Struck: (Phoebe Meadows Book 1)

by Carlson, Amanda

  Gods, he’s beautiful.

  I brought my fingertips back to his chest and traced the contours. His body shivered, quaking under my touch as beads of energy jumped to greet my waiting fingertips.

  He shed his shorts and moved up onto the boulder next to me.

  “Oh,” I breathed.

  He was magnificent. I hadn’t expected less, but he was truly incredible, his body glossy with sweat and fully primed for me.

  Suddenly, I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely overwhelmed and out of my league. The more time we spent separated, the more I came back down from the energy high. I was torn. This was both me and not me. The new me wanted him unequivocally, but the old Phoebe was embarrassed by her brazenness.

  “Is this what you want, Valkyrie?” Fen asked. His face seemed sculpted of stone, yet his eyes were soft, pleading.

  “I think so,” I answered honestly. “But, I’m not sure.” I tore my gaze off him so I could think, my thoughts swirling. “My body is sort of acting on its own. It’s literally begging me to take your energy however I can get it. It wants to survive and is blinding me with need. I want it, I know I need it, but I feel…” We hardly know each other, I don’t usually act like this, I can’t believe I’m doing this. “This is very intimate.”

  He nodded, his face pensive. “Indeed. However, if it eases you, not all realms act alike. In my world, Asgard, the one I occupied before I was banished here, we sought pleasure freely. Coupling is looked upon as a way to enjoy pleasure to its fullest. It is not considered shameful.”

  I bit my lip. “I can understand that. But that’s not how it works in my world—especially for me. I was raised to honor a…coupling between a man and a woman. Sex is not a sport to me.” If I was intimate with this man, there were bound to be feelings wrapped up in it. I wasn’t ready for that. I hardly knew him.

  “We need not continue.” He gave me a smile. “I will get you to Yggdrasil so you may feed. Consider it done.”

  I nodded my agreement, but it felt hollow.

  My body ached for his, even now.

  I glanced down the length of him as he moved off the boulder, and shuddered inwardly. I reached out instinctively, stopping him from leaving. My palm boldly settled over his abdomen.

  He drew in a sharp breath.

  Energy raced out to greet my hand. I blinked, gazing up at him. “I’d like to get to know you. I mean…I hope you’re not too disappointed. I’m happy to start slowly. Maybe we can…sleep next to each other?” I was bumbling this badly. All I really wanted to do was take his mouth again and ravage him, seeking only pleasure like they did in Asgard. But the real Phoebe was going to have her say. I needed time. And a clear head. This was all new to me—the feelings, the cravings, the power. It was overwhelming.

  If I was going to be with Fen, it was going to be a clear choice, not a survival instinct.

  Fen studied me for a long moment, his face impassive. “Okay, Valkyrie. As you wish. You need rest, and it’s late. We can…embrace while we sleep.” He slid off the boulder, grabbing his shorts. After he donned them, he turned. “Would you like assistance upstairs?”

  I shook my head. “No, I need a moment to gather my thoughts.”

  He nodded, and I watched him walk up the steps. Emotion flooded through me. As he left, it felt like I’d lost something vital.

  I spent time thinking about everything, my brain whirling as I lay back on the warm stone. My body felt so much better. The energy Fen had given me, even though it’d been a small amount in the scope of things, had revived me. My scars had healed over even more, and oddly, it had begun to heal me emotionally as well.

  My body knew what was good for me, better than I did.

  After a while, I was done thinking and ready to sleep. I ran my hands through my hair readying myself to see Fen again. I moved off the boulder, standing on weak legs, and wobbled up the steps. I was still naked, so I covered myself in an effort to maintain some kind of dignity.

  Once I arrived, I found Fen awake, waiting for me on his pallet. He scooted back, patting the place in front of him.

  I took a massive breath and doggedly moved forward.

  16

  __________________________

  ____________

  Fen’s living quarters were rustic at best. He’d managed to create a sleeping area out of a pile of dirt that had been formed into a misshapen pallet, topping it with scraps of burlap fabric he’d no doubt stolen from the demons.

  “You don’t, by any chance, have any clothing I could borrow?” I asked, standing in front of him, trying not to be too self-conscious. My jacket was here, but it would be too hot to wear, but later I could tear it up and try to make something work.

  “I have a few garments under that ledge. You are free to use them.” He gestured across the room to what resembled a sitting area with a long, rocky bench.

  I walked over to where he’d indicated and found a few items. I turned back to him. “Are these your clothes? It looks like you’re trying to keep them preserved for a rainy day.” If they were his, they’d never fit me.

  “They are mine, but they are not for a rainy day. It never rains here, and it’s too hot here to wear anything other than what I have on. There is a tunic in the pile. Long ago it was white, but it should be large enough to amply cover you. I’m not going anywhere that I will need it.”

  I took the tunic out. It was more gray than white and visibly marked with age and wear. It had long sleeves, a curved hem, and white leather V-neck ties. It was a quality shirt, likely expensive. I shrugged it on. The arms were comically long, but the hem hit mid-thigh, perfectly covering all my vital areas. I rolled up the sleeves and tugged my hair out of the collar as I walked back toward him. The lighting in this cavern was low, casting shadows all over. “Where does the light come from?” I sat on the edge of his pallet, not sure what to do. “And how do you know if it’s night or day?”

  “The light comes from the lava. It bubbles under various parts of the floor. The cracks emit the red glow you see, as well as the heat. I know it’s night because my body is well attuned to the climate. There is no orb in the sky. It’s perpetually dusk. But this realm has its own rhythms. Come and lie down.” He patted the uninviting burlap in front of him. “We must sleep to gather our strength. It’s a long journey to Yggdrasil, and it will be fraught with peril.”

  I crawled in next to him. It was too hot for blankets.

  After a few moments, he wrapped an arm around my waist and I scooted back against his chest. Energy immediately began to seep into me. It wasn’t a big current like before, when we had been intimate, but it was there. I hoped, after hours of sleeping this close to an energy source, I’d wake up feeling even better.

  We lay together for a while in silence, but I was too curious to go to sleep. “How did you arrive here?” I finally asked. “You said you used to live in Asgard and you were banished. But why?”

  “Ah, Valkyrie, that is a long story indeed.” He stretched, repositioning himself, settling his arm over me once again.

  Having him this close relaxed me. I could get used to this peaceful feeling, like nothing bad could happen if we just lay together like this. “I’m not going anywhere for a while, so feel free to make the story long, chock full of good, quality details.”

  Fen chuckled, and his arm tightened around my waist. “I will answer your questions, but in return you must answer mine.”

  “Deal,” I said eagerly. I had nothing to hide.

  “My story starts many years ago. As a young wolf, I could not control myself. A single year after I was born, my mother was no longer able to care for me. My father, the god Loki, was not a part of my life in any way. I was brought to Asgard so the gods could watch over me. One god in particular, Tyr, son of Odin, was designated my keeper. Tyr is the god of war. He was the only god right for the job, strong in both body and mind.”

  “Did you become friends?”

  “In a way. It was more a pupil-to-mast
er relationship, but I grudgingly learned to respect him over time. Without his guidance, I realize now, I would’ve been left unable to function as a man. His methods might have been considered harsh to some, but they were what I required.”

  “How long did you stay under his tutelage?”

  “Just short of three hundred years.”

  I gasped. “You’re kidding me!” I tried to turn, but I was locked in Fen’s embrace, enjoying the slow current of energy trickling in, and he held me steady.

  Fen laughed, his chest rumbling, causing my body to shake and more energy to filter in. “No, Valkyrie, I’m not. Midgard operates very differently than the other realms. Humans have a life-span that seems only a moment to us.”

  Sadness washed over me as I thought about my family and friends. If I really was a Valkyrie, they would be gone much too soon. “So what changed for you? Something had to have happened to land you here in this wretched place.”

  “The Norns happened,” he replied, his jaw tight. I could detect the strain in his voice. This wasn’t going to be an easy story to relay, and I appreciated that he was going to tell it anyway. “It was their custom to journey to Asgard once a year for the Celestial Festival, our biggest celebration. It’s akin to your Christmas holiday, but lasts for a solid month. During their time there, they made predictions, scribed the future, told tall tales, and generally wreaked havoc. It is against the law to harm them in any way, and they are left to do as they please.”

  “Verdandi was awful. I saw the other two for only a moment. One was beautiful. The other looked like a witch.”

  “Urd is the witch. She deals in the past. Skuld is beautiful, but it’s deceiving. Her true form is that of a hag, like her sisters, but she is gifted with glamour, and she uses it mercilessly to bewitch others. She sees the future and is the prime reason why I find myself here. Verdandi deals in the present. She has the ability to see only what’s about to happen, a few minutes before and a few after. Together they are a great force and are fearsome if crossed. This particular festival, they were asked to predict events of Ragnarok, which they did happily before a large crowd.”

  “Ragnarok?”

  “It puzzles me, Valkyrie, how you can be so ignorant of our ways. Even if you were raised on Midgard, you should have had some instruction. Children of Asgard are told the story of Ragnarok almost at birth.”

  I shook my head. “Believe me, I was raised human and only human. I’m still unsure if I’m actually a Valkyrie, but if I am, I’m a very ignorant one.”

  Fen’s chest rose and fell against my back. I wasn’t sure if he was going to continue, but he did. “Ragnarok is our fated battle, the one that pits gods against gods. It is our final day of reckoning, as well as the end of the cosmos as we know it. Most will die, but some will live on for the rebirth. No one knows when it will occur, but the Norns know who will fight whom to the death.”

  I stiffened beside him. “Do you die?” My heart began to beat faster.

  “Indeed. But not before I kill a great leader, perhaps the greatest god of all.”

  I exhaled slowly. This was not happy news. “Is that why they sent you here? Because you have to kill a god?”

  “It is. On that fateful night, the Norns gleefully stirred their bubbling pot and Skuld foretold that I was destined to kill Odin in the battle of Ragnarok. After that, my life became a living chaos.”

  My breath stuck in my throat, and I rose up on an elbow, turning to face him, his features serene in the low light. “Odin? You’re supposed to kill Odin?” Why couldn’t it be any other god? “Isn’t it hard to kill a powerful immortal? And if you know you’re supposed to do this horrible deed ahead of time, can’t you change your mind or something?”

  “In our world, there is no escaping your destiny, shieldmaiden. Ragnarok has been foretold for thousands upon thousands of years, new details emerging as the hags see fit. The only exception is that no one knows when it will happen. It could be in a millennia, or it could be tomorrow.”

  I settled back down, contemplating, inching my back closer to his chest, my body seeking his energy and comfort. I wasn’t ready to confess what Ingrid had told me about Odin being my father, because I had no idea if it was true or not. That was something I needed to figure out on my own first. “Did Odin banish you here himself?”

  “He had a hand in it. But it was Tyr who ultimately tricked me.”

  “Tricked you?”

  “Valkyrie, my history is a very long saga, but boiled down, yes. I was fooled like a child. The day after the Norns’ prediction, they chained me up. But it didn’t last long. I broke every restraint with which they bound me. Over time, they had a special rope made, crafted by the dark elves. I did not know it was magical. Had I known, I would not have been hoodwinked so easily. Alas, my ego was inflated from all that I had bested. So when Tyr wagered me I could not break this new chain, I scoffed.” He growled. “When they showed me Gleipnir, the rope the elves had crafted, it looked as fine as silk. Nothing more than a wool spinner’s yarn. Of course I could break it! I was a demigod. So they bound me with it.” His voice dropped. “It was my undoing. I could not break it, no matter how hard I tried. The wager was set. If the rope held, I would be cast to another realm to live out my days. If it broke, I would be free.”

  My heart ached for him. What a sad fate. He’d had to endure so much pain in his lifetime. “So they tossed you here just like that?”

  “Not at first,” he answered after a moment. “The bet was that I would be banished, but it said nothing about escaping. I broke out of every realm they placed me in, and came back with a fury, trying to exact my vengeance on those who I felt had wronged me. I was feral, out of control. Muspelheim, this realm, was their final straw. I broke out once, and that’s when they sealed up all the portals. So you landing here was a shock indeed. It should not have been so.”

  “Fen, I don’t know what to say.” It all seemed too severe, but what did I know about gods and their ways? “That’s…a horrible story. I’m sorry it happened to you.”

  He chuckled. “A Valkyrie who feels for the rabid wolf. It is nothing short of a miracle.” His arm tightened around me. “I would almost think Ragnarok was upon us now, as it seems worlds have collided. But then I would be free of this place, yet here I languish.”

  “That makes no sense whatsoever,” I said, my voice rising in anger. “If you’re going to be free anyway so you can fight in Ragnarok, why keep you here all these years? What a waste.”

  “After the Norns’ prophecy was heard by all, the gods could not trust me any longer. They thought I would strike sooner than later. I was a threat in the face of their well-being.”

  I shook my head adamantly, which rolled and bumped against Fen’s rigid chest. “Nope. Because if no one can escape their destiny, like you said, then you couldn’t have harmed Odin before Ragnarok began. Odin is fated to die at Ragnarok, not before.”

  “It’s a mystery, I will give you that.” Fen’s chest rumbled. “But gods act in fear when they are threatened, as do humans. We are not so far apart in that respect. We want to protect ourselves against all odds, to live, to thrive. I didn’t…control myself well the times I escaped. I was beyond all reasoning, lost in a red rage. Therefore, each time I arrived back in Asgard, the gods were justified that they had made the right decision by banishing me. I was dangerous, a threat to everyone. So in a way, I helped seal my own fate.”

  “Don’t say that!” I was truly angry now. “You were only acting like anyone would if they were banished from the home they loved. I would’ve been angry, too.”

  “No, Valkyrie. I was blind to my anger. I would’ve killed anything that stood in my way, and did. My wolf form is fierce. It took an army to subdue me each time.”

  “I saw you in your wolf form.” He had been beautiful and terrifying.

  It was Fen’s turn to shake his head. “No. I rein myself in to fight the demons. They are a nuisance for me, not a true threat. If I truly let my beast
out, the entire mountain would’ve been destroyed.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say. Fen bigger and fiercer than what I’d seen would be overwhelming.

  “Now it’s my turn to ask the questions.”

  “Okay, but I don’t have that much to share. Like I said, I was born and raised a human and have led a boring life.” Up until now.

  “Where do you hail from?” he asked.

  “In Midgard? Wisconsin. It’s one of the fifty states in the United States of America.”

  “How old are you?”

  “I’m twenty-four.” I had to have turned twenty-four by now, but maybe my birthday was today? Hard to know. But snuggling next to Fen was as good a present as any. Getting back to New York would be even better. “I’ve lost track of time, but my birthday was a week after I was first struck.” I assumed my birth certificate had been faked, so it would be impossible for my parents to know my true birth date, but it couldn’t be off by that much. I had pictures of myself as a newborn.

  “Have you ever witnessed strange things during your time in Midgard?”

  “Yes.” I paused. “But not really until I hit New York. Then things got strange fast.”

  “As one nears immortality, they have a heightened sense of the world around them. Many species from other realms visit Midgard. They are glamoured while they are there, as is mandatory, but you would have seen through some.”

  I thought back to the man on the subway stairs and shivered. He had told me to get away. He had been trying to give me a warning. How had he known who I was?

  “Do you know anything about your real parents or your lineage?” Fen asked.

  “Not really,” I hedged. “I was kidnapped by the ettins an hour after my friend Ingrid told me I was in danger. She mentioned my mother was a shieldmaiden, as well as her sister. That would make Ingrid my aunt. That’s all I know, but it’s all still hard for me to believe it’s all true.”

  “And your mother’s name?”

  “Leela.”

  “I’m not familiar with that moniker, though that’s not saying much. I have been far removed for a long time.”