Charm School After Dark: Lesson 1

by Lynn Carmer

  Organizing the details for the party had been a snap. That was her specialty. Parties and making plans were two of her favorite things to do. What she needed Dacey’s help with had more to do with all the financial obstacles to the school, with one challenge front and center.

  How to deal with The Devil, handsome or not.

  Today, she and Baby D were going over all the dirt Dacey had dug up on the mystery man. She couldn’t wait to hear what she’d found out. Thankfully, Dacey was the resident computer genius, because she was the only sister left Caelen wasn’t either avoiding or brawling with.

  So far, she’d been lucky enough not to run into anyone. Athena hadn’t set foot in the school since Mr. Brown’s meeting. Caelen knew the time would come when she’d have to confess her affair to Baby A; she was just putting it off as long as possible. And Brynn, well, they still hadn’t spoken since their blowout two day ago. The fight weighed heavily on Caelen, but at this point because she was just a black-kettled brew of pain, guilt, and anger, one more emotion added to the pot wouldn’t really make a difference.

  She needed this school to work, and she was not giving up.

  Yup. Total bitch.

  Bzzz. Bzzz.

  Caelen didn’t even bother to reach forward.

  “Is that the asshole, again?” Dacey set her tablet on Ms. Belle’s distressed, shabby chic desk.

  “Probably.”

  “Why don’t you just turn your phone off?” Dacey said as she flicked her springy curls over her shoulder.

  Both girls glanced at each other and laughed.

  “All right. All right. But we’re functioning addicts, right? I can quit anytime, I swear!” Dacey leaned forward and turned on her tablet. “What the hell does he want?”

  Caelen cleared her throat. “Me, I guess.”

  “What do you mean, you guess?”

  “I stopped reading the messages, and I only checked that one by accident.”

  “What? Why?” Dacey crossed over to the small white couch, littered with soft pastels pillows, to sit next to Caelen.

  “He’s not very creative. Trust me.”

  “Aren’t you dying of curiosity? Here, let me see.” Dacey snatched the phone from her but paused before pushing any buttons, raising her eyebrows in question.

  “Go ahead,” No surprise when Dacey had her phone unlocked and was scrolling within seconds. Baby D had set up her cell, so of course, she could access it, no problem. “But I hope you’re not expecting Shakespeare. He has about a five word vocabulary.”

  “Really? Let’s see, you have him listed under. Vic the Dick? Classic. Twenty-two texts? Since yesterday? Wow. That’s crazy.” She touched the screen and started reading.

  Miss you.

  Need to see you.

  Do you think about me?

  Why won’t you talk to me?

  I need you.

  “It just goes on and on. Uh, I hate to tell you but I think you have him pegged all wrong.”

  Caelen lifted her head from the back of the couch, willing her over-sensitive nerve endings to chill-the-hell-out. “Why?”

  “He has one text that is at least six words long, not five.”

  Caelen laughed, because she knew her sister expected her to. “I stand corrected.”

  “Why haven’t you texted back? How about something to the effect of, ‘Take a hike, Captain Long Shlong.’”

  Now Caelen laughed for real, her sister always had the most amazing comebacks. “First, it’s not that long. Second, you don’t know him like I do. If I respond, even once, he’ll think I want him back.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I really know how to pick ’em. If you ever want to hookup with a self-involved, narcissistic prick, I’m your girl. I can spot them in a crowd. But beware, I seem to have an insatiable urge to date them and then get text-stalked by them, so if you want exclusivity, then maybe I shouldn’t help.”

  Dacey should’ve at least smiled, but she didn’t. It was one of the things Caelen loved most about her. She never bothered with social conventions or doing anything she was supposed to do. It just didn’t compute with her. She said it felt like lying. If you wanted a sympathetic ear, you went to Brynn. Usually. If you wanted the hard cold facts, Dacey was your girl.

  “You deserve better.” Dacey nodded along to her words, her springy, blond-brown curls dancing around her face. Dacey had inherited their father’s café au lait skin along with his crazy curls. However, the color of her hair and her green eyes were all mom. The tint of Dacey’s eyes were a hazel green with yellow flecks darting around, and it was a lovely contrast to her skin. Baby D was also on the petite side, unlike Athena and Brynn, but she still had an inch on Caelen, a fact she rubbed in her sister’s face daily.

  Do I deserve better?

  “Is that what Dare’s like?”

  “Like what?”

  “A text stalker? A self-involved, narcissistic prick?”

  Caelen groaned, not ready to have this conversation. “Dare doesn’t count because he’s temporary.”

  “Does he know that?”

  “Of course. Why?”

  “’Cuz he always liked you. Like, really, really liked you.”

  Dacey’s words were like a blow to the solar plexus. Caelen paused, shocked. “That’s not true. We hated each other.”

  “I think The Persuaders wrote it best when they penned “Thin Line Between Love and Hate.” Her sister immediately launched into the old-school song. Dacey was not what a person would call “vocally gifted.”

  “Cut it out. That’s not true.”

  Dacey sobered up quickly. “I have two words for you: Bobby Hiverton, your high school boyfriend that got a little handsy.”

  Caelen rolled her eyes. Why the hell was everyone bringing him up? First Brynn, then Dare, now Caelen. “What does he have to do with Dare?”

  “Well, after that night Bobby hit you? Dare tracked him down and kicked his ass. Like, the same day.”

  “He didn’t hit me; he pushed me.” Caelen winced, falling into a very familiar pattern of defending Bobby. Old habits die hard. “Wait. What? Dare kicked his ass? Why?”

  Dacey just raised a brow in response.

  “But how did Dare even know about it? Nobody found out ’til later.”

  “Don’t know. But when he found out, he kicked his ass from here to Sunday. Didn’t you ever wonder why Bobby suddenly stopped calling?”

  “I thought it was because I told him off.”

  “Puh-leeze. If it weren’t for Dare, he’d probably still be calling you. Then you’d have two stalkers. Maybe you do need an intervention, a ‘relationship’ intervention.”

  “Dacey, focus. How could that have happened, and no one told me about it? Who told you? And when?”

  Four solemn, musical notes reverberated through the small office. Ms. Belle’s doorbell was obnoxiously loud, and it always made Caelen jump.

  “Who’s here?” Caelen asked after she removed her hands from her ears.

  “Maybe Ms. Hattie got locked out again.”

  “Bring your tablet so you can fill me in on The Devil. Don’t forget my phone.” Caelen’s heart skipped a few beats at the idea it might be Dare, but he never rang the door. Guess she’d have to put the news about him kicking Bobby’s ass on the backburner, for now.

  “Okay.”

  Caelen headed toward the front of the large Craftsman but was surprised to see a few people sitting in the front ballroom. There was an elderly couple seated by the fireplace, and two women with matching track suits sitting across from them in a velvet loveseat.

  The ballroom was where Ms. Belle had held all of her parties and formal get-togethers, and it was the area Caelen had decided to hold the sex classes. It was a large space with sparkling hardwood floors and Oriental throw rugs scattered around small chairs and tables. All pieces were easy to move when a large group was arriving.

  Caelen laughed, surprised to see the sunny faces seated inside. “Hello, ladies and ge
ntleman.” The infamous Ladies that Lunch had arrived. Plus one.

  “Hope you don’t mind, dear. We let ourselves in,” said Babe, who was dabbing a large powder puff full of white cakey make-up all over her pale skin, which was a sharp contrast to her jet-black hair.

  “We only rang the bell so you would know we were here.” Babe’s sister, Nancy, chimed in. She had similar make-up with her severely red hair teased into a ’70s helmet-shaped ’do.

  Caelen paused, realizing that meant the whole gang probably had their own key. She shrugged at the idea, unconcerned, this school was as much theirs as hers. They were welcome anytime.

  “When we heard the Quads were here, we just couldn’t resist coming over. Silly me, I haven’t even introduced my new gentleman friend.” All three women laughed, but the male remained silent. So silent, Caelen had to resist the urge to check him for a pulse.

  “This is Henry,” Scarlett continued. The white-haired woman with the face of a cherub was dressed head to toe in neon pink, right down to her florescent walking cane.

  “Nice to meet you, Henry.”

  “Caelen, dear, we wanted to get a little information from you.”

  “About?” Caelen asked with a wide grin. This group was just so darn cute.

  “Ms. Hattie said the classes are up and running again. Is that true?”

  Oh no. Dacey and Caelen looked at each other helplessly. Of course, Ms. Hattie had mentioned the classes. That woman loved to serve some T, but Caelen had no idea how much she had shared.

  Caelen blushed, unsure of how to explain to The Ladies that they were going in a whole new direction. “Well, uh… The classes are starting again, yes, but in a limited capacity.”

  “Are there still openings available?” Scarlet said, her smile so sweet that Caelen imagined “Xanadu” music playing in the background, while cupids danced a jig down a colorful rainbow.

  At that exact moment, Ms. Hattie strolled in and greetings were repeated. Caelen breathed a sigh of relief at the small talk, the conversation jumping from one topic to the next. Maybe Caelen and Dacey would have a chance to escape.

  Ms. Hattie chimed in, “What did I miss from before?”

  “Oh yes. Thank you for reminding me. We were wondering if the school was up and running again. I have a nephew that is in great need of some etiquette lessons. That boy’s pants hang so low… well, let’s just say nothing is left to the imagination. I used to wipe that ass when he was a baby; that doesn’t mean I want to see it when he’s a teenager.”

  Caelen’s mouth dropped to the floor, but Dacey let out a loud guffaw, followed by genuine laughter from the rest of the group. Well, everyone except Henry. No response from him, whatsoever. Could he even hear the conversation going on around him?

  “Hmmm. Well, things are kind of in limbo at the moment. We’ve just found out about inheriting the school, so we don’t have any etiquette classes right now.” She was rather proud of her answer. She’d been truthful without having to explain too much.

  “I don’t know about you, but I want to sign up for the hoochy-coochy classes,” Scarlett announced.

  “Are those still happening?” Babe asked.

  “Are those the ‘special’ classes Belle hinted at? Oh, I remember the stories from her heyday.” All the women squealed in glee, including Ms. Hattie.

  Dacey grabbed her tablet and asked, “Are you interested? I can sign you up, right now.”

  Caelen’s brain started to fuzz. She was going to have to look out on these sweet old faces and explain the Sucker and Pucker? No. Please, God. No. “Ladies, I’m not sure you would be comfortable with the explicit nature of the class.”

  “Oh, I’m ready. Look what I got!” Scarlett dropped Henry’s hand, carefully placed her large patent leather purse with Pilgrim-style gold buckles on her lap and pulled out the largest, pinkest dildo Caelen had ever seen in her life. “Look at this! Henry helped me pick it out.”

  Caelen glanced over helplessly at the old man and was shocked when he gave a small nod. Apparently, dildos merited a response.

  “Hot damn! That thing is huge. Pass it on over.”

  “Dacey.” Oh, hell. Now she felt like Athena with her disapproving tone, but her sister wouldn’t have to face these ladies tomorrow.

  “What? It’s like a cotton candy dildo.”

  “Don’t say that word, please.” Caelen gritted her teeth, ready to run screaming from the room. All her hopes of resurrecting the school were crumbling in front of her, if these ladies were her clientele.

  “I used the proper terminology,” Dacey huffed.

  “Will this do, dear? I wasn’t sure what we needed for instruction. We could go back and buy another if—”

  “No!” Caelen felt faint. “No, no. I’m sure that will be just fine. “S-s-so then, uh, I guess that means you’re aware of the subject matter of the class?”

  “Yes. ‘Fellatio’ I believe is what your generation calls it. Although we just used to call it Going Down South,” Scarlet announced with a sly grin.

  “Oooh! We used to call it Sucking Exhaust Out of a Windpipe.” Babe crowed in laughter.

  Old Henry started nodding again.

  Caelen felt like the ringmaster who’d lost control of the circus. “I…”

  The front door flew open, and Carly, who looked like she was all skinny arms and legs, burst into the room. She scanned the place, and her eyes immediately lit on the dildo sitting on Scarlett’s lap. “Aha! I knew it! You guys have been lying to me.”

  Caelen raced across the room and blocked the giant dildo with her body, spreading her arms in front of her, convinced the police were going to barge in and arrest the lot of them. Surely it must be illegal to expose a teenager to a plastic pink penis? Now, that was a mouthful… Caelen glanced over her shoulder and whispered, “Scarlett, would you mind putting that away?”

  “Put what away?”

  “The pink,” her mind blanked at what word to say aloud, “appendage sitting on your lap.”

  “Of course, dear.”

  “Carly, sit, honey. Sit down. I’m sure no one lied to you,” said Ms. Hattie.

  “That’s right. Sit. Sit. Caelen, Dacey, this is Carly. Have you met? She used to attend many of Ms. Belle’s classes. She has been invaluable around here these last six months.” Scarlett scrambled to cram the giant dildo back into her purse. She never quite succeeded, and the bulbous, pink head seemed to wink as it protruded from the patent leather purse.

  “Yes, we’ve met. Hi, Carly. Nice to see you again. This is my sister, Dacey.”

  Dacey waved as they all studied the fuming teen.

  Caelen cleared her throat and asked, “Everything okay?”

  “No.”

  “Young lady…” The threat in Ms. Hattie’s voice sat heavy on all of them. It was a tone she’d heard a time or two back in the day, and it meant that if Carly didn’t straighten up, she was going to be in tru-ble.

  The teenager sat up as if realizing her mistake. “Sorry. But…”

  “Sorry, what?” Ms. Hattie still hadn’t relaxed the tone.

  “Sorry, ma’am.” The distracted teen’s eyes widened, as she looked Caelen over. “Cool shoes.”

  “Thanks.” She lifted them in the air and sighed with contentment. Pretty, pretty Prada. Caelen glanced back and was thankful Scarlett seemed to have wrangled the head of the dildo back into her purse. “So, why the glum face? Although, you obviously have excellent taste in shoes.”

  “Thanks.” She shot up out of her seat and announced, “The Ladies said the classes were all full, but when I went online to check, it said they were still open.”

  An audible gasp went through the room. “You tried to sign up for the classes? We talked about this. You’re only fifteen!” Babe took the words right out of her mouth.

  “I’m almost sixteen. And I have a boyfriend, who, well, he’s not exactly my boyfriend but—” She cleared her throat, opened her mouth and closed it again in indecision. “I love him. Like, really,
really love him, and… I want to know things.”

  The weight grew in Caelen’s chest. The scenario seemed obvious. Carly was in over her head, obviously thinking she needed to put out to keep some boy’s attention. Images of stupid Bobby floated through her head. He’d been the star football player, the most popular boy in school, and she’d handed him her virginity on a silver platter.

  “You’re too young. Period. End of story,” Dacey said.

  Caelen laughed uneasily when she saw the young girl’s eyes narrow. Instantly, she realized the teen and Dacey might be a little too much alike, and the insults might start flying. She knew her sister hadn’t meant to offend the girl, so she tried to smooth things over. “Dacey’s right, but she should have added that it’s nothing personal. No one who’s sixteen can join the class. We have a strict eighteen and over policy.”

  “You shouldn’t be worrying about that stuff, anyway,” Dacey persisted.

  “Why? Because I look young?”

  “Because you are young. You need to work on yourself first, so you’re so fierce this guy will come chasing after you. And you won’t have to give him blowjobs to make him do it.”

  “Dacey, be careful…” Caelen warned, unsuccessfully.

  “Yeah, right. You saying you never did any of that stuff when you were my age?”

  Caelen suddenly went mute. Caelen prayed the teen was talking to Dacey and not her. But no matter how valid her point, there was no way in hell she’d teach her how to give anybody a blowjob. No. Way.

  “Nope,” Dacey said with a tight smile on her face.

  Carly looked at her skeptically, but didn’t call her a liar. Yet.

  Dacey took a deep breath and blurted out, “I swear. It’s true. I’m still a virgin.”

  “What?” The teen’s mouth hung open at an alarming angle. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-seven.”

  “But, why? You’re gorgeous. Oh, are you super religious or something?”

  Dacey laughed, her usual sparkle dimmed. “No. I—Well, it’s a long story but the part I’ll share with you is that there are a lot of jerks out there. I want it to be special, and I don’t settle. And neither should you.”