At Seventeen

by Gerri Hill

  “So what do you do for fun here in Brook Hill?”

  “What do I do or what do most people do?” Shannon asked.

  “Have you made friends here?” Ally asked, a hint of mockery in her voice.

  Shannon flicked her eyes at her, not in the mood to play games. “Not really. Madison and I have reconnected, obviously. I spend most of my time at the new store or with my mother. Or with Jarod and his family.” She decided not to spare them details of the store this time. “The interior is coming along faster than we expected. I’ve already started working on our inventory. And, of course, I’ve had to make trips to our other stores as well, so I’ve been busy,” she said. “We’re shooting for a November opening.”

  “How long do you plan to stay here after it opens?” Tracy asked.

  “I don’t know yet. We haven’t decided if we’re going to hire a manager or not. Since Jarod has relocated here permanently, he could manage it. That’s still up in the air,” she said.

  “That seems logical, since he’ll be living here,” Charlotte said.

  “Yes, but if he’s responsible for the store here, from top to bottom like a manager would be, then that leaves me to handle the other three stores.”

  “But they all have on-site managers, right?”

  Shannon nodded. “We still like to put in an appearance at least once a week. I’ll be on the road a lot if that’s going to fall to me.”

  “Sounds like you’re leaning toward hiring a manager,” Charlotte said.

  Shannon nodded. “There’s also my mother to consider.”

  “So tell us about Madison,” Ally said, changing the subject abruptly.

  “I thought Charlotte had already told you about her,” she said, glancing sharply at Charlotte.

  “She told me you used to be lovers. And that she’s married.” She took a sip of her drink, locking eyes with Shannon. “Are you having an affair with her?”

  “Are you asking me that as a friend…or because you want to sleep with me?”

  Ally smirked. “I think you’ve already made it clear you aren’t going to sleep with me.”

  Shannon was aware of Charlotte and Tracy’s rapt attention, and she wondered why they all seemed so curious about her relationship with Madison. She slid her glass to the middle of the table.

  “You know what? I’ve had a really busy week and a long day. I’m tired.” She stood. “Call me tomorrow when you’re up and about. I’ll show you around, take you by the new store. There’s a great little Mexican food place, we’ll have lunch.”

  She turned to leave and she knew Charlotte was following her. She paused at the door when she felt a light touch on her arm.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I…I need to go. I’m sorry.”

  Charlotte squeezed her arm. “Do you need to talk?”

  Shannon shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She paused. “Apologize to Tracy for me, would you?”

  “Only Tracy?”

  “Yeah. Only Tracy.”

  As soon as she stepped outside, the rain turned into a downpour. She ran to her truck, dodging puddles, but she was still soaked when she got inside. She reached in the backseat, found the hand towel she always kept there and dried her face and hair. She sat there for a few minutes knowing she’d been incredibly rude to her friends, especially since they’d driven five hours to see her.

  “It’s not like I invited them,” she murmured. Well, it still wasn’t an excuse and she’d have to make it up to them tomorrow. But right now, she wanted…she just wanted to see Madison. Probably not a good idea, but she drove in that direction anyway.

  Thunder rumbled overhead when she got to Lost Creek, but the downpour had slackened to a steady rain. She pulled into Madison’s driveway, hesitating, wondering if she should just leave. But she kept seeing that look in Madison’s eyes as she was leaving—a wounded look fringed with sadness that made Shannon’s heart ache.

  Without another thought, she ran out into the rain, leaning her head against Madison’s front door for a few seconds. She rang the doorbell, then pounded on the door.

  “Madison,” she called. “Madison.” She knocked again. “Madison.”

  The door finally opened, and Madison stood there, surprise…and something else showing on her face.

  Shannon was at a loss for words. Forgetting that she was soaking wet, she walked inside, pulling Madison into a tight hug. Madison’s arms pulled her closer and Shannon felt that old familiar ache—wanting Madison so much but knowing she couldn’t truly have her.

  Was that still the case?

  Who moved first, she didn’t know, but with Madison’s mouth barely an inch away, she couldn’t resist. The fire ignited when their lips met, and she held Madison against the wall, their bodies so close they were nearly one. She should have stopped, she should have pulled away, but Madison’s arms held her tight, her mouth opened, her tongue meeting Shannon’s as the kiss deepened.

  Shannon’s knees felt weak, but her body was on fire. Her hands slid up Madison’s body, cupping her breasts, feeling her nipples harden. Madison tore her mouth away, gasping for breath as she pressed against Shannon.

  “God…Shannon,” she whispered before her mouth found Shannon’s again.

  Shannon was about to kick the door shut with her foot, she was about to pull Madison’s blouse over her head…and she was about to lead her into the bedroom and make love to her. But a loud clap of thunder brought her back to her senses, and she stepped away from Madison. Their chests were heaving, both breathing hard, both aroused. Yet they stood there in shocked silence, their eyes locked together, questions flying between them—questions neither were ready to answer. She dropped her gaze to Madison’s lips—red, wet, almost bruised from her kisses. They were parted slightly as Madison drew in quick breaths. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but she stepped farther away from her.

  Without a word, she turned, heading back out into the rain, the drops cooling her, tempering her arousal. She didn’t look back. If she did, she was certain she would go back to Madison again, this time closing the door to the world.

  Instead, she got in her truck and drove away.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Madison stared at the papers in her hand, then shoved them back into the envelope, slowly sliding her gaze back to her mother. “He asked you to bring the divorce papers? Is that even legal?”

  “I had lunch with Stephen yesterday. He can’t believe that you’re actually going through with this. He thought—we all did—that you’d have come to your senses by now.”

  “Mother, are we going to have this conversation every time you come over here? Every single time?” she asked. “Because nothing has changed. I’m still signing the papers.”

  “So when you divorce him, then what? Are you going to start dating? Are you going to scour the bowels of Brook Hill and try to find someone to date? You’re almost forty, Madison. What are you going to do?”

  Madison rolled her eyes dramatically. “Barely thirty-eight. And is that what you’re most worried about—who I’m going to date? Whether they’re of the right social standing?”

  “This isn’t to be taken lightly, Madison. There are gold diggers in Brook Hill, in case you didn’t know. That is why Stephen is perfect for you. There was never any question of money, of his family’s standing. And you want to throw it all away,” she said, her voice getting louder. “What is wrong with you?”

  Madison was sick to death of this argument, and she knew of only one way to put an end to it. She faced her mother, meeting her angry gaze.

  “Do you want to know what’s wrong? Do you really? You want to know why I’m divorcing Stephen?”

  Her mother stared back at her, and she thought she saw a hint of fear in her eyes. Not fear of Madison but of what she was about to say. Madison’s pulse was beating nervously, but she squared her shoulders as she took a deep breath.

  “I’m gay. Gay. That’s why I’m divor
cing him.” God, it felt good to say that.

  Her mother actually gasped and held a hand to her chest. “Gay?” she whispered. “You’re not gay. Lansfords are not gay.”

  Madison flashed a quick smile. “Yes, apparently they are. One of them at least.”

  “You have lost your mind,” her mother said slowly, enunciating each word precisely. “You can’t be gay. You have a son.”

  Madison laughed. “Oh my God, I’m the first lesbian to get married and have a child,” she said sarcastically. “Call the newspaper!”

  “There is no need to mock me,” her mother said. “This is serious.”

  Madison’s smile faded. “Yes, I know.”

  Her mother started pacing then, and Madison waited for her next outburst.

  “Who have you told this ridiculous story to? Can you imagine if this got out?”

  Madison rolled her eyes again.

  “You think this is funny? Is this the excuse you’re going to use? You have no legitimate reason for divorce so you’re going to use this one?”

  “Legitimate reason? I’m in a loveless marriage, one you forced me into,” she said.

  Her mother’s eyes bored into her own. “You have a child,” she said pointedly. “There must have been some intimacy.”

  “Yes. Because I tried not to be gay,” she said, shocked that she was actually having this conversation with her mother. “Stephen and I haven’t been…intimate in years.”

  Her mother seemed to be at a loss for words. But it was only temporary, as her pacing began again in earnest. Madison prepared herself for the next battle.

  “I suppose you’re going to tell me that Shannon Fletcher has nothing to do with this?”

  Madison should have known she’d bring Shannon’s name up. It was a very old argument between them. She feigned ignorance.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, come now, Madison. Shannon shows up back in town and you suddenly decide to leave Stephen? Shannon…who has never married. Do you think I’m stupid?”

  “Shannon had nothing to do with my decision to leave my marriage, as I’ve already told you,” she said, believing it was the truth. “I’ve wanted to leave him for years, but I never had any support. Shannon coming back and her willingness to be a friend gave me the encouragement I needed.”

  “So you admit she encouraged you?”

  “That’s not what I mean, Mother. If you want to point fingers at someone, point them at Ashton. He was the first to bring it up, the first to notice how unhappy I was. The first to suggest I make a change.”

  Her mother smiled ruefully. “Now you’re blaming your son? Why are you trying to spare Shannon the blame?” Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “I warned you about her, Madison. I told you she would bring you down. You wouldn’t listen to me. You kept letting her back in your life. Now look what she’s done.”

  For a moment, Madison felt like she was back in high school, fifteen years old, and her mother was once again lecturing her about having Shannon as a friend. Back then, she would stand by mutely as her mother listed off all the reasons Shannon Fletcher was “not good enough” for Madison to waste her time on. She would nod as if she agreed—part of her had still wanted to appease her mother—and she even went so far as to avoid Shannon for a day or two. But it never lasted. The pull between them was too strong.

  Like now. She still hadn’t reconciled what had happened the other night. She had been consumed with jealousy, watching Ally with Shannon. Her imagination had taken over and she’d convinced herself that Shannon was with her in her hotel room—touching her, kissing her, making love to her. She had almost made herself sick as images of them kept flashing through her mind. Then the loud banging on her door, Shannon’s voice calling to her. Her heart had been hammering in her chest as Shannon stood there, soaking wet from the rain, yet her eyes were filled with the kind of heat Madison used to know so well. There was no denying Shannon. Not then. Not now.

  She squared her shoulders again, her chin raised defiantly as she stared at her mother. “Shannon has been my only true friend in my entire life. If you want to place blame, then look in the mirror. If not for you, I would never have married Stephen in the first place. Then you wouldn’t have to suffer this embarrassment of a divorce.”

  Her mother also squared her shoulders. “There will be no divorce,” she said forcefully. “I refuse to let you sign these papers,” she said as she snatched them up. “I will not be made the laughingstock of Brook Hill—nor will Stephen be—by you deciding suddenly that you’re gay. I won’t have it.”

  A few months ago, Madison would have simply cowered to her wishes, ignoring her own happiness in order to assuage her mother, just like she’d done her entire life. She supposed this was her mother’s attempt to get her control back. But it wasn’t going to work this time.

  Madison’s smile was as threatening as her mother’s glare. “You don’t own me,” she said quietly. “You don’t speak for me. You don’t control me. You no longer have the power to forbid me to do anything.” She pointed to the door. “Now put the papers down and leave.”

  Her mother’s lips pursed together as her hand tightened possessively on the envelope. Madison held her gaze, refusing to back down. Her mother finally tossed the envelope back on the table but not without getting in one last parting shot.

  “I think you need psychiatric help.”

  As soon as the door closed, Madison let out her breath and sank down in a chair. Her hands were shaking slightly as her nervousness came back in full force. Did I really just tell my mother that I’m gay?

  “Yes.”

  She shook her head slowly. Yes, she had. And her mother was more concerned with public perception than the fact that her daughter had been in a loveless marriage for the last sixteen years. She leaned back, letting a smile come to her face. She had actually stood up to her mother, actually told her she was gay. And it felt so damn good.

  Her glance slid to the table where the envelope lay. She didn’t need to read it. Her father’s attorney had already gone over it with her. Since she didn’t want the house or any of its contents, Stephen was paying her for half. Everything else had been evenly split. All she had to do was sign. Sign her name and she was free.

  And she did just that.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Shannon walked slowly through the empty store, touching bare shelves as she went. They were almost through with the inside—a couple more weeks at best. She and Jarod would have their official walkthrough with the contractor then, but she found herself here nearly every night, checking their work.

  The food court turned out exactly as she’d envisioned and the angled shelves on each side of the store added a different dimension to the standard grocery store aisles. Her gaze traveled from side to side; she was again overwhelmed by the space. They would need a lot of inventory to fill it. Panic set in for a moment. Maybe it was too big. What if it didn’t go over? What if no one in Brook Hill was interested in natural foods?

  “I love it.”

  Shannon turned, startled by the voice. Madison was the last person she expected there.

  “It’s big.”

  “Not too big.”

  Shannon walked on, heading to the back where the coolers were. She felt Madison following her.

  “How did you know I was here?” she finally asked.

  “I saw your truck out front. And you probably should lock the doors if you’re here alone,” Madison said with a smile.

  “Yeah. Never know who might walk in off the street,” she teased. Her smile faded as their eyes met. “About the other night,” she said. “I should apologize.”

  “And what exactly would you apologize for?”

  Shannon looked away. “I didn’t invite them here. And Ally and I…there’s nothing between us, Madison.”

  “You don’t have to explain to me.”

  Shannon met her eyes again. “Don’t I?”

  Madison was the first to look away. “
She seemed…very possessive of you,” she said. “She made it clear you were more than friends.”

  “That’s just it. We’re not really even friends,” she said. “Charlotte told her about you, about us—our past. I think her curiosity was piqued more than anything.”

  “And she wanted to let me know that you two also had a past,” Madison stated.

  Shannon turned to her. “Ally likes to play games. I don’t.”

  Madison walked closer, her hand reaching out to Shannon’s, their fingers entwining. “Good. Because I’m too old to play games.”

  Shannon tugged her closer, their eyes holding. “What do you want from me?”

  Madison tilted her head. “I think the question is…what do you want from me?”

  Shannon squeezed Madison’s fingers, pulling her ever so closer. “I want what I’ve always wanted. But what I could never have,” she said, dipping her head down, brushing Madison’s cheek with her lips. “I want all of you,” she whispered. She slid her hand up Madison’s body, pausing under her breast. “Not just your body,” she said, letting her hand finish its trek, seeing Madison’s eyes darken as she raked her thumb across her nipple. “Your body, your soul…your heart.”

  “You’ve always had my heart, Shannon,” Madison murmured as her lips moved to Shannon’s mouth.

  Shannon let the kiss deepen, her tongue tracing Madison’s lower lip before slipping past, meeting Madison’s tongue in a hungry battle. She pressed her against the cooler door, her thigh nudging Madison’s legs apart. Madison clung to her, tiny sounds of pleasure eliciting a reciprocal moan from Shannon.

  Shannon pulled back slowly, smiling against Madison’s lips. “Why does this always happen?”

  Madison leaned away from her, their gazes locking together. “Because we’re in love with each other.”

  Shannon nodded. “Yes. Always.”

  Madison ducked her head then, but not before Shannon saw tears in her eyes. She pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly.

  “I’m so sorry,” Madison whispered as she buried her face against Shannon’s neck. “So many wasted years.”