Beautifully Broken

by Laura Lee

  I hesitate. “Okay…but just a little.”

  “That’s my girl!”

  About an hour into the movie, I’m really starting to feel drunk. Or what I assume is drunk anyway. I wouldn’t know considering I’ve never had alcohol before tonight. I didn’t want to sound lame so I didn’t tell Stephen that, but I suspect he knows based on my uncontrollable giggling.

  “You’re such a cute drunk,” he says.

  “Shh, don’t say the D word! Someone will hear you!”

  He laughs. “Oh, Katherine, what am I going to do with you?”

  Maybe it’s the rum that’s making me so bold, but I find myself thinking about all the naughty things I’d like to try with him. I remove my sweatshirt in one swift movement, which leaves me in my bra and jeans. My boobs are bigger than most girls my age, so I usually hide them so people don’t make stupid comments. Stephen has felt them before over my shirt, but I’ve never let him see them before tonight.

  “Holy shit!” He stares at me in amazement, like I’m the prettiest thing he’s ever seen. “Your tits are incredible. They’re huge!”

  “Do you want to touch them?”

  “Hell, yeah, I do!”

  He eagerly reaches out and grabs one in each hand. He brushes his thumbs over my nipples, sending a shockwave of pleasure straight to my panties. I moan as he continues to knead them while he presses me back into the couch. He reaches behind my back and unclasps my bra.

  “Stephen, no. What if someone comes down here?”

  “Shh, don’t worry, babe. We’ll hear them walking down the stairs first. I just have to see them. You’re gorgeous.”

  I blush as he removes my bra and just stares at my chest for a few beats.

  “Do you like them?” I ask. “More than…other girls’ that you’ve seen?”

  He bends over and takes my nipple into his mouth.

  “Mmm,” he moans. “They’re perfect. You’re perfect, Katherine.”

  Perfect. I like that. No one has ever made me feel deserving of that title before but with Stephen, I feel it. We make out for a while and things naturally progress. Before I know it, the only thing either of us is wearing is underwear. He starts pulling my panties down and I have a moment of panic.

  “Stephen, wait!”

  He slows down and places a soft kiss on my hip. “C’mon, babe. I just want to kiss you.” He runs a finger over the center of my panties. “Right here. I’ll make you feel so good; I promise.”

  I writhe as he continues stroking me through the wet cotton. “Okay.”

  He removes my underwear and lowers his mouth to my center. At the first warm touch of his tongue, my back bows off the couch and I scream in pleasure. I’m lost in ecstasy as he works me over with his fingers and tongue. I never knew your body could feel like this. Sure, I’ve touched myself before—mostly out of curiosity—but it’s never felt like this. Out of nowhere, I feel a delicious pressure building in my abdomen right before stars explode behind my eyes.

  “Oh, Stephen! Don’t stop! Please don’t stop!”

  “Katherine! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Pete’s voice explodes throughout the room.

  “Oh, shit!” Stephen shouts as he frantically jumps off the couch.

  I quickly grab a blanket to cover myself. “Oh, God. I can’t believe this is happening.”

  Pete looks at Stephen like he’s going to murder him. “Boy, you have exactly thirty seconds to get out of my house before I castrate you.”

  “Uh…” Stephen stammers as he pulls his jeans on. “Uh, Katherine, I’ll see you later.” Stephen runs up the stairs without another word.

  “Not if you know what’s good for you!” Pete calls after him.

  I pull the blanket over my chest, afraid to meet his eyes.

  “Katherine, what the hell were you thinking?”

  “I don’t know…I’ve never done anything like that before. I’m a virgin—I swear! It just felt too good to stop.”

  I hear him sigh. “You need to get dressed. I’m going to send the guys home and then we’re going to have a talk. Don’t leave this room. Do you understand?”

  I nod while I wipe away my tears of mortification. “Okay.”

  Pete’s back after a short while, taking a seat next to me on the couch. I’m too afraid to say anything so I just sit there.

  “Look, I know you’re curious; it’s natural. Hell, I’m only forty-two—I remember what is was like to have your hormones in the driver’s seat.”

  Ugh, this is so embarrassing. “Pete, I’m sorry. I promise it won’t happen again. Just please don’t tell Judy or send me away. I love it here; I can’t stand the thought of being forced to leave.”

  He picks up a glass from the side table and sniffs. “Have you been drinking?”

  Oh, crap. “Yeah…I’ve never done that before either. I swear I’ll be good. Please just don’t make me go.”

  I feel the couch dip as he comes closer. He places a finger under my chin so I’m forced to look him in the eye.

  “I’m not going to send you away. And despite my better judgment, I won’t say anything to Judy. But if this happens again, I’ll need to get her involved.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “You’re beautiful, Katherine. And smart. You don’t need to let a boy use your body just to make him like you.”

  “Stephen’s not like that,” I argue. “He didn’t pressure me at all. I’m the one who…who took my clothes off first.”

  “I appreciate your honesty,” he says. “Look, I’ll make you a deal. If you want to drink, I’ll let you drink. But only in moderation and while I’m at home so I can keep an eye on you. If you want to fool around with boys, hell, I can’t stop you from doing that either. But you need to promise me that you’ll be responsible. When you feel ready to have sex, you need to come talk to me or Judy. We’ll make sure you’re prepared.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. And if you’re curious about sex, there’s other ways to get answers.”

  “Like what?”

  “Movies, magazines, things like that.”

  “Like porn?” I ask, shocked that he’s even bringing this up.

  He laughs. “Yeah, like porn. I’m pretty sure that’s how all of my high school friends got their education.” He holds a hand up. “Now you need to understand that most of those videos aren’t realistic—but if you’re anything like I was back then, it will help…get you by without getting yourself into trouble. It’s okay to have these feelings, Katherine. And there’s no shame in exploring your own body when you’re turned on.”

  “Um…okay.” Could this conversation be any more awkward?

  He walks over to the desk in the corner that doubles as his in-home office. He writes something down on a piece of paper and hands it to me. “Here’s a website that I like. You should check it out.”

  “WAKE UP, SLEEPING BEAUTY.”

  I stretch languidly as I drift from dreamland back into reality. I look over and see Gavin smiling at me, looking freshly showered and dressed.

  “What time is it?”

  “Almost six-thirty. I have to get to work but I figured you needed time to go home and get ready.”

  I sit up. “Um, yeah, thanks.”

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  “Yeah,” I assure him. “If Cybil’s home, she’s definitely not awake this early. Besides, I’m sure it was a one-time thing.”

  He gives me a sad smile. “Let’s hope. I have to head out. Elle is still asleep so just lock the door on your way out. Okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks for dealing with my drama last night. And for letting me stay.”

  Gavin leans over and places a soft kiss on my forehead. “You’re welcome here anytime, Kat. I mean it. My door is always open as your friend.”

  “A non-naked friend?” I clarify.

  “Right,” he laughs. “We’re definitely friends who wear clothes around each other.”

  “Pity,” I tease.r />
  “I’ll see you in class, Miss Kennedy,” he winks.

  “Bye, Mr. Cooper.”

  *

  I’m sitting in the school cafeteria eating breakfast when Bree sits across from me.

  “Will you please start talking to Dylan again? He’s such a pain in the ass without you as my buffer.”

  “Has he loosened up about my job yet?”

  “Not really. But can you blame him, Kat? That boy is crazy about you.”

  “He is not,” I argue. “Dylan and I are just friends.”

  “Are you sure about that? I don’t screw any of my friends on a regular basis.”

  “You know?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Of course I do; I’m not stupid.”

  “Is he telling people about us?”

  “Relax, Kat. He hasn’t said a word. I can just tell. It’s cool; Dylan’s hot. A bit annoying, but I can see why you’re attracted to him.”

  “I’m not attracted to him,” I begin. “Well, I mean, I am attracted to him, but it’s not like that anymore. We haven’t been together in a long time. And before that, it was only once in a while to scratch an itch. He knows it’s nothing serious.”

  “Are you sure about that?” she challenges. “Because from where I’m standing, he’s pretty smitten, and he has been for a while.” She nods to the doorway where he’s standing, watching us. “Please go talk to him. He looks like a sad puppy.”

  “It’s too early for this crap,” I grumble. I walk over to Dylan and give him a small smile. “Hey.”

  “Hey, Kitty. How’ve ya been?”

  “Okay. Busy.”

  “With work?”

  “Yep. They’ve been training me for the past few weeks. I’m finally going on stage tonight.”

  He frowns but says nothing.

  “Nothing to say about that?” I challenge.

  “I have plenty to say about that; just nothing that you want to hear.”

  Well, at least he’s learning.

  “Look, Dyl, I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “Me neither. I miss you.”

  “So we’re good?”

  “We’re good,” he repeats.

  “OKAY PEOPLE, MOCK MIDTERMS ARE ON MONDAY. Remember, the test is broken down into six parts: multiple choice, character matching, character analysis, style prose analysis, and two sections with short answers. Go through your notes this weekend on the novels we’ve read so far. Make sure you can clearly and succinctly articulate your own interpretation of the themes and arguments.”

  I’m captivated as I watch Gavin address the class. I left his bed only a few hours ago and I can’t stop obsessing about how badly I want to crawl back into it. After he left for work, I took a shower before going home. It may be a bit stalker-ish but I had to use his soap so I could still smell him throughout the day. I’m sitting here at my desk like a weirdo repeatedly sniffing my skin, hoping that no one notices. As the bell rings and students begin rushing out the door, I’m firmly rooted in my seat.

  “Kat, are you coming?” Dylan asks.

  “I’ll meet up with you later. I have to ask Mr. Cooper a question about the test.”

  “Why does it matter? It’s not the real thing.”

  “It matters because the actual exam is almost half our final grade and I want to prepare for it as much as possible. I think Mr. Cooper’s idea to have a trial run was brilliant.”

  “Of course you do, my beautiful overachiever. So I’ll see you at lunch?”

  “Maybe. I might need some extra study time since I’m working tonight and tomorrow.”

  “Okay…I guess I’ll talk to you later then?”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  Dylan leaves while one other student is left behind asking questions. As soon as she’s gone, I stand up and approach Gavin’s desk.

  “Hi, friend.”

  “Hi,” he smirks.

  “So…” I fidget awkwardly.

  “So…?”

  “So…I was wondering how you felt about having company for lunch?”

  “Depends on who you’re talking about.”

  “What if I said it was me?”

  “Then I’d say I’d love to have company for lunch.”

  “Okay. So, I’ll meet you back here then?”

  “I’ll be here with bells on,” he winks. As I’m walking out the door he adds, “Miss Kennedy?”

  I stop. “Yes?”

  “Don’t forget to grab food this time.”

  “Thanks for the reminder, Mr. Cooper.”

  “I’ll see you soon. I’ll be the one sitting in the teacher’s chair.”

  “See you soon,” I repeat. “I’ll be the one with the boobs.”

  I hear him laughing as I make my way down the hall.

  “SO, YOUR SISTER’S IN TOWN, HUH?”

  We’re sitting at Gavin’s desk eating lunch, chatting away like two old friends.

  “Yeah, but only until Sunday. She dropped by unannounced to check up on me.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because she’s worried, I suppose,” he says and shrugs. “It’s her job as my big sister. I haven’t talked to her much since the move. I’ve been…trying to sort through some stuff.”

  “How much older is she?”

  “Almost four years. She just celebrated the big three-o, much to her chagrin.”

  “Wow, you guys are like, ancient.”

  “You think you’re a funny girl, don’t you?”

  “I have my moments. So…is Elle the only sibling?”

  “No, I have a brother too. Jack is also twenty-six.”

  “You’re a twin?”

  “No,” he laughs. “I’m adopted.”

  “What?”

  He takes a sip from his water bottle. “My biological mom developed a drinking problem when my dad walked out. She tried the best she could for an addict, I suppose, but eventually the school caught on that something wasn’t right at home. I was seven when they put me in the system. She got behind the wheel after too many drinks and died in a car crash about six months later. Social Services tracked down my dad but he wanted nothing to do with me. The Coopers adopted me about two years after that.”

  “Shut the fuck up!” I slam my hand over my mouth to stifle my outburst.

  “I don’t really know how to respond to that.”

  “No…I just meant, how did I not know this?”

  “Well, now you do.”

  “But you seem so well-adjusted.”

  He laughs. “Why wouldn’t I be? I have a great family. Sure, I think about those early years every once in a while, but the happy memories I’ve had since overshadow any negative ones. I’m sorry that the people who gave me life are no longer in the picture, but I’m also glad that I have my parents. I can’t wait for you to meet them. I know they’re going to love you.”

  “Why would you introduce me to your parents?”

  He gulps. “Uh…I don’t know. It was just something to say, I guess. I wasn’t thinking. Of course I wouldn’t introduce one of my students to my parents. That’s ridiculous.” He crumples his lunch bag and throws it in the trash. “So, what about your family?”

  “You’ve already met dear ol’ mom.”

  “True…and you said you’ve never known your dad. What about the rest? Grandparents? Aunts or uncles?”

  I shake my head. “My mom was an only child. Her parents were super strict and religious which didn’t mesh well with her wild-child ways. She ran away at fifteen and I came a year later. When she was drunk one night, she told me that she tried going home when she was pregnant but they wouldn’t take her back. They told her that they wanted nothing to do with a Jezebel and her bastard child. I’ve never met them. I don’t even know if they’re still alive.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, I come from a pretty stellar bloodline, don’t I?”

  “Don’t,” he growls.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Stop putting yourself down. You�
��re so much better than that. Why are you so willfully blind? You’re capable of anything; you’ve proven that by overcoming your circumstances. You’re incomparable, Kat. Everyone around you is riveted when you walk into a room. How have you gone your entire life without knowing how truly exquisite you are? You’re easily the smartest, bravest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

  I’m simultaneously breathless, speechless, and terrified of all the thoughts his words induce. I stand so fast that my chair topples over behind me.

  “You can’t say things like that!” I shout.

  Gavin looks toward the open door and lowers his voice before speaking again. “Kat, calm down. What did I say that was so wrong?”

  I can feel my eyes filling with tears. I put my hands out to halt him when he starts advancing toward me. “Don’t come any closer!”

  He holds up his hands and slowly takes his seat again. “I’m staying put. Now please tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. And unless you’d like to draw attention to us, I’d suggest you lower the volume.”

  I look toward the door to make sure we don’t have an audience. Thankfully, everyone is still in the cafeteria or their own classrooms. I take a few deep breaths to calm down before speaking.

  “You can’t say things like that to me, Mr. Cooper.”

  “And why the hell not?”

  “Because it confuses me!” I whisper shout. “Those aren’t things that a teacher says to his student!”

  “You know what?” he says. “You’re right. But I don’t give a damn right now because apparently, it needs to be said.”

  “No, it doesn’t! It makes me feel important. Like I matter.”

  “You do matter!”

  “You don’t even know me well enough to say that.”

  “I know enough,” he insists. “I see you, Kat. The real you—not the person you let everyone else know. Don’t you get that by now?”

  “Don’t give me false hope like that unless you intend to follow through on it!”

  “Kat, calm down. Sit down. Talk to me.”

  I taste saltwater on my lips as fat drops roll down my cheek. “No. No more talking. No more one-on-one time. I can’t do this; it’s giving me whiplash. I can’t be your…friend. I’m your student—nothing more. This is me drawing the line.”