Cyprian the Fair

by C. L. Cattano

  “Hi,” said Eden softly as she sat next to Rafe, putting the canvas bag at her feet. “Bronte is taking a nap.”

  “Yeah, she was pretty worn out,” said Rafe noting how much she missed hearing Eden’s voice.

  “Your friend Nora is nice,” said Eden. “She looks like she’s due any time now.”

  Rafe nodded her silent agreement but couldn’t bring herself to look at Eden.

  “She invited me because she said you agreed to see me,” said Eden and watched Rafe toy with her pencil. “I have a lot of things I need to talk to you about, and since I’m here now, it seems like I can’t think of them all,” said Eden nervously. “You look good.”

  “Thank you,” said Rafe softly. “You look good too.”

  Eden swallowed and cleared her throat. “I’ve missed you. Everyone misses you.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Rafe. She could tell Eden was nervous and thought it was sad they had come to this. “I had to come here. I had to get away from everything.”

  “It’s okay,” she said softly.

  “I am doing better,” Rafe said softly as she looked down at her hands. “I don’t have those phantom pains very much anymore. I do still get headaches and still have some other problems up here,” she said and pointed to her head. “But I’m working on things.”

  Eden wanted to reach out and touch her but stopped herself. “I’m glad you’re doing better.”

  They sat in silence for a while. Rafe could tell Eden was hesitant about saying whatever it was she needed to say. “I know you have some things you want to tell me,” she said softly. “But there’s something I need to tell you before you do.”

  Eden took a nervous breath. “Okay,” she said and clasped her hands together anxiously, preparing for the worst.

  “I know you think I did a lot of things that hurt you,” she started, “and I admit I did hurt you but,” she hesitated as she looked over at Eden but avoided her eyes, “I didn’t have an affair when I was in New York.” She looked up at Eden and saw her eyes widen. She used to love looking into her beautiful light brown eyes with those bright golden specks, but now it was just painful. She looked away before more pain came. “I know you may not believe me, but Gabri and the doctor are sure,” she said hastily before Eden could protest. “They say all the stuff I thought was true, and what I told you about the affair, was just my brain trying to put together pieces missing in my mind about my time there.” She ran her hands through her hair. “I know telling you I did, and believing I had an affair, caused you a lot of problems, and it may be too little too late, but I’m sorry.” She waited for Eden to respond but she just sat silently. “I know it was what caused a lot of our problems, and it’s why you left me and became so angry with me. You’re probably still angry with me, and I understand.”

  “I’m not angry with you,” said Eden softly. She watched as Rafe fidgeted with her pencil. “It sounds like you’re not sure. Don’t you agree with Gabri and the doctor?”

  “I want to,” said Rafe as she put her pencil down and rubbed her temple. “I never wanted to hurt you.” She looked up at Eden to see if she believed her but still couldn’t meet her eyes.

  “I went to New York with Julia a few months after you left,” Eden said shakily as Rafe glanced back with surprise and pain in her gray-blue eyes. “I talked with Lauren myself, and I think Gabri and your doctor are right. I don’t believe you had an affair with her. If I would have just taken the time to think things through. . .” She hesitated. “I should have known you wouldn’t,” she stammered, “you wouldn’t cheat on me.”

  “You couldn’t have known,” said Rafe relieved she believed her. “Everyone thought it was true. No one doubted it, so what does it say about me?” She shook her head and shrugged. “No matter what I do, or how hard I try, it seems like I can’t outrun my past.” She sighed and shook her head again. “I’m glad you believe I didn’t do it.” She glanced toward Eden, only able to glimpse her profile, and felt the loss painfully. Bronte talked a lot today about the things she and Eden did with Julia. It was clear Eden and Julia were traveling and spending a lot of time with each other. So it seemed Rafe was right about them being together. Rafe resigned herself to reality. Maybe it was all for the best. “I still betrayed you, even if I didn’t have an affair.”

  Eden caught the pain in Rafe’s voice. She wasn’t sure why Rafe was still saying she betrayed her. “I’m just sorry it took all this time to find out the truth. If Gabri hadn’t come, we might have never known,” Eden said softly. “Back then, I was just so, I don’t know, so caught up in listening to people I shouldn’t have been. I think I hurt myself by believing you would do something so hurtful, and it hurt you too.”

  Rafe leaned back and stretched her body. She felt so exhausted from all the tension she had been holding onto at seeing Eden. Now it seemed like there was nothing left, and it was sad, but it was also a relief.

  “We both messed things up pretty bad,” Rafe said as she relaxed and fidgeted with her pencil. “Now I guess we can move forward and try to find some happiness.” She gave Eden a smile she knew was weak, but it was all she could manage at the moment. “So,” she said wanting to get the conversation over with, “why are you here?”

  “I hope we can find happiness again, Rafe,” said Eden feeling like the conversation was starting out well. “I’m here because there are so many things we need to talk about and so many things I need to say to you.” She turned and picked up the small canvas bag beside her and opened it. She pulled out her notepad with all the things she wanted to talk to Rafe about.

  Rafe frowned as she examined the bag Eden was closing. The bag was hers, she realized and dropped her pencil. It was the brown canvas school bag that she had left in the trunk of her father’s car. It was supposed to be there, not in Eden’s hands. “Where did you get this?” she asked looking from Eden to the bag. “Where did you get it?” she asked again harshly.

  “I got it from your car,” said Eden and held it out to her. “When Gabri was getting things out I took this. I wanted to give it to you myself.”

  “Give it to me,” she demanded angrily. She snatched it from Eden’s hands and looked inside. Pulling out an old drawing notebook she flipped through it then closed it and put the notebook back. “Why did you bring this here?” she asked angrily.

  “I,” Eden stammered, “I didn’t read the letter. I swear, I only saw some of the drawings and the paper about your mother,” she said shakily. “I didn’t want to read the letter and make you think I was using it to get what I want.”

  Rafe clutched the bag tightly and glared angrily at Eden. “I didn’t want this here! If I wanted it, I would have asked Gabri to get it!” She stood up and picked up her drawing pad and pencil.

  “I just thought,” Eden started.

  “Well, you thought wrong!” Rafe fumed at Eden. “Don’t think for me! You come here saying you just want to talk, but really, you do nothing but make things worse!”

  “I don’t understand,” said Eden shakily.

  “Of course you don’t!” Rafe yelled. “You don’t understand, you don’t think, you don’t listen, and you don’t see me anymore! I don’t know why I even expected any understanding from you when you’re so blind and thoughtless!” Rafe turned on her heal and walked away from Eden, her anger getting close to its peak. She was angry with Eden and mad at the hope Nora stirred inside her, now just another painful reminder she could never outrun her past, and it would always haunt her.

  “Rafe!” Eden called and followed her frantically not comprehending what had happened. “Rafe, I’m sorry! I didn’t know if Gabri would let me see you, and I wanted to have something that might make him let me.”

  “Did he see this?” Rafe demanded furiously as she turned to face her. “Did you show this to him?”

  “No,” she stammered, “no, I mean he knew I took it from the car, but I don’t think he thought anything of it. I didn’t have to use it because Nora brought me to see
you. I was just carrying my notepad in it.”

  Rafe tried to calm herself and take in Eden’s words. “He didn’t see it,” she mumbled. “Good, good.” She turned and started walking to her cottage again.

  “Wait,” said Eden as she followed. “Please, tell me what’s wrong. What did I do?”

  Rafe opened the door to the cottage and looked back at Eden with a frown. “I need some time alone now,” she said firmly. “I hope you let me see Bronte again.”

  “But what about us, Rafe?” Eden asked pleadingly. “We need to talk and spend time together. Will you see me again?”

  Rafe clutched the canvas bag tighter looking away from Eden. “I don’t know right now. I just need to be alone and think.” She went into the cottage and closed the door behind her.

  Eden went up to the door and tried to open it, but Rafe had locked it. She leaned on the door and was at a loss about what to do. Eden knew she couldn’t pressure Rafe to let her inside because of what Gabri had told her, but she was worried about what was happening with Rafe. She looked down at the notepad in her hands with the list of all the things she wanted to say and sighed. She wondered if she would ever get the chance.

  “Rafe,” she called, “I hope you want to see me again. I still have things I wanted to say to you in person.” She waited to see if Rafe would answer. “I love you,” she said softly when Rafe didn’t respond. She made her way back up to the main house feeling like she had lost Rafe all over again.

  23

  IN THE NURSERY, Nora De Angelis rocked Bronte and tried to comfort her as she cried. She and Gabri had been sleeping when Nora heard Bronte’s cries and came in to find her upset and asking for her mommy. Nora looked up as Eden walked into the room.

  “Look, Bronte,” said Nora as Eden approached them. “There’s your mommy.”

  “Oh, baby,” said Eden and held out her hands to Bronte who reached back. “Come on, my sweet girl. Everything’s okay,” she said and held her close.

  “Sit down here,” said Nora as she got up from the rocker. “She woke up in a strange place and is a little upset.”

  “Yeah, traveling on a long flight and waking up in different places has been hard on her,” said Eden as she sat with Bronte. “Let’s wipe those tears,” she cooed to the baby. “We’re okay now.”

  “I’m sad,” Bronte cried as she nuzzled her mommy.

  “I know. It’s okay,” Eden said softly. “Let’s just relax together.” She rocked as Bronte sniffled and snuggled close.

  Nora sat down on the recliner and watched Eden with Bronte. The baby clung to Eden and calmed since her mommy was here. Their contrast in hair and skin was what Nora imagined her and her own baby might have if he took after his father.

  “How was your visit with Rafe?” she asked curiously.

  Eden took a calming breath as she stroked Bronte’s hair and forced herself to look at Nora. “It went well at first,” she said softly and couldn’t help the tear of anxiety that welled in her eye. “Then I did something wrong, and she walked away,” she said and wiped her tear before it fell.

  “She walked away?” asked Nora with concern. “Where did she go?” She wondered what bad news the woman had given Rafe and knew Gabri was not going to be happy when he found out Rafe was upset.

  “She went inside her house,” she answered softly. “I don’t understand what happened.”

  “Mama lives in a garden,” Bronte interrupted her voice still hitching from being upset.

  “You’re right. I saw her house,” Eden cooed and stroked her hair.

  “Was she angry or upset about whatever you came to talk to her about?” asked Nora trying to grasp why Rafe would walk away.

  “She was upset,” Eden nodded. “She said she needed to think. I didn’t know what to do, so I just did what Gabri said and didn’t pressure her about anything.”

  “Did she say what she needed to think about?”

  “No,” Eden said softly. She was afraid to tell Nora how upset Rafe was about the bag. It was clear Rafe didn’t want Gabri to know about it. She could tell Nora wasn’t satisfied with her answers. Eden felt like Nora had been so helpful and nice. She needed her to know how much it meant to her that they were taking care of Rafe and how grateful she was about letting her come and try to talk with her.

  “I, uh, I realize you and Gabri don’t really know me, and I can see how much you care about Rafe,” Eden said nervously. “You took her in and helped her with getting the medical help she needs, and you let her live on your estate in your cottage. She looks healthy, and she says she’s doing better. I’m thrilled to know she’s been so well cared for while she’s been here.”

  “We do care about her,” Nora said but hid her surprise at finding out Eden thought she and Gabri owned the villa and estate. She wasn’t sure if she should reveal Rafe owned everything except their personal things. Gabri was the estate manager for this place and several other estates that Rafe’s father bought back when real estate was relatively cheap in Italy.

  Managing and working on the estates was how Gabri had made a living since he was in college. It was work he started doing part-time in college because it gave him time to work on his music career. Now he was the manager of all the estates, and he had a staff he managed to do the day-to-day work so he could go on tours and work on recording his music. It was something Gabri loved to do, and he had brought in people who could make the estates more than pay for themselves over the years. Gabri always talked about how Ettore Salvaggio made it possible for him to follow his passion.

  Eden swallowed back her anxiety. “This is all very hard for me.” She could not stop her tears this time. “I’m sorry,” she said as she wiped her tears, “I’m sorry. I can’t help crying. I suffer from chronic anxiety, and it’s difficult for me when I’m under stress, especially in emotional situations.”

  She sniffed and swallowed then took some deep breaths. She didn’t want to upset Bronte again.

  “Rafe was always the one who helped me through things like this,” she confessed. “I’ve been getting help from a therapist now, but it isn’t the same, you know?” She could see Nora’s eyes soften. “I don’t know what she’s told you about us. I made a lot of mistakes, and they hurt her deeply. We were trying to rebuild our relationship, but with both of us having so many problems, it was hard. Gabri probably told you how he found her. I knew she was having problems, but I didn’t really know the extent. Rafe is tough to. . .” Eden hesitated and wiped tears from her face, “to control or convince about anything when she’s made up her mind. She told me she was going to therapy, but really she had quit. She wouldn’t talk to any of us and pushed us away. We really didn’t understand why. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong until I talked with Gabri yesterday. I still feel like I don’t really know everything that is happening with her.”

  Bronte looked up at her mommy and put her hand on her face. “Are you sad?”

  “No, baby,” she said as she wiped the tears from her face and was glad they had finally stopped. She looked up at Nora. “I know Gabri may not believe it, but I do want what’s best for Rafe.” Her words trailed off as she saw Gabri enter the room.

  Nora looked up and smiled at the sight of him. “Gabri,” she greeted him, “Eden was just telling me about her talk with Rafe.”

  “Where is she?” Gabri asked. It seemed to him if things went well she would be here saying goodbye to her baby.

  “She’s down in her house,” said Nora. “Things didn’t go badly, but they weren’t the best, either. Eden wasn’t sure what she had done, but she promised you she wouldn’t pressure Rafe, so she came up here to be with the baby.”

  “She, she said she still thinks she betrayed me. I’m not sure why she thinks she did,” said Eden hesitantly. She could feel his ire as Gabri frowned at her. “She just said she needed to think.”

  “I’ll go check on her,” said Gabri curtly. He gave Nora a quick kiss then left to go find Rafe.

  “Let’
s go to the kitchen and see if Bronte wants some gelato,” Nora offered and saw Bronte perk up and look at her. Nora hoped she would get more information from Eden about what had happened so she and Gabri could help Rafe get through the situation.

  24

  THE ORANGE AND blue flames left swaths of blackness as they ran across the thick paper, curling it and leaving only black ash in the small stone bowl. As the paper burned, Rafe Salvaggio tore out another page from the drawing pad to add to the flame before it went out. She watched as the faces, statues, and copies of art she had drawn disappeared into the blackness. If she focused, she could see the flame change color slightly as it engulfed the pencil lead where there was shading or dark filled spaces.

  She thought it was too bad she couldn’t choose which of her memories she could add to the flame so they would disappear into the blackness also. She wondered if her missing memories were worse than the ones haunting her. Having the memory of what happened in New York would have been helpful when Eden was accusing her of having an affair.

  Rafe found the sketchbook she was slowly burning in the bag she took from Eden. It was very tiring trying to outrun her past, especially when it came back to haunt her at unexpected times. She thought everything was under control, but she was again dragged back into dark places against her will. She tore out another page and held it over the flame.

  “Rafe,” said Gabri as he came upon her burning paper. “Is everything all right? What are you doing?” He looked at the burning paper then at the drawing pad and the drawing on the open page. “Stop, Rafe,” he said taking the drawing pad from her easily. “Why are you burning this?”

  Holding the page she had torn out over the flame, Rafe ignored him.

  “Eroina,” he said softly and knelt down next to her chair. “Tell me everything,” he pleaded as he always did when he saw she might be thinking about things she shouldn’t think about.