Cuts Like Glass

by Dana Feldman

  “But how would he have gotten in here?”

  “Gabe, I’ve learned, can get in anywhere he wants. And we’re both gone all day during the week, so he has plenty of time.”

  “How would he know if we’re home or if we’re out?”

  “He knows everything,” I say, my face hidden in my hands.

  “Don’t do that,” he says, taking my hands in his, holding them tightly and forcing me to look him in the eyes.

  “It’s going to be ok,” he tells me firmly. He pulls me close to him, and I don’t fight him. I just allow myself to be held.

  When I’ve cried all the tears I can, I call Evelyn and tell her what’s happened. She tells me that she’ll call her guys, the ones supposedly watching us, to find out how they missed this. As we wait for her to call us back a thought occurs to me. Gabe clearly wanted me to find this rose. He left it for me. He wants me to know that he’s watching me, but why?

  “What are you thinking?” Peter asks, pulling my chin up to look at him.

  “If he’s trying to frame me for killing him, then why let me know that he’s close by? He must know that I’m working with the authorities. Why risk everything just to frighten me?”

  “It’s risky, yes. But that’s him. He has always been a risk-taker. He gets off on it.”

  “But just to tell me that he’s close by? What’s the point?”

  “To control you,” he says matter-of-factly. I know that he’s right, and it’s in this very moment that I decide to take the control back once and for all.

  “You’re right. He knows exactly how to get to me, always has. So I won’t let him this time. I’m done playing into his hands.”

  “So what are you going to do?” he asks, just as Evelyn calls back.

  “Hi,” I say, answering on the first ring.

  “You ok?” she asks.

  “As much as can be expected, I suppose.”

  “A cable guy was at your building this morning. Well, my officers logged a cable guy, that is. Other than your neighbors, this is the only person that stood out as someone not recognizable to them.”

  “He’s really taking a risk in coming here isn’t he?”

  “A very big one. He’s losing control, letting his emotions get the better of him. The thing is, and I’m looking at the photo of the guy now, he looks nothing like Gabe. I’ll text you the photo in a second. And he drove up in a legitimate cable van, and he had the uniform on. I can see where my guys wouldn’t have been suspicious.”

  “Evelyn, with his resources I’m sure that Gabe has the means to get whatever he needs to become invisible.” Right as the words come out of my mouth, I realize my slip. I look at Peter and try to read his expression. Evelyn is silent on the other end of the line. We’re waiting for Peter to say something, to ask what resources I’m referring to. He doesn’t. Now we know that he’s known about Gabe all along.

  “How long have you known?” I ask Peter, Evelyn now listening as I put her on speakerphone.

  “With my clearance and some time on my hands, one day while the rest of my unit was resting after a long night, curiosity about my father got the better of me, and I did a little digging. That was when I found out about his past.”

  “Why didn’t you mention that you knew?” Evelyn asks him.

  “Why didn’t the two of you tell me that you knew?”

  None of us can say anything since we’ve all been keeping secrets from one another.

  “Well, it’s finally out in the open,” I say to break the awkward silence. Just then the text from Evelyn with the newly transformed Gabe comes in, and Peter and I look at him in shock.

  “He looks nothing like the man I married! I can’t believe this!”

  “You’re right,” Evelyn says. “And now we know the lengths that he’ll go to. Anyone who enters your building will be questioned unless we recognize them from our photo log of residents and regular visitors. And now that we’re all on the same page, can we please be sure that we clear the air here. Peter, to protect you, we needed to see what you knew before we said anything.”

  “And you needed to be sure that you could trust me,” he adds. “Look, we’re all on the same side here; we want the same thing. Justice. My father got away with killing my mother and countless others. I want what you want. Understood?”

  We both agree with him, and now that a common goal has been established, we decide on our next steps of action.

  We speak for a few more minutes with Evelyn, and I assure her that we’re both fine, that we’re locked in and safe for the night. The place is clear. We’ve checked it thoroughly. I feel a surge of rebellion as I get off the phone with her. I’m pissed.

  “Who in the hell does he think he is?” I ask Peter, furiously, though I’m not really waiting for him to answer. “I can’t live like this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I just can’t live like this. Like a trapped, weak, scared little girl! I’ve lived far too long in this cage and I just refuse to do it any longer.”

  I’m not sure what it is exactly that takes over me now. A bit of rage surges through me mixed in with reckless abandon. Whatever the mix, it creates in me something foreign that replaces my fear with brazen fury.

  Peter watches me as I stand up and walk towards the sliding glass door to the patio. He instinctively gets up and follows me outside. As we stand on the patio by the railing, I scan the periphery. I know that right now, in this very second, Gabe is somewhere close watching me.

  I look at the surrounding buildings and even those just across the boat docks, and I search every balcony, every window, boat, car, everything. I watch as some lights flicker on and others off, as people walk by down below and others ride by on bicycles. I study everything, everyone.

  I have no idea where he is, but I know that he’s somewhere within my line of sight. I can feel him. Before Peter knows what I’m doing, or can stop me, I raise my arm up high, and I wave in all directions.

  I know for certain as I turn my body counter-clockwise that Gabe is watching me wave and eventually, as I keep turning, I know that I’m waving straight at him.

  Fuck you, Gabe. I’m not afraid of you anymore.

  He’s stunned as he looks through the long lens of his telescope at her. He’s been watching them for weeks. It’s been like his very own private reality show. He loves being the voyeur. But the fun in being the one watching is the subject not knowing that you’re looking.

  Now that she knows, the excitement has slightly faded. He waves back just to be funny. Though he knows that she cannot see him, he’s still playing his sick game with her.

  Well, he knew that once she found his little gift that things would change. He can still have some fun with her though.

  He’ll have to move. They’ll eventually find him if he stays here. Oh well, all good things must come to an end, right? He’s learned this lesson more than once.

  He looks at her through the lens. She’s still so damn beautiful it stuns him. Her long, wavy auburn hair, now with flecks of gold, blows slightly in the wind. She’s standing beside the younger version of him.

  She’s so petite next to Peter. He towers over her. She must feel so protected by him, so safe. He’ll never hurt his own flesh-and-blood. She knows this. But, still, he has ways of getting to her. He knows how to do this.

  He watches her beautiful heart-shaped lips. He can read what she’s saying.

  “Fuck me, huh? Come on, Ella, you can do better than that.”

  He’s sorry that things have once again come to this.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  TWO BIRDS

  “What do you mean what did I do?” Peter asks loudly. “I pulled her back inside, of course.”

  Evelyn is sitting across the table from us. We’re at a local café drinking coffee. We have a security team of undercover officers on every side of us.

  “Why did you do that?” she now asks me. She sounds angry.

  “To get a bear out
of hibernation,” I answer firmly, standing my ground.

  Both of them look at one another and then at me.

  “Look, it was admittedly a stupid thing to do, but he obviously wanted his presence known.”

  “Understood, Ella. I just wish that you’d have consulted with me first,” she says.

  “We have to work together,” Peter says, “or this won’t work. We have to be able to trust one another, or we have nothing. We’re only as strong as our weakest link.”

  “Well, since we won’t resolve anything unless we work as a team, we have to make a promise. From this point forward, we discuss any moves before we make them. Deal?” she asks us both.

  Peter nods his head, and they both look at me for an answer. “Yes, I promise,” I say. “And I’m sorry, ok. I was just so angry!”

  “I understand,” Evelyn says comfortingly. “But we cannot let our emotions cloud our judgment or this will all backfire, you understand?”

  I nod my head.

  “Well, now that we know he’s here, and he’s aware that we know, we need to come up with an immediate plan of how to proceed,” Peter says.

  Evelyn and I both remain quiet, allowing him to continue. I’ve overstepped my place already and think it’s appropriate to let someone else call the shots for now.

  “Now it’s a battle of wills. We are all just waiting to see who makes the next move at this point. I say that to find him, we need him to come to us, not the other way around. He already knows where we are. We don’t run or hide. We stand our ground. We wait for him to come out of hiding. We just have to give him a reason.”

  “And then what?” I ask.

  “And then we take down the enemy. And he has to be with whomever he has helping him. He’s not working alone. Two birds, one stone theory.”

  “And how exactly do we do this?” I ask frustrated.

  “He has to think that we have solid information on him, that he’s alive, something that we plan to bring to the authorities. The reason that I suggested that we meet here is that it’s quite possible that he bugged your place the other day when he was there. From this point forward, everything that we say in your apartment, we must assume that he’s listening. And this can really work to our benefit.”

  “I agree,” Evelyn says, her face scrunched tightly, an expression she makes whenever she’s thinking about something that she hasn’t quite gotten a grasp on. “We just need to have a conversation in your place about Gabe still being alive. We need to know if he can hear us discussing him, and you need to sound like you’re really trying to convince me that he’s still out there trying to frame you. I have to come into the conversation, as if I’m doubtful of what you’re saying, unless you can prove your theory to me with something solid to back you up. You’ll have to say something to the effect of having proof, photos. Something solid that I can show the LAPD and FBI.”

  “Exactly, and he’ll have to think that whatever proof you have is in your safe, or that you have it somewhere hidden, and that we plan to bring it to the police station to show Evelyn. He’ll have to come and stop you before you give anything to the authorities.”

  “You think this will work?” I ask doubtful.

  “It’s the best we got,” she says, looking me in the eyes. “He has to believe that time is not on his side. He has to think that he has no other choice than to stop you. He’ll think that his plan to frame you for his murder won’t work. This will make him desperate, and stopping you before you prove that he’s still alive, will become his number one priority.”

  “Ok, so we’ll have you over for dinner once we have a plan in place. If he’s watching us don’t you think that he’ll be looking to see if we have photos? And I don’t have anything except the one you sent via text. Will that be enough? I mean it looks nothing like him. I know it’s him. I’d know those eyes anywhere. But would anyone else be convinced?”

  “It doesn’t matter. You just have to be convincing when you tell me that you have solid, indisputable proof. He doesn’t need to see anything! He just has to believe that it exists.”

  “Ok, I can do this. I can say whatever you need me to say. But one thing, what if he doesn’t have ears on us, what if he’s just watching?”

  “Well, we’ll have our answer soon,” she says. She gets up to leave and puts her hand on mine. “It’s going to be ok. It’ll all be over soon.”

  “I hope so,” I say, and thank her before she leaves.

  I look over at Peter. He looks exhausted. “I bet the last thing that you ever thought you’d have to do when you came home was fight another war.”

  “I wish that I could say that I was ever that naïve, but the truth is, I’ve been waiting for this day to come. I just never knew that there would be someone like you to help me through it.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Peter. This would be unbearable without you and, of course, Evelyn. I wish that I’d just have killed him that day on the boat. Things would be so much easier now.”

  “When I found out that information on him, that he was a part of such evil, it just made me that much more certain that he killed my mom. To be perfectly honest with you, I planned to come back here and kill him myself.”

  “I really wish that I’d just done it that day. I was so close but something, I don’t know what it was, stopped me. I think I just froze. Just like you did with Jason. I couldn’t do it. I thought that I was able, that I could be like him, but the truth is I’m not a killer. I wish that I was.”

  “I know that you think you mean that, but you don’t really ever want to be responsible for taking a life. It changes you forever. I want you to make me a promise, Ella. Please.”

  “Anything,” I say.

  “When this goes down, you have to promise me that you’ll let me handle things.”

  “By handle things you mean kill him?”

  “Yes. I don’t want you to have to live with that. Trust me, you’ll be changed in a way that I don’t want for you. I’ve killed before, in war. And before you stop me and say that’s different, please know that it isn’t. Killing a person, regardless the circumstance, is a life-changing experience, and one that I don’t want for you.”

  “You don’t think I can do this?” I challenge.

  “I don’t think you fully understand what it’ll do to you,” he says.

  “Well I can take care of myself,” I protest.

  “I need to do this,” he says. “I failed Jason. I just cannot figure out why I froze that day. I’d killed before and it haunted me, and I think that’s what happened to me. I just couldn’t move when that went down. And I’ll never forgive myself. But one thing is for certain: I never wanted to be like my father. He was a killer for the thrill of it.”

  “You’re nothing like him,” I say, holding his hands in mine.

  “I know that now. And neither are you, Ella. Please, just make me this one promise.”

  I nod my head. I promise. I know that he needs to be the one to do this. Evelyn has faith that she’ll be arresting Gabe and anyone he’s working with. I know that it’ll never come down to that. Peter has to do this his way.

  On our way back to the apartment, Peter asks if we can stop by the boat shop. He says he has to get something.

  When we pull up, I immediately spot Chris working on a boat that’s been pulled up into the parking lot.

  “Chris,” I say, as he gets up to greet us.

  “Ella,” he says, his eyes lighting up. “Peter,” he says, and they shake hands. “What brings you here on a weekend?”

  “I just left a few things here yesterday,” Peter says and heads into the office.

  “And I wanted to see you. It’s been a while,” I add.

  Chris is looking away from me, over towards the water. It isn’t like him to not make eye contact.

  “Are you ok?” I ask him.

  “I was just about to ask you the same thing,” he says, now looking over towards the office where Peter is.

 
; “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” I ask, wondering what he’s getting at. The one thing about Chris that I’ve always liked is that he’s straightforward. He always speaks the blunt truth, no matter how harsh it might be. And it’s always been for my benefit.

  “How’s Peter been acting lately?”

  “Fine, why do you ask? Has he been ok at work?”

  “Yes, I mean his work is great. He’s just, oh never mind. It’s probably nothing.”

  It’s not like Chris to steer away from saying it the way he sees it. I’m confused by his apprehension.

  “Tell me, Chris. We’ve always been straight with one another. What is it?”

  “Look, it’s none of my business, whatever this thing is between you two. I just worry about you. You haven’t noticed that he’s been agitated, paranoid? Have you noticed that he stares off into space? It’s like he’s just not present.”

  “I haven’t noticed him acting off,” I lie. The truth of the matter is that, yes, I have noticed that Peter has seemed aggravated, stressed, and he hasn’t been sleeping. But I can understand why.

  I try explaining Peter’s behavior to Chris as anxiety over returning to civilian life. I can’t tell him everything that’s been going on. There’s just so much that Chris doesn’t know about, and I want to keep it that way. It’s better for him this way. The less he knows the better. I’ll tell him someday.

  “I recognize the signs. I’ve been there. You think everyone is out to get you, that no one understands you, that you have this fight on your hands,” he starts, but I feel the need to stop him. Peter will be back out here any minute.

  “Look, Chris, I really appreciate your concern, I do. But there’s a lot going on here that you just don’t know about. I’ll fill you in when the time is right. I promise. There are a few things that I just can’t discuss with you yet. I’ll tell you everything when I can.”

  “You know that you can call me anytime, tell me anything. I’m always here for you. And I like Peter. I just have a weird feeling that he’s not all there. You can take the soldier out of war, but you can’t always take war out of the soldier.”