Tamsin

by D J Cook

  “But, why?” I asked him, in awe of what he’d done. I could have wept.

  “I woke up early so you couldn’t leave without me knowing again. I made you breakfast because I know you’re a foodie and I want to keep you here for a while longer.” He smirked more than usual while opening the curtains wide, allowing light to stream in.

  “You shouldn’t have.”

  “I know, T. In all seriousness, you deserve it. You’ve been caring for your mum, but who’s looking after you? Let me help.” Callum sat on the duvet covers beside me and looked deep into my eyes. Now he had me smiling more than ever. I was living a dream and I didn’t want to wake up.

  “So, you told me about your mum last night, but what else do you have to tell? What about your dad? Boyfriends? Committed any crimes?” His grin grew as mine faded.

  My hunger had gone. Not because of the boyfriends he wanted to know about, or lack of for that matter. Or even because I had streaked across the university campus with a sex toy in my hands, and ended up breaking my toe to escape a police car that came around the corner. I wasn’t hungry because I hadn’t spoken about my dad in years. I didn’t have to.

  “I don’t know who my dad is. I don’t want to either. For a long time I thought Mum went to a sperm donor to have me. That’s what she’d call him anyway.” A small smile grew on my face. “But as I grew up, I started to ask her more and more questions and I found out that she was protecting me.” I paused and Callum looked at me, confused.

  “Protecting you from what?” he asked, and moved closer to me on the bed as the food became colder.

  “He left Mum because of me. When he found out she was pregnant, he got drunk, they argued and he packed his things.” I looked at him nervously.

  “That’s so shit, T.”

  Bile churned in my stomach the more I spoke about him. Callum didn’t say anything. Instead, he continued to listen and grabbed my hand.

  “So that’s why Mum called him the sperm donor. She said it was the one good thing he did for her. I'm lucky to have her, you know? Now I'm lucky to have you, too.” I smiled warmly at him.

  “You’re wrong. I'm the lucky one, T.” He leant in and kissed me softly. “I’m always here if you need anything, okay?”

  I looked at him in awe. Normally, I’d have looked away and blushed, but this time I couldn’t look away; I didn’t want to. He lay next to me, his eyes lustfully scanning my whole body. I still hadn’t moved from the imprint I’d left on the mattress underneath me, which was perfectly moulded to the shape of my body.

  “So, what about you? Tell me more about this perfect childhood of yours.”

  “Umm, well, it was pretty perfect. My mum and dad were great. Mum comes from quite an upper-class family, and quite religious at that, although she's probably the most spontaneous person you’ll ever meet. She’d book a holiday the night before and pack their bags to go in the morning. She's a loon, although I’d never say that to her face. And, well Dad goes along with everything Mum says. He’s just a really decent guy. He thinks the world of her. They even helped me get to North America for my gap year…” He stopped speaking after a while, looking awkward. I could tell he felt guilty talking about how great his life was, even though he had no reason to. Of course, I was a little jealous. Who wouldn’t be? As much as I didn’t have a conventional family, it didn’t mean I wasn’t happy. My childhood had made me the person I was.

  “I guess that’s where it all went wrong.”

  “What do you mean?” I leant in and rested my hand on his arm.

  “Well, I met this girl in a bar in New York at the beginning of my gap year, and cutting a long story short, she ended up travelling with me to each of the places I’d booked to go to across America. Towards the end, we were in a pretty serious relationship. I loved Louise. So about a month before I was due to go home, we arrived back in New York. That’s where I proposed to her. We were standing next to the Ghostbusters fire station, her favourite film, and she said yes.”

  “That sounds amazing. This isn’t where you tell me you’re married, is it?”

  “Ha, no.” His laugh was blunt, and his face looked as serious as it had when he’d seen me at the bottom of his drive. “The opposite actually. Two weeks after I proposed, she disappeared and I’ve not seen her since. I woke up to a note saying that there was stuff she had to deal with. There was no trace of her. Her phone number had changed. No sign of her on social media. She’d vanished.”

  “Shit, Callum, I don’t know what to say.” I didn’t. I could hear the pain in his voice as if the memories were replaying on repeat as he told his story. I wanted to grab hold of him and never let go, but instead I listened. I let him pour his heart out to me. He needed it.

  “It was shit. For a long time, Louise was all I could think about… but yeah, that’s me. Not many people know about her.” Callum changed his tone and snapped out of the pain he was feeling. I could tell he didn’t want to speak about her anymore. He had a taboo subject just like me. Hearing all of this made me realise why me leaving that night had affected him so much. It was because of her, because he’d been walked out on before. That wasn’t going to happen again. I was going to prove that not all girls ran away, restore his faith, and never leave his side. I just wanted to know if he missed her. I needed to know if he still loved her, and if he did still love her, would that remove me from the picture?

  “Come on then, let’s get you home,” Callum said, getting off the bed to get ready, leaving the food untouched behind us.

  I stepped out into the rain and embraced the mild breeze and the shower that fell lightly onto my bare shoulders. Callum followed behind after locking the front door, looking pristine as ever dressed in a long khaki top that hung below his waist. He was wearing black ripped skinny jeans to compliment, which sat very well on his tush. I had already thought about buying him a pair of grey sweatpants. They left very little to the imagination. Callum wasn’t overly chirpy, but I wasn’t surprised after he’d gushed emotions about his runaway nearly-bride, but that didn’t stop him from reaching over and softly pressing his lips to mine while he wrapped the seatbelt around me. The short drive home led us down weaving country roads, past a quaint ice cream shop, which prized a large straw sculpture in the shape of Peter Rabbit.

  This was the part of Cheshire I loved.

  Callum whistled along to the radio and it wasn’t long before he pulled up curbside opposite my house.

  “Before you go, what are you doing over the next couple of days?” My hand was over his, resting on the gear stick.

  “Today, I’m going to spend some time with Mum. I feel like I’ve hardly seen her. Then I’m working at Farden in the week, nothing in the evenings.”

  “Tomorrow it is then. I’ve got to stay late at work, so I’ll pick you up at eight, if that’s okay?”

  “Great. I’ll see you then and in the morning for work.” I leant over and kissed him. I knew I’d miss him as soon as I got out of his car, so I made the most of it. His tongue wrapped around mine as we became lost in each other. Louise didn’t matter, and it seemed Callum didn’t care either.

  “I’m home!” I swung the door wide open with an enthusiastic shove. Usually I’d have been interrogated by my mum as soon as I walked through the door, but instead the house remained silent.

  “Mum?” I continued to shout through the house, but there was no reply. I panicked and once again kicked my heels across the room and threw my bag on the floor. My breaths became short as I rushed to each room, tripping over furniture as I went. I couldn’t help but think this was it. The end. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. It wasn’t supposed to end at all. In a moment of panic, I heard the downstairs toilet door creak, and behind it she was sat on the floor sobbing.

  “Where were you? I've been sat here for hours.” She sobbed further, as tears began to puddle on my cheeks.

  “What happened?” I grabbed her hands and slowly helped her to get up.

  “I didn’t ha
ve the energy to get up. I fell last night and couldn’t move. I couldn’t reach the door handle.” Tears streamed down her face, trying to rid her of the embarrassment she must have felt.

  She lay silently on the couch with a cover draped over her, barely glancing away from the television. That evening, she was different, the worst I’d seen her. She wasn’t in pain physically, but she was ruined emotionally. It was like someone had started to drain the life out of her, like the symptoms in the early days of chemotherapy weren't wearing off anymore and the effects had taken up permanent residence. It killed me to see her in that way. Her usual caring, loving, optimistic self had become dull, emotionless and cold. I grabbed boxes of tablets and organised them in the order she had to take them. It was a chore, but I knew it was keeping Mum alive. Seeing her helpless had left me exhausted, my emotions still running high after talking about my dad. I collapsed into bed that night and lay in the darkness, waiting to fall asleep. Waiting for the day to be over and for the thoughts that had run wild in my mind to stop. My phone lit up and buzzed simultaneously.

  Callum

  20th May 2018

  [21:47]

  Hey beautiful. Can't wait for tomorrow evening. I’ve spoken to Ian, and I’ve moved stuff around in my work calendar. Fancy travelling home together after work? xxx

  [21:53]

  Hey! I’m so sorry. Mum isn't great at the moment. I need to be at home with her. Can we reschedule? xxx

  I lay awake for what seemed like hours, waiting for a reply after I had let him down. I didn’t want to, but I’d have been selfish to just leave Mum after seeing the state she was in. I knew he’d understand, but I still struggled to switch off. My phone vibrated occasionally, alerting me to new emails. If I hadn't had some control that night, I would have continued to text his phone for a reply. I hated letting people down. I always said yes, but I had to prioritise the person who meant the most to me, and make up for abandoning her the night before. My life could wait; it didn’t matter as much as Mum’s.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Woken by my alarm the next morning, I looked straight at my phone to check if Callum had replied. My eyes struggled to adjust to the light at first. I was not a morning person.

  Callum

  21st May 2018

  [05:42]

  Hey beautiful. Sorry I fell asleep last night. I completely understand. How is she doing now? Do you need me to come help out? I’ll see you at work soon, T xxx

  I sighed with relief. He’d just fallen asleep and I’d been panicking for no reason. I was my own worst enemy sometimes. I jumped out of bed quickly to avoid the temptation of snoozing my alarm and sleeping some more. The willpower I had! Mum’s medication slipped across the kitchen counter as I placed them in the tablet organiser, still squinting in the light. Sorting medication was hard, but applying makeup while tired was almost impossible. I looked at my reflection–my tired eyes drooped more than ever, and no matter how hard I tried, there was no covering them.

  “I’m sorry about yesterday, Tamsin,” Mum said, peering into my room, seeming more rested and less distressed.

  “You have no reason to be sorry at all. I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t have left you for so long. I’ll finish early again tonight so we can spend some time together, put on a good film and cocoon in our duvets.”

  I kissed her goodbye and was out of the door by quarter past six. I collapsed against a seat on the train, already exhausted. The past few days had drained me.

  It’s only Monday.

  I cursed as I struggled to keep my eyes open. If I’d been a character in a cartoon, I would have had matchsticks propping them open. I arrived at work just over an hour later, gasping for a strong cup of coffee from the hotel’s cafe. Coffee was the only fuel my body would accept in the mornings; not even the fresh scent of a warm croissant could tempt me to take a bite.

  “Morning, sleepy.” Roberta crept up behind me, enough to make me jump out of my skin. Luckily, I hadn’t grabbed my coffee. Otherwise, it would have been all over both of us.

  “Hey, you,” I croaked. “Want a coffee? I’ve just ordered one but I could bring you one up.”

  “Sure. I’ll meet you up there then,” Roberta said. She swung her bag over her shoulders and headed towards the lift. Roberta and I spent most of our workdays together as she’d been showing me the ropes. We’d become good friends, although she still hadn’t grasped that I wasn’t a morning person.

  “Ah, the late morning joys of customer complaints,” I said sarcastically, sifting through piles of printed complaint emails ready to delegate to Rach and James. Sleep deprivation was making me hate Farden, which no amount of coffee could solve. I zoned out briefly as I thought about my very own dog hotel in the middle of the countryside, far from anyone complaining about a closed spa. Changing Farden’s reputation seemed like an impossible task, but I couldn’t give up.

  Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  “It can't be that bad, Tamsin.” Roberta tried to make me feel better with little success.

  “It doesn’t end here, though, on paper. No, that would be too easy. There’s more emails and don’t get me started on these review sites.”

  “I’m sensing a lot of sass today. Emotions running high?” Roberta said as she slid her chair out from under the desk.

  “You have no idea. Just two more hours to go. I'm going to have to go to my meeting. I've already told Rach and James to come up, but when they get here can you give them these to sort? I need to go and get a head start on the pitch.” I continued to gather my things in a hurry, as time ran away quicker than I could catch up with it.

  “Sure thing, sugar.” She smiled and waved me off.

  I waited in Conference Room Two patiently until one o’clock. Callum waved eagerly through the glass panels surrounding the room. Our cancelled date night had almost slipped my mind with the mad rush preparing for the meeting. He came in and sat at the front, just close enough to graze my inner thigh as I sat waiting for everyone to arrive.

  “Feel good? Don’t worry, I’ll stop when everyone's here. I’d hate to put you off during your first ever pitch.” He winked and kept his hand on my thigh.

  “Hey, who knows? I’d sound really excited if you do it during the pitch. I just hope Ian likes it.”

  My pitch was controversial. I wanted to run a campaign across the social media platforms to encourage good reviews. In return, Farden would give out free day passes to the brand new spa, along with having a VIP list for the first week.

  “That’s if I can actually get this thing to work. Don’t you just hate it when the icons at the bottom start randomly jumping?” I asked rhetorically, shouting at the laptop. “I didn’t click on you.”

  Callum got out of the seat and jokingly backed out of the room, looking at me like I was a crazy person. He was fast becoming my ray of light. He always knew how to cheer me up, and when I needed it.

  “Finally!” I yelled as the presentation started to work, as Ian walked into the room. I looked at him with embarrassment. Ian looked startled, as it seemed I had yelled at him for being late.

  “Not you, sir, the computer. It's been one of those days.” I tried to recover.

  “Tell me about it, Tamsin,” Ian said looking deflated and tired. It wasn’t like him at all. He’d usually had a smile plastered on his face.

  Shit. He's in a bad mood. He's going to hate my pitch.

  “Oh no. Is there anything I can do or get you? Shall we reschedule the meeting?” I had all of my limbs crossed wanting him to reschedule. I was hoping my personality could sweet-talk him into submission. He couldn’t hate my pitch!

  “No, I'm fine. Let’s just get Darren and Sharon in here and get started.” Callum trotted off at Ian’s order to gather the troops.

  I’m screwed.

  I had worked so damn hard on a presentation that was going to be a flop just because my boss was having a tantrum. Callum walked back through into the office.

  “Ian, Darren
and Sharon are both at home. Darren is working from home and Sharon has a sickness bug. I’ve just checked with Roberta. They’re on the ends of their emails, though.”

  “Well, just send the pitch via email. Tell everyone I want their thoughts by the end of tomorrow,” Ian said as he got up in a fluster and walked away. Callum had saved me from today without even realising. He was a hero. My Hero.

  “Thank you so much, Callum. I was literally shitting bricks.”

  “I wasn’t the one who gave Sharon a stomach bug. But now you best crack on with that email and convince the others that this plan of yours is going to work.”

  “I’m on it.”

  I sent the email. The decision was out of my hands. I just hoped I’d done enough to convince everyone. Most of my life, I had dreamed of becoming a hot shot in the business world. Why was it that when I’d imagined my dream job, I’d never thought of the stress it was going to bring? I loved working at the hotel, but today I was buckling–buckling under the pressure of my job, my emotions and my life. I couldn’t wait for my shift to be over so I could get back home to Mum.

  After falling asleep on the train home and nearly missing my stop, I’d arrived at home and snuggled on the sofa. I was nodding off, resting my head on my mum’s shoulder as a knock at the door made us both jump. We turned to each other confused as no one ever knocked, especially at this time of night. Liam would just walk in, so it wasn’t him.

  “Ugh, my back. I’m getting so old and achy.”

  “Old? I must be ancient.” Mum looked at me disapprovingly as I went to open the door, unable to look through the peephole as I had covered it with the famous Friends picture frame. Callum stood on the doorstep looking fantastic as usual. A man bag hung from his shoulder and he held a large picnic basket and a bouquet of purple calla lilies.