Song of Her Heart

by Irene Brand

  “When’d you get back?” he whispered.

  She knew from this statement that he was lucid, and she silently thanked God for His mercy.

  “Yesterday. I came to the hospital as soon as I heard.”

  “What happened to me? I feel like a ton of bricks fell on me.”

  “Not a ton of bricks—the silo.”

  “How badly am I hurt?”

  The doctor answered his question. “You have some broken bones, and you’re bruised all over. Nothing that won’t mend, but it may take a while.”

  “Sheila’s in the waiting room—do you want to see her?” Norah asked.

  “No more visitors right now,” the doctor interjected. “And it’s time for you to go, too.”

  Norah nodded assent. Mason’s eyes turned bleak at the prospect of her absence, and she smoothed back his hair. “Sheila and I are staying in Broken Bow until you’re better.”

  “Norah?” he asked weakly, an unspoken question in his voice.

  “Before I left Mahoney’s yesterday morning, I telephoned Louis and told him I wouldn’t accept his offer. Is that what you want to know?”

  “Yes,” he whispered.

  “Then try to rest. I’m staying here as long as you need me.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Since Mason was going to be in the intensive care unit for a few days, and Norah could only see him for short periods, she left Sheila to look after Mason while she went to the Bar 8 for items she’d need for an extended stay in a motel. When Mason was moved into a semiprivate room, and the doctor assured them that he would recover completely, Sheila went home.

  Norah went to the hospital each day in midmorning and stayed until closing hours at night. Since they had no privacy, Norah and Mason couldn’t talk of the things that mattered most to them. He was taking pain medication, and he slept a good part of the day. When he opened his eyes and saw Norah sitting beside the bed, reading or crocheting, Mason smiled contentedly and went back to sleep.

  She went with him for therapy treatments, and encouraged him through the painful process of exercising his injured hip. He was pale and exhausted when they returned to the room, and she stood by his bed, alternately holding his hand and wiping perspiration from his face as he tried to relax his throbbing, aching muscles.

  “I’ve never had to lie in bed before,” he murmured, after a particularly painful therapy session. “That’s worse than the pain.”

  “I know, but you’re doing better each day.”

  “I feel weak as a baby. How long will it take me to get well?”

  “The doctor hasn’t said. Don’t fret about it.”

  “But I’m so weak, I can’t even hold you in my arms. I want to kiss you, Norah, and I’m not even strong enough to do that. But is there any reason why you can’t kiss me?”

  With a smile, and hoping a nurse wouldn’t come in, Norah’s open lips slowly lowered to his, and she kissed him with a hunger that contradicted her outward composure.

  When her lips raised from his with a gentle caress, Mason stared at her wonderingly. Even in his weakened condition, he was shocked at his eager response to the touch of her lips. He opened his mouth to say, “I love you, Norah,” then he remembered his wounds.

  Since Norah had turned down the proposal from Louis Masters, was she his for the taking? But thoughts of his condition sealed Mason’s lips. If he couldn’t recover his former vitality, he wouldn’t bind Norah to an invalid husband. After spending her youth caring for her brother, she deserved something better than that.

  Each morning when Norah came, she kissed Mason, and repeated the gesture when she left for the night. Although Norah knew he looked forward to her caresses, she couldn’t imagine why he didn’t respond to her kiss as he’d done the first day.

  Paul and Mary made it a point to be at the hospital when the doctor discussed Mason’s release. Norah was relieved to have them with her, for if the news wasn’t good, she didn’t want to be alone with Mason when he learned the doctor’s prognosis.

  The doctor sat on the edge of Mason’s bed. “You’re more fortunate than seems possible, given the severity of that accident,” he said, “and you can expect a full recovery, but it will take time.”

  “Thank God,” Paul said.

  The surgeon nodded. “Yes, surgeons always need His help. We’ve repaired your broken hip, Mason, and if you’ll do what I tell you to, it will heal completely. Only time can heal the broken ribs and bruises. As I understand, you live alone. If you can’t arrange for someone to stay with you for a few weeks, I want you to stay in our rehab center. That might be a good idea anyway. If you go home, you may take it into your head to start working. And I don’t want you riding a horse or driving a tractor for at least two months, maybe longer, depending on how quickly you heal.”

  “That’s pretty tough medicine for a rancher, Doc,” Mason said slowly.

  “I realize that, but a crippled rancher isn’t much good, either, so you’ll have to choose between inactivity for a few months or limping in pain the rest of your life.”

  “That isn’t much choice,” Mason replied grimly.

  “Exactly! So this is what I recommend. If you do go home, you must come to the hospital three days a week for therapy. If you stay on the walker, and do what I tell you, you should mend quickly. So, what’ll it be? Do you have anyone who can stay with you for at least a month, or will you remain here?”

  “I happen to be out of a job right now, Mason,” Norah said, her lips twitching with a smile. “If you want me to, I’ll come to the Flying K and be your nurse. I’m experienced in nursing, as you know. Doug and Paul will be busy with the ranch work, and I can drive you back and forth for the therapy sessions, too.”

  Mason’s eyes brightened, but he protested, “I’d like that, but I don’t want to interfere with your other plans.”

  Norah had spoken impetuously, and she wondered if she should have volunteered. “I don’t actually have any plans right now, so it’ll work out all right.”

  Mason’s roommate left the day before Mason was released from the hospital, and as they were alone in the room, Norah took the opportunity to tell Mason about her weekend at Mahoney State Park and how she’d made her decision not to marry Louis. She’d been wondering how she could tell him what he wanted to know without putting him under any obligation. By staying in Broken Bow to be with Mason, she’d obviously betrayed her feelings to the Johnsons, but had Mason detected that she loved him?

  So she told him about her experience with Miss Emma, of how she’d wasted a lot of her life fretting because she couldn’t go to the mission field, not appreciating the opportunities of serving at home.

  “No matter where your interest was, you did stay at home, so don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “But it’s humbling to know that I couldn’t see that God wanted me where I was. I’ve wasted a lot of time hoping for that which apparently can’t be. But because of my interest in world missions, I’ve contributed a great deal of what money I had to send other people, who might have been more qualified than I. Fortunately, God hasn’t given up on me yet.”

  “I’ve had a lot of rough years, too,” Mason said, “but through my difficulties, there is one thing I’ve never doubted. God is true to His promises, but He expects us to believe He’ll do what He says He will.”

  “That’s a wonderful concept, Mason—one I wish I’d learned a long time ago.”

  “So what do you think God wants you to do now?” Mason asked hesitantly, not meeting Norah’s gaze.

  “I’m not sure. The answer is just around the bend, and I’ll know when I get to it. For the present, I believe God wants me to provide the help you need. When you’re able to get along without me, I’ll take the next step.”

  Judging from the serious expression in Mason’s eyes, Norah wasn’t surprised that his words echoed her own thoughts. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get along without you.”

  Now that they knew Mason would soon be r
eleased from the hospital, Sheila and Norah took two days to winterize the Bar 8 ranch house, and Norah moved her possessions to the Flying K ranch. They also had a hospital bed delivered, because it would be easier for him to get in and out of a bed that could be adjusted more conveniently than an ordinary bed. The doctor still wanted Mason to have a lot of bed rest.

  Norah stayed at the Flying K alone the night before Mason’s release. She knew this was the last time for weeks that she’d have an introspective time without Mason’s disturbing presence. If Mason did love her, she sensed he wouldn’t say anything until she definitely made up her mind that she no longer intended to pursue an overseas mission ministry.

  At this point, she was willing to give up that dream, but it would be difficult to say goodbye to her desire to be a missionary until God showed her what He wanted her to do. But in her newfound faith, she had to move forward and not look back. Was it a lack of faith to wonder what God had ahead for her? Or to question what would fill the empty vacuum in her heart where she’d nurtured a dream for more than twenty years?

  Should she tell Mason she’d given up going to the mission field and see what his reaction would be? Just thinking about her lost dream depressed her. How would she feel if she actually put it into words?

  But then a thought hit Norah like a bolt out of the blue. If God had really wanted her to go to the mission field, He would have created such a strong desire to go that nothing would have stopped her from going—not her father’s request nor her brother’s ill health. If her calling had been to Africa or some other overseas area, God would have provided the way for her to go, as well as guiding her father to make some other provision for a housekeeper.

  Suddenly her mind was free from the guilty feeling she’d harbored for so long. It pained her to think of the many hours she’d wasted fretting about something that wasn’t to be. Wondering if the Bible had any parallels to her situation, she remembered that the Apostle Paul had once been prevented from going to a place he wanted to go. She opened her Bible to the book of Acts and found the incident. Paul and his companions “had been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia.” And when they’d tried to enter Bithynia, the Bible said, “but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.”

  As she read the account, she sensed the disappointment Paul must have felt, his frustration that he couldn’t go where he wanted to preach the Gospel. She could identify with his dashed hopes, his desire to serve the Lord, only to find a roadblock in his way. Why didn’t God want Paul to continue his missionary work in Asia Minor? Had Paul asked that same question? Had he gone to bed with a troubled mind, a forlorn hope that his service to God might not be needed anymore?

  But during that night, Paul had a vision of a man begging the apostle to come to Macedonia to help his people. Paul had his answer. There were other missionaries working in Asia Minor, but God had a special purpose for Paul in Europe. And what a special purpose that was! For when Paul crossed the Aegean Sea into Europe, he became the forerunner of those who brought the Gospel to Europe and ultimately to America. Norah could imagine that Paul set forward on that journey with confidence and new strength, secure in the knowledge that He was doing God’s will.

  Norah didn’t expect a vision, because now people had the Bible and the Holy Spirit to guide them in making decisions. But as she sat in Mason’s big chair and felt the comforting warmth of his presence, once and for all, she accepted that the call to service when she was a girl had not been to overseas missions. As she prepared for bed, she wondered if, like Paul, before morning she would have a vision of where else God was leading her.

  Morning didn’t bring an answer to her long-range future, but as she waited for Paul Johnson to go with her to get Mason, she definitely knew that God, at this moment wanted her to be of service to Mason. She repeated Miss Emma’s slogan, “God knows best what is best for me.”

  “My car is small, but I don’t think he should try getting in a truck,” Norah said to Paul when they were trying to decide which vehicle to take. “Let’s take mine this morning, and see if it’s large enough for him. If so, I can manage to take him for therapy treatments.”

  “Are you nervous about what you’ve agreed to do?” Paul said as they left the Flying K.

  “After taking care of my sick father and an in valid brother, the physical part isn’t going to be difficult. But I have had second thoughts about whether I should have volunteered to do this. I don’t want Mason, or any of the neighbors, to get the wrong idea. Surely there won’t be any gossip about us.”

  “If you believe this is the right thing for you to do, I wouldn’t worry about what other people might think. You’ll be a godsend to Mason. However, you won’t have an easy time. Mason has never been sick, and I doubt he’ll be a cooperative patient. You’ll have your hands full trying to get him to do what the doctor says.”

  “You’re probably right, but I think his common sense will prevail, and he’ll realize that it’s either stay inside now or maybe the rest of his life.”

  “That’s true, but he’s not used to staying indoors, and he’s going to be cranky. I just hope you don’t get on each other’s nerves so much that you’ll pack up and leave the Sand Hills. Given half a chance, I think you and Mason might be the answer to each other’s problems.”

  “If he’s any crankier than my father, he’ll be really bad. I’m not going to make any rash promises, but I think I’ll be able to handle his bad moments.”

  Mason was sitting in a wheelchair when they reached his room, and the expression on his face wasn’t promising.

  “I’ve been using a walker to navigate around, and I don’t see any reason why I can’t go to the car on my own two feet,” he said with an indignant stare at the determined nurse standing beside him.

  “It does appear that way,” Norah said soothingly, “but let’s try the nurse’s way first. He’s had more experience with your type of injury then we have. Besides, it’s hospital policy. The main thing all of us want, including the hospital staff, is for you to have a full recovery.”

  A bit shamefacedly, Mason said, “I guess you’re right,” and Paul Johnson gave Norah a thumbs-up behind Mason’s back.

  Norah received Mason’s therapy schedule and instructions for his home care. As two members of the hospital staff moved Mason from the wheelchair to the car, a look of pain crossed his face. He remained silent while they drove away from the hospital, through the business section of town, and started north on Route 2.

  “I guess I’m not as agile as I thought I was,” Mason admitted. “My hip doesn’t bother me as much as the rest of my body. Whenever I take a deep breath, I feel like someone’s stuck a knife in my ribs.”

  “Then you won’t mind lying in bed for most of another month?” Paul asked.

  “I didn’t say I wouldn’t mind,” Mason growled, “but I can see why I have to.”

  Doug and Sheila were at the Flying K when they arrived, and Doug had just finished building a ramp to the front door of the ranch house.

  “Drive down by the outbuildings,” Mason told Paul. “I have a feeling I’m not going to be out of the house until I go for my first therapy session, and I want to see what happened.”

  “We haven’t done anything more with the cleanup effort,” Paul said. “When you give the word, we’ll get rid of that debris.”

  “No hurry,” Mason said. “I don’t have the money now to build the kind of barn I want to. I’ll have to give it some thought. At least thinking won’t hurt my leg.”

  Pete and Repeat barked their welcome and Doug had to restrain them from jumping on Mason and causing him to lose his balance. Mason did stoop and rub their heads, and that seemed to satisfy them.

  Mason approved of the change they’d made in his house by placing the hospital bed in front of the living room window—a position that looked out over the ranch buildings, but also allowed him to watch television if he wanted. And the trip from the hospital had been so wear
ing on his strength, he was ready to lie down. Over Mason’s protests, Doug and Paul helped him into the bed.

  “One of us will come every morning to help you take a shower and do the ranch chores,” Paul said.

  “They taught me in therapy how to manage my personal habits,” Mason protested. “Go on with your work. Norah and I’ll manage all right.”

  “The hospital bathrooms are better equipped for walkers and wheelchairs,” Paul continued, ignoring Mason’s protests. “We’ve added some rails in the bathroom, but we’ll still come to help you until I’m satisfied you’re strong enough to manage.” Turning to Norah, Paul said, “And if you need us anytime, night or day, you can reach one of us by phone. We’ll be here in no time.”

  Norah smiled her thanks as the Johnsons left her and Mason alone. She stood beside his bed as they watched his friends drive away. Mason reached for her hand and lifted it to his face.

  “I shouldn’t have let you do this, Norah. You’ve spent enough of your life waiting on invalids. You need someone to take care of you now.”

  “I’ve thought that I probably shouldn’t have volunteered to stay with you—guess I pushed my company on you. But we’re stuck with each other, right or wrong.”

  “If I have to have a nurse, there’s no one else on earth I’d rather have than you!”

  “I want to stay, and you want me here, so we’re both satisfied. It’s time for some medicine. Why don’t you take it and rest a while?”

  He nodded agreement. “Seeing the pile of rubble that fell on me makes me wonder why God chose to spare me at this particular time. Apparently there’s still work He wants me to do here on earth. The past couple of weeks when the pain was unbearable, I wished I had gone to Heaven.”

  The comment alerted Norah to how much his death would have devastated her. To have lost Mason before he ever belonged to her would have shattered her.

  “It’s customary at the Flying K to never sell our old horses or put them down. When a horse gets too old to work, we turn him out to pasture and look after him until he dies. We usually have a pasture full of old crocks lazying around, waiting to die. I was beginning to think that’s where I’d end up.”