My Fairly Dangerous Godmother

by Janette Rallison

  He peered up at her and jolted. “You’re huge!”

  She bent down to be closer to his level, and spoke the words again, this time with less patience. “Why did you take my goblet??”

  I bit my lip. I couldn’t answer for him, couldn’t lie. I stared at Jason and hoped he had the sense not to tell her the truth.

  Jason shrunk back. “Your glass was empty. I was getting you a refill.”

  The queen considered this, her expression an unreadable mask. Finally, she smiled. The movement was cold and smug. “I’ll assume you’re telling the truth because you couldn’t be foolish enough to steal something from me. You certainly must value your life more than that.”

  She stepped back to her seat and sat down, giving me the barest of flicks with her fingers. “Be careful not to step on your boyfriend, my dear. That would make an ugly mess.”

  “Aren’t you going to change him back?” My voice was high pitched with shock. “You can’t just leave him a frog!”

  Queen Orlaith raised an eyebrow, challenging me. “If you want to change him back, you’ll have to break the spell with true love’s kiss.”

  I gulped. If true love was needed, a kiss from me wouldn’t be much help. I couldn’t admit this. It would lead to questions. I bent down and cupped my hands so Jason could jump in them. “Come here. We’re leaving.”

  Jason stopped staring at his hands long enough to gawk up at me. “What’s going on? Why is everything so gigantic?”

  “Climb into my hands, and I’ll explain while I carry you to the boat.”

  He gave a small hop, then stopped, realizing what he’d just done. He lifted one foot and stared at it. “I’m a frog!” he sputtered. “A frog!” Then he toppled over in a dead faint.

  Chapter 23

  None of my sisters volunteered to leave the dance early and come home with me. You would think having your supposed boyfriend changed into an amphibian would be enough to break up a party. But no. All I got from the other princesses were questions about why I didn’t kiss Jason there so the two of us could stay and dance. As if I wanted to stay.

  When your hostess starts changing people’s species around, it’s time to row your boat back home. Which is what I did. Well, Donovan helped. He sat behind me, hands on the oars and did most of the work. “You don’t want blisters on your hands,” he said. “You’ll have no way to explain them to the king.”

  Jason revived once we’d reached the other shore. Technically, this was because I dunked him in the lake. I wasn’t being mean. I just didn’t know how long frogs could be out of water and was afraid he might dry out.

  Jason didn’t appreciate this thoughtful gesture. He came out of the water swearing and flailing his slimy little hands around. I held onto him, and tried not to laugh. I didn’t mean to be insensitive about his suffering, but there’s something absurd about a cursing frog.

  Jason’s big, googly eyes blinked angrily at me. “You think this is funny? Magic is real. I’m in a place with fairies. One just turned me into a frog. And you’re laughing?”

  “Sorry.”

  “That stuff you told me about your fairy godmother sending us here—that was the truth?”

  “Yeah. Again, sorry.”

  He kept fidgeting in my hands like he wanted to jump somewhere. “Sorry? That’s all you have to say?”

  “I’m going to do everything I can to help you. Really.”

  Jason tucked his legs underneath himself and squatted down in my palms. “How?”

  “Well, you’re a frog prince, and I’m a princess. Sort of. So my kiss is supposed to break the spell.”

  Jason perked up. “That’s right—the whole princess and the frog thing. Why didn’t you already kiss me?”

  Yes, why? I shifted Jason in my hands. His skin was clammy on his stomach and bumpy everywhere else. “Well, frogs aren’t that attractive. Plus, I’m seeing someone else.”

  “You’re seeing someone else?” Jason repeated incredulously.

  “Yeah. The invisible guy.”

  Jason’s eyes momentarily dipped down into his head. Freaky how frogs can do that. “You’re seeing an invisible guy,” Jason said flatly. “That must be tricky.” His throat sack puffed in and out making him look like he was panting. “Stop making excuses and kiss me already.”

  Donovan was standing beside me, but he didn’t offer a commentary on the situation. I lifted Jason closer to my lips. His bulging eyes stared back, waiting. Frogs don’t have a lot of kissable real estate. I repressed a shudder and quickly kissed the top of his head. Then I set him on the ground so he could change back into a person.

  Nothing happened. He didn’t transform. Jason held up a hand and moved his wormy fingers back and forth. “It didn’t work. Maybe you have to kiss me on the lips.”

  “Um . . .” Frogs probably have the least attractive lips in the animal kingdom. Wide and slimy. When you look at them it’s hard not to think about the nature films where frogs zap flies and other disgusting things with their tongues.

  Jason hopped toward me, his back legs stretching out like webby flags. “Go on, kiss my mouth.”

  Off to my side, I heard Donovan laughing. Yeah, it was easy for him to think this was amusing. He wasn’t the one who had to put his lips on a frog.

  “Don’t say it,” I told Donovan.

  Jason cocked his head in question.

  Donovan knew I was talking to him, though. “Don’t say what?” he asked.

  “Whatever frog joke you’re thinking about right now.”

  “I wasn’t thinking of a frog joke. I was thinking of a Jason Prescott joke.”

  Jason’s googly eyes scanned the area around us and he took a step backward. “Who said that? Who’s talking?”

  I pointed in Donovan’s direction. “The invisible guy.”

  Jason’s mouth hung open. “Your imaginary friend talks?”

  “Yeah. He’s invisible, not mute.”

  Near my ear, Donovan said, “Don’t tell him anything about me.”

  “Why?” I whispered back. “Don’t you trust him?”

  Donovan took my hand and pulled me a few feet away from Jason. “It’s not that I don’t trust him. I just don’t think he’s that bright.”

  “Hey,” Jason said, throat sack puffing. “I heard that.”

  Who knew frogs had such good hearing?

  Donovan ignored him. “He’ll do something stupid to give us away, and we’ll all be changed into frogs.”

  Jason’s eyes bobbed up and down, blinking. “I resent that.”

  “I don’t mind,” Donovan said. “Go ahead and resent it.”

  I wasn’t sure whether Donovan had a valid point. Jason wanted to go home as badly as either of us, so I doubted he would purposely do anything to jeopardize our plan; but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t accidently do something. I never should have told him about Donovan or even said his name.

  Jason hopped over to me and stared upward. “I’m still waiting for you to kiss me the right way.”

  There was no way around it. I had to kiss him again. “Oh, all right,” I muttered, picking up Jason. He opened his mouth—I suppose in an attempt to pucker. The inside of a frog’s mouth is even less attractive than the outside.

  “Stop that,” I said. “Lips closed.”

  Jason rolled his bulgy eyes and clamped his mouth together. It was a good thing I already had my first kiss or this incident might have put me off kissing forever.

  I lifted Jason to my mouth, shut my eyes, and gave him a peck on his slimy lips. Then I set him back on the ground, shivered with disgust, and wiped off my mouth.

  Jason’s throat sack flared in and out in indignation. “For your information, it wasn’t that great for me either.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “This isn’t as easy as the fairy tales make it sound.”

  Nothing happened. No transformation. Jason slumped on the ground, a pathetic green lump, and eyed me resentfully. “Maybe it didn’t work because you’re not a real princess.”


  I couldn’t bring myself to tell him Queen Orlaith had said true love’s kiss would restore him. I didn’t love him, and that sort of attachment wasn’t likely to develop any time soon.

  Could Chrissy help him? Would she? The words of the contract echoed in my mind. The results of your wishes are real and lasting.

  There had to be more than one way to break a magic spell. I kneeled to be closer to Jason’s eye level. “If you promise not to tell anyone about Donovan being here with me, I’ll take you to my castle. We might be able to find someone there who’ll know what to do.”

  Jason was breathing so fast he rocked back and forth. Could frogs hyperventilate? He gulped unhappily. “The other princesses live with you, right? So one of them should be able to break the spell.”

  “You have to promise not to say anything to them about Donovan,” I repeated. “No one can know he’s been here.”

  “I promise. I promise.” Instead of waiting for my reply, Jason hopped in the direction of the lanterns, making arcs through the air.

  “It’s a long way,” I called. “I’ll carry you.” I ran to catch up, then picked him up and slipped him into my pocket.

  “Hey!” He thrashed around inside my cloak until I opened the edge of the pocket. “Why did you stick me in here?”

  “Where did you expect me to put you? I’m not a pony.”

  He frowned, an expression that did nothing to improve his appearance. “You could carry me on your shoulder.”

  “I’m not a pirate either.”

  “Hey, Frog Boy,” Donovan said, coming up beside me. “Pipe down and sit still. We’re not out of the woods yet—pun intended—and wild animals live here. You wouldn’t want one to see you and think you look appetizing.”

  Jason shrunk into my pocket so that only his eyes stuck out. “Wild animals?”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “You don’t look at all appetizing.”

  Jason glowered at me and sunk back into my pocket. Muffled frog complaints came from that direction for the fifteen minutes it took us to walk through the forest. I ignored him and spoke to Donovan. Mostly we swapped stories about our high schools. It was easy to talk to him because he had a way of making me feel like my opinion mattered.

  We went across the meadow, up the stairs, and finally tiptoed back into the princesses’ chambers. Madam Saxton was still asleep on the couch, snoring softly. I filled one of the wash basins with water, placed it on an end table, and set Jason inside. Donovan took off his cloak and instantly became visible again.

  Now that Jason could see him, he watched dourly as Donovan and I sat down, close together on a couch.

  “You’re supposed to be my princess,” Jason called.

  “Sorry,” I said. “It turns out you’re not my type.”

  Donovan put his arm around me. “Her type is awesome guys.”

  I nudged Donovan because he was being mean.

  “You know,” Jason called over, puffing up to make himself bigger, “I was really popular in high school. In fact, I still am. I’m loved in high schools across the world.”

  “They’ll love you when we go back too,” Donovan said. “Who could resist a singing frog?”

  I nudged Donovan again.

  He laughed and held a hand in Jason’s direction. “What? The frog is moving in on my girl. He has it coming.”

  I liked the way Donovan referred to me as his girl and smiled despite myself. “Be nice. It must be traumatic being turned into a frog.”

  “I’ll be nice for you.” Donovan kissed my forehead.

  I felt all glowy inside. Jason let out an angry croak, then sunk into the water so only his eyes peered out at us.

  Donovan and I both laid our heads back against the cushions and talked some more. After a few minutes, he shut his eyes. He was tired and I knew I should leave him and go catch some sleep while I waited for my sisters to come home and untie me from my dress. Instead, I stayed on the couch. I liked sitting in the crook of Donovan’s arm. It made me feel like everything would work out, like it was an adventure and not a horrible, magical disaster.

  I watched him sleeping, traced the lines of his jawline and cheekbone with my gaze. His dark lashes looked like an artist’s black pen strokes. I lingered on the slope of his parted lips and let the memory of his kisses warm me. If Donovan had been the one turned into a frog, would my kiss have changed him back?

  What I felt seemed so genuine, made me feel so light and happy, how could it not be real? And yet, how could my feelings be true love when we’d only known each other such a short time?

  The goblet said love was a choice, but it didn’t seem like I’d chosen this. My attachment to Donovan had crept up on me, saturated me without permission. I felt weak, powerful, and a dozen other sensations all at the same time. Could real love do more than that to a person’s emotions?

  I told myself I would only shut my eyes for a second to rest them, then I’d go lay down in the back.

  Donovan and I woke up when my sisters’ footsteps sounded on the stairs. We pulled away from each other, both disoriented. He turned on his side and pretended to be asleep.

  I got to my feet, wobbling, just as Rosamund emerged through the trap door. The other princesses followed her, giggling and talking about the evening. If they had paid attention, they might have wondered why I was standing so close to Donovan when they came in, but they were busy relaying the compliments the princes had given them.

  “Frederick said my eyes shined like two stars.”

  “Hubert said the glow of my skin put the moon to shame.”

  I walked over to join them.

  Jason’s head rose out of the bowl of water, and then he hopped up on the rim of the basin. “Excuse me, ladies,” he called. “Could I ask a favor? I need one of you to kiss me.”

  My sisters’ discussions immediately stopped, and they turned to stare at me. “Why haven’t you kissed him yet?” Rosamund asked.

  “I did. Twice. It didn’t turn him back into a human.”

  Several of my sisters gasped in surprise. Others gaped at me. Moving in one body, they drew closer to me, making a huddle of silky ball gowns around me. Beatrix put her hand on her chest in horror. “That means his love for you isn’t true love.”

  Wait, was that what it meant? I’d been blaming myself for not loving him enough. Was it actually his fault for not loving me enough? “He thinks maybe one of you could break the spell.”

  My sisters exchanged glances again. A few of them looked smug at the possibility. “He thinks he loves one of us more than he loves you?”

  I shrugged. I couldn’t really explain that Jason didn’t realize it had anything to do with love. In my time period we read stories about princesses kissing frogs to turn them human again.

  Jason jumped down from the basin and hopped along the edge of the dressing table. “Ladies, please, it will just take a moment of your time.”

  Catherine eyed him archly. “And who, sir, do you implore for a kiss?”

  Jason hopped closer to her. “You’ll do.”

  Catherine gave a laugh and sashayed over. “Truly, I never suspected. I fear my heart is spoken for, but I will bestow a kiss on you, nonetheless.” She bent down, kissed Jason on his snout, and stepped back. I held my breath and hoped it would work.

  Nothing happened.

  My exhale was drawn out in disappointment.

  Jason lifted one hand to check his status and swore. He waved his hand in Elizabeth’s direction. “How about you? This time on the lips. Maybe it has to be on the lips.”

  She took a step back, fiddling nervously with her necklace. “Perhaps I shouldn’t. Percival might not approve.”

  “Percy? He’s my bro. He won’t mind. Trust me.”

  She took mincing steps toward him. “Well, if you insist.” She pursed her lips, hesitant, then bent and dropped a quick kiss on Jason’s lips.

  He slowly opened his eyes.

  “Sorry,” I said. “You’re still a frog.”
>
  He put one hand to what would have been a forehead if frogs had foreheads. “Why isn’t this working?” He surveyed my sisters. “You are real princesses aren’t you?”

  Philippa lifted her chin, offended. “Why, I’ve never heard such an insult.” She flounced off toward the bedroom and the rest of the princesses followed her lead, heads held high.

  “Can you imagine the impertinence?” Mathilda said, gathering her skirts. “Questioning our paternity? ’Tis a good thing father isn’t here to witness this vulgarity.”

  “Darn straight,” Darby said. “There’d be some frog shish kabob going down.”

  “If father was here now,” I muttered, heading to the bedroom too, “the least of our problems would be explaining a talking frog’s questions about our lineage. Can someone untie me? This corset is like a mini prison.”

  For the next few minutes we sat at our dressing tables unpinning our hair. Jason hopped from one table to the next, apologizing. “I wasn’t insulting you. I’m just trying to figure out why I’m still a frog. You, the one in the pink dress. It’s Clementia, right?” He leapt onto her table, scattering stray pins. “How about a kiss? I bet you could break the spell. You look like you’ve had a lot of practice kissing.”

  Clementia let out a humph and shook her brush at him. “If you weren’t a poor woodland creature, I would strike you forthwith.”

  Jason hopped away from Clementia and sprang onto Isolde’s table. He sat up as straight as he could and cleared his throat. It sounded like a cross between a cough and a croak. “I know I don’t look so great now, but where I’m from, the ladies love me. I’m a big hit there.”

  “With your manners,” Isolde replied coldly, “I’m sure you’ve been given many big hits—all by angry fathers.”

  Once our hair done in simple braids, my sisters and I moved into our closets to take off our gowns. We left the door ajar to let more light in. I hadn’t expected Jason to follow us inside, but almost immediately, he appeared in front of the door. “One of you must want to kiss me—”

  Penny shrieked and held her skirt against her body. “Peeping Tom!”

  Philippa had just taken off her slippers. She threw one in Jason’s direction. “Out, cad!”