Date With a Single Dad

by Ally Blake

  “Family services will still be involved.”

  “Yes, of course. And her doctor, too. I spoke to her doctor this morning, and there are support systems in place. It all sounds fine.”

  “Yet you don’t sound convinced.”

  He looked up and met her gaze. “I worry, that’s all. One thing I know for sure. Barbara will have me behind her. I’m going to be there for her. As her brother and as Darcy’s uncle. Lucky for her, now I have practice as a babysitter.”

  “More than a babysitter, Wyatt.” Elli zipped up the bag. “A father. You have been a father to Darcy these last two weeks.”

  His expression was difficult to decipher. Elli saw pleasure, but also pain, and perhaps denial. Knowing what she did about him, she could understand where such emotions might come from. But he wouldn’t talk to her, not anymore. Ever since that morning when Angela Beck had shown up, he’d been closed off. And any softening that had happened in the dark at 5:00 a.m. was gone now. Perhaps there had been a mutual attraction, and something more than friendship between them. But there wasn’t the trust she thought. Not from Wyatt. He’d backed away and hadn’t had any trouble keeping away.

  She’d already been in a relationship where they hadn’t talked about their true feelings, and it had been their downfall. She wouldn’t do it again. So she tried to make this, the end, as amicable as possible. “You made everything right for Barbara and Darcy,” she said.

  “You were the one who made this work,” he replied, refusing to accept her words. “You were with her day and night, caring for her, making this place a home. And you accepted nothing for it. You didn’t even deposit the check I wrote you. I checked. Why?”

  Because I needed you. She heard the answer inside her head, but it never reached her lips.

  With that answer, she began to doubt. Were her feelings for him solely wrapped up in overcoming her own problems? The answer hadn’t come to her as I love you. It had been about need, and grief, and moving forward. She didn’t want to think she’d used him, and she certainly hadn’t meant to, but there was no denying the possibility that her feelings had been influenced by her needs. And with that possibility, the seeds of doubt were planted.

  “I did it because I wanted to.”

  Wyatt stepped forward and reached for her arm. “Not good enough.”

  His hand on her biceps was firm and she shook it off. “I’m sorry if you’re not satisfied.”

  She reached for the bag she’d already packed. She couldn’t wait around for Barbara to arrive, to see Darcy put in her car seat and to watch her leave, taking a piece of Elli’s heart with her. She had to get out now. Just his hand on her arm created a maelstrom of emotion she didn’t want to deal with. Not today. Not with everything else.

  “Elli …” His voice had a strain on it she hadn’t heard before. “You’re leaving. Can’t we be honest before you go?”

  Her heart pounded, wanting to be. But over the course of the past few years, so many of the things she’d thought were true had been only illusions. Could she say for certain this wasn’t the same thing?

  The issue of propriety during Darcy’s stay was ended as of today. And yet he hadn’t once said, Please don’t go. He’d said, You’re leaving.

  “What do you want me to say, Wyatt?” She turned around to face him, willing her voice not to quiver. “Our deal was that I would stay and help you as long as Darcy was here. But she’s not going to be here any longer and I am no longer needed as your nanny. Because that’s what I’ve been, right? Darcy’s nanny.”

  Her fingers gripped the handle of her bag, while every pore of her wanted to hear him contradict her. Not long ago he’d said very clearly that she was more than a nanny. Had that changed? The other morning, in the dark, her invitation couldn’t have been more clear, but he hadn’t stepped forward and taken what was offered.

  “You weren’t a nanny that morning here on my bed, were you.” He said it as a statement, not a question. And the snap in his voice put Elli’s back up.

  “You cooled off soon enough.” Oh bravo, Elli, she thought, seeing Wyatt’s shocked expression. He hadn’t been expecting such a quick response, she could tell. He couldn’t put this all on her. If she’d given mixed signals, she’d taken the lead from him.

  “Angela Beck at the door put things in perspective quite quickly,” he replied. His forehead seemed to flatten as if he were displeased. “Getting caught would have been a disaster. Like you said before—our relationship had to be platonic.”

  “I don’t want to argue before I leave, Wyatt. Please, can’t we just leave things on good terms? You got what you wanted all along. You got to keep Darcy and fulfill your responsibility to your family. You did the right thing. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “And did you get what you wanted?”

  The words hurt, because he didn’t know what she wanted and she was too afraid to tell him. She was too afraid to ask how he felt about her and get pushed away again. Twice had been more than enough. Every single time in her life that she’d tried to be open with her feelings she’d been shut down. And Wyatt wasn’t offering her anything in return, any level of safety that if she did open up would make it worth it.

  “What do you want out of life, Elli?”

  As he said the harsh words, the planes of his face changed, more angled and taut. He ran a hand through his hair that even when messy looked as if it was that way deliberately. She wanted to throw off the cloak of all her misgivings and just tell him how she felt. But she couldn’t. She could still hear Tim’s words in her ears, the ones she’d passed off as coming from bitterness and pain. She understood now that there had been a kernel of truth in them just the same and that they had affected her even if she hadn’t wanted them to. Words that had cut her to the quick. Go ahead. Walk out on our marriage. You failed our baby and I’m just another casualty.

  The words came back with disturbing clarity now because she knew they were true.

  She did blame herself for William’s death, and she did walk out on their marriage.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  WYATT WATCHED THE COLOR drain from Elli’s cheeks. Her eyes loomed large within the pale skin of her face. It was a fair question. What did she want, and why wouldn’t she just say it? Now that Darcy was leaving, nothing stood in their way. Why wouldn’t she come to him?

  He had seen her face when she’d come into the kitchen the day Angela Beck had visited. Maybe they’d both been carried away in the moment, but he hadn’t expected her cool response. They’d both known what could have happened if they’d been caught together, what else could he have done? And he’d tried to bridge the gap by offering to remove the chair, but she’d stared at him with those huge eyes and he’d felt the gap between them widen.

  She was afraid, and he knew it. This morning he’d tried pushing to see if he could make her react with honesty, but if anything she was withdrawing further. And he couldn’t do it anymore, not knowing how fragile she was. Maybe she needed more time. He would never push where he wasn’t wanted; he’d seen his father muscle his way through relationships enough to know making demands and bullying didn’t work. You couldn’t force love. And he was pretty sure he was falling in love with Elli.

  What would she do if he just came right out and said it?

  As they stared at each other, her chalk-white and him with tension cording every muscle, he knew exactly what she’d do. She’d run.

  “I’ve got to go.”

  “Elli.” He took a step forward, and in spite of his determination not to push he found himself gripping the tops of her arms, forcing her to look up at him, wanting to grab one last chance. “Don’t run.”

  The color rushed back into her cheeks and her blue gaze snapped up at him. “What are you offering, Wyatt? What do you want out of life? Because knowing that would help me out a lot. I can’t figure you out, I really can’t. And the last week and a half, you’ve gone out of your way to stay out of my way.”

  His hands felt b
urned and he dropped them away from her arms. Is that what she thought? That he couldn’t stand to be near her? “Me?”

  “You were the one that set up boundaries!” she cried.

  Their gazes clashed and his dropped to her lips briefly, watching them open as her breaths seemed to accelerate.

  “To protect Darcy!” Frustration was suddenly added to the cocktail of feelings rushing through him.

  “Only Darcy?”

  She’d very effectively turned the tables on him and he felt a slide of guilt run up his spine. All right, so maybe he was being cautious. And maybe he’d used Darcy as a shield to keep from admitting how he really felt. But he kept quiet now because he wasn’t sure of her. He’d been there when she’d fallen apart and he’d seen her withdraw into herself afterward. She wasn’t ready. He knew she was afraid. What woman wouldn’t be after what she’d been through? He couldn’t force her to open up.

  “Fine. You want to know what I want, Elli? I’ll tell you. I want this ranch to prosper, I want this house a home, I want a wife to love and a couple of kids. I want the kind of marriage my mother and father never had and I want to provide my children with the childhood I never had. I want the past to stop defining me and I want to prove that a pattern doesn’t have to be continued.” It all came out in a rush and it felt damn good to say it.

  “Now go ahead.” He lowered his voice and looked down at her, knowing she hadn’t expected such an outburst. “Run. I know that’s what you want to do.”

  She hadn’t moved a muscle, but it seemed suddenly as if an invisible wall rose between them. Her complete withdrawal was cool and palpable. This was why he’d resisted. Because he’d known exactly how she’d react.

  “I have to go,” she whispered.

  Her response didn’t surprise him, but he felt the dull ache of disappointment. He couldn’t beg for someone to love him. He’d left that little boy behind him long ago and he had too much pride. He went to the end of the bed, picked up the bag she had dropped when he’d grabbed her arms. “I’ll walk you out.”

  Silently they went to the front door and Wyatt opened it. The fall air had a bite to it; in the low places of the yard the grass was still silvery with frost. Sunlight glinted off the few golden leaves remaining on the border of aspens. It was a perfect fall day. And yet there was no joy in it for Wyatt. By tonight he would be alone in his house again, only this time he’d feel the solitude much more keenly.

  They hesitated on the porch for only a moment. Wyatt held out her bag and Elli took it without meeting his eyes. “Thank you for everything,” he said, knowing it sounded formal, but pride kept him from speaking more intimately. “If there’s ever anything you need …”

  “Don’t,” she commanded softly. “Please, not this cold politeness. Not after everything.”

  She walked down the steps and half turned, and he thought he caught a glimpse of moisture in her eyes before she blinked and it was gone.

  “Goodbye, Wyatt.”

  He waited on the porch, watching her walk away down the dirt drive, feeling his heart go with her. Wishing she’d turn around and come back, hoping she’d be as honest with him as he’d been with her. If she would only do that, they might stand a chance. He needed her to stop. To come back to him. To let him make everything right somehow.

  But she didn’t. She walked on, her strides never faltering.

  And as she reached his mailbox, a car slowed and made the turn into his driveway.

  Barbara was here.

  Elli felt every pound of her bag as the strap dug into her shoulder. She wouldn’t look back. She couldn’t. If she did, her resolve would falter. No, she reminded herself, holding the strap for dear life, she had to be strong. This time she had to be strong. This time she had to see the reality, not the dream. And the reality was Wyatt didn’t love her, not the way she needed him to. Not the way she loved him.

  As she stepped onto the interlocking blocks of the Camerons’ front walk, she couldn’t help but look over toward the house. A woman—dark hair, tall, like Wyatt—got out of the car, and Elli paused. It was like watching an accident and being unable to turn away even though she knew she should. Wyatt went down the steps with Darcy bundled in her blanket. Across the two lawns she heard Barbara’s exclamation and saw her take the baby from Wyatt’s arms. The way she held her, close to her body and with her head dropped low, made Elli’s eyes sting. Barbara rocked Darcy in her arms even though she was standing, and Elli saw her kiss the perfectly shaped forehead.

  She couldn’t watch anymore.

  Numbly she unlocked the door and stepped inside. She’d once been awed by the foyer’s perfection, its opulence. Now it felt cold and empty. The cavernous foyer echoed with the closing of the door. She trudged up the tile steps to the living room, stared out the huge windows at the prairie extended before her, so vast and unforgiving. She took her bag to the guest room, dropped it inside and waited. For a sound. For anything.

  But nothing came.

  Next door, Wyatt was reconnecting with his sister and reconciling his past. Darcy would be going home, but he would see her often. She imagined them sitting in his kitchen now, perhaps drinking coffee, laughing, talking. He hadn’t had to say goodbye to Darcy, as well. But she had lost both of them. She was alone.

  And the worst part of it was that she knew she’d brought it on herself.

  She’d said yes to his plea for help. She’d gone and fallen for him despite all her self-warnings to stay detached. And in the end she’d been too afraid to tell him how she felt, and so here she was. Alone. Again.

  She told herself it didn’t matter, because her feelings weren’t returned anyway. She told herself it was better this way, because it wouldn’t be right to stay so attached to him, or to his niece. She couldn’t leave Darcy out of this either; she loved her, too, and felt the loss of her deep inside. And in that moment Elli realized an important truth. She was a mother. Maybe she hadn’t had the opportunity to watch William grow, but she had loved him. She had a mother’s heart.

  Bereft, she buried her face in the pillow and let out the tears she’d held in all morning.

  With a broad smile Wyatt refilled their soup bowls and sat back down at the table. He wasn’t much of a cook, not like Elli. He missed her smiles already. He pushed the thoughts aside, to bring out later when he was alone. Tonight marked a milestone, even if his best efforts managed only canned soup and a sandwich. Reuniting with his sister seemed to eclipse his lack of culinary expertise.

  “Sorry it’s not fancier.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Barbara picked up her spoon and smiled. “Thank you. One of the things I promised the doctor I’d do for myself was eat better. This is just what I needed.”

  “Are you really okay?” Wyatt halted the progress of his spoon and his smile faded a bit. “I mean, you’re going to be back to caring for Darcy full-time again. You’re sure you’re ready?”

  Barbara’s smile faded as the mood turned sober. “I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t scared. But I’m learning coping skills and I have a number to call anytime, day or night. Don’t worry, Wyatt. Everyone is following up on me.”

  “That day or night thing,” he said, putting down his spoon and taking her hand. “That goes for me, too. I suspected about our father all along, but I was a coward and said nothing. But not anymore. I’d like to be your brother, if you want me to.”

  Tears filled Barbara’s eyes and she squeezed his hand. “You always were a good kid, and you turned into a good man. Even when I wasn’t thinking clearly, I know I wouldn’t have trusted you with Darcy if I hadn’t believed you’d do your best by her. You went home with a black eye because of me once, Wyatt. I haven’t forgotten.”

  “It’s good to have family again,” he said simply.

  “Yes, it is. And I know you had help. Where’s Ellison?”

  Wyatt suddenly became engrossed with his soup bowl, feeling pain at even the mention of her name and not wanting to show it to Barbara. “She’s gon
e home.”

  “I want to thank her for all she’s done.”

  Of course she did, Wyatt realized. But not now. “Now is probably not a good time, Barb. I think it was very difficult for her to leave Darcy.”

  He felt Barb’s eyes assessing and stood up, taking his bowl to the sink.

  “Only Darcy?”

  A heaviness settled in his heart. “I don’t know.” He braced his hands on the edge of the counter.

  “Is there something between you two?”

  Wyatt turned around. Maybe he and Barb had a lot of missing gaps, but she had known him a long time, since they were children and in school together.

  “Even if there was, there isn’t now.”

  “I’m sorry, Wyatt. Are you in love with her?”

  He had known his father’s cruelty, but she had known his neglect. Now she was dealing with the results of her own failed relationship and making her way as a single parent. The way she was looking at him now told him she understood a little of what he was fighting against.

  “I am.”

  “So what’s stopping you from fighting for her?”

  “We’re not the only ones damaged here, Barb. Elli’s had her own troubles to deal with. I got to a point where I was ready to move past it and take the life I wanted. But she’s not there yet. And I can’t do it for her.”

  Darcy made happy-baby noises from her seat and Barbara smiled. “I should get her home.”

  She rose and went to the seat, buckling Darcy in and picking up a blanket to lay over her.

  “You’ll be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “You’ll call me tomorrow?”

  Barbara smiled. “You getting all big brother on me now?”

  Wyatt grinned. “Feels weird, huh? But yeah, I guess I am.”

  To his surprise, Barbara came to him and hugged him. “Thank you,” she murmured, and backed off slightly. “Sometimes the worst part in all of this is feeling alone. I think I’ll like having a big brother.”