Afraid to Fall

by Nicole Douglas

  He had enlisted in the Army and left without even mentioning it to her. He bailed after only a few short months of dating. In all honesty, they hadn't put a label on their relationship and made no verbalized commitments. However, relationship status aside, it still felt like the ultimate betrayal to Jessica when her best friend had abandoned her.

  She was on the verge of losing her composure. It was something he had never thought was even possible for her. Still, he could hear it in her voice and see it in her face. She was close to the edge. He didn’t want to witness this; didn’t want to see her cry.

  He had to maintain his icy attitude and keep the wall between them tall and strong for the sake of his newly found sanity. He had found a semblance of inner strength since joining the army. She was his only weakness and he was determined to fight it.

  Constantly getting burned by the ones he loved was not healthy. And getting burned was all Kyle knew from the people in his life. His father remarried and stopped calling him shortly after he had a new son with his second wife. All the friends had forgotten him in Seattle, including his best friend since pre-school, Josh. They had all moved on, replacing him with apparent ease. Even his mother kept him at a distance after the divorce.

  All he ever wanted was to get out of the small town of Riverdale and run as fast as he could, to explore the world on his own and not worry about anyone but himself. To not worry about depending on someone and having them forget him the first chance they got. The moment he recognized his feelings for Jessica as falling in love, he knew he had to bail.

  Enlisting in the Army had been his way of running away when he had nowhere else to run to, no way to change his mind once the papers were signed. He never would admit it out loud but that was exactly what he knew he would have done if it had been an option. He would have run right back to her and the terrifying, scrambled emotions that had been slowly and unknowingly forming within him for years.

  He shouldn’t have chased after her an hour ago. Deep down, he had known this would happen but simply wasn't able to stop himself. She was like a drug and he was letting her get back in his system just by standing there with her and doing something as simple as walking along the street side by side.

  This had to stop now.

  She was the most dangerous person to him when it came to avoiding attachments, trust and love. He had forgotten the intense pull she had on him until he felt himself being sucked into her vortex all over again.

  “I didn’t have to tell you everything, Jessica.” He replied coolly.

  He didn’t tell her everything. At least not how he truly felt about her.

  She nodded slowly as if she were giving herself enough time to process what was happening and control her reaction. She fiddled with the turquoise necklace as her heart stung with disenchantment. He was not the same Kyle she knew back home.

  She asked the man who owned the cart how much a bracelet was in Spanish that was identical to the one she looked at earlier, turning her back to Kyle completely. She halfway hoped he would just walk back to the bar on his own if she just ignored him long enough. After deciding the price of the bracelet was too high, she turned around to find Kyle standing in the same spot as before, waiting for her to finish.

  They slowly walked back to the bar together in a tense silence, having clearly not said all that was on their mind. When they finally got back and found that Mike and the two girls were no longer there, Kyle was more annoyed than surprised.

  He turned to tell her their friends had ditched them to find that she was storming off down the crowded street on her own, not even pausing at the doorway to the bar. He darted off to catch up with her several yards ahead.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” He asked after squeezing through the street vendors, tourists and local children who littered the streets to catch up to her.

  “I’m going back to the village I’m staying at.” She replied heatedly, fed up with his attitude.

  “Don’t you think it’s a little dangerous to be walking around out here by yourself?” He asked, flustered by her lack of precautions for her own safety.

  “I’ve been on my own for six years and you haven’t been around telling me what to do. I guess that proves I can take care of myself.” She shot back, venom dripping from her tone that didn't match her normally bubbly personality.

  "Would you-"

  “Goodbye, Kyle. It sure has been fun but I happen to have better things to do than rehash your version of the past.”

  Kyle stopped dead in his tracks and let her continue to walk, disappearing from his view in the crowd just as he had disappeared from her life.

  She was absolutely right, of course. What made him think she still needed him? She was a grown woman now. On that note, he turned and walked back down the bustling street alone.

  Nine Years Ago

  James tossed Kyle a black play station controller and settled into his computer chair. It was the third day in a row the boys sat in James’s bedroom upstairs playing his new football game for hours on end. It still hadn’t grown old. They each strategically chose a team and the game began.

  Even though James was two years older, Kyle had hit it off with Jessica’s big brother immediately, the first time they met at her thirteenth birthday party. They had bonded over their terrible ice skating skills when all the girls had gracefully glided off without them, leaving them falling down and clinging to the wall. The two had been good friends ever since.

  “I can only stay for a couple hours today. I’m walking to the movies with Jessie later.”

  At fifteen with no car, they were damn lucky that the movie theatre was within walking distance. Otherwise they would be reduced to bumming rides off her parents or James. He had dragged her to see an action flick the week before so it was her turn to pick the movie. He kept seeing previews to a girly drama about a group of friends and had a sinking suspicion that was the one she would pick.

  “So what’s the deal with you and my sister?”

  “What do you mean?” Kyle asked, taken off guard by the blunt question.

  “What’s going on with you guys? Are you like…dating or something?”

  “No. We’re friends just like we’ve always been. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t hang out with a girl that much unless I want something more.”

  “We aren’t like that.”

  James was quiet for a long time as they continued their game. So long, Kyle was almost positive he had dropped the awkward conversation they were in.

  “You better not hurt my sister, Kyle.” James finally added.

  “I’m not. I promise.”

  “Good. We’re friends and all but…if you hurt her, I would have to kick your ass.”

  Kyle laughed and nodded his understanding. At that, the conversation ended and they both became absorbed in their game.

  Chapter Five

  By the time Jessica arrived at the tiny village, the tears had stopped flowing. The puffiness in her eyes was hardly noticeable in the rapidly approaching dusk. She walked inside the hut she had been sharing with Amy, Danielle and Amber, another nurse from Saint John Regional Medical Center.

  She was happy to find that no one had returned to the hut yet. They were all still enjoying their first day off since their arrival. She climbed onto the makeshift cot she had been sleeping on for the last ten days and let the waterworks begin again.

  Why did she have to let Kyle Winters get to her?

  The betrayal of a best friend was a hard thing to move on from. That was all she allowed herself to view him as since their romance was so short lived. She had hardly even thought of him anymore and felt it had been enough time for her to accept what he had done. The past was in the past. At least until he came waltzing back into her life a few hours ago.

  She had laid in bed back at her parent’s house and cried for days when he first left her behind without so much as a goodbye. After several weeks, her older brother James finally received the f
irst and only letter from him. He adamantly refused to let her read the letter for herself but simply informed her that Kyle had joined the Army.

  That he was not coming back.

  She had been in denial, certain that he would at least write her a letter of her own explaining where he was and why he hadn’t told her he was leaving. Maybe even call her house to speak with her and tell her it was all a huge misunderstanding. After all, he knew the phone number by heart. She was completely convinced there had to be a good reason for the way he left and she wanted to hear it.

  But as time passed with no word from him she finally realized he was gone for good. He had left Riverdale like he always said he would do and didn’t think twice about leaving her and their newly budding relationship behind.

  Seeing him again brought back the hurt she forced away years ago and busted that old wound on her heart wide open. It was just her rotten luck that she ended up in the same place on the same day and time as Kyle Winters. That he would break her heart all over again by reiterating to her that he never really did care as much as she had.

  Ten Years Ago

  “Are you ready for the first day of high school tomorrow?” Jessica asked, barely able to hold back her squeal of delight.

  She was beaming with pure excitement. Kyle couldn’t help but smile back in amusement.

  “I mean, I can’t believe were going to be in high school!” She exclaimed, bouncing with each word.

  Noticing that he wasn't matching her joy, she suddenly frowned.

  “You don’t seem happy about it.” She commented when he said nothing.

  “It’s just another day.” Kyle shrugged, still smirking.

  “We’re still going to be best friends right?”

  “Of course.” Kyle laughed at the ridiculousness of the question. “Always.” He promised for good measure when she didn’t seem satisfied with his answer.

  At that she smiled back and continued to list all the ways being in high school would be the best time of their lives. Although he hadn't been fully convinced at the time, he refrained from spoiling her mood with his lack of enthusiasm. In hindsight, he decided she may have been right about her sunny notions. It had ended up being the happiest time of his life.

  Chapter Six

  Jessica woke up the next morning with a headache from hell. No doubt from all the crying she had done the night before. It took her several moments to register the urgent shouts she heard outside. Amber was frantically patting her arm over the thin blanket she slept with. She looked next to her to find Danielle slowly waking as well. Amy was on her feet peering outside the cut-out window of the hut.

  “What’s going on?” Jessica asked groggily.

  “Not sure." Amy answered. "I just woke up and heard yelling. I can’t understand what they’re saying!”

  Jessica rushed to the window next to her friend and was marginally relieved to see that the people yelling didn’t seem to be a threat. They were, however, not from their host village and they were frantically relaying a message to the elderly village leader. Before Jessica could process what was being said, she spotted three makeshift stretchers being carried through the trees toward the village.

  “Someone's hurt.” Danielle said as she joined them at the window.

  Danielle rushed out the door of the hut without another word, followed closely by Amy and Jessica. Amber was already outside trying to ask the neighboring villagers what had happened to the three injured people. They were covered in a red substance, followed by a metallic aroma that Jessica distinctly recognized as blood.

  Although they were on their vacation from the hospital, the nurses in them quickly kicked in. They each rushed to a different stretcher to begin helping the victims. Jessica went for the man covered in the most blood. He was visibly struggling to breathe. Each breath he took sounded more tortured and raspy than the last.

  Gunshot wounds. Jessica realized as she ripped the man’s tattered shirt.

  Fear sparked in her veins but she pushed it aside. She was a pediatric nurse and had next to zero experience with gunshot wounds but she knew panicking would not help the situation. She noticed the faint sound of gunshots in the distance for the first time as she tried to stop the profuse bleeding with the man’s dirty, ripped shirt.

  She waited for Amy to rush back with a basic first aid kit and a bucket of water that sloshed over the top. It wasn’t much but the kit contained all the supplies they had to work with seeing as they weren’t expecting anyone to need emergency medical attention while they were there. The shrill screaming of the female victim from a nearby stretcher broke through the other panicking voices.

  Amy skidded to a stop in front of the stretcher that was now laid in the grass, sat a small bucket of water on the ground and popped open the white box. Frankly, it didn’t seem like a first aid kit filled with band-aids and tweezers was going to do these people much good. She quickly pushed aside the band-aids and other useless material to see what else was there.

  After she shakily pulled out a Tylenol bottle and shook several pills into her hand, Jessica dipped a piece of gauze into the bucket of water. She handed the pills to the man, pointed to her mouth and hoped he would understand that she wanted him to take them as she began cleaning the wound the best she could. Amy quickly unscrewed the lid to the Tylenol and poured several pills in her hand before racing off to the other victims.

  Jessica applied a liberal amount of antibiotics to the three wounds in his stomach and tightly packed them with fresh gauze to slow the bleeding.

  “Two shots to the chest." Amber called out from the second victim whose screaming had eased slightly. "She’s pregnant. We need to get them to the hospital fast.”

  “Danielle! I’ll take care of this one. You help Amber with the other victim and see what you can do.” Jessica ordered as calmly as she could when Danielle frantically approached the man she was caring for.

  Danielle began speaking broken Spanish to the villagers who had gathered around, asking them where the hospital was and how long it would take them to get there. Before they were able to answer her question, the distant gunshots suddenly sounded much less distant.

  Chapter Seven

  After parting ways with Jessica the night before, Kyle had walked the bustling streets until the sun went down to clear his head. He needed to come to terms with their encounter before he talked to anyone. When he was done he walked back to the bar and asked the bartender what village the volunteers were staying at, knowing that locals stayed on top of just about everything that was going on.

  Sure enough, the man told Kyle precisely where Jessica was staying and, as he predicted, it was somewhere she had no business being. The host village, along with several neighboring villages, were having turmoil with a local drug cartel in a struggle for land to grow their 'products'.

  Besides being incredibly dangerous to any individual who crossed their paths, they were not the slightest bit welcoming to Americans. Even less so to American women. She was too busy trying to rebuild a school, that he suspected had been burnt down by said cartel, that she didn’t even take the time to think of the possible dangers.

  Kyle immediately regretted asking questions about the village she was staying at. Uncovering information of the villager's enemies only caused his worry for her to grow to overwhelming proportions.

  If he hadn’t regretted it then, he certainly would now that he sat in an emergency meeting with the rest of the Army Rangers listening to the news that a village less than two miles from Jessica was currently under attack.

  He felt sick to his stomach but pushed thoughts of her from his mind. He needed to focus on what Sergeant Maddox was saying. They were sent three months ago to find one man, Alex Rodriquez, who fled the United States when he realized the FBI was closing in on his illegal activities. One of those activities was the transportation of large quantities of drugs from Colombia to the United States.

  Rodriguez just so happened to be the leader of the cartel at odd
s with the local villages, leading the team to believe that he was not far from the chaos that was currently breaking out. Kyle could not risk blowing this mission; throwing away everything he had worked for in order to build his career because he had lost his mind out of the blue.

  He had to pull his shit together. She was consuming his thoughts once again and he internally chastised himself for allowing the slipup. For the rest of the briefing he paid close attention to the plan and pushed thoughts of her far from his mind.

  Nothing in the world mattered more than this mission.

  Chapter Eight

  If she wasn’t on the verge of a full blown panic attack before, Jessica sure was now.

  The injured villagers had been moved inside the nurses’ hut mere moments earlier. Jessica and Amber were going back for the first aid kit and buckets of water when at least a dozen angry men in camouflage clothing came stomping through the break in the trees. Despite their military-like wardrobe, it was blatantly obvious they were not soldiers coming to assist.

  Jessica grabbed Amber's arm and yanked her back in the direction of the nearest hut. The two ran through the doorway as bullets pattered the ground around them. Jessica fell to the dirt floor inside the hut and began breathing heavily. Her mind was sluggish as her brain struggled to keep up with what was playing out in front of her.