Date With a Single Dad

by Ally Blake

“Never took you for a runner, Black,” she accused, heart in her throat. She deliberately provoked him, knowing that if she went the gentle route he’d simply dismiss her.

  Her sharp words had the desired effect. He turned back and his eyes blazed at her. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “No, I don’t. But I figure it’s something big when it makes you leave the house and hide out in the barns. When you spend hours alone rather than face us in the house. When you miss dinner and bath time with Darcy and choose to spend the evening in an unheated barn. And it’s got to be really something if you attempt to distract me by kissing me. I asked a simple question and you ran away.”

  “It’s nothing.” He started to turn away again, guilt written all over his face.

  “No, it’s not. It’s a whole lot of something, and I know fear when I see it. If I’m staying here, if Darcy is staying here …” She paused, afraid to speak her mind, but wanting to be stronger than she’d ever been before. “If we’re starting something, I think I deserve to know.”

  He spun on her so quickly she could react only by stepping backward. “I don’t owe you anything,” he growled. “And if we want to talk about running, what exactly are you doing, Elli? I’m not blind. What are you doing at the Camerons’ if not hiding away from life, huh? Running, hiding … we all have something, don’t we?” He scoffed. “What are you doing here anyway? Playing at reality? You and your tablecloths and doilies and God knows what else.”

  Elli recoiled inside as the harsh words sliced into her, but she held her ground and lifted her chin. He would not intimidate her, even if he was one hundred percent right. She knew what pain looked like; she’d seen it in the mirror for months, and now she saw it in the hard planes of his face. They weren’t so different in that way. Wyatt was simply afraid. Of what? What could be so bad that he’d fear Darcy was going to be taken away from him?

  “I certainly didn’t mean to overstep,” she said stiffly. “I thought you wanted me to do those things. If you don’t like them, I’ll put them away and you can keep things just as you want them. And for the record, Wyatt Black, you don’t owe me.” She had taken Tim’s insults, but those days were gone. She was stronger than that now. “Except not to play games.” She slid her hands into her pockets, attempting to keep them warm. The evening suddenly seemed much colder. “If what happened just now between us was a game, it was very cruel of you, Wyatt.”

  His lips dropped open for a moment before he shut them again, forming a firm line. His hat shadowed his eyes, but she could feel the apology in his gaze.

  “Oh God, I’m sorry. I don’t play games, Elli. I never should have said that.”

  She knew in her heart he was being honest. Which meant what he’d said was true, and she tried to keep her pulse from spinning out of control. Lord, everything about him was so intense. What would it be like to be loved by a man like Wyatt Black?

  “I know,” she acquiesced.

  His lips relaxed and his shoulders dropped. “I do owe you for all you’ve done. But not this. Please don’t ask me this,” he breathed.

  Elli sighed, touched by the anguish in his voice. What was she doing? She could feel herself falling. Any plans and decisions she’d made about her future seemed to fly out of her head when he was around. Wyatt was dangerous. And it was exciting.

  Sympathy and provocation hadn’t worked. Maybe he had a right to his own secrets. “I’m going back inside, then. There’s dinner in the fridge if you want to heat it up.”

  What an idiot she was, letting herself have feelings for Wyatt, giving in to the intense attraction that seemed to grow with each minute they spent together. He couldn’t give her what she needed. He had too many things pulling at his time. Whatever else was between them was only muddying the waters.

  Nothing surprised her more than the sound of the door as it creaked open, then clicked shut behind her.

  She turned to see him standing in the doorway, his jaw set and his hair slightly messed as if he’d run his hands through it. His hat drooped negligently from his hand. “I am not a runner,” he said firmly. “Not anymore.”

  “Then why did you take off? I came out from feeding Darcy and you were gone. I didn’t know where until it got darker and I saw the lights in the barn.”

  He stepped forward, his eyes pleading with hers, as if they were begging her to understand. “Do you know the kinds of questions she asked, Elli? We’re not talking generalities here. Every single last thing you’d rather not talk about? That’s what they ask.”

  He tossed his hat onto a chair and covered his face with his hands.

  The gesture was so sudden, so despairing, Elli was at a loss as to what to do. She felt his pain keenly, as piercing as a cold knife, the hopelessness of it. He exhaled slowly and pulled his hands away from his face. She almost wished he hadn’t. His eyes were bleak, his cheekbones etched with agony. He looked the way she’d felt the morning she’d awakened and truly realized that William was not going to be in her arms ever again.

  “Don’t,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry I pushed. Don’t say it, Wyatt, if it hurts too much. It doesn’t matter.”

  But now he ignored her, as if he’d opened the door and couldn’t help but walk through it. “She poked and prodded and pried for every detail you can imagine about any topic you can come up with. That interview invades every single aspect of your life. Perhaps now you can understand why I had to be alone.”

  “Did she ask about your relationship to Barbara?”

  He snorted, a harsh, hurtful sound. “Top of the list. When did I find out she was my sister. Why did I want to look after her child when we barely knew each other. The fact that Barbara was the product of an affair started the probe into our family life.”

  Elli blanched. Of course. Digging around in painful events would make anyone want to turtle into themselves. “About being taken away? Your father’s abuse?”

  “Oh, yes.” His hands fidgeted and he shoved them in the back pockets of his jeans. His eyes were wild now, like a cornered animal. “My father, that paragon of parenthood, and whether or not I’m cut from the same cloth. Do I solve things with physical violence. What are my thoughts on discipline.”

  “I’m so sorry, Wyatt.”

  He took several breaths before responding. “All the things I never wanted to talk about with another living soul. All the demons I’ve tried to outrun. That’s what it was. So I could somehow prove myself worthy.”

  Elli felt tears sting the backs of her eyes. She understood that the last thing Wyatt would want was to be compared to his father. He was so gentle and caring with Darcy, so dedicated and determined to do the right thing. To insinuate otherwise would cut him to the bone. What if she’d been faced with the same interrogation? Would she have passed? Would she have been able to talk about all her mistakes?

  Now she looked at him and saw him swipe at his eyes. Compassion overruled every bit of self-preservation she possessed and she rushed forward to take his hands. “Oh, Wyatt, I’m so sorry,” she repeated, not knowing what else to say. “What can I do?”

  He led her by the hand to an old battered wing chair. The light from the kitchen highlighted his sharp features as he sat, then tugged her down onto his lap. “Just let me hold you,” he murmured, and she felt her heart quake as his arms came around her.

  Mentally she’d been trying to push him away for hours. But it felt so good to be held. When William died Tim had pushed her away, pretending everything was all right, denying her the physical touches that might have given some comfort. She was beginning to see that Wyatt, with all his baggage and secrets and sometimes prickly exterior, was far more giving than Tim had ever been and yet he had more reason to hide. She curled into his embrace and tangled her fingers through the dark strands of his hair, wanting to give back to him just a little bit.

  “I can do that,” she whispered, and for long minutes they sat that way, absorbing strength from each other.

  And s
omehow without meaning it to happen, Elli felt a corner of her heart start to heal.

  “Do you know what the saving grace is in all of this?” Wyatt’s soft, deep voice finally broke the silence.

  “Hmm?” she asked, her eyes closed as she memorized the shape and feel of him, the scent, the way his chest rumbled when he spoke.

  “My mother. When I think of Barbara, I think of my mother. Mom would not have turned Barbara away, even though she would have been a reminder of my father’s infidelity,” he said. His arms tightened ever so slightly. “My mother was kind and generous, and had every reason to be bitter. But she wasn’t. The only way I’ve gotten through this at all is thinking about her. If I was cursed with one parent, I was blessed with the other. I’ve always tried to be more like her … even if I do look like him.”

  Of course, Elli realized. What must it be like for Wyatt to resemble someone who had betrayed the very nature of fatherhood? Of course he would want to emulate his mother. “What was she like?”

  She felt his facial muscles move as he smiled. “She could do anything. Cook, sew, sing … not that my father gave her much to sing about. But she did it when he was away. She always tried to make things special for me, and she seemed to apologize when she couldn’t.”

  “Why did she stay? Why didn’t she take you and leave, Wyatt?”

  His response was typical and sad. “Where would she have gone? She was afraid he would find her. Or that he would try to take me. Not that he really wanted me. It was about possession with my father.”

  She was starting to understand why all the prying questions had affected him so deeply today. “This all came out this afternoon?”

  He nodded. “I will not be like my father, Elli.”

  “Of course not.” She straightened and cupped his chin, tilting his face up so she could look him in the eyes. “And you’re not. Looking after Darcy isn’t about possession for you. I know that. It’s about family, and acceptance, and responsibility.”

  “You see that. But I’m not sure Angela Beck did. It isn’t so pretty when it’s in black and white.”

  “What happened to your parents, Wyatt?”

  His gaze was steady on hers. “I was working in Fort McMurray. They’d been traveling together and my father had been drinking. The crash killed them both instantly.”

  She let the news sink in, knowing there was nothing she could say that would be more than a useless platitude. And after today’s interview Wyatt was afraid he was going to lose Darcy, too. Darcy and Barbara were the only family he had left. He was determined to look after them both, she could tell. What would happen to Wyatt if he failed?

  He couldn’t fail. She was here to help ensure it.

  “They need to be sure, that’s all. They are putting Darcy first, just like you are. They’ll see that you’re the right person to care for her until Barbara is well again.”

  “It doesn’t make it easier,” he replied, calmer now. “So now maybe you understand why I called you the nanny today. I can’t let them all down. They’re all the family I have left. That’s why I can’t jeopardize the situation by keeping on like we have been.”

  She slid off his lap, took the chair opposite him and put her hands on her knees. “What do you mean?”

  Wyatt’s gaze was apologetic as he leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and linking his hands. “I know I said that you were more than just the nanny, but do you think today’s visit is the end of it? What if Beck comes back and finds us like we were tonight?”

  “We were hardly doing anything wrong,” she replied, feeling a sudden chill on her shoulders now that his arms were not about her anymore.

  “Maybe not, but how would it look to her? I insisted you are the nanny. I made it clear we’re not in a personal relationship. You heard what she said. People cohabiting need to be in a relationship for at least a year, and we’ve known each other only days. I told her there was nothing romantic between us. If we continue on this way it means I’ve lied. And I simply can’t risk it. Darcy is too important to me.”

  A part of her ached as he said it. She had enjoyed being held by him so much. But Darcy had to come first, and they both knew it. Tonight, she had only fooled herself into thinking she was important to him. And perhaps she was, but she was way down on the list. The new life she wanted to build wasn’t here. She’d left the old dreams behind. Wyatt and Darcy were sidetracking her, and at times most pleasantly. Tonight she’d forgotten all her self-promises the moment he’d put his lips on hers. But she had to keep her eye on the big picture.

  “Elli … I’m sorry. Sorry I’ve dragged you into this.”

  Her heart tugged, hearing him say her name that way. But her resolve was stronger, especially now that he wasn’t touching her. She wouldn’t let him see he had the power to hurt her. “No, Wyatt. I’m here of my own choosing. You’re right. If she got the wrong impression, you could lose Darcy, and I know how much that would eat away at you. You have to do what’s best for Darcy.”

  He nodded. “She’s the most important thing now. And lying about our involvement would be a mistake I don’t want on my conscience.” His eyes were sober, and she thought perhaps held a glint of resentment. “Lies have a way of coming out sooner or later.”

  She thought of his father denying his own daughter and leaving Barbara’s mother to fend for herself. She thought about all that she hadn’t told Wyatt about William and felt a niggle of guilt. She hadn’t exactly lied, but she hadn’t told him the whole truth either. She wasn’t sure she ever could.

  “You are not your father, Wyatt. You always do the right thing.”

  The truth was bittersweet. The right thing was costing her. Just when she was starting to feel alive again, she was cruelly reminded of her own unimportance.

  A thin cry sounded from the bedroom; Darcy was awake once more.

  “So we keep it simple,” she said, pushing on her knees and rising from the chair.

  “Simple,” he echoed.

  Elli left him sitting in the dark and went to get Darcy. As she picked her up, warm and nuzzly from sleep, she realized that nothing about their relationship would ever be simple. Not after tonight.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED set a pattern, and Wyatt was true to their agreement. He was always pleasant and friendly, but there was no more talk of pasts and fathers or any other hot-button topics. Elli cooked meals, cared for Darcy and finished up accounting assignments, e-mailing them to her supervisor. Wyatt asked her quietly to leave the things she’d bought, but there were no more shopping trips to the home décor shop. The fall air turned colder and the leaves scattered from the trees, leaving a golden carpet on the grass. Wyatt cared for his stock, spent hours outside making repairs and moving the herd to different pastures. When he came in his smiles and touches were for Darcy.

  As Darcy watched from her swing, Elli washed up the breakfast dishes and put them away in the cozy kitchen. Elli wasn’t jealous. It was impossible to be jealous of Darcy, who was an absolute darling. But she found herself wishing that Wyatt could spare a few soft words and gentle touches for her. She missed him. She’d had a taste and she wanted more. Seeing him work so hard and lavish his affection on his niece only made him more amazing in her eyes. She’d promised herself never to settle again, but as she got to know Wyatt even more, she saw so many qualities she admired, wished for in a partner. Stability. Tenderness. Patience. Love.

  She was falling in love with him, sure as spring rain.

  But the way he’d put on the brakes and then slipped into their daily and functional existence so easily told her that the feeling wasn’t reciprocated. Her hands paused on the handle of a cupboard door. Those first days together had been so intense. Emotions had run high and things had been in flux. Now things had settled into a routine. Whatever her feelings for Wyatt, they weren’t returned, she was sure of it.

  She should be relieved, she supposed. Soon Barbara would be out of the hospital and the Camerons w
ould be back. Elli had to start thinking about what she was going to do next. She told herself that because her feelings were one-sided, there would be fewer complications when it came time to move on.

  As she passed Darcy, she reached out and gave the tiny cotton-covered toes a squeeze. It was going to be difficult to see Darcy leave, too, but she’d always known she would. Wyatt would not be a part of Elli’s life after that happened and that wouldn’t change even if she wished it to. No, she needed to start looking for a job and a place to live as soon as she finished her course.

  She heard Wyatt’s boots on the veranda and checked the clock on the microwave. Right on time. The past few days he’d come in at precisely ten o’clock for a cup of coffee and a sweet. He did have a sweet tooth and she was more than happy to oblige. She’d enjoyed the looking after Darcy, and Wyatt’s house, and cooking meals for more than herself. As the screen door slapped against the frame, she cautioned herself not to get too accustomed to it. She was going to be hurt enough when this was over; forming habits would not help.

  Wyatt stood in the doorway, grinning as if he was holding some sort of secret, looking unexpectedly youthful. The lines that had crinkled the corners of his eyes were gone, and there was an air of hopefulness about him.

  She couldn’t help the smile that curved her lips in return. He looked so pleased with himself, his dark eyes alight with some mischief and his hair even more windblown than usual. He held his hat in his hands, and she noticed he was crumpling the sides.

  “What are you up to? And I know it’s not my banana bread making you smile that way.”

  He made a show of sniffing the air. “You’re right, although now that you mention it, it does smell good in here.”

  “It’s just out of the oven and too hot to slice, so stay away from that cooling rack.” She struggled to keep her lips stern as she brandished a mixing spoon, but felt the corner of her mouth quiver. What was it about him that made her smile so easily? He looked like a boy with a new toy.

  He came across the kitchen and tipped a finger at Darcy’s nose. “I have a surprise for you both.”