Faith In Love

by Liann Snow

  Where is she now? Oh, still there. Funny, she's not tall, but I can still make her out in the crowd. She's turning round now! Who's that with her? Is she with her? No, maybe not. Not that it matters. No, they're not talking. Oh, there's someone now, a short dark girl. Is she talking to her – the cake woman? She's not very nice looking. Quite fat too. Young, though. Surely my woman doesn't want young women? Oh no! I thought that before! She was looking at a young woman when I first saw her. I knew it – I'm too old! Better leave. I'll leave now!

  No, I won't! I came here for a reason and I'm going to do what I came here for. I'm going to get up and go over to her and speak to her. I don't care about her little young pudding friend, little fat lump. If she's her lover, I don't care. If I'm too old, I don't care. I'll go over. I'll speak to her. I'll say who I am. I'll have a chat, a neighbourly chat. Then I'll leave. And won't ever come back! I'll take my glass and my jacket so I can go straightaway. Leave the table to the lovebirds.

  Right! Now, before she disappears. Oh, what a lot of people. I feel so dizzy. Think I stood up too fast. Stand still a minute! They've moved now. Where are they? Oh yes, over there. Across the dance floor. I can just make her out, her blonde head. Is that other one there? Can't see her, but she's smaller. Shorter. Probably still there, stuck like a limpet. I'll push through. It's the quickest way.

  "Oh! Excuse me! Sorry! Can I–?" Somebody trod on my toe. Great big boots too. It hurt! I shoved her with my elbow. Shouldn't have, but couldn't help it. Made out it was an accident. Didn't stop them dancing though. She gave me such a look! Not nice at all.

  Oh, here we are. What a cosy threesome!

  "Hallo. I'm Faith."

  "Hi. Have we met?"

  Clear grey eyes. Yes, I can see in this light after all! Her hair is short and parted on the left. She has one gold earring and a frown. She is trying to remember who I am. No chance, we've never met! Better tell her.

  "I sent you a Valentine card." (Never meant to say that.)

  "Sent?"

  "Put it in the door. Few weeks back."

  "Oh, it was you?" The frown disappears.

  "I'm your neighbour, sort of." (That's what I'd meant to say.)

  "Oh you are." She'd been staring at me. Now she turned to the little woman who stood by her side. "Faith, this is Louise. And I'm Joan."

  Joan. Such an ordinary name. Thought it might be something more remarkable. Maybe just a surname, like Heathcliffe or Garbo or Rambo or something. But no, an ordinary woman's name.

  "Hallo Joan," I said.

  Louise piped up then, "Catch you later! Got to go!" And she was off, onto the dance floor, lost almost immediately in the crowd.

  "What are you drinking, Faith?"

  "Vodka. Too much vodka," I said, feeling shaky on my legs. I reached out for her arm, just to steady myself.

  She looked at me with alarm. "You all right?"

  "I've been waiting for you for hours."

  "What?"

  But I was gone.

  ~ ~ ~

  I woke up in a double bed. Alone. A clock on a table by the bed told the time in luminous green figures: four a.m. I went back to sleep.

  Sunday, February 27

  It was ten fifteen when I woke next. I was starving! The smell of frying bacon wafted into the bedroom. I sat up in bed. A small blonde woman stood in the open doorway.

  "Hi! How are you this morning?"

  "Oh. How did I get here? I don't remember."

  "You fainted, I think, sort of passed out. I had to get a cab. I didn't know your address, so I brought you home with me."

  "Oh, no! I'm really sorry. What must you think of me? Nothing like this has ever happened before. You must think I'm awful. It was really nice of you to take me in. Where did you sleep?"

  "On the sofa. No problem. It's quite comfy. It's a bed really, but I didn't bother to pull it out. Just crashed out on it as it was."

  "Were you tired too?"

  "Knackered. Shouldn't have gone out really. Glad I did though. Nice to meet new people!"

  "Really? I should think I messed up your evening. You hadn't been there long had you?"

  "No. But, well, same old faces. Gets a bit stale sometimes. Anyway, let's eat shall we? Or do you want the bathroom first? I can lend you some clean clothes if you want."

  That's when I realised I was fully clothed, except for my jumper and shoes. There they were, over in the corner by the wardrobe! Where was my jacket, though? Had I left it? No, there that was too, on the back of a chair by the door! I seemed to have managed to hang on to all my worldly goods by some miracle! "Well, that's very kind of you," I said to my guardian angel. "I would like a quick shower, if that's all right."

  "I can put your stuff in the washing machine. I've got a drier, too! Be fresh as a daisy by the time we've had breakfast. I'm assuming you don't have a hangover."

  "I never do with vodka. Not that I drink it that often. To be honest, I'm very hungry."

  "No problem. There's plenty."

  ~ ~ ~

  So, she slept on the sofa. Didn't take advantage of me. Not sure what to think about that. Not her type, perhaps? Maybe she's a gentleman! Oh, of course, I was forgetting, the girlfriend. Not Louise though, presumably. Now, where's the towel?

  This is a nice bathroom, better than mine. Everything matches. Avocado I think they call it. And a nice big mirror. Too steamy to see in, though. That's good, too. Can't see my bags. Has she given me any clothes?

  "Hallo? Here's something to wear just for now. I think we're the same size. Do you want to pass me your stuff?"

  Hand around the door. No peeping. She is a gentleman! Maybe she's scared she'd find me irresistible in my mature womanly loveliness. (Some hope!) Let's have a look now, red check shirt and grey denim jeans. Bit baggy. She didn't give me any knickers! Wonder why. Won't say anything about that. I expect she forgot. There's clean socks though, grey, thick thermals. Lovely! I left my shoes in the bedroom, so I'll have to go out just as I am and hope the floors aren't slippery.

  "Sit down, Faith. I hope you like egg and bacon. You're not a veggie are you?"

  "No. Probably should be. I try not to think too much about it. Dead pigs and all that."

  "I'll turn veggie one day I guess. Though bacon is probably the hardest to give up. So people tell me anyway."

  "I like the smell!"

  "Me too. I ate the first lot I cooked this morning."

  "Did you?"

  "Had to, you can't reheat it. Gets very greasy when it's cold. You were in the shower."

  "Yes. Thanks for everything by the way. You've been very kind."

  "You said that. No problem. I told you."

  She seems quite shy. Can't look at me directly. Pretending to read the sauce bottle. Hope I didn't disgrace myself last night. Apart from fainting, I mean.

  "I'm sorry I messed up your evening. Were you meaning to stay much longer?"

  "Don't know. Just go with the flow really. Been there a few times. Not so bad. Know a few of the girls. You met Louise –"

  "Only just!"

  "Did she rush off? Can't remember. That would be just like her. It doesn't mean anything if she did. Does it to everyone. Did I say – Louise lives round here? A few streets away. That's how come we go there – it's our local."

  "It's my local too! You and me are neighbours, too – and Louise as well, of course."

  "And that's why you did it? Gave me the card? Even so, it truly is amazing. I can hardly believe it."

  "You're making fun of me."

  "No, really, I am amazed, I promise you, by all this stalking and lying in wait and delivering of Valentine cards. It's like a film or something. Here, have some toast and tell me all about it."

  "Well yes, silly really, isn't it? I didn't stalk you, not really, but it's true I have wanted to meet you – er – since I saw you in the street about, oh, three weeks ago, maybe longer. Then, well, you came into the shop, you know, Owen's, the baker's in the high street, on the corner by the traffic li
ghts –"

  "So that's where I saw you! Yes, I knew I'd seen you before –" She seemed relieved.

  "Oh, you remember! I am surprised. I never even thought of that. I think I'm invisible behind that counter."

  "You're not invisible, Faith. You see, you're even memorable."

  "What, in my white coat and my hair done up in a bun?"

  "You've cut your hair! That's what's different!"

  "And no white coat."

  "No white coat."

  "What did you think when I came up to you last night? Did you think I was a mad woman?"

  "I thought, why doesn't Louise push off."

  "No! You didn't! Is that why she left?"

  "I'm joking. Like I said, she just wanders off. Does it to everyone. Doesn't mean a thing."

  "I thought it meant she didn't like me."

  "She likes who I like. No problem. Here, have some coffee. Milk? Oh, you haven't finished your bacon. It'll be cold now!"

  "Maybe I am a veggie. All of a sudden."

  "Stranger things happen."

  "It's not that really, of course. It's just that I suddenly wondered what the time is and I realised I must have left my watch in the club last night."

  "And that put you off your breakfast, did it? My, you're a sensitive soul. I can see someone's going to have to take you in hand, Faith. Don't worry, your watch is on the side there by the sink. It was in the back pocket of your jeans. Lucky I looked, really – it nearly got washed! I've been in the habit of checking pockets ever since I sent my credit card to the launderette. That was before I got the washing machine, of course. In fact, that was why I got the washing machine!"

  "It makes a lot of noise though, doesn't it?"

  "This cycle does, I'm afraid. It's a bit old. I got it in that second-hand shop up by the library. But still, it was cheap. It washes. It spin dries. What more could I want? Anyway, it's almost noon. Here's your watch to prove it. D'you have to go soon?"

  "To be honest, I should have gone home last night. I've been a bit irresponsible."

  "Someone expecting you?"

  "Well, yes. Carol, my daughter. I'm married, by the way. I suppose I should say."

  "You're wearing a wedding ring."

  "Oh, sorry. Course I am. Never take it off! Probably can't take it off. Stuck! Oh well! Could I just borrow your phone for a minute? If I could just let her know I'm on my way. It's silly really, it's only round the corner. I should probably leave right away."

  "I insist you drink your coffee first. You shouldn't be a slave to kids, Faith. They don't appreciate it! Relax! What's the hurry? Anyway, you need to wait a bit for your clothes to dry. Come on now, you've got your watch, you've got your coffee, you've got a nice new neighbour to chat with, what more could you want? Sugar?"

  "Two please. That's another thing I might give up one of these days."

  "Don't give up too much, Faith. You must have your pleasures, you know. It's what makes life worth living. If you want the phone by the way, it's in the front room. You can't miss it. It's right by the telly!"

  "I thought you said – "

  "You won't relax until you've spoken to her, that's for sure. Go on, I can't stand the strain!"

  "Well thanks. I hope it's not engaged. She can be on the phone for hours. Friends from school mostly, I think. Don't know what they find to talk about. Never tells me anything. Still, girls are often like that aren't they at her age? Secretive, I mean. Moody, too. Adolescence, I suppose."

  "I'm not so sure about that. I know plenty of adult women would fit that description just as well. Anyway, you'd better make that call. Put her mind at rest."

  "Thanks, I will. I'll tell her I'm on my way." Faith hesitates, her hand on the frame of the door. "Joan?"

  "What?"

  "I think I will go right away if you don't mind. No point phoning, really. Doesn't matter about the clothes. I know they're still a bit damp, but I can change out of them as soon as I get back."

  "You're sure?"

  "Sure. It's not that cold today."

  "You haven't been out!"

  "It's not that far anyway."

  "You'll die of exposure in damp clothes! Why don't you keep mine on – they're only old things. I don't wear them often."

  "You'll need them."

  "No, honestly, I won't. Go on. Bring them back next time."

  "I could do."

  "Go on! It'll save time. I'll just put these in a carrier."

  She had already taken my things out of the drier. She held them in her small pale hands. She was looking for something. A bag I suppose.

  "I'll get it. Where is it?"

  "In the big cupboard over there." She nodded towards a corner of the room. Half a dozen Tesco's carrier bags were jammed in a straw bag hanging on a hook inside the cupboard door, along with the usual jumble of polish cans, brooms, paint pots and odd plates piled on shelves at the back of the cupboard. Oh, yes and that's where they kept the Hoover, too, with the lead neatly wound, not tangled like mine usually is.

  "That reminds me," I said, as I held the bag out for her. I felt like giggling. "That's how I knew where you lived."

  "What?" she said, straightening up, my clothes stuffed into the bulging bag.

  "I followed you home from Tesco's."

  "Why?"

  "To give you the Valentine card. Well I hadn't got it then, but that was the plan."

  "So, how many times did you come here?"

  "Twice. Well, three times, counting now."

  "Yeah, right. So then you chanced it that I'd be at the Dyke Night –"

  "Because it was local. It was just luck really."

  "And waited till I showed up."

  "And got drunk and fainted at first sight of you."

  "Never had quite that effect before. Anyway, you better get off. We'll talk about this again when we've got more time."

  "Yes! I could see you at the club again!"

  "I don't know, Faith. Not sure if I'm going next weekend. Will you be going?"

  "Might do. Don't know yet."

  "That's right, keep your options open. Don't commit yourself! Anyway, I'll see you again soon, that's for sure."

  "You could phone me if you wanted!" Now why did I say that? It just popped out. I almost fell down with shock at my own cheek!

  Joan took it in her stride. "Sure!" she said.

  "You haven't got my number," I said.

  She picked up an envelope from the worktop, tore off a corner. "Look, write it on this! Got a pen? No? Wait, I've got one here." She pulled open a drawer by the sink: pens, scissors, bits of string, long strips of Tesco's bills, not much else. The first pen she tried didn't work. She threw it back in the drawer. The next one, a red ballpoint, did.

  "Good idea." She shut the drawer after tucking my phone number, with the pen, inside.

  "Right then, all set?"

  "Okay. I'll be off now. I'll see you sometime, or hear from you. Bye then, Joan."

  I headed for the front door. She followed close behind, her hand stretched out to turn the handle for me. She looked tired I noticed. The sun shining weakly through the glass in the front door showed up tiny wrinkles round her eyes and lines at the corners of her mouth. I could see there was grey amongst the blonde of her hair.

  "Don't be a stranger," she said. And closed the door behind me.

  ~ ~ ~

  Wow! Spent a whole night and half a day with a real live lesbian and she didn't even try to kiss me. That's not how it is in the vids! Just there by the door for a moment, I thought she might. Perfect opportunity really, but no. Then again, there's the girlfriend. Maybe she's the faithful type. Well, I'm glad she is really, infidelity's not nice at all, for anyone.