Summer Seduction

by Rachel Van Dyken

I jerked away from him.

  He let me.

  And as staff around us started dancing and singing again, I made my way over to a log and sat by myself.

  I wasn’t there for long.

  Soon Jackson joined me.

  Wordlessly, he handed me a cup of something that smelled strong and then whispered under his breath, “I may know a few things about mistakes.”

  “Oh?” I turned my head.

  But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at Jen, and his usual smirk or arrogant smile wasn’t there.

  No, it was raw.

  It was this insatiable hunger.

  “You could fix it, you know.” I elbowed him. “She’s right there.”

  “That’s the thing about people like us, Ray.”

  I frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “People like us, we don’t let people in. We’re too afraid they’ll run away screaming. A girl like Jen… she wouldn’t stay long enough, and I don’t think I could survive being abandoned or finally having to look at myself in the mirror and ask the question…”

  My throat went dry, my stomach heaved. “What question?”

  “What if she saw me — and it still wasn’t enough?”

  “Jackson—”

  “Don’t Jackson me.” Now the arrogance was back as he leaned in. “You do the exact same thing. You’ve got a fucking wall built around you. The best thing for people like us is to find someone who forces us to question why the hell we’re so afraid in the first place.”

  “You’re afraid?” I found my voice.

  “We all have our things.” He shrugged and then smiled. “Isn’t she pretty?”

  My heart broke a bit. “She’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah. I’d like her to stay that way. Beautiful. Unobtainable. Untainted by my baggage. I think I’ll keep her on that shelf, where I can look but tell myself I’ll just shatter her if I touch her with my grimy hands.”

  “Sounds like you’re making that decision for the both of you.”

  He let out a snort. “Sex confuses girls. Trust me. She’ll tell me she’s fine, and then one day there will be tears. There are always tears. And then I’ll feel like shit because I’ll start stacking my baggage around me, and then she’ll feel like she has to break through it, and then I’ll have to tell her that it’s a crutch, that I need it there to survive. And then she’ll go back to that shelf worse than before. No, I’ll keep her there. She’s safe. Pretty and safe.” He leaned forward and then shook his head as if it was foggy. Some of the liquid in his red cup spilled out onto the dirt.

  I frowned. “How drunk are you?” I finally asked a few minutes later.

  He’d started to sing under his breath about unrequited love and then had cussed out a mosquito.

  “Oh, I’m completely fucked.” He nodded seriously. “How’d you know?”

  I bit down on my lower lip and patted him on the back. “Yeah, let’s get you some water, champ.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Water?”

  “I don’t know what water is.”

  “Yeah, a lot of water.” I helped him to his feet only to have him stumble, putting his entire weight down onto my body. “Whoa, there…”

  “He okay?” Marlo grabbed his other arm and put it around his neck.

  We started walking toward Jackson’s cabin as if we’d planned on the arrangement, when all I wanted to do was let Marlo carry Jackson while I ran in the opposite direction.

  “He’s completely tanked,” I said in a calm voice, despite the hammering of my heart. “Does he do this a lot?”

  “Only when he needs to forget.”

  “And he needed to forget today?”

  Marlo’s jaw tightened. “He’ll be fine.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?” I asked as we made our way up the stairs into the small cabin.

  “It’s not my story to tell, Ray.” He grunted and flipped Jackson onto his bed.

  Jackson burst out laughing. “Marlo!”

  “Hey, man.” Marlo smiled. “We’re gonna get you some water and aspirin, all right?”

  “She’s dead still, huh?” Jackson asked.

  “Shit,” Marlo said under his breath. “Yeah, she is.”

  “I loved her.”

  “I know.” Marlo sighed. “I know you did.”

  “I fucking hate aspirin.” He shook his head. “No aspirin. Reminds me of how she left. She left me.”

  “She was sick,” Marlo said in a soft voice. “Remember?”

  “It was my fault, wasn’t it?” Jackson grabbed a pillow, hugged it, and then started snoring.

  I was too stunned to do anything.

  Marlo grabbed my arm and basically dragged me out of the cabin. “Not a word to anyone.”

  “What would I even say?” I threw my hands in the air. “Someone needs to stay with him!”

  Marlo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, he’s going to wake up really pissed. He hates hangovers and hates being drunk, but it’s his weird way of honoring her death.”

  “Her death,” I repeated, my mind going a million miles a minute. “Someone he loved died on this day…?”

  “Three years ago.” Marlo shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. “She committed suicide. She was on staff at camp.”

  “They were friends.” I nodded in understanding.

  Marlo let out a harsh laugh. “No, Ray, they weren’t friends. They were siblings.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand as my heart thudded against my ribs. I felt as if I couldn’t suck in enough air to survive the next minute.

  All I wanted to say was “Me too.”

  He hadn’t committed suicide.

  But he was dead.

  And when someone you love dies, it doesn’t just leave you empty…

  It leaves the world worse than before.

  “Everyone has their demons.” He put his hands on his head and then slammed his hand against the door.

  “And who was she to you?” I whispered, almost afraid to find out.

  He looked back over his shoulder. His eyes were wild, and then he said. “She was my replacement for you.”

  I HADN’T MEANT to admit that. Both Jackson’s sister and I had come to camp that year lost, needing to bury ourselves in someone else. She’d just broken up with her boyfriend and was two years older than I, and it had been easy.

  Too easy to fall into this sexual relationship over the summer that made me forget Ray.

  It had been fake.

  Like going tanning because you miss the sunshine but not knowing how else to get the Vitamin D your body needs.

  I hated that I even admitted it out loud.

  Hated that Ray looked so horrified that I would stoop so low as to use another girl because I couldn’t have the one I really wanted.

  But I knew that I would never stand a chance with Ray if I wasn’t honest. If I didn’t show her ugly with good.

  Because I wasn’t a good guy.

  Not anymore.

  I was jaded.

  Bitter.

  Resentful.

  And the pathetic thing was that I’d felt justified in all of it until I had seen Ray again, and then I’d realized I was in the wrong, but it had been too late.

  The seed was planted.

  Ray took a step toward me, then another.

  I waited for the slap.

  For the judgement.

  “Can I ask you something?” Her eyes didn’t leave mine.

  “Yes,” I rasped.

  “This morning… when you came into the bathroom…” Her voice shook. “…what’s the first thing you thought?”

  “First thing…” I sighed and shook my head, “My first thought was God she’s beautiful, like sunshine. Like my own personal Ray of light after a lifetime of hell.”

  Tears filled her eyes, shining in the dim light, lending her a wide-eyed waif-quality.

  “What was the first thing you thought?” I countered, needing to get the attention aw
ay from me before I grabbed her and kissed her, before I told Jackson to get the hell out of his own cabin while I peeled her clothes off one by one.

  I bet her leggings would stick against her legs.

  I bet I could take my time moving them down with my teeth.

  I bet she would like it.

  I bet I could die with her taste on my lips.

  Ray smiled and looked away. Pink teased her cheeks as she tucked a stray hair behind her ears. “First thought.”

  “Play fair.” I smirked.

  “Damn, that guy must like his protein shakes if his muscles have muscles.”

  “Ah, so she likes muscles.”

  “Meh.” She took a step away from me.

  I didn’t reach for her.

  Tension swirled between us. I knew if I inhaled deeply, it would smell like her shampoo.

  It would smell like sex.

  Like us.

  “Are we at a ceasefire?” I asked, crossing my arms.

  “You’re still an asshole.” She narrowed her eyes.

  I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

  “A buff asshole,” she grumbled.

  “A buff asshole and sunshine.” I nodded. “Perfectly unmatched in every way.”

  “Prove you aren’t just going to pick me up so you can drown me in the lake the minute I tell you I trust you,” she said in parting, leaving me alone on the stairs as she sauntered off toward the raging fire.

  She didn’t hear me speak it across the wind. She didn’t hear my heart slam against my chest.

  I smiled and inclined my head, whispering. “Watch me.”

  I STAYED AT the campfire long after everyone went to bed. The embers were dying down. I didn’t know why I’d stayed.

  It wasn’t as if I was deep in thought.

  Just the idea of going back to my cabin felt… lonely. So lonely.

  And after this morning… this afternoon…

  What Marlo said…

  I honestly just wanted a hug, wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be fine. I needed a friend.

  “Still up?” Marlo’s voice had me jumping a foot, nearly into the embers.

  I put my hand to my chest in a vain attempt to comfort my racing heart. “Could you walk louder?”

  “I called your name twice before I sat down.” He stoked the fire from his seat next to me.

  The warmth of his body reached out to me.

  The way he restrained himself as if he was seconds away from snapping, perhaps out of anger, lust, or just all of the above.

  Campfire smell filled the air, smoke billowing in my line of vision as we sat in tense silence.

  “Why?” he asked. One word. No further explanation.

  “Why what?” I licked my lips and watched as the smoke grew tiny tendrils that wrapped themselves around the charred wood.

  He dropped the stick and rubbed his hands together. “Why are you still up?”

  “I—” My voice caught. It caught with things left unsaid. Things I couldn’t say. Things that were real when spoken out loud because when you say words out loud, your ears hear, your heart believes them. It’s like manifesting your truth.

  And I wasn’t ready to do that with mine.

  “You have no reason to trust me,” he began.

  His deep voice caused goose bumps to erupt all over my skin. I rubbed my arms back and forth with my palms and waited for whatever else he was going to confess. I was an addict for his truth, scrambling with my hands, digging through the dirt to seek it out, to uncover the treasure. Because I knew there was nothing more beautiful than a person’s truth.

  It was why I was petrified of mine.

  Because it was ugly.

  It was so damn ugly.

  Alone.

  Afraid.

  Alone.

  Afraid.

  Worthless.

  Unlovable.

  I shook as the words bounced around in my head, quivering with the need to get them out, to tell Marlo I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t been afraid.

  To tell him that my favorite place — even if it was just for revenge — had been in his arms.

  “It’s getting late.” He stood and held out his hand.

  I took it.

  He was director, after all.

  And the staff had a curfew too. I mean that curfew was two a.m., but still I knew I had to get up early and attempt to teach choreography without baring my soul.

  I almost laughed at the thought.

  That was a little bit like saying I was going to act without emotion, wasn’t it?

  He dropped my hand when I stood.

  He moved it to my back.

  I took a few steps, and then the pressure on my back forced me to turn. I gave him a sideways glance as we kept walking away from my cabin.

  Toward his.

  I almost dug my heels in.

  Almost laughed at the same time.

  Did he really think that, after this morning, I was going to get naked with him? I was ready to yell at him, to scream at myself.

  To throw rocks into the fire and run away when he opened the cabin door and ushered me inside.

  A lamp was lit in the corner.

  He had two beds.

  I frowned.

  Both were made.

  Two. Beds.

  Why was I fixating on the number of beds?

  He pulled his shirt over his head, kicked off his pants. I tried not to stare at every inch of sinewy muscle that flexed in my direction, but the only way not to stare was to poke my own eyes out, and I enjoyed what I saw too much to look away.

  He ran his hands through his thick hair and then nodded to the other bed. “Sleep.”

  “In here?” I gaped at him. The guy was crazy.

  He yawned as if I bored him. “Yeah, Ray, in here, in your own bed. At least then you won’t be alone.”

  “How did you know I didn’t want to be alone?”

  Now the smirk was back. “Because you chose sitting around a dying campfire and possible bear attacks over going back to your cabin at one in the morning.”

  Valid point. “Wait, there are bears?”

  “Nature.” He spread his arms wide.

  My mouth went dry at the sight of his tight eight-pack and low V that I hadn’t even had time to process yet as it dipped into tight briefs that made his ass look amazing.

  My God, I am sexually harassing him in my head!

  I am just as bad as Jackson!

  Worse!

  “Right.” I cleared my throat and did a small circle. I was about ready to jump in with my clothes on when a fresh-smelling cotton shirt was tossed onto my bed.

  “Sleep, Ray.” He crawled into bed and lay on his back.

  I quickly stripped out of my clothes, kept my bra and underwear on, and pulled his white shirt over my head.

  It smelled good.

  Like him.

  Fresh.

  I hadn’t realized I was still smelling it until I heard a chuckle from his bed. I grabbed a stray pillow and slammed it down onto his face.

  It just made him laugh harder.

  So, I hit him again.

  And again.

  “That’s it.” He jumped up, gripped me by the waist and threw me over his shoulder, stood and walked me back to the twin bed, then threw me onto it.

  I bounced up and nearly knocked him in the head before I was pinned to the mattress.

  My breathing slowed.

  His eyes flickered to my mouth.

  Then away.

  “Sleep,” he said, his voice cracking. “I’ll just be over here taking care of all the pillows in case you decide to hold one over my mouth mid-sleep.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You wouldn’t even know you were dead.”

  “Good to know. I’m thrilled I invited you into my cabin. Make sure the cops know I was a giant dick so they don’t put you in prison. I mean, you have a legitimate reason to want to murder me.”

  “I do.” I turned on my side as
he crawled into bed.

  Moonlight flickered through the window near his feet.

  “Hey, Marlo?” It was almost too quiet.

  “Yeah, Ray.”

  “Are you on human-growth hormone?”

  He burst out laughing. I decided that I liked that laugh so much more than the sexy scowl. I liked every angle I saw. From the angsty drama kid to the guy who ran because he genuinely enjoyed it to the dancer who wore his heart on his sleeve. I loved it all.

  I loved his layers.

  I loved his voice.

  I needed someone to put the pillow over my face. Immediately.

  “Can’t say anyone’s ever accused me of HGH.” He turned to face me. “No. I’m just the product of what happens when you don’t peak in high school.”

  “I peaked in high school,” I said more to myself than anyone.

  “No.” He said it as if it was true. “You haven’t peaked yet.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You haven’t peaked yet,” he said slowly. “Trust me, when you do, you’ll be unstoppable.”

  “I have boobs,” I said dumbly.

  “Yeah, nice ones too,” he said in a sing-song voice. “Many a man would sell their souls just to drown between them, but not what I was talking about, Ray, and you know it. You’ve always been beautiful.”

  “Thank you… I think.” I frowned and lay back down.

  “Night, Ray. Try not to overthink this conversation to the point where you look like hell in the morning and can’t teach your class.”

  “Ah, asshole’s back.”

  “Asshole never left.” He put a pillow over his head as if I annoyed him.

  And I smiled because I found great satisfaction in the fact that I probably did.

  I NEVER THOUGHT I’d live to see the day that little spoiled princess woke up in the same room as I, with her bare legs on top of the comforter and her long icy hair spread out on the pillow like a fucking feast.

  I tried not to stare.

  Too much.

  But I was a man.

  And when a beautiful woman was just lying there, mere feet from you, it was hard not to take notice, to take inventory of all the tiny things you couldn’t do when they were awake.

  Like the tiny freckles on her knee. The scar near her right ankle. Rollerblading. We hadn’t been friends then, but I remembered her limping home and giving me a dirty look while I washed her dad’s car.

  He’d often done that. If the lawn had been done, he’d given me other jobs. Paying jobs. As if he knew I needed more purpose outside of school.