Broken Trust

by Tanya Jean Russell

  To his surprise the Commander wasn’t chewing him out for being identified.

  “We knew it was a risk when you took this mission,” Commander Cheshire said. “I was arranging protective detail for your mum’s house.”

  “Thank you,” Chase said. At least he could relax knowing his mum wouldn’t have to face the media onslaught on her own.

  “The big question is, do I need to replace you?” Cheshire continued.

  Chase took a deep breath. The truth was he didn’t know. Until he spoke to Beth he didn’t know if she’d actually allow him to stick around. Yet, despite how painful it would be to stay, he also knew he wouldn’t trust her safety to anyone else. The launch would be over in less than twenty hours. If there was any way he could convince her to let him stick around, he was doing it. She was about to put herself in the line of fire, literally, and he’d be damned if he walked away from her willingly before she was safe.

  “I’ll let you know,” he said eventually, thankful that the Commander didn’t press him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Sitting silently in the car on the way home, Beth wrapped her arms around herself, trying to process everything that she’d heard. She could feel the tension rolling off of Chase but couldn’t deal with him just then. When Tom had announced that Chase’s father had committed suicide he’d been shockingly tactless, but her initial response had been a lurch of sympathy for the strong man she had come to know. She’d felt an overwhelming desire to wrap him in her arms and take away the pain that had etched into his features. Yet, just as she’d decided to forget his previous rejection and do exactly that, Tom had turned the volume of the aged television up. As the reporter’s voice had crackled across the room, realization had dawned. Chase’s involvement with her company went back a lot further than the wedding. She felt sick as she realized that she’d thrown herself at a man out for revenge. Was it possible he was even part of this whole mess? Instinctively her heart rejected the idea, but she forced herself to consider it. If he had kept this from her, what else had he misled her about? How much of the last few days was real?

  Her mind flickered back over the time they had spent together. Heat rushed to her face as she remembered the way she’d behaved. Despite, or maybe because of, the tension and fear of everything that had happened, she had fallen hard for Chase. Was any of it real?

  The memory of being wrapped in his arms, the sense of security and confidence he brought to her, made her clutch her stomach at the nausea that rolled through it. That sense of security was the very reason she had decided to go ahead with the launch the next day. Somewhere deep inside she had felt a certainty that she would be safe, because of the silent man steering the car along the country roads to her home right now. But what if she couldn’t trust him? What if she’d been manipulated into putting herself in harm’s way? But if he was part of this he would know that wouldn’t be enough. Not because she wouldn’t be at risk, but because he alone knew that her father and sister would survive. Could he simply be planning to get revenge against them later? For that matter if he wanted revenge he could have had it at almost any time in the last few days. No one would have stopped him.

  But if their time together hadn’t all been a lie then why hadn’t he admitted his past and his association with her airline? Yet despite all the fears racing through her brain as her stomach churned, she hated herself for even considering such awful things The conflicting thoughts spinning around her brain were making her feel woozy, so she was relieved when they arrived home. When they finally reached her private rooms, she nodded to the guard on the entrance and walked inside. As soon as the door closed with an ominous thud, Chase spoke, his voice quiet and pleading.

  “Beth.”

  Unable to even look at him for fear of all common sense slipping away, she simply shook her head and slipped into her bedroom. As the door closed behind her with a snick of the catch she slid to the floor and finally let the tears fall. After her past failure she should have known better than to allow her feelings for Chase to develop. The final piece of her emotional wall had crumbled when she’d realized he was friends with Bree and Jake. That he’d been part of saving Bree’s life all those years ago had simply cemented his honor in her mind. At the thought of her friend, Beth realized that even if she couldn’t face the man waiting outside her room she did need to speak to someone.

  “Did you know?” she said without preamble when Bree picked up the phone, her voice sleepy.

  Despite the fact her friend had obviously just woken up she cut straight to the point. “Yes.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Beth asked, hurt.

  “It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Bree said simply. “Besides, had I even thought about it, I would have assumed that you already knew. It was all over the press at the time.”

  Beth held the phone silently, letting the tears track down her face as she tried to pull her thoughts together. She had been aware of the incident and the supplier who had been responsible for the crash, but had never connected any of that to the man who had been protecting her for the last few days.

  “What’s really bothering you about this?” Bree asked, in her usual way getting to the heart of things.

  “What if he’s part of this?” Beth whispered.

  “Part of what?” Bree said. “Hang on. You seriously think he had something to do with what happened to your dad and Anne?”

  Bree’s shocked tone deflated Beth, but Bree didn’t give her a chance to reply.

  “I can’t believe you’d even consider that. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Chase. He is a good man in every sense of the word. I know you have issues with trusting your judgment, but seriously, how could you think that?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m thinking,” Beth said, the vehemence in her friend’s voice making her feel very small.

  Bree didn’t reply, her silence giving Beth time to pull her swirling thoughts together, even though she knew her friend was probably just bringing her own temper back under control.

  “Why didn’t he tell me?” Beth finally whispered, her chest tightening as she realized how little she knew about the man who held her heart.

  “I don’t know, Beth, but have you told him everything about yourself? Does that mean he gets to suspect you of awful things?”

  Bree’s questions brought Beth up short. Of course there was a lot she hadn’t told Chase, but then she didn’t have any secrets that involved him or his family.

  He’d kept the truth from her, pulled away from the incredible connection that had started to grow between them. Was his father the reason her family airline nearly collapsed, or was her family airline the reason his family had fallen apart?

  “Do you think he hates me?” Beth finally asked, half dreading the answer and half desperate to know.

  “Do you think he hates you?” Bree asked in response.

  Beth thought back over their time together. If he hated her he had certainly had the opportunity to take get his revenge in a variety of ways. He could have killed her. He could have taken her to bed on more than one occasion, something that would have made her pain now even deeper. Yet he hadn’t.

  In fact, he had always been the one to pull them back from that brink. But how could she trust him? She’d taken him into her confidence to the point she’d shared her worries about there being something wrong in the company, yet he hadn’t told her this huge thing that connected them.

  She’d told him her worries about the company.

  The thought brought her up short. If he’d wanted to, he could have taken full advantage of that. She would have shown him anything he wanted. His response rang in her ears.

  Okay, but don’t tell me anything you’re not comfortable sharing.

  Hand trembling, she kept the received against her ear, her other palm pressed to her rolling stomach. What was wrong with her? Was she really considering if the honorable man she had come to know was capable of these terrible
things? Was she so afraid of her own judgment that she couldn’t trust anyone?

  Yet years of questioning herself were hard to overcome, even though her heart was screaming at her to just stop. Stop these dreadful thoughts and run to him. But that voice in the back of her head, the one that doubted everything she did, wouldn’t be silenced.

  “I have to speak to him,” Beth said, realizing that although his dishonesty hurt, nothing he had said or done since she’d met him even hinted that he was by her side for ulterior motives. Her entire body pulsed with the need to go to him, to grovel for even allowing such thoughts to enter her mind. Yet she still needed to silence the spiteful voice in her head, needed something that would shut it down for good.

  “Yes, you do, but before you do, think very carefully about what you are going to say. You can’t let issues with your past hurt Chase. He deserves better than that.”

  “I’m sorry for dragging you in to this.”

  “Don’t be sorry for talking to me. I’m your friend. Just don’t make things worse,” Bree admonished as they said their goodbyes.

  Finishing her call with Bree, she took a moment to splash her face with cold water, attempting to compose herself, attempting to stop the shaking that had spread through her entire body, making her movements unsteady.

  Stepping out into the lounge area she saw Chase sitting, elbows on knees, hands cradling his head. He’d shucked off his jacket, but the shoulder holster and weapon were still in place. Even now he was prioritizing her safety. At the sound of her door opening his gaze flickered up, his expression raw. He looked broken. She forced herself not to run straight to him and beg for forgiveness for the doubt she couldn’t quite ignore. She had to find a way to silence the voice in her head, and to do that she had to stay strong and resist the urge to hold him.

  She walked across to sit in the chair opposite his, the long oval coffee table providing a barrier against the temptation to simply go to him. She sat without uttering a word, and, telling herself she was using the technique her father had taught her to exert authority, she waited for Chase to break the silence.

  If she was honest, though, she had no idea what to say, and she knew that if she made any attempt to speak she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears that blurred her vision.

  Chase dragged his hands down his face, the motion making a rasping sound in the otherwise silent room.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, voice cracking on the words, eyes cast down.

  His pain was like a knife to her own heart. She didn’t know how she was going to get through this, but she couldn’t just make it okay.

  “What exactly are you sorry for?” she asked, thanking whatever force was on her side enough to make her own voice clear and composed.

  “For not telling you who I really am.”

  “Is anything you have told me true?” she asked.

  Chase finally looked at her, his expression haunted. “Everything I have told you is true. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of it though.” He shook his head as if arguing with himself. “I should have told you who my dad was, but when I realized you hadn’t figured it out I was too much of a coward.”

  Forcing herself to sit still, she clenched her hands tighter, knuckles whitening. “Tell me now.”

  Chase looked at her in surprise, as though he hadn’t expected her to want to hear anything he might have to say. Swallowing hard, he started. “You know about the crash, of course.”

  It might have sounded like a question, but Beth knew it was rhetorical. She didn’t make a sound, afraid that if she did he might stop speaking. Painful as it was to acknowledge just how much he had kept from her, she needed to hear it. All of it.

  “That reporter wasn’t far off the mark,” he said. “I’m ashamed to admit it, but, in part, I took this mission to find out what really caused that crash.”

  She had been expecting it, but hearing him say it was like being punched in her stomach. Yet despite the fact that he hadn’t told her about their connection he had kept her safe. Even pulling away from her, he’d hurt her, but he had remained focused on his job. He hadn’t acted on their attraction in any serious way, despite the fact she had all but thrown herself at him. He had been professional, and he’d kept her safe. She kept coming back to that thought and the fact that through everything he hadn’t just kept her safe, but he had made her feel safe.

  “So why didn’t you take the chance to get at all our company files earlier tonight?” She hated herself for asking but knew she needed to get through this. Needed to be sure that voice would be gone forever. She knew she was being selfish, but she needed to be able trust herself completely.

  “I couldn’t do it,” he said.

  “After all these years why did you give up the chance to dig into our company? After everything you have lost?”

  “I don’t expect you to believe it, but when it came down to it I couldn’t use you like that.”

  “Why?” Her words were almost a whisper. Her entire body was frozen as she held her breath, waiting for the answer she wasn’t sure she could survive hearing.

  He jerked forward, as if to move towards her but stopped before he left his chair. “You mean too much to me,” he said.

  Her heart leapt in her chest, and the tears that had been threatening finally spilled over, tracing a steady path down her cheeks. God help her if she didn’t want to believe him. His expression as he looked at her was one of pure torture.

  “But you pushed me away,” she said quietly. If he cared for her as much as she cared for him he’d never have been able to do that.

  “Keeping my distance from you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

  Unconsciously Beth’s trembling hand rose to tug at the length of her hair, falling again when she remembered that it was no longer there. She didn’t dare reply, didn’t trust herself to speak.

  “You deserved better,” Chase added quietly.

  He thought she deserved better? She was the one who had allowed herself to doubt him. She was the one who had actually questioned whether she could trust him, questioned whether he could be part of the threat to her family. She felt sick and couldn’t bear to think about how badly she had judged things this evening. Unable to look at him anymore, she changed the direction of the conversation.

  “So your father killed himself?”

  What the hell was wrong with her? She’d gone from one awful subject to another, her brain latching on to the first thing that had popped in to her head. Desperate to move things away from the fact that if one of them didn’t deserve the other, it was without a doubt her.

  The sadness of his loss washed across Chase’s face, and she flinched at the fact she had put it there.

  “Yes. He couldn’t cope with everything that happened after the crash,” he said, his voice flat as though repeating something he’d heard about, rather than something that had obviously been a major part of ripping his life apart. “He always maintained his innocence. Always said the parts they showed at the inquest were not parts he had made. Unfortunately, he was the sole supplier of that part for the airline, so no one believed him. But you know all this.”

  “All the legal actions were completed by the time I started working alongside my father, so I didn’t see any of the records,” Beth said, but his words had caused something to flicker at the back of her mind. She’d spotted something that didn’t seem right about the parts for the airliner that had crashed. Was Chase right? And if so, had history repeated itself?

  “Do you remember me mentioning my mum holding down a couple of jobs?”

  She nodded.

  “When Dad lost the court case he lost everything. He refused to sell the family home though, and the debts kept mounting, even with the bits my brother and I could contribute. When the public vilification got too much for him he killed himself. He left a note.” Chase buried his face in his hands before continuing, his muffled voice cracking.

  “It was obvious he thought he’d take
the debts with him, but he didn’t. Mum got stuck with them. She moved into a little house and worked three jobs for a while, trying to pay them off. Eventually she was declared bankrupt. She’s settled now but still works two jobs. Just in case, she says. Never says in case of what though.”

  Beth hated herself in that moment. This was a man hanging onto the hope that his father had been telling the truth. That he hadn’t been behind the faulty part that had caused the crash, killing hundreds of people. With everything his family had lost, how could he have done anything less than try to clear his father’s name? Her feelings should be insignificant next to that.

  Nothing in his reaction to her now suggested he had any part in the attack at Anne’s wedding. She forced herself to stop even whilst the voice inside willed her to ask, to ignore her instincts to trust. Looking at Chase’s haunted expression she realized that she didn’t need to ask him. Asking him wouldn’t silence the voice in her head. Only choosing to trust herself would do that.

  She didn’t need him to confirm what she already felt in her heart, in her soul. What would it mean for her, for them, if she needed to ask him to confirm that he had had nothing to do with the attack on her family? If she couldn’t trust something she knew to her very center she would never be able to move forward. His words wouldn’t fix her. She had to fix herself, and Chase made her want to be strong enough to do that.

  Chase lifted his face and looked at her, the sadness that had settled around him seeming to shift as he looked at her, as though reaching some sort of decision of his own.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you who my dad was, but I hope you can understand.” His expression was closed, as though he didn’t know how to expect her to react.