by Jessica Cruz
Without thinking, I chewed the pills, crunching them in my mouth, utterly disgusted. It tasted like chalk, and I had to will myself to breathe slowly in order to finish taking it down without any water. Charlie was always the first one to introduce me to shit. He always showed me how to experience things in the best way possible. He only pressured me into doing things when I really needed to though, like when I tried coke for the first time. With him, my experiences were always positive. That’s why I trusted his judgment.
“Good, now let those kick in, and you’ll feel great. Oh, and take these off,” he helped me out of the giant wings on my back and glanced over my body. “Yeah, that should be fine.” He laughed and put the wings off to the side. “Once that shit kicks in, I don’t want you more interested in touching the wings than taking pictures.”
I sat in a chair watching Gloria take shot after shot. My skin started to tingle as I watched in awe. She was so beautiful, as the lights poured down on her, making her skin reflect the glow. She reached for my hand and pulled me into the light with her. She was the real angel. Everything about her felt unreal, like a fantasy dreamt up in my head. The camera flashed, dazzling my skin in the same glorious hews. I was showering in a pool of lights, sparkling and reflecting off my skin.
“Let’s have a lot of fun with this,” she said to me in a far-off, dreamy voice. “Just relax. We can do this.”
She started kissing me. It was light at first but gradually she became more aggressive. She ran her hands over my skin, and I flinched at her touch. It was undeniably amazing. Everything about her, this moment, was amazing. It was a sensory overload that I was all too happy to be on. This was better than any time I’d done coke. This was paradise.
“So hot!” I heard Calvin call after me. “Keep it going, Ladies!”
So I did…
I pulled off Gloria’s bra and started kissing her neck down to her nipples. I ran my tongue over the point and captured it between my teeth, giving it a gentle tug. I flinched. Fuck, it felt like I could come right now, and she wasn’t even touching me. I didn’t want to stop though. All of this felt so fucking amazing.
“Adriana, take it down a notch,” I heard the sound of Calvin chuckling from the distance. “You’re the angel, remember? You’re supposed to be the innocent one. Gloria, how about you try being the aggressor now?” I wanted to please him, so I stopped, despite my strong desire to touch and be touched.
Gloria stared at me wide-eyed and topless. God, she was beautiful. I couldn’t get that out of my head. I just wanted her to touch me. I stood up straight again, facing away from her. Slowly, she came up behind me, running her hands over my chest, caressing my breasts over and over again. I didn’t want this to stop. Fuck, this was so good. My skin was tingling, no, exploding with pleasure. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.
“I didn’t know this was in you,” she purred into my ear as she removed my bra. She tossed it to the other side of the room and kissed my shoulder, holding my bare chest in her hands. I clenched my internal muscles between my legs. Shit, it felt like I was going to fall apart any second now.
I raised my arms into the air, making myself more accessible to her touch. I was only acutely aware of the flashes from the camera as Gloria leaned down planting a kiss on my behind, touching me quickly as she caressed her hands over my skin, lingering at my inner-thighs, then up my torso. Shit, I could feel it. I wanted to come so bad.
“That was great!” Calvin shouted. He turned the lights off, and Gloria backed off of me. I was left frustrated and wanting but still excited. A rush ran through my body. It was better than any high I’d ever felt before. “I think we got the shot.”
“We should do more!” I said, jumping up and down, finding the energy that Gloria had at the beginning of the shoot. I shot my gaze to her and said in a seductive voice. “I was just starting to have fun.” Her eyes grew with desire. Her cheeks flushed.
“That’s enough,” Charlie laughed. He gave us each a gentle nudge on our backs and sent us off in another direction. “Go have fun, kids.”
He left me and Gloria alone while he spoke with Calvin and Brian about business. It was a recipe for disaster. I still wanted her. She was practically naked in front of me, and I couldn’t get the millions of ways that I could have her out of my head. This was too much. She was too much. It wasn’t fair to be so beautiful to be glowing with this heavenly aura. It was painful just staring at that body.
“You surprised me,” she said through full lips. “You seemed to be enjoying that?”
“I was enjoying you,” I countered, fighting the urge to touch her. Fuck, this was getting hard. I started running my hands through my curls, suddenly amazed by the feeling of my hair. I couldn’t stop running my fingers through it. “I can’t help it. It’s all just so great, exactly what I wanted.” The statement was true although by this point I was talking about running my hands through my hair. I wanted to touch everything.
A look appeared on Gloria’s face that I had never seen before. It was like a mixture of pleasure and confusion, “Adriana Ward, do you want me?”
I nodded my head, finding the words too hard to speak. I wanted everything and everyone right now. She laughed; it was music. She said, “After all this time, all it took was some foreplay to get you to admit that?”
“I’ve always wanted you,” I breathed, and after all, in this moment, it wasn’t a lie. This feeling that consumed me meant I loved her. I loved her so hard. My brain couldn’t wrap itself around the extreme thought. “I love you.”
Her eyes glittered with tears, sparkling like an endless supply of diamonds. It was fascinating. I could stare at them for hours. My heart pounded in my chest in response to my growing fascination with those glitter tears.
She wrapped me in a hug, “Adriana, I love you, too. I’ve always loved you.” And just like that I was making out with my best friend, relishing in her touch, corrupted by this drug.
So this is what happens when heaven and hell come together.
Chapter 12
My high was so high, but my low was hell. I never fell asleep after whatever the fuck it was that Charlie gave me. After Gloria and I got dressed, we went to get food, her idea. I couldn’t eat anything though. My stomach felt like it had shrunken inside of me. She thought I was sick, so she brought me back to my place and tried putting me to bed.
I couldn’t sit still. I was just too hyper, and then she asked me point blank, “Are you on something right now?”
“Yes,” I answered automatically as I stared at her through my large, saucer eyes.
She slammed a glass of water down on the island and exhaled a breath of frustration, “What the fuck are you on?”
She was so mad, and I just wanted her to be happy. I couldn’t lie though. As much as she was freaking me out, I couldn’t lie my way out of this, “I don’t know. Charlie gave me some pills.”
“So all of this,” she gestured back and forth between her and me, “was just a product of whatever pills Charlie gave you. It was all a fucking lie!”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Don’t be mad at me, Gloria. I love you so much. Please, don’t be mad at me. I love you!”
Gloria shook her head back and forth, evaluating my condition. She started crying silent tears. Without another word, she picked up her things and walked out of my apartment. More than twelve hours later, I was still alone, sitting in my bed and reliving the day before, over and over again in the darkness of my bedroom.
My body felt so drained. After reaching such an insurmountable high, it’s only natural to feel such a plummeting low, especially with how things ended. For the first time since I met Gloria Colon, it became clear to me that her feelings weren’t exactly platonic. All this time, she wanted more than just a friendship, and that was something I just couldn’t give to her. She was still my best friend though. I didn’t want to give her up, but how could I keep her under these conditions? It just wouldn’t be fair to either of
us.
Slowly, I stood up from my seat on the bed, facing my view of the city and walked into the living room. My cell phone was vibrating. I had left it out here all night, completely forgetting about the thing. As I picked it up, Wes’s name was on the screen. He had sent me a couple text messages throughout yesterday, asking if I wanted to come over last night. Today, he let me know he was worried about me. I’d probably think this was a lot sweeter if last night didn’t happen.
I clicked his name and started calling him. He answered almost immediately, “Hey, is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, grabbing a blanket and wrapping myself up on the couch. I was so cold. “I’m sorry. I was feeling sick yesterday, so I passed out. I only woke up to eat something small, and then I fell asleep again.” Just as the words escaped my lips, I realized I had broken another promise. Last night, I did drugs. Today, I was lying to him. Oh and technically, I hooked up with another person; although, I’m not sure his rule about cheating applied to women. My double life was already beginning to hurt us even if he didn’t know it. Fuck, this wasn’t a good beginning to whatever we were having.
“I’m sorry. I was just worried about you, baby,” Wes cooed into the phone. It was the same tone of voice he used with Jade, and it was the first time he called me anything other than Adriana. Our relationship was beginning to grow, but it wasn’t fair the way I was approaching things. I could sense that even if he didn’t have a clue. “Listen, my day’s pretty free. I have to swing by the bar tonight for a little bit, but that won’t be until later. Do you want me to come over? I can take care of you.”
Despite my extreme exhaustion, I couldn’t help but become blissful at the thought of Wes coming over. I said, “Yes, I’d love that.”
We hung up the phone, and I forced myself up to clean. There was still a bit of a mess from last night, and I didn’t want my home looking disgusting when Wes came here. It’d be the first time he’s ever been in my place. We always stayed at his house. On our first date, I had told him to stay in the lobby for fear of being trapped in my apartment with a total dud. Boy was I wrong. That night felt so long ago.
Once that was done, I went into the bathroom and looked myself over. My eyes were completely sunken in and makeup was smeared all over my face from the photo shoot. My hair was a mess. Loose curls hung everywhere. I groaned and started cleaning myself up.
By the time Wes got here, my hair was brushed out and my face was clean of any makeup. Besides that, I didn’t do much else. He thought I was sick, and considering I still hadn’t gotten an ounce of sleep, I definitely looked the part.
“What are you feeling?” He said once he was in my apartment. He kissed my forehead and ran his hands through my hair. That felt nice. I needed to be comforted after yesterday. I had fucked up my friendship in just a few, short hours, and I couldn’t tell a single person about it. Who would understand?
“I’m tired and sore,” I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head against his t-shirt. It was probably the first time outside his home that I had seen him looking casual. It suited him well, but he was always dressed to impress. He said he wanted to be prepared to meet a potential client at any given moment. “I feel like I haven’t slept at all.” I made sure to throw that in, in case I collapsed from exhaustion. That’d probably throw a wrench into the lie I told him about sleeping through the night.
He kissed my forehead and started rubbing my back. Yes, this is exactly where I wanted to be. He asked, “Are you hungry?” I nodded. My stomach still felt weird, but I hadn’t eaten anything at all yesterday. “Good, I brought you some soup.”
Wes unpacked a bowl of soup from a paper bag he had brought with him. I ate it slowly with him watching my every bite. It was delicious, but this was becoming too much. He was being too nice to me. I needed someone to make me feel like the piece of shit that I was. Last night, I got high, took nude photos for a website, and effectively killed the best friendship I had ever had. There was no way in hell that I deserved to be catered to by this divine man.
“What are you doing Friday?” I asked to get my mind off of things. I wasn’t ready to confront last night’s issues.
“Your mom and Dennis have that party they’re hosting at my bar,” he started throwing out the trash and wiping down countertops. Fuck him for being so nice. “She told me you were coming.” He paused, watching my expression. “I guess that was another lie on the part of Isabel Darth. I should’ve known.”
“I just found out about it early yesterday from an old friend,” I rolled my eyes. “Apparently, Isabel’s been gossiping about us. We’re the new ‘it’ couple.”
“That’s pretty cool,” he laughed. “I’ve never been an ‘it’ couple before.”
I shook my head but couldn’t help but crack a smile, too, “I know you wanted to take this slow, but in the eyes of these people, they’ll probably be expecting us to get engaged soon. Isabel’s really talked us up. I just want you to be prepared for that. If it’s too much, I don’t have to go. This is your business. I don’t want to put more pressure on you than what you’ll already have.”
He gave me a kiss, lingering at my lips a little longer than expected. As he pulled away, he said, “If I’m going to be an ‘it’ couple with anyone, it’ll be you.” He gave me another quick kiss before stealing a bite of my soup. “Besides, a little pressure can be good, and people can think whatever they want. As long as you and I are being honest about what we have, I don’t give a shit what anyone else is saying behind my back.” My gut twisted inside of me.
Shit, he was being very understanding. He thought I was great now, but what would he think if he ever found out about those pictures? I flinched at the memory of kissing Gloria…everywhere. I needed to go back to that studio. I bet I could buy the rights to those photos from Brian and Calvin. If there was anything I learned from Dennis Darth, it’s that money talks. Sure, Charlie was going to be pissed, but I needed those pictures back. I couldn’t let them end up on the internet.
“I’m thinking about quitting Lux,” I blurted out as the thought came into my mind. Now that I said it out loud, I realized it had been in the back of my mind for a while.
An instant look of approval appeared on Wes’s face, but he quickly masked it with a look of indifference. He sat down next to me and held my hand, “Why do you want to quit? Is it because of me? Tell me the truth.”
“Yes and no,” I answered honestly. “Mostly no.”
I ate another bite of soup to buy myself a little time. I had so many thoughts in my head. I wasn’t sure how I could continue working at Lux. Gloria, I’m sure, hated me, and that would only cause problems at work. Charlie was going to hate me once I purchased those pictures from behind his back, so he’d never put me on the schedule again anyway. I was tired of doing drugs, and as much as I promised not to do them any more after all that I’ve been through, they still found a way into my life. The money was great, but the cost of it all was finally showing its true value.
I continued in a steady voice, “Yes, your presence in my life makes somewhat of an impact on my decision. I want to be someone you’re proud of. I want to be someone you can introduce without avoiding what I do for a living or lying about it like I do. No, it’s mostly for my own reasoning. I can’t do this forever, so I should stop pretending it’s a career. I don’t want ten years to go by, and I’m still dancing on stage for singles. I think it’s time that I am done with it.”
Wes kissed me hard; it was more passionate than ever before. He smirked, “I’m not going to lie. This makes me happy.” He looked around at my place. “I don’t mind helping you pay for your apartment while you’re trying to get back on your feet.”
“No, I don’t need any financial help from you,” I said firmly. I pushed an intruding thought of Isabel out of my mind. I was determined to be different from her. “I have some money in my savings, and if worse comes to worst, I’d rather call my dad for help. Besides, I only have a few months
left on my lease. I just need to figure out a plan first. Who knows? Maybe I’ll just get a new place all together. A fresh start would be nice.”
Wes didn’t bring up Lux the rest of the time he was here. Instead, we just watched movies together. Well, he watched a movie. I fell asleep across his lap. After a few hours, he woke me up with a kiss. He had to leave to go to work to meet up with some clients. I promised him that if I was feeling up for it later that I’d swing by his place to sleep. My heart completely warmed when he said he missed waking up to me.
After he left, I straightened up a bit and went downstairs into the lobby. My head was still pounding, so the rush hour foot traffic was killing me. I walked back to the studio, trying my best to keep a low profile. For some reason, it felt like everyone was staring at me. I was so paranoid that someone had seen the photos of me and Gloria. I still couldn’t believe that I’d done what I’d done. The thought just made my head hurt even more.
The elevator doors opened to the 6th floor studio. Apparently, I had entered during someone’s session. There was a couple, posing together, kissing each other sweetly. There were flower pedals across the floor and pink lights poured down on them. Suddenly, the bachelor crossed my mind. I hadn’t thought about him in a while, but right here and now, I saw the same expression on this man’s face that the bachelor had when he was talking about his fiancé. I had deduced that they must be taking their engagement photos. A pang of jealousy shot through me. I wanted to be able to look at someone with that same love gleaming in my eyes.
Luckily for me, the couple was just finishing up, so I was able to push the thought out of my head. Calvin was concentrating as he took the pictures while Brian shot me a look of catty amusement when I had entered the room. Calvin called from behind the camera, “Guys, that was great. The changing room’s right around the corner. Why don’t you put on your next look, and we’ll go from there?”