Afraid to Fall

by Nicole Douglas

  "They want to...sell me." She seemed to worry about his reaction to the news just as much as the actual possibility of it happening.

  Unable to hear any more from her about what could happen or information about their past that did nothing but reinforce his ever growing awareness that leaving Riverdale without her had been a terrible mistake, Kyle stood to his feet and began to pace the length of the room. He walked back and forth, pushing away the thoughts that made him wonder how different his life would have been if he had just stayed in North Carolina. He refused to entertain the notion that the two of them would most likely still be together, married, and not stuck in a damned cage in South America facing a dishonorable discharge, rape and death. Determined to make things right, he continued to pace and search his brain for decent plan.

  ***

  Jessica watched as Kyle paced back and forth like a tiger in a cage with pent up energy and nowhere to go. He had been doing so for at least an hour and a half. She knew he was trying to come up with a way to get out of here so she gave him his space and stayed sitting against the wall. The silence, with the exception of the soft patter of his feet, left her with nothing but her thoughts. And those thoughts kept circling back to him somehow; just as her life seemed to drift away from him only to circle right back in the end.

  She looked up as he passed in front of her. His jeans were slung low on his hips. The muscles from his abs all the way to his chest were taut. She couldn't help but notice the thick cords of muscles in his neck as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. She wished she could read his mind. Breaking that thought, Kyle froze in place, the pacing finally over, and let her know exactly what was on his mind.

  "I wish I never came looking for you the other day. Now look where I'm at." He barked, causing her to recoil. She opened her mouth to dish back an answer, getting irritated with him all over again. Here she was, thinking fondly of him while he was obviously thinking much less flattering thoughts of her. But he cut her off before she was able to get a single word out. "I can't believe I'm stuck here with you. I thought those days were behind me."

  Just when she began thinking things could work, he showed her that they most certainly couldn't. It was no wonder it didn’t work out the first time. He couldn’t be close to anyone. It just never failed. Still, this was pretty harsh even for him. They had never had a serious fight before in all the years she knew him. Bickered, sure, but never a full on argument. He had always been very non-confrontational when it came to her.

  Hell, the way he disappeared in the middle of the night after she told him she loved him was proof of that. Even when she did things he didn’t like or dragged him on some adventure he didn’t want to be on, he had never lost his patience with her; never lost his temper. She supposed it was all boiling over now after being bottled inside for too long and shook her head incredulously at his timing.

  "Trust me, I wish I wasn't here just as much as you." She shot back, her voice raising an octave. "Sorry to be such an inconvenience."

  "I wouldn’t expect any less from you. Some things never change."

  "Kyle-" She was cut off by his unfinished rant.

  "You always put yourself in some stupid situation and expect me to come along and fix it."

  His words felt frosty as they washed over her. She wouldn’t have been more stunned if he had slapped her right across the face. Was that what he really thought of her? She swallowed hard and tried to open her mouth to answer but no words came out. Apparently he took this as an invitation to keep talking.

  "I'm tired of that shit. I’m done. You're on your own."

  Hearing his callous tone as he officially washed his hands of her, just when she was starting to trust him in again, sliced to her core.

  "Okay." It was all she could think to say. All she could trust herself to say without her voice breaking, emulating her heart.

  On that note, they both sat in silence. Unable to fall asleep like she desperately wanted, needed, she sat where she was on the floor and looked straight ahead. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to him but she felt too stung and simply couldn't find the words to say. So she soundlessly fought back tears.

  He sure hit the nail on the head when he said she always put herself in shitty situations and he had to continually clean up her messes. She had no valid argument against that and he knew it. She couldn't even be mad that he felt the way he did. She had given him plenty of headaches when they were teenagers, whether it was from looking out for her with a boyfriend or keeping her out of the trouble that her limitless optimism and naivety often led her to. She tended to always see the best in others. She never saw it as a flaw until then. But looking back, Kyle was always the one with more street smarts. He had enough to deal with as it was and never deserved to be dragged down by her.

  Before she knew it, the metal door to their poor excuse of a room was swinging open and in stepped three of the men she already had the misfortune of meeting. Feeling more vulnerable than ever without the support Kyle's company always brought, her breathing became sharp and sporadic. If she didn't get it under control she was going to hyperventilate. She had done so much panicking the last several days that he probably thought she was the biggest basket case that ever walked the face of the earth.

  One of the men tossed a shirt to Kyle that looked as if it hadn't been washed in weeks which he reflexively caught. He winced at the pain extending his arm obviously caused. Without being told, he pulled the ratty fabric over his head. Fear sliced through her as one of the men looked at her with empty eyes and motioned toward the open door.

  She glanced down the darkened hallway and back at the man, not moving a muscle. This earned her a scowl. As he moved to either drag or shove her in the direction he wanted her to go, she turned to Kyle with a pleading expression. She hated how much she needed him to be on her side through this ordeal. Even more than that, she hated the distant look in his eyes as he stared back at her.

  She stumbled through the doorway from the impatient shove she received and began walking. Four sets of footsteps echoed the hall behind her. She walked at a sluggish pace, unsure when to stop and what to expect when they reached their destination. Without warning she was jolted back by a tug to a fistful of her long hair.

  A simple 'we're here' would have sufficed, she thought bitterly as she rubbed her sore scalp and watched a door swing open. After saying a silent prayer that she still had hair left when this was all over with, she stepped into the room. It seemed as if there were an infinite number of rooms in this place. Even if she had the opportunity to run, she wouldn’t know where to go. Perhaps that was the purpose of the disorganized layout.

  Expecting everyone else to follow her in, she turned just in time to see the rest of the group getting ready to continue walking down the hall. They were leaving her there with the man she could only remember as the one with breath that smelled as if he hadn't brushed his teeth in his entire life. She made a swift move toward the door, desperation rising to get out before she was locked in again. She had never been claustrophobic but she was starting to feel it now. Not sure what she was thinking with nowhere to run or hide, she grabbed the door frame as the man wrapped a beefy arm around her waist, hauling her back into the room.

  "Kyle!" She called out frantically, seeing his shadowy figure in the hallway.

  Ignoring her completely he stood in the hall waiting for the outwardly amused men, who had stopped to watch the scene she was causing, to lead him away.

  "Kyle, please..." She choked out, more unsure than ever as the man pried her away from the door frame for a second time.

  She wasn't sure what she was asking of him. There was nothing he could do at this point. Even if he were on her side, they were largely outnumbered. But the thought of them not at least parting ways on good terms, on top of everything else she was suffering through, was just too much to bear.

  "Don't you want to say goodbye?" One of the men in the hall jeered, loving the tragedy that was playing out and
not bothering to hide it.

  "No." He forced out through clenched teeth.

  "I know you're mad at me but-"

  "I told you I'm done. Can we go?" He asked the men who surrounded him in the hall.

  They wiped the shocked looks off their faces and gave him a shove to let him know it was time to start walking again. At that, the door to her room slammed shut. She felt like she was going to suffocate. Looking around this new room she noticed that the only difference from the first room she had been taken to was a simple wooden door off to the side.

  "Clean up and get ready." The man ordered, pushing her in the direction of the door.

  She wondered what she was supposed to be getting ready for as she approached it, thankful that he didn't seem to be following her inside. When she opened it she understood why he wasn't going with her; the two of them couldn't fit. To say the bathroom was small was putting it mildly. It was barely big enough to fit one person. It had a shower half the size of the one in her apartment, a sink, a toilet and barely enough floor space to step inside and shut the door behind her.

  She looked at her reflection in the cracked glass above the sink and cringed at the sight. Tangled hair, puffy red eyes and bruises on her upper arms. She was also lightly speckled with dirt from head to toe. Turning away from the mirror, she twisted the knob to turn on the water, removed her clothes and stepped inside the curtain-less shower.

  She didn’t get out until the water ran cold. She had been stalling, not looking forward to finding out what would come next. The moment her feet hit the cool tile she felt dirty again instantaneously. With no towels to dry off with she wrung out her dripping hair over the sink. Staring at her reflection again, she saw that the dirt on the side of her face had been covering a small scratch.

  Sighing, she picked her dirty clothes up from the toilet lid where she had dropped them and got dressed. A loud banging on the door startled her.

  "Hurry up!"

  She took a deep, calming breath and opened the door.

  The man shoved clothing in her hands. “You don’t think he wants you in that do you?”

  She looked down at the lingerie in her hands and stifled a gasp. The sheer lace material didn’t seem like it would cover much. And she thought she was overly exposed in her current attire. She closed the door and laid out the new clothes on the sink while she quickly undressed again. She had no idea how long the guy would wait for her before forcing the door open but she didn’t want to be naked when it happened.

  When she was standing in the black lace bra that felt a size too small and the matching thong that left little for the imagination she fumbled with what appeared to be a garter belt. She had never worn one before. Although she didn’t have the faintest clue how to put it on, she refused to ask the pervert on the other side of the door for help.

  She looked at the piece of fabric from all angles before stepping into it and pulling it to her waist. The last thing to pull on was the hosiery. She stepped into each one, rolling it up to her thigh. A knot formed in her stomach as she clipped the garter belt onto the hose. She swallowed back a wave of nausea as she saw herself in the mirror, knowing there were only a couple reasons they would dress her in such a way, none of which were exciting prospects for her.

  She hated that she so obediently dressed in what they had sent for her. She had briefly considered throwing it on the ground and refusing to put it on but quickly dismissed the idea. They would just as happily parade her through the halls stark naked.

  "Looking good." The man gave her an appraising look that made her stomach churn when she finally opened the door. She looked at the floor and self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself, feeling bare.

  "Don't be shy, babe. You’re the star of the evening." He taunted as his eyes drifted everywhere but her face. She tried her best to avoid eye contact and not respond, unsure what to say or do. She had never felt more uncomfortable in her life.

  "Come on. The bidders are already here."

  Her heart sunk and stomach roiled even further at this revelation. This was the auction that she had overheard them discussing. Understanding hit her; this was what they wanted her to get ready for. Rodriguez wanted to show off what he had for sale.

  And tonight, she was for sale.

  Eleven Years Ago

  “We did it!” Jessica blurted out to her mom as she walked up the lawn. After all their planning on what story to tell, it only took one stern glance from her mother to have her singing like a bird.

  She and Kyle had unchained a dog they always passed on their walk home from school. The poor creature was skin and bones with a raw ring around his neck where the chain rubbed his fur away. He was a sore sight. They had been feeding him leftovers from lunch for weeks before she came up with the idea to set the dog free.

  It had seemed like a good idea to Kyle at the time. They waited across the street until the dog owner had driven away in his beat up truck before they gave the dog a half eaten cheeseburger and unhooked his collar. He went racing off down the street to freedom without looking back. They both felt pretty good about what they had done until the truck immediately pulled back into the driveway and an angry man hopped out. Turns out, he forgot his wallet inside and had witnessed the whole thing.

  Kyle internally sighed and couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her easy confession. They had carefully constructed a story that the dog had pulled free from his collar on his own, which they left laying on the end of the chain, and they saw him race off down the street as they were walking home. She had even added that the man saw them in front of his house because they were trying to help him retrieve the dog.

  “Don’t you dare roll your eyes, young man.” His mom spat.

  “Oh, come on mom. He doesn’t care about that dog anyways. He’s left him outside ever since he’s got him. We did him a favor by letting it go.”

  “You’re grounded for two weeks for what you did and another two for lying about it.”

  “Jessica, how could you do something like this?” Her mother scolded.

  “It was all my idea Mrs. Mills. It was my idea to let the dog loose and my idea to lie about it when we got caught. Jessie just went along with it because she didn’t want me to get in trouble. It wasn’t her fault.”

  “I’m very disappointed in you both.” She said, shifting her gaze between the two of them.

  Jessica head hung as tears welled in her eyes. Their mothers made their way to the irate dog owner, both giving their apologies and trying to find a way to resolve the situation.

  “Way to hold out.” He muttered broodingly, leaning closer so no one overheard.

  Kyle heard his mother suggest he mow grass in the neighborhood all summer to buy the man a new dog. Just what the asshole needed. He shook his head in disbelief.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Putting on this act was hard enough as it was, but hearing Jessica urgently begging had made it nearly impossible to keep up. Seeing her being pushed down the hall and manhandled had fueled his anger like gasoline to a fire. She thought his abhorrence was directed at her which worked out in favor of the plan he was piecing together.

  He wished it weren't so important for her to believe he had disengaged from her. Knowing she was a poor liar under pressure kept him from telling her the truth. He remembered far too many occasions as kids when they had formulated a story to stay out of trouble with their parents and she had blown it within seconds. This was far too crucial to take the risk of her giving it away. It was a long shot but it was literally the last chance they had at escape.

  In spite of knowing that it was for the best, it physically hurt to tear his eyes away and force out the indifferent words. His feet felt like steel blocks dragging along as he walked away, strangely thankful that he had two goons pushing him along. Without them he wasn't sure he could've managed to keep up the ruse, almost certain he would've turned back.

  Kyle forced away the zombie-like haze that clouded his existence as they conti
nued to march down the hall. Needing to stay sharp, he took a deep breath and focused on finding an opportunity to utilize the groundwork he had laid. Otherwise the little show he put on would be for nothing. He hoped he was making the right choice and that this vague plan would save them rather than come back to bite him in the ass.

  "Your girlfriend sure is gonna look pretty hot when The Boss fixes her up." The chubbier of the two men stated suddenly, as if to gauge his reaction.

  "She's not my girlfriend. I met her a few days ago."

  "A lot hotter than the other bitches that come through here." He continued as if Kyle hadn't even spoke.

  "The Boss sure likes her. May even decide to keep her for himself." The taller man added.

  "Can you blame him?"

  "I guess not but you know he won't keep her for long."

  Yeah I guess you're right. He likes the easy ones. She fights too damn much."

  "She might change her ways when he gets hold of her."

  The two laughed in agreement and Kyle fought against the urge to clench his teeth, not wanting to show any reactions. He knew it was a test and even in the dim light he was being carefully watched. He had a lot of work to do in proving she was meaningless after his expressive request to release her when they first arrived earlier in the day.