Right Of Possession

by Jayne Castle

  "Josh," she whispered appealingly, no longer struggling but using her one free hand to stroke his hair much as she would have stroked Xavier. "Josh, please, listen to me. It won't be any good for either of us like this. You must realize that. I know you don't want to hurt me. You've never hurt me." Desperately she kept talking, her fingers rifling through the gray wings of his hair in long soothing gestures. She could still feel his rough hands on her skin but there was a difference now. A difference that was reflected in his eyes. She felt a shudder go through his hard frame as she talked.

  But quite suddenly Reva wasn't at all sure she liked the expression which was replacing the arrogant, demanding male one which had been in those eyes. For this new look

  was one of gathering pain and it was like a sword in its effect on her.

  "Reva," he breathed heavily, his hands stilling on her body. "Reva, my little one, God forgive me! I never meant to hurt you!" She saw the clouds form in the honey-colored eyes and she wanted to cry herself. She sensed his rising self-disgust and wanted to stem it even though she knew it was her ticket to freedom. All she had to do was fail to respond to that masculine pain, to show herself fearful and angry, and Josh would drag himself out of her apartment. She was sure of it.

  "I know, Josh," she whispered, a small, womanly smile on her lips. "I know." Almost unconsciously her fingers continued their stroking of his hair.

  "I ... I don't know what got into me," he muttered, rolling abruptly over onto his back and staring blankly at the ceiling. "Something seemed to snap inside when you tried to hit me. Everything came to a boil and all I could think about was ending this stupid game we're playing once and for all." He swore a short, harsh oath. "What you must think of me tonight! And I had it all so beautifully planned!" This last was said with such abject self-pity that Reva felt a surge of very female humor.

  "Did you really, Josh?" she said with a new lightness, watching as he rubbed his eyes in a gesture of weary disgust. At her tone he dropped his hand from his face and turned his head to look at her.

  "Are you laughing at me, Reva Waring?" he growled after a moment, his long lashes partially concealing the depths of his eyes.

  "And if I am?" she mocked gently, lifting a hand to touch his shoulder with lazy fingers. Anything, even a resurgence of his temper, was better than the self-pity and disgust he was experiencing.

  "I deserve it, I guess," he sighed.

  "Oh, I don't know," she grinned, her blue-green eyes gleaming with humor. "You've been through a great deal tonight. The least I could be is understanding!"

  "True," he agreed wryly, slanting an enigmatic look at her.

  Reva laughed, shaking her head. "You're utterly impossible. You know that, don't you? I've never met anyone like you in my life. I wanted to throttle you tonight when you pulled that stunt with poor Bruce and then I wanted to thank you for what you're doing for Tom. He looked better tonight than he has since the accident. Sandy's quite put you on a pedestal because of that. You save my life only to throw it into absolute chaos. What am I going to do with you?"

  "You could take me into your life," he suggested instantly. "Once I'm there I'm sure everything would settle back down to normal!"

  "You're so very sure that's what you want, Josh?" she whispered, the laughter fading from her tone as she studied him with new intentness. His obsession with a home seemed as strong as ever, she thought wonderingly. How deep did it go? she asked herself for the thousandth time. Deep enough to provide a foundation for love? He claimed to be willing to give up everything for her, and she had never in her life met a man who would have done that. It was growing incredibly difficult to sort out her own feelings where Josh Corbett was concerned. She was going to have to admit to herself, however, that he touched her on more levels, aroused more emotions in her than any other man she'd known. Was she on the verge of falling in love with the man? Or, Lord help her, was she already there?

  "I've never been more certain of anything in this world, Reva," he replied with utter conviction, his gaze locking

  hers in a hypnotic mesh. "Please believe me. I want you so badly it's like a fire in my blood."

  Fires, thought Reva with a surge of sadness, had a way of burning themselves out. And then where would she be? With a man like this, she decided in sudden, certain conviction, she would have to be sure of his feelings as well as her own before taking the huge risk of marriage. She had to know the fire in his blood would not flame out when he'd satisfied his obsession with home and wife. But how did any woman assure herself of that kind of guarantee? The divorce courts were full of people who thought they'd been sure the fires wouldn't flame out. In many cases those people had given up a great deal for the other person involved. They wound up rebuilding entire lives!

  "Josh," Reva whispered helplessly, but braving the full force of his gaze, "it's such a big step, and one of us would have to give up everything. ..."

  "I've already told you I'm willing to be the one who will give up a job and a past life," he reminded her with soft urgency. "All you have to do is take on the responsibility."

  "Of supporting you?" she interrupted, lifting a hand negligently. "That's not the important part, Josh. I could handle the financial end of it."

  He looked somewhat astonished at her comment and then his face reflected an unexpected flash of inner laughter. "So generous," he chuckled ruefully. "But I'm not talking about that kind of responsibility, honey. I wouldn't come to you without a decent dowry! I'm talking about the responsibility of making room in your home for me. Of accepting me as the only man in your life. Of sharing your meals and your bed and your Sunday newspaper with me. Do you understand, Reva?"

  "Perhaps," she replied a little unsteadily, reaching carefully for the blouse he had flung to the side earlier, "per-

  haps you'll grow tired of those things after a time." She didn't look at him now as she pulled the garment on, partially concealing her nudity. "I know what I want, Reva."

  "Do you?" She lifted her head again and found him watching her with a wariness that hurt for some obscure reason. She was the one who ought to be wary! "I wouldn't ask anyone to give up another life for the sake of a ... a temporary obsession or desire, but . . ."

  "Damn it, Reva! How many times do I have to tell you . . .!" he began in a fierce growl, only to halt bewil-deredly as she held up a hand to silence him.

  "But," Reva heard herself say and wondered at her own words, "I believe you think this is what you want and"— she hesitated, searching for the right words and finding only the bald ones—"and I would be an obvious liar if I said I wasn't attracted to you." He looked as if he were about to interrupt her at the small confession and then thought better of it. She saw the way his hard mouth firmed. "I can't think of another man from whom I would have tolerated a fraction of what I've tolerated from you!" she concluded with a small rush of wry honesty.

  "Perhaps you're finding out that desire is a stronger force than you once believed it could be," he suggested in what sounded to Reva like a very careful tone of voice.

  Or perhaps, Reva told herself silently, I'm finding out that what I feel for you isn't desire at all but something much stronger. Something strong enough to make her more reckless than she had been in a long, long time.

  "What are you getting at, Reva?" Josh finally asked, still lying on his back, watching her as she sat up beside him and held the edges of the blouse closed with a faintly trembling hand.

  "I was about to suggest," she said with forced calm,

  "that we find out how strong your . . . your desire for a home and for me really is without risking everything for it-" She swallowed tightly, almost unable to believe her own words but determined now to make the offer. It was the only way, she told herself. The only safe way of finding cut how deep his feelings went. The safety, of course, she acknowledged dismally, would be all on his side. But if in the end he changed his mind about his obsession, at least there would be no divorce and she would not have to feel guilty at hav
ing been the cause of him ruining his career. Something in Reva shied from wanting to bear that degree of guilt.

  "You can't hedge this kind of bet, honey," Josh pointed out quietly, raising himself slowly on one elbow. The dark, heavy brows and narrowed eyes hid much of his expression from her searching gaze.

  "We could," she contradicted flatly. "With a sort of trial ..." Her voice drifted off in a floundering fashion, but she continued to face him.

  "A trial marriage? You're offering me an affair? Is that it?"

  "You could stay here. Live with me until your leave of absence from your company comes to an end. Maybe you could even get a little more time off. In any event, it would give us both a chance to know each other on a day-to-day basis," Reva explained earnestly. "Then, if, later on, we were sure enough of the relationship to risk marriage, we could talk about which of us should give up the job and . . ."

  "Reva," Josh interposed in a very even drawl, "in case you didn't notice, we've already had our affair. I'm looking for marriage, not some milk-and-water association that you'll feel free to break off the next time you get

  annoyed with me or decide I'm not the perfect escort to your business engagements!"

  "You make it sound like I'm offering this to protect myself!" Reva suddenly blazed, hurt that he didn't understand she was taking this approach for his sake as much as for herself,

  "Aren't you?" he challenged.

  "I'm doing this," she snapped, incensed now, "to give you time to find out if your feelings are more than just an obsession you've developed from living too long in a dangerous and difficult place. At this moment you've convinced yourself you want a home and the security of a marriage, but what guarantee do I have that you won't get the old adventuring urge again and long for your old job and your old friends?"

  "As I said," he retorted. "You're just trying to protect yourself!" He moved, tucking his heels into a cross-legged sitting position and reaching out to take hold of her chin with one hand. "But I don't happen to feel like letting you waste that kind of time. I understand that right now you're afraid of the risk involved, but you'll just have to trust me, Reva." He bared his teeth briefly in a wolfish sort of smile. "Will that be so hard to do? After all, you've trusted me before with your life."

  "That was different!" Reva tried to pull free of his grasp, but his fingers only tightened in idle warning.

  "The difference exists in your head," he groaned. "You've managed to twist what is really a very simple situation into something amazingly complex. What's needed, I think, is a catalyst to help you come to your senses and see things as they are!" He extended his other hand and pulled her off balance and onto his lap where he held her firmly.

  "Josh," Reva said with great dignity, even though she

  was in a less than dignified position. "Sex is not going to be the magic catalyst that will make me see everything your way!" She lay unresisting in his hold, her head on his bare shoulder.

  "Don't you think I've already learned that the hard way?" he mocked, lowering his head to brush her forehead with his lips in a delicate caress. His hand slipped inside her blouse, stroking the warm skin of her waist.

  "Then . . . then what's this all about?" she demanded, trying to inject some haughtiness into her words. "You've implied you don't want an affair . . . !"

  "I don't," he agreed, dropping another butterflylike kiss on her eyelids. "But a man can get desperate. I'm willing to take what I can get until you give me everything I want." He moved the hand on her stomach upward until it cupped the small weight of her breast, his thumb deliberately teasing at the nipple.

  "I fail to see any difference between your attitude and an affair!"

  "The difference," he grinned just before he kissed her full on the mouth, "is in my head!" His lips gently but firmly took hers captive for a moment.

  "You're making fun of me!" she hissed when she could.

  "No, honey, I'm making love to you. There's a difference."

  "Only in your head!" Reva shot back, goaded.

  He laughed, a deep, surprisingly happy sound.

  "Josh, tell me what's going on," she begged, gazing up into the hard face above her. "Are you going to accept my offer of an affair after all?"

  "No, sweetheart, I'm not," he grinned cheerfully, but his hand was still possessively shaping her breast and she could sense her own response.

  "Then what are you trying to do?"

  "I've told you, I'll take what I can get until you give me everything," he told her, abandoning his hold on her breast to seek out the softness of her inner thigh.

  "But you're not going to call it an affair?" she bit out, feeling a tremor course through her. What new game was he playing? Reva was certain she was being manipulated again, but she couldn't understand how. Damn the man! Never had she been more confused and exasperated by a man in her life!

  "Not the sort you implied," he stated. "Because I'm not going to move in with you. I'll just slip across the hall periodically and seduce you," he went on outrageously.

  "The hell you will!" Reva abruptly fought free of his hold. He didn't try to stop her as she wriggled off his lap and put distance between them on the carpet. She glared furiously. "I won't be a ... a casual one-night stand for you, Josh Corbett. If you think I'm going to be available any time you happen to feel like seducing me, you can think again!"

  "I thought that's what you were offering," he noted dryly, lion eyes appearing to shimmer slightly as they swept over her disheveled figure.

  "I was offering you a sort of trial marriage!" she snapped, annoyed.

  "But I'm only interested in the real thing."

  "Well, I'm certainly not going to allow you to treat me as a casual fling!"

  "There would be nothing casual about it," he retorted meaningfully.

  "Josh, you're up to something, I can sense it!" Reva accused belligerently.

  "I'm only trying to point out the huge gulf between marriage and nonmarriage, honey," he told her soothingly. "I don't want an in-between ground with you, but if

  that's what you're offering, I can't turn it down. I won't, however, move in with you until I know for certain you're going to marry me. I'm not going to make things that easy for you!"

  "You're twisting this all around, making it sound as if I've got to choose between taking the risk of marriage or seeing you when you feel like seducing me! That's ridiculous!" she stormed, leaping to her feet and grabbing her skirt to hold in front of her. "Furthermore, it won't work because I'm not going to be forced into that kind of decision!" Feeling foolish in her near-naked state, Reva pulled on the skirt and began rebuttoning the blouse.

  Josh got lazily to his feet and stood in front of her with a vague, undefined air of gentle menace. "How," he asked coolly, "are you going to avoid the choice?"

  Reva lifted her head proudly. "I won't sleep with you on a casual basis and I won't marry you until I'm sure there's something more involved between us than desire and your obsession with having a home, any home! I should be able to survive the next couple of weeks until it's time for you to return to Houston, don't you think?"

  "You've already slept with me on what could only be described as a 'casual basis' according to your definition," Josh ground out harshly, honey eyes darkening perceptibly as he watched her taut features. He stood with his hands on his hips, his naked chest a direct affront to Reva's desire to diminish the sexual tension in the room by reclothing herself.

  She whitened at the bluntness of his words and fell back a step. "That's not true!"

  "What else would you call it?" he grated. "You've slept with me without intending to marry me. What could be more casual than that?"

  "Josh, please!"

  "I, however, have never made love to you without having strictly honorable intentions," he mocked roughly. "And when I make love to you in the future I will continue to do so with the idea of eventually marrying you. But I'm not going to move in and participate in a trial marriage. You're not going to have every
thing your own way, Reva Waring!" With that, Josh turned to retrieve his shirt, shrugging into it without buttoning it. Without a word he headed for the door, nearly treading on Xavier's tail as he did so. Xavier moved discreetly aside, swiveling his feline head to watch the human leave.

  He wasn't the only one viewing the sight, and when the door closed behind Josh, Reva waited tensely for the sound of her neighbor's door being opened. The sound didn't come. After a moment she dared to cross the carpet and open her door a crack. Josh was not in the hallway but the elevator was just sliding shut. He was going out into the night alone.

  Reva waited a long time by the front window, gazing down at the sidewalk eighteen floors below, hoping to see Josh returning from wherever he had gone. In the end she gave up and dragged herself slowly off to bed. Never had she felt so depressed and so indecisive. What was she going to do? Battle out the nearly intolerable situation until the time came for Josh to leave for Houston? Would he go back to Texas early if he failed to convince Reva to marry him?

  Listlessly, Reva turned in her bed to stroke Xavier in a way that was probably more soothing for her than for him. "What am I going to do, cat? I have the most absurd feeling he's going to win in the end. Not because his will is any stronger than mine, but because I think I'm in love with him. Xavier! He doesn't like the same music or the same books and he's every bit as rough in getting what he

  wants as I remembered from four months ago! Just look at that stupid trick he pulled on Bruce tonight. And what did I do? I let him serve dinner to his guests and afterward nearly let him make love to me! I must be in love with him to tolerate that sort of behavior! I think I'm going to wind up married to the man, Xavier, but how can I risk that until I know he loves me? Until I know for sure I'm more than a fixation?"

  Reva didn't go to sleep until, an endless time later, she finally heard the faint click of Sandy and Tom's door being opened and closed. Josh was safely home. With a sigh she closed her eyes and slept. When the first fringes of the nightmare teased her subconscious mind Reva came awake in a hurry, angry and, as usual, frightened. But this time she determined to handle it by herself, just as she had in the past. And, sliding a little closer to Xavier, she was successful.