Wish On The Moon

by Karen Rose Smith

  Laura knew if he'd ever thought about asking her to stay, if he'd ever admitted to himself he loved her, if he'd ever trusted her, she'd just destroyed it all by being loyal to Carey. She had to explain, to try to erase the awful expression from Mitch's face. It was so...cold.

  She forced herself to take two deep breaths to steady her body and contain the panic she knew would be evident in her voice. "Please try to understand."

  His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "How long have you known?"

  Her knees shook. "A week or so."

  Mitch shook his head in disbelief. "I thought we'd come to an...understanding. I thought we meant something to each other."

  If she said she loved him now, he'd never believe her. She leaned against the desk for support. "We do. I didn't want to keep this from you."

  "Just like you didn't want to stay away from Ray for six years?"

  The fierce degree of his anger rocked against her and she felt sick to her stomach. She'd thought Mitch had come to terms with that and didn't blame her any more. Heaven knew she still blamed herself enough for them both.

  But she had to stay in the present. "I learned about Carey's loan by accident. I overheard his conversation with Nora and he knew I heard. He pleaded with me not to tell you."

  Mitch violently zipped up his zipper. "And he's so damn endearing, you agreed."

  "No! He was so desperate, I agreed. All he wants, Mitch, is to show you he's changed. He's trying to compete with you. He wants you to see he can be a success. He wants you to respect and admire him the way he admires you."

  "He told you that?"

  "Sort of. He's trying to get your approval."

  "He's never wanted anything from me but money and a quick fix for his problems."

  "Maybe you haven't looked deep enough. Maybe you haven't really talked to him." Her gaze clung to his, pleading with him to understand.

  "Talking can't solve everything. I haven't seen you and Ray talking all that much. Don't you practice what you preach?"

  "Dad and I have settled our differences."

  "You've formed an uneasy peace. You haven't talked about why you left, have you?"

  Guilt stabbed her. "No."

  "Actions speak louder than words, Laura. I know that's old, but it's true. My mother might lose most of her savings because of you. And I've lost..." He stopped as if the admission would cost him too much.

  "What have you lost, Mitch?" Once the question hung between then, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

  "I was beginning to believe deep feelings weren't a bad thing. I was beginning to believe two people could share more than their bodies and trust wasn't a tiger that could eat you alive. I was beginning to believe you were a risk worth taking. But I was wrong about all of it. Carey trusted you, but you didn't trust me. I did trust you, and you betrayed that trust. And when trust is destroyed, it can't be repaired."

  "Mitch..."

  "There's nothing else to say."

  Damn his stubbornness and his barriers! He was locking her out again. "Yes, there is. You don't understand Carey, and you don't understand me."

  He brushed past her and would have kept going but she grabbed his arm. "Do you think he wanted to be a wild teenager? Do you think I wanted to be rebellious?"

  Mitch stared at her hand until she removed it, but he didn't step away.

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to explain. "Your Dad confused Carey as much as he did you. But Carey felt connected to him and wanted to please him. When your father died, he felt lost. He didn't know where he belonged. Nora was working most of the time. You were the perfect son doing everything right. He wanted attention and didn't know how to get it. That's exactly how I felt. I needed to know somebody loved me."

  His eyes burned into her. "Your father loved you. And Mom and I loved Carey."

  She shook her head. "But don't you see? We didn't know that. Carey needs your love and emotional support now as much as he did when he was younger. Can't you tell him--?"

  "Fix your own life, Laura. And stay out of mine."

  The pain in his eyes was as great as the sorrow surrounding her heart. She wanted to cry Don't leave, Don't do this to us. But in her anguish she realized part of him wanted to prove he was right, that she wasn't meant to be trusted or loved.

  Because he was afraid of loving. He was afraid of risking...afraid of being rejected. She'd been living under the illusion he'd come around, he'd admit his feelings, he'd ask her to stay. She'd been wrong. Self protection was more important to him than love.

  He strode out the door and this time she didn't try to stop him. The damage had been done and there was no turning back.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Laura answered the phone in the store's office on the first ring. Caller ID told her it wasn't Mitch. It was Carey.

  She closed the door and asked, "Are you okay?"

  "Better than I've been in a long time. I'm at your dad's. I gave Ma back her money. When I got to the track, I turned around. You were right. One bet could lead to others."

  "I'm proud of you."

  "That means a lot."

  "I'm sure Mitch is too."

  "I wouldn't know. And I'm not sticking around to find out."

  "I told him what you were going to do. He went to the track to look for you."

  "I'm not going to stick around. He'll never admit he approves of anything I did. I'll be gone in a few minutes."

  "Gone?" She didn't like the sound of that.

  "I'm leaving for Virginia. One way or another I'm going to start a new life. I can't invest in the DVD rentals, but I'm going to look until I get a job somewhere. With my track record, I'd be great in sales."

  "You should stay until you see Mitch."

  "Give it up, Laura. I have. I just called to say good-bye. You take care of yourself and Mandy."

  "I will." Tears clogged her throat.

  "I hope it works out with you and Mitch. I can't promise I'll stay in touch. I'm not good at that kind of thing."

  Obviously Carey's mind was made up. There was nothing she could do about it. Only Mitch could. "Good luck."

  "You too. You've been a good friend."

  When Laura put down the receiver, tears rolled down her cheeks. She'd gained a friend in Carey, but at what price? She'd lost more than a friend and lover in Mitch. She'd lost her heart.

  ***

  Mandy came into Laura's room the next morning and jumped on the bed. "Are we really going home tomorrow?"

  Laura flicked the brush through her hair, carefully styling it around her face. She didn't know why she bothered. She was staying home today to pack, to print out their tickets, to spend time with her dad. After breakfast, Mitch would be gone if he wasn't already and he certainly wouldn't be speaking to her. He'd make that clear last night. Dinner had been a silent, tense meal, only made bearable by Mandy's chatter and Ray's attempts to force conversation. Nora had been upset because Carey had left. Mitch had been solicitous of his mother but coolly formal with Laura. He responded with natural warmth to Mandy, but whenever his gaze landed on Laura, it was icy blue.

  Laura hadn't slept last night and her head pounded, but she was determined to make her daughter's last day in York as enjoyable as possible. She sat on the bed next to her. "Yes, we're leaving tomorrow. How do you feel about that?"

  Her daughter smiled the smile that always warmed Laura's heart. "I want to see Anne and George. But I'm gonna miss Nora and Gramps. And especially Mitch. I like him as much as George."

  That was the highest honor Mandy could give. "I know you do."

  She bounced on the bed and played with a string on her jeans. "But he'll be here with Gramps, won't he? We can come back and visit both of them. Think he'd like me to send him pictures I draw?"

  Laura let the idea of visiting Mitch pass. "I'm sure he would. But you can ask him today when you see him." She was sure Mitch wouldn't go back to Harrisburg without saying good-bye to Mandy.

  "Can I help you pack the suitca
ses?"

  "If you want to."

  Mandy hopped off the bed. "Can I do it now?"

  Such energy. Laura wished she could scoop some of it up and spread it over herself. Her sleepless night was going to make this a long day. She checked her watch. "There's time before breakfast. I would help me a lot if you take everything out of your drawers and put your clothes on the bed." She'd have to pack the suitcase carefully to get everything in. By the time Mandy emptied her drawers, she'd be tired of the idea.

  Laura pulled Mandy's suitcase from the closet and opened it on top of the bed. Mandy was happily emptying the drawers when Laura went downstairs to start breakfast. Using an egg substitute and skim milk, she could make her dad French toast. And maybe she could make them all something special for supper and give Nora a break. Besides, it would give her something to do. Time on her hands was the one thing she didn't want today.

  Laura was beating the eggs with a fork when Nora entered the kitchen, wearing a jogging suit and a sheepish smile. "I forgot to set my alarm. I'm sorry."

  Laura wondered if Nora had spent a restless night also. They had talked about Carey last night and although Nora missed him, she'd agreed he was on the right track. They'd avoided the subject of Mitch as if they'd made an unspoken agreement.

  Laura added pepper and minced onion to the egg mixture. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I have this under control. You can sit and talk to me."

  Nora pulled out a chair, stared at it, and pushed it back in. "You know I don't like to sit and watch. What can I do?"

  Laura motioned to the books on the other side of the kitchen. "You could check the cookbook for the Chicken Cacciatore recipe and tell me what ingredients we don't have. I'll stop at the store."

  Nora gave her a blank look.

  Laura pointed. "It's the red one on the shelf."

  Nora went to the shelf and pulled down the book. She looked at it as if it might bite her. "What did you say it was called?"

  "Chicken Cacciatore. If you check the index in the back..."

  Nora turned to the back of the book. "I can't find it.

  "I'm sure it's under chicken." Laura switched her attention from the eggs to Nora. Tears glistened in the older woman's eyes.

  Suddenly Laura suspected what was wrong.

  The non-prescription glasses, Nora never having the time or inclination to read Mandy a story, Nora letting Laura make out the shopping list, Nora saying she wasn't good enough for Ray.

  Laura took the cookbook from Nora's hands. "You can't read, can you?"

  Nora shook her head and a tear rolled down her cheek. "I've managed to hide it all my life. Even Sam never knew. I thought I had to stay with him because I never thought I could manage on my own. If only I'd known, everything would have been different...for all of us."

  Laura understood so much now. The helplessness Nora must have felt. She probably depended on her husband for information, to read the mail, anything and everything. No wonder she'd been afraid to leave him.

  But Nora had guts and stamina. "You don't have to hide it. You can get help. There are programs."

  "What's the matter, Nora?" Ray asked as he came into the kitchen with Mitch beside him.

  "Nothing's wrong." Nora self consciously wiped a tear from her cheek.

  Mitch and Ray were staring at Laura, and she felt as if she was smack dab in the middle again.

  Mitch's voice sliced the air. "What did you say to upset her, Laura?"

  What could she say? Nothing that would lessen the tightness in his facial muscles or soften the strict slash of his mouth.

  When Laura remained silent, Nora intervened. "She didn't say anything. She asked me to do something for her and I can't. Mitch, Ray, there's something you should know. I'm getting too old to pretend, too old to cover up. I might be too old to get help, but I'm not too old to tell the truth. I can't read."

  The shock on Ray's face was quickly replaced by concern. He went to Nora and put his arm around her shoulders. "How difficult life must be for you. But you're never too old to get help. I'll help. I can teach you if you don't want to go somewhere else. We'll get the best program we can find."

  "Ray, you don't want to spend your time teaching me what I was too slow to learn years ago," Nora responded in astonishment.

  "What better way to spend my time!" He gave her a gentle squeeze. "I know we can do it--together."

  It had been a long time since Laura had seen this gentleness emanating from her father with anyone but Mandy, and she realized how much he cared about Nora. She knew her eyes were shiny when they met Mitch's. She was unprepared for the animosity there, the doubts that said he wondered if she'd known about this too.

  He joined Ray at Nora's side. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Mom. If you need my help too, you have it. I just wish you'd told me years ago."

  Laura heard the regret in Mitch's voice. She remembered what he'd said about her fixing her own life. It was time for her and her father to talk. Before she left. Before it was too late. She wished she could talk to Mitch too. But from the look in his eyes, she doubted he'd listen. He'd wrapped his anger and sense of betrayal around himself to use as protection against her.

  He didn't stay for breakfast but muttered something about getting to the store early. Obviously he couldn't stand being in the same room with her. That hurt even more than his anger.

  Laura helped Nora clean up the kitchen, then before she lost her nerve she went in search of her father. He was in the back yard walking along the stream.

  She ran to catch up to him. "It's hard to believe it snowed last week."

  "The sun's almost melted all of it. Except along the bank. Nature has a way of protecting itself, of making things last. It's a shame we can't learn how to do that."

  The sun glanced off the silver in her father's hair. "What would you like to last?"

  "This time with you and Mandy. Will you really come back to visit?"

  "Yes, we will."

  "You can call and e-mail. I have an e-mail address now."

  "We'll do that too." She plunged in before she lost her nerve. "Dad, I'm sorry I didn't try to get in touch with you after I had Mandy. You should have known you had a granddaughter."

  "You have nothing to be sorry about. I made a mess of everything. I'm just so thankful Mitch got in touch with you when I was too afraid to do it."

  "Afraid?" She'd never thought of her dad as being afraid of anything.

  "I was afraid you'd tell him you wouldn't come back here," he explained gruffly, looking towards the stream. "That you'd want to stay far away."

  "Dad, I never wanted to leave. I hoped you'd change your mind and accept Doug. That's why I wrote at first."

  He faced her. "I should have answered you. I wanted so much for you. He wasn't it. But if he made you happy, I should have realized that's all you'd care about. It's what I should have cared about. Can you forgive a stubborn old man?"

  Laura fought the tears valiantly, but it wasn't worth the effort because they leaked out one after the other. She hugged her father as she could never remember hugging him. And she felt his arms come around her to give her the warmth and support she'd missed since she was a child. "I forgive you, Daddy. Can you forgive me for staying away so long?"

  "Of course. I'm just glad you're here now." After long moments of them both giving and receiving forgiveness, Ray released her. "Laura, if you'd stay, you'd have free rein with the business. I wouldn't interfere in your personal life, either. I give you my word."

  Her fear was gone where that was concerned. With all her heart she wanted to stay. But she couldn't because of Mitch. "All my life I've wanted to be your partner. And I'd like to now. But I can't." She had to be honest with him. "Mitch doesn't want me here. Before yesterday, I thought we had a chance. But then he found out I knew about Carey--" She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

  "It's more than that, isn't it?"

  "Yes. There's your will and the partnership. I can't take away from Mitch wh
at he's worked so hard to earn."

  "If you stayed and worked with him--"

  "He doesn't trust me, Dad. He doesn't trust his feelings. If he asked me to stay, if he could say he loves me, I'd know he believes in 'us.' But he doesn't. Unless he asks me to stay, I'll know the doubt that I wanted the partnership more than him will always be there. Do you understand?"

  Her father's eyes held regrets and sadness. "I've botched it again. If I hadn't said anything about the will--"

  "It's not your fault. Mitch has to risk following his heart. If he can't do that, we can't be together."

  "You've become a very wise woman." There was pride in Ray's voice.

  "Wisdom doesn't make the hurt go away."

  "Time will lessen it."

  They'd both come to that insight the hard way. "Do you love Nora?"

  "How would you feel if I did? She's nothing like your mother." There was a note of concern in his voice.

  "Mitch is nothing like Doug." The analogy came easily.

  "That's the way it happens, I guess. Nora is sturdy, homey, a woman I can count on."

  "You couldn't count on Mom?"

  Her dad's smile was bittersweet. "Your mother was like a beautiful butterfly. She never claimed to be a homebody and I didn't demand it of her. I knew she loved me, but she was here, there, everywhere. I think I needed more than that then. I know I need more than that now. It might be selfish, but I want a woman who's devoted to me, not to life in general."

  Laura understood because Doug had been like her mother in a way. And she knew what her father meant about devotion. If Mitch could ever make the commitment, he'd be devoted for a lifetime.

  She sighed. Quit thinking about it. Apparently Mitch could turn off his feelings much easier than she could. And if he could turn them off, he didn't love her.

  She hadn't answered her dad's question. "I like Nora, Dad. She's a good woman. And if you can make each other happy, go for it."

  He kicked at a stone lying in the grass. "I don't know what will happen. Now that I can drive, maybe I should ask her for a...date."