  Adam shot her a fierce look and then walked over to the door, opened it and released a woman who came blustering in with so much fury and noise it nearly took my breath away.

  She was tall and blonde and buxom, great beaded necklaces and shawls struggling to keep up with her frantic movements as she ascended the stairs and stumbled inelegantly inside, laughing.

  “Ah shit! I think I’ve dropped me …oh hello Adam, darling, is that you? You’re looking lovely tonight aren’t you?” she said in a loud, husky voice.

  She seemed to take up all the space in the building, all at once, and she smelled like the outside air and of heavy, old fashioned perfume. And of cigarettes.

  “Well, I know I keep saying, but sweet Christ, Andrew, you need to get a proper house one of these days, yeah? Make your guests climb up those shitty stairs, I swear one of these days it’ll be my death,” she said and wafted over, sitting herself down in the circle as two of the group obediently shifted place to open the circle up for her.

  For a split second, I made eye contact with her, but she immediately snapped away her gaze and began giving people luxurious and extended hello kisses and hugs, her bangles and earrings clattering.

  Suddenly, my black wings felt silly. Too small. Too …dare I say it… Disney. I cleared my throat and though of introducing myself but to my astonishment she slapped both flat palms down onto the concrete and took a deep, theatrical breath, closing her eyes.

  “People, my lovely people, I do believe it’s time for a game.”

  There were muted moans from the crowd. Adam leaned slightly over to me and whispered under his breath, “Laura likes ‘games’ …don’t freak out, just go with it,” and then he leaned away again.

  “It’s a holy game, good people of Andrew’s shitty house. And here are the rules. Would you like to hear the rules?”

  The small girl giggled. “Tell us the rules, Laura!”

  “Very well! Then still your hearts and hear me well, for here come the rules!” she said, and now raised her hands up high. In the darkness, in the shadows and weirdness of the room, she suddenly became a mad priestess, a witch doctor, or at least a very convincing fake. I couldn’t help but smile. I looked over to Adam but he was watching her intently. Were they…? Was she…?

  “This game is called Truth or Truth. Into the fire we’re committing our secrets. Tonight, we’ll take out all our lies and burn them in the fire until they become truths,” she said in a voice like a witch over a cauldron.

  She had barely caught her breath from her ordeal with the iron staircase. What the hell was she doing? I had never seen anything like it in my life. “Don’t you think there’s altogether too much bullshit in the world, hm? D
on’t you?” she said, hands still held high.

  The people in the group nodded along. Was this just …a regular thing these people did?

  I watched, enthralled.

  “Too much bullshit altogether, that’s what I say. And friends, I am guilty of it too, God knows. That’s why we need to purge the bullshit every once in a while, get it out, am I right?”

  “You’re right, Laura!”

  “Of course I’m right! And what better place to cleanse our bullshit-weary souls than Andrew’s godawful house?”

  “Shut up, Laura,” said Andrew, and everyone laughed good-naturedly.

  “Ah, but sweet Andrew… I shan’t shut up! Oh no, the truth will out dear Andrew, we’ll sit here and rid ourselves of the bullshit, one by one, till we are purified by this fire in the middle of your shitty living room, so help me, I’ve had enough” she said and slapped her hands down onto the concrete again.

  Her eyes were wild and serious but there was the most glorious little smile playing on her lips that I couldn’t quite tell if she was for real or not.

  “Here’s me, my friends, look closely because I’m about to show you who I really am. This is my real self, are you ready?” She began to strip off her many scarves and shawls and fling them aside.

  “Show us!”

  She jumped to her haunches, a wild thing, her blonde hair swinging down from her head like ropes, and her eyes were fiery and pulsing with mischief. She took a deep, jagged breath, so deep it looked like it pained her to draw in that much air, and then she spoke quietly, directly to the fire, as it flickered on her face and made her skin glow.

  “I’m terrified that even now, it’s already too late for me,” she said, dropping her voice right down to a sad whisper. The room went silent. The girl next to her nodded quietly in sympathy.

  “I’m worried that I am already so far down the wrong path that I can never come back again. In short, I am afraid,” she breathed.

  The atmosphere in the room suddenly fell, the temperature almost dropping a few degrees as her teasing expression disappeared and she spoke her serious confession. Then she reached for her shawls and put them back on again, came close to the fire, and spat into it.

  I watched, wide eyed.

  The girl next to her was already crouching down close to the fire. Her voice was nowhere near as strong and commanding as Laura’s had been, but it was clear and earnest.

  “I hate being the fucking ugly girl all the time,” she said and spat in the fire. “I pretend like it doesn’t bother me. But it bothers me. A lot. Some days, it’s the only thing I can think about. I wish I could just take a knife and peel off all my skin and grow it back again, and start new”

  She sat back again and looked satisfied.

  “I don’t think incest is wrong,” the guy next to her said.

  Everyone turned to look at him.

  He looked into the fire.

  “That’s all,” he said, and spat.

  The fire dipped and roared back up again, eating up everyone’s confessions. I had partied in my youth, God knows, but I had never …done whatever it is that they were doing. My head buzzed. Soon, it would be my turn.

  “I feel like I’ve lost who I am”. Spit.

  “Yesterday, I said something very cruel to my mother, and I meant every word of it.” Spit.

  “Sometimes I wish I had cancer or something so that at least I would have an excuse.” Spit.

  Then it was my turn. My heart was pumping wildly. I had never met these people before in my life. I hardly even knew all of their names. And now I had to tell them some deep dark secret? This was ridiculous. What were they smoking, anyway?

  “I …I don’t really have a secret,” I muttered.

  Sounds of disapproval came from the circle. I looked down to see Adam’s hand on my knee, and nearly fainted from the distraction.

  “No, really …I’ve been a bad girl in the past, I guess. But I’m different now. I don’t have anything to confess. I don’t have anything to say…”

  Even the fire itself seemed angry with this answer.

  Adam squeezed my leg and sent my heart fluttering.

  “We’re all friends here, Nyx. We’re all in it together. We want to hear whatever you have to say…” he said, and I looked over to see his deep, imploring eyes on me. They did things to me, those eyes. I flashed a glance over to the fire.

  How could I say anything to the people here? Could I tell them how many nights of my life I had woken up in a house I didn’t recognize, half my clothing missing and no memory of the night before? Could I tell them that I had messed up every good chance I had ever been given? Or that since my father and mother died, a part of me died with them and I didn’t think it would ever come back?

  The fire felt hot against my eyes. The circle waited and waited for me to say something. My palms felt clammy. I opened my lips to speak but the words seemed stuck. Adam’s hand was firm on my leg. I wanted him to never, ever stop touching me.

  “I’m afraid that there’s nothing left in the world that will make me happy,” I said at last. “Sometimes I’m scared that I’ve already done everything there is to do, and now what’s left is boring and soul-destroying. That’s what I feel. That’s my secret,” I said. Then I spat in the fire.

  The group murmured their approval.

  “Have you ever ridden an ostrich?” the small girl asked.

  “What?”

  “Well, that seems like something you haven’t done yet.”

  “Have you eaten at Jaipur deli? The one near Adam’s house?” said Andrew.

  I stammered to answer.

  “Have you ever done calligraphy? Have you ever been to the Rio carnival? Have you ever gone skinny dipping at the beginning of spring in Finland?” said a girl who up until now had been rather quiet.

  I laughed.

  “No, I guess there are still technically some things in this world that could make me happy…” I said, and colored heavily. I turned to look at Adam, who was smiling strangely at me.

  “Have you ever fallen in love?” he said.

  The room went silent again. I stared hard at him, at those dark, treacly eyes and all the things they seemed to be saying.

  “Have you ever loved someone so much,” he continued, “that you felt like the whole world only made sense the moment after you watched them sleeping? Have you ever loved someone with your whole self, your heart, your soul, your blood, your bones, all of it? Have you cried with them and laughed with them and stared into the abyss with them? Have you ever come so hard that you felt you’d almost die, orgasmed so much that it was as though you stared in the face of God himself?”

  My heart was beating in my ears. My mouth hung open.

  “I …well, I…”

  “No? Then there’s still plenty in the world that will make you happy then,” he said quickly, squeezed my knee and turned to peer into the fire again.

  I was gobsmacked. Where the hell had all of that come from?

  “All right guys, jeez, enough with the group therapy, yeah?”

  It was Andrew, laughing and clapping his hands together, releasing the strange tension that had gathered around Adam’s words.

  “Now that we’ve all established we’re a bunch of fucking weirdos, can we get back to our regular programming please?” Andrew said in a cheerful voice, then pulled something out of his jacket pocket. “And speaking of have-you-ever, I’ve got here something I’m sure none of you freaks have ever tried,” he said, and waggled a small plastic baggie at us.

  Thankfully, everyone tore their interest from me and my embarrassing confession and turned to look at the black capsules in the baggie.

  “What’s that?” the small girl asked.

  “Only one way to find out, isn’t there?” he said and winked.

  Everyone held out their hands and he carefully placed a single black capsule into each opened palm, one by one.

  No. Not now. It must be getting close to 11. I had to get back ho
me.

  “And one for you, oh great Goddess of the eyeliner?” Andrew said playfully and held out a pill for me.

  “I’m …not for me,” I said meekly.

  He frowned.

  I gave a pleading look to Adam. Aunt Lila would suffer a stroke if she knew I was up to my old tricks again, so soon after I had sworn blind that this time would be different. The capsule looked so sleek and glossy, held so carefully between his thumb and forefinger. There it was. Such a tiny thing, and yet I already knew that that was all it would take. I felt my stomach churn.

  Adam tilted his head and looked at me strangely.

  “You don’t want to, Nyx?” he said softly.

  Oh, that wasn’t the question. I wanted to all right. More than anything in the world. In fact, at that moment, I was a hair’s breadth away from greedily swallowing that pill and seeing all the delicious things it held inside, the promise of painlessness, of something beautiful, of escape. Did I want it? I wanted it so bad it ached.

  “I …I shouldn’t take it,” I said. That was the best answer I could come up with.

  “Why not?” Adam said.

  Everything, everyone in the room retreated a little and soon there was only the glossy black of the pill and the glossy black of Adam’s eyes. Fuck, he was hot. I bit my lips.

  “Because …because ...”

  Words stuck in my throat. Because I didn’t trust myself. Because I was aunt Lila’s slave. Because that was behind me now, and I had to be sober going ahead. Clear-headed. Good and decent and well-behaved.

  Adam reached out and took the pill from Andrew and looked at it closely. I stopped breathing. He seemed like a magician to me, and I was spellbound. I felt it in my throat. In my spine. I felt it pulsing between my legs. Slowly, he lifted the pill to his own lips, gently stuck out the pink pad of his tongue and perched the capsule on it, just so. He closed his lips slightly around it again, and half-smiled.

  Then I felt it. ‘Kiss me,’ his eyes said.

  I leaned forward, drawn in by delicious threads. I placed soft, tentative lips against his. The pill passed into my mouth. I gasped; the pill went down into my throat. He held me there between his lips, a moment frozen in tenderness. I sighed. His hand went to the back of my neck and he kissed me more deeply. Electricity shot straight through my body. Though his lips were soft and warm, their effect on me was explosive.