Jordan Reclaimed

by Scarlett Cole

  Her father’s eyes grew wild and he charged toward her. “Can’t forgive me? For what I did. Why, you—”

  Jordan tugged her arm and pulled her ever so slightly behind him as her heart raced. No. There would be no life-changing moment big enough to cause her father to rethink his behavior toward her. It would be like this for the rest of her life if they continued to have ties to each other.

  “Take a step back, old man.” Elliott put his hand out toward Alexei.

  Alexei looked from Lexi to Elliott. “Having you destroyed everything for me, Aleksandra.” He walked to the front door and grabbed his coat from the hook. He slid his arms in, cursing as he did so. “You know, Aleksandra,” he said, fastening his buttons, “I didn’t want children, but your mother persuaded me. I wish you’d never been born.”

  * * *

  The savory smell of beef bourguignon filled the air as Jordan walked through the door, making his mouth water.

  “I can’t believe he said that to me,” Lexi said as she pulled off her coat and scarf. “It hurts. I’m not stupid enough to pretend that what he did wasn’t wrong, but he’s the only living relative I have. Is it wrong that I expected some kind of remorse?”

  Jordan unlocked the cabinet, grabbed a bottle of red, and put it on the counter. He retrieved a couple of glasses and poured them both a drink as Lexi climbed up onto the stool on the other side from him. “Cheers,” he said, tilting his glass toward hers. They each took a sip, and Lexi turned the wine bottle so she could look at the label.

  “Your dad is an asshole. He’s a bully who’s gotten away with too much for too long. You wouldn’t believe how fucking hard it was to not find that cane and beat the shit out of him with it.”

  Lexi sighed and ran her finger around the top of the wineglass. “I’m really glad you didn’t,” she said, reaching her hand out toward him.

  Jordan took it and kissed it.

  “I just lost my dad, which is hard enough. I would really struggle if he tried to sue you for a moment of insanity.”

  Pain was something he knew a lot about. He knew it could be insidious in the way it crept inside your veins. It could also be brutal, like an axe hacking away at your limbs. But it struck him that the worst pain of all was watching someone you loved struggle. “Here’s the deal. Everything that goes on around us starts and ends with you and me. I promise you I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize that.”

  Lexi looked at him and smiled for the first time that evening. It was a sad, almost heartbreaking, smile, but she was trying just for him. “I promise you the same.”

  Jordan stepped around the counter, separated her knees, and stood between her legs. He ran his hands through her hair all the way to the ends, then placed his hands on her neck and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones. “You know something, Lex? If I had to go through it all again to end up here with you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” He lowered his lips to hers, desperate to reassure her, to provide some comfort and strength and proof that she was wanted. Desired. His.

  Her arms wrapped around his waist, her hands dipping inside the waistband of his jeans, a move she knew drove him crazy. Jordan allowed himself to get lost in the kiss for a moment, savoring the way her tongue met his and the way she sighed against him.

  “I have a plan,” he mumbled against her lips. “And it involves you and me eating the dinner I’ve had cooking all day, us drinking this bottle of wine, and then taking it upstairs and christening our new room.”

  “We’ve moved in?” Lexi asked, sounding excited for the first time today.

  “We did. It might still smell a little bit like paint. Between me and the rest of the guys, we got it done real quick this morning. Which reminds me, can I get a copy of your schedule? When I’m home and I have time, I want to be able to do normal things with you, like make you breakfast in bed or cook dinner together. Perhaps meet you after work, get tickets to a concert, or whatever shit you like to do. You know, just normal stuff. I felt kinda shitty this morning that I didn’t get breakfast ready early enough for you and that you had to leave without eating.”

  The oven timer pinged and Lexi looked over toward it. “That’s really sweet of you, but you don’t need to worry about that. There’s a full canteen at work. You can get just about anything you want to eat.”

  Jordan kissed her one more time and walked around the counter. “That’s great to know as a backup plan. But I want to do this for you,” he said, pulling on oven mitts. When he opened the oven door, the smell of thyme and beef that had cooked in red wine for hours filled the air. He wasn’t sure what worked for Lexi in terms of the food she needed to eat, but given that she had no rehearsal tomorrow he thought it might be a nice treat. And he most definitely was not going to tell her how many times he’d had to call Maisey to clarify instructions, like what exactly a bacon lardon was or what caramelized onions looked like.

  He placed the dish between them and quickly retrieved the large baguette he’d bought earlier, placing it on the large wooden cutting board that permanently remained on the counter. He added plates and forks and moved to sit next to her.

  “Shit,” he said once he was seated. “I should’ve set this up in the dining room, shouldn’t have I?”

  “Jordan,” she said softly. “This is fine. Everything looks delicious.”

  He began to ladle some food onto a plate, but after the first spoonful she stopped him. “That’s fine,” she said. “I can always take some more later if I want.”

  There were only two chunks of meat, a couple of onions, and a few pieces of carrot on her plate. “Lexi, I swear to God that Petal eats more than that,” he said, placing another spoonful on her plate. “I know you’ve got a lot of shit on your plate right now, Angel, no pun intended, but I’m worried about you.”

  He placed the food down in front of her and sliced her a piece of bread.

  “There’s no need to worry about me,” she said, picking up her fork. “I’m fine, Jordan. How are the rehearsals coming along?” she asked.

  Jordan served himself a large pile of food, trying to figure out what to do about the fact that she was clearly trying to distract him. He scooped some of the beef onto his fork and put it into his mouth to kill time while he thought of an appropriate response. The beef fell apart in his mouth. Fuck. He was kind of good at cooking.

  He looked over at Lexi, who still hadn’t taken a mouthful. It was like walking in a minefield. “Rehearsals were good, except Lennon was a douche. Kept messing with Nikan, who has a short tether right now.”

  She’d spread her food out over her plate but still hadn’t had a bite of it. He wasn’t imagining things. She wasn’t eating. “Something wrong with dinner, Lex? You don’t like it, I can make you something else.”

  Lexi shook her head. “I grabbed something at the studio before I left,” she said, looking down at her plate.

  “Do me a favor, Angel,” he said, putting his fork down. He placed his thumb and forefinger on her chin. “Can you look at me while you say that?”

  She avoided making eye contact, which was so unlike her. Usually, she held his stare. It was one of the hottest things about her. “I’m just not hungry.”

  “Lex, don’t lie to me. I don’t know what to do to make this right, but you lying to me isn’t going to fix it. You need to help me help you. You’re barely eating anything, you’ve lost weight, and you’re having dizzy spells. You’re not fine, and I’m worried.”

  Finally, she looked him in the eye. “I don’t know why everyone is suddenly an expert on what I’m eating. And it’s only a little weight.”

  Her words confirmed it for him. He wasn’t imagining it. Something was going on, and they needed to talk about it. “So someone else has noticed too?” he asked, and she looked away again.

  “Whatever,” Lexi said, standing. “I just got a bit dizzy. It’s nothing. No big deal. I’m nearly there.” She gripped the back of the chair as if she needed it for balance.

  “You aren’t just l
osing a little weight, Lex. You’re too thin. You get head-spins. And you could grate fucking cheese on those cheekbones.”

  “Who made you the fucking expert, Jordan? I’m not too thin. I’m not thin enough. Not for the kind of work I want to do.”

  Jordan took a deep breath. He didn’t want her upset. “Please, sit down. Just humor me. Please eat something. I have a real issue with hunger.”

  Lexi scowled at him. “I’m not hungry. It’s not even the same thing.”

  The thin edge of his temper began to fray. “You’re right, Lex. It’s totally not. I was starved, almost to the point of my organs shutting down. You are choosing to starve yourself. And it’s fucking indulgent.”

  Lexi stood and shoved her plate away. “Indulgent?”

  “Do you know what it’s really like to starve, Lex? How it feels after seventy-two hours when your body starts to look for protein in your muscles because it’s used up every-fucking-thing else? Because if you’d been starved, you’d never do it to your body on purpose.”

  “Jordan, I’m not starving myself, I’m just trying to speed up some weight loss,” Lexi said. “Once I lose just a little more, I’ll go back to normal.”

  “Normal?” Jordan laughed. “If it’s so easy to switch it on and off, eat your fucking plate of food and prove to me that I’m not imagining it, Lex. Because since you moved in here, I’ve barely seen you eat anything.”

  “I don’t need to prove anything to you,” Lexi said.

  Jordan marched to the cupboard and flung it open. “See this, Lex? You want to know why there are a dozen boxes of Lucky Charms right here?”

  Lexi’s eyes moved to the contents. “Jordan,” she gasped.

  “Yeah. Because I have anxiety about food running out, Lex. Because this was the first meal I remember eating once I got through the worst of the hospital, where they had me on a drip for days because I couldn’t eat anything. I had all these stages. Liquids, small meals every two hours, drips to hydrate, drips for vitamins, drips for antibiotics. But Lucky Charms were the first thing I remember eating that didn’t have ‘hospital’ written all over it. When I ate it, my gums bled, but it still tasted like the most perfect thing I’d ever eaten.”

  “Please, Jordan,” Lexi said, reaching her hand out to him, but he was too pissed to care.

  It wasn’t stress, and fear, and worry that had caused her weight loss. It was a deliberate attempt to lose weight by depriving herself of the most basic need in life. He’d been concerned over her health, and she was abusing it.

  “No, Lex. It’s not even your fault. You have no idea what a tough fucking life really is. I get it. Your weight feels like it’s worth risking your life for.”

  “I’m not going to let it get that bad!” she shouted.

  “Did I ever tell you that I tried to kill myself once, Lex? No?”

  Lexi gasped at the admission, but he didn’t have it in him to give a shit.

  “The pain inside me was so fucking unbearable that I just wanted it to stop!” he shouted, tears springing from his eyes. Tears that mirrored the frustration and anger he felt deep inside. “I couldn’t face another fucking day on the planet. See these tattoos?” He thrust his wrists in her direction. “Look closely. See the scars they cover. Those ridges. I put a razor blade through them.” Lexi began to cry, but still he couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to stop until he convinced her that what she was doing was a mistake. “I can’t believe you are choosing to be on a path that could kill you, Lex,” he gasped.

  The shocking words acted as a wrecking ball through all her reasoning. It had all seemed so normal, so simple to lose weight. But in the context of Jordan’s life, he was right. It was indulgent. But she had no clue how to break the cycle she was stuck in. “Jordan, I’m sorry. It seemed like—”

  “I can’t, Lex. Not right now,” he said. “It’s fucked up that you’re deliberately starving yourself.” He walked into the hall.

  “Don’t leave!” she shouted after him. “We’ll talk. Come and eat your dinner,” she pleaded.

  “You’re so fucking concerned about it, you eat it,” he said, yanking open the front door then slamming it shut behind him.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The glass panels down the side of the door vibrated as it slammed. What the fuck had she done?

  Through blurry eyes, she looked down at the food Jordan had lovingly prepared, yet she felt ill at the thought of eating it. Not just because of their argument, which had been enough to turn her stomach to the consistency of pureed watermelon. Jordan was right. She couldn’t face eating it. Because she was proud of the weight loss she’d achieved and had even started to consider if she could lose a little more. That singular thought resonated more than anything else. Because part of her—a small part—still understood how fucked up that was.

  Jordan’s words had scared her, and tears burned her eyes. And this was his home. She needed some space to think. Somewhere she wasn’t overwhelmed by Jordan. Or her father. She wasn’t sure she could stop, wasn’t even sure she wanted to. She needed somewhere she could get her shit together, sleep a little, and give them both the space they needed.

  Elliott jogged into the living room, concern etched in his eyes. “You guys, okay?” he asked. “I don’t want to pry, but Jordan can get pretty loud when he’s pissed.”

  Lexi bit the side of her tongue to stop the tears, but it didn’t work and they fell anyway. “I don’t think we are,” she sniffed.

  Elliott wandered over to the cupboard filled with the Lucky Charms, studied them for a moment, and then closed the door. He walked around the counter and drew her into his arms. They were comforting, but they were not Jordan’s. “Loving Jordan is never going to be easy,” he said, placing a kiss on the top of her head that just made the tears fall faster. “I should know. I’ve loved him as a brother for over a decade.”

  Lexi rested her head against his chest. “This wasn’t about Jordan messing up. It was me,” she said glumly.

  Elliott sighed and looked at her. “Listen. If whatever you fought over had anything to do with food, Lex, which I think it did because we’re all worried about you, you were never going to win. It’s all too connected for him.”

  “So what do I do?” Lexi asked.

  Elliott sighed. “Figure out your shit, sweetheart. When you looked at your phone and dashed out this morning, telling Jordan you had rehearsal times wrong, I was behind you, and unless CNN sends your personal schedule broadcasts, I know you didn’t get a reminder. If you’re lying to get out of eating, then shit is serious.

  “So you gotta tell Jordan what you need. If he can’t deal, he can’t deal. But give him a chance. Out of all of us, he’s got the biggest fucking heart. He just doesn’t know it.” Elliott held her gaze for a moment, then stepped away. He pulled his coat from the hook in the doorway.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “To find Jordan. In case you didn’t notice, he left without his coat.” Elliott grabbed Jordan’s jacket and what appeared to be his car keys and closed the door.

  Icy numbness froze her to her seat. It was too much to take in. To process. Her thoughts had reached such a peak that they’d simply cut out on her, leaving behind a bottomless pit of nothing. Lexi looked around the house, a house she didn’t belong in. But she couldn’t go home, not unless she wanted to risk being around her father. How had everything become such a mess? She didn’t want to go to one of her dance friends, because she couldn’t explain to them what was going on. Because you’re wrong, the little voice kicked in again.

  But there was one person. One person who understood the situation with her father at least a little. Lexi typed a quick message on her phone, hurried up the stairs, and packed a small overnight bag.

  She jumped into the taxi and instructed the driver to take her to the address she’d gotten in a text while packing. The imposing Rosedale mansion had security gates, which opened as soon as she’d paid the driver and gotten out. Lexi hurried up the driveway
.

  “This way,” Pixie whispered in hushed tones, her purple hair standing out in contrast to the black garage doors.

  Lexi hurried down the driveway and in through the open door, which Pixie swiftly closed behind her before embracing Lexi in a huge hug. “What happened?” Pixie said, casting a glance over to the door into the main house. “Are you okay?”

  Unable to stop the tears, Lexi shook her head.

  “Come on then,” Pixie said, gripping her hand and leading her to a staircase. She unlocked the door and led Lexi upstairs to a beautiful apartment that ran the length of the three-car garage. “We decorated this for Jordan, in case he wanted to live here, with us. Sit. I brought some supplies from the house. Milk and stuff. I’ll make tea.”

  Lexi wiped her eyes with the back of her hand then took a look around as Pixie boiled the water. There was an open-plan living space with a kitchen along one wall. Small, but very functional. A round table and chairs sat in the corner nearest to it. A beige sofa and chairs sat on a thick wool area rug, while the rest of the apartment had wood floors. Down a hallway, she could see the open door of a bedroom and the closed door of what she assumed was the bathroom. Everything was light and airy, with accents of pale blue. Paintings of the ocean hung on the walls, and a driftwood centerpiece on the coffee table held candles.

  “I think I was missing Miami when I decorated,” Pixie said, placing her tea on the coffee table.

  It was dark outside, but with all the curtains closed, it was cozy and warm inside. “It’s beautiful,” Lexi said. “Thank you for letting me come here. I just needed some . . . space. And sleep.”

  “Do you feel up to telling me why? I have a good ear, and a solid shoulder to lean on, if you need either.”

  Lexi picked up her tea, wrapping her hands tightly around the mug in an attempt to get warm. She took a sip as she tried to organize her thoughts. “I guess I’m still trying to make sense of what just happened.”

  Pixie curled her feet underneath her and drank her tea in silence.

  She was starving herself. She knew better, yet had still defaulted to restricting food for the sake of her career. Did it really mean that much to her? Suddenly it seemed stupid, and she felt small.