Can Am Story

by Oliver Rill

  Jason brought two beers, stripped his T-shirt off and we raised our glasses. I had an opportunity now to observe him properly. He was actually quite a sexy guy, but I was still comparing him to Matt and found him wanting, not least in that he had blond hair. He worked casually in the fitness studio nearby and sometimes took shifts in a nightclub. He said he would never move to Miami even though there was a dearth of gay life in the area. He loved the peace and quiet and apart from that, the golf facilities here were the best in the USA.

  “And what brought you here?”

  “Oh, I bought a place and it’s just being decorated. They’ve banned me from the house today.”

  “That’s tragic! Are you sure you don’t want to?” Jason grabbed his crutch and rubbed it, eyebrows raised suggestively. “I normally have more luck!”

  “Sorry, Jason. If you’re disappointed, I can leave. It’s not a problem.”

  “No, you’re ok. Hey, why don’t you come to the gym with me?”

  “Actually, that’s a good idea. I should go. My trainer would go ape if he knew I hadn’t done any exercise for three days!”

  “Then let’s go in the morning. Should I pick you up?” That didn’t sound such a good idea. If he saw the house, he would know that we lived in different worlds and I didn’t want to let on yet.

  “Let’s meet there, I’ll make my own way over. Give me the address.”

  “Ok but if you change your mind …”

  I laughed. “Cheers!” I raised my glass. “If I do, I will let you know, I promise.”

  We chatted a while longer, and day moved on into dusk, then night. I felt comfortable there. I got home at nine to be greeted by Debbie with a list of things that she wanted to change. She had already engaged workers and painters. She had had some of the furniture and lamps swapped out, too. I looked at the house and wondered where its serenity and glamour had gone.

  “Don’t worry Oliver!” She soothed me. “It’s going to be fine!”

  I met Jason at the gym the next day. He probably got a commission for getting me to sign up, but I didn’t mind that in the least. I needed a gym membership. He trained with me and was a surprisingly good coach. Some of the guys in the gym looked like professional bodybuilders. I liked firm bodies even muscular bodies, but these guys were built like ocean going liners and I wasn’t sure if it was all a little bit over the top. Jason seemed to know them all. There was constantly someone dropping by or nodding or calling a greeting from the other side of the gym. There seemed to be quite a bit of curiosity about me. Guys asked where I worked and I just told them that I worked at an airline. Whether they thought that was in the office or as gofer, I didn’t care.

  At some point one of the ocean liners stopped by our machines. I felt embarrassed, sweat dripping and panting. After chatting to Jason for a while, then including me in the comments, he turned to me and introduced himself. He was one of the bouncers at Bottom Line, a multi storey nightclub featuring drag-shows themed rooms, he told me to drop by this weekend, he was going to be on all weekend, and would even be taking a shift behind the bar, I should ask for him by name.

  I hadn’t spoken to Matt for three days. I felt just as miserable as on the first day and I gradually came to the conclusion that what had been between us had finally run its course.

  What I needed was some good company. I called on my best friend, Aristo, met him at the airport and we drove down to the beach where he rolled up his pants and kicked off his shoes. As we strolled along the beach I told him what had happened.

  “Hey, man. You two have to talk. Is it really so important that everyone knows?”

  “It’s not about everyone knowing, ‘Risto. But friends and family at least. Alan guessed anyway. Matt has really put me in a shitty situation.”

  “Yes, it’s not ideal, is it? I don’t know why he did that. You’re a really cool guy and if it were me, I wouldn’t give a damn what people thought.”

  “Who knows, maybe he’s got another agenda and wants to go with women too.”

  “Oli, I’ll have a word with him, ok? But you two have to talk!”

  I went with Aristo to the gym then back to the house. Debbie warned us that there would be a lot of drilling and painting for the next week and it would probably be better to stay away during the day.

  We went to the club in the evening. Debbie came with us in spite of having an early flight the next day.

  “Hi! It’s Oliver, isn’t it? Are they your friends? Come in!” The big guy from the fitness studio was on the door and whisked us past the small queue into the club that was gathering outside. He clapped me on the back and told me to have fun. “We’ll have a drink together afterwards!” He said.

  We came into a large room. It was a little too large for the amount of customers it held at that moment, but it was filling nicely. The lights were dim and the atmosphere light and happy, even if the trannies were a little cheap and cheerful. Hip hop was blasting out of the speakers from all sides, which may not have been my first choice of music, but if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! And join in we did, standing in small groups around the side talking or dancing. Debbie and Aristo danced while I got Jason to serve a bottle of champagne.

  “What’s the celebration?” He asked. He looked good behind the bar without a T-shirt. It was a shame he wasn’t my type.

  “Get a glass and join us!”

  “Sorry, Oli, I can’t. I have to work, but tomorrow at four, I can meet you in the gym? We can do some personal training, then see if we get lucky.” He added cheekily winking. “What do you reckon?”

  I laughed. “The gym sounds good, Jason! I’ll see you at four. I’ll bring a friend of mine.”

  “That sexpot over there? No problem! We’ll have a threesome!” He said with mock excitement.

  “Erm, I don’t think so.”

  “Go back to your table, I’ll bring the bottle over.”

  Debbie and Aristo danced I bobbed and imbibed and watched the action. The bouncer made his way across the dance floor.

  “Champagne? Is it your birthday?”

  “No. We are just celebrating my house. Have a glass with us.”

  “No, but thank you. I’ve got to get back on the door in a while. Aaron. And what’s your name?” Aaron was in perfect shape to be a bouncer. He was taller than me anyway, but his legs and arms were like tree trunks. No one would want to mess with those.

  “I’ve never seen you in here before, but I’m sure that’ll change. There are only three other bars in the area apart from this one. So you’re going to have to get on with me, you know.”

  “Otherwise you’ll not let paying guests in?” I countered.

  “I let anyone in who isn’t drunk or high. The drunks are the worst. They just don’t get it that they’ve had enough. And what do they do when they do come in? They carry on drinking and end up puking all over the place. And what do you do?”

  “I work at an airline. Nothing exciting.”

  “What? So you kick start the jumbos?”

  “I’m more involved with the planning side.” I said, playing down my role.

  “Oh, I see. I’m not sure I could keep it together in an office job. I’ll only stay in this job for a couple of years otherwise I’ll end up in jail.” Said Aaron, whose short sleeved shirt was sure to bust like the incredible hulk if he flexed his muscles. I was fascinated by his upper arms. They were thicker than my thighs. We chatted a while about the club and the guests then duty called Aaron again.

  “Come over and say goodnight before you go. I’ll be on the door!”

  Aristo and Debbie had had fun while they danced and came back from the floor laughing.

  “I love your clubs, Oli! Really! They’re jam packed full of good looking men and not one of them is bothering me! The music’s good too. I’ll go get another bottle.”

  “Wow, ‘Risto, I’ve never seen Debbie like that. She looks like she’s really having fun. What have you done to her?”

  “Just been dancing
with her. Do you think she’s available?”

  “I haven’t a clue. I just know her working and brusque. I’ve no idea if she has ten kids or a boyfriend or whatever. Did you ask her?”

  “Na, not yet. What did the bouncer want?”

  “Just passing the time of day and moaning about his job.”

  We drank the bottle that Debbie bought and then I left them to it. At the door, Aaron told me to stay a while longer, but I was really tired and wanted to go home.

  “I’ll drive you, I’ll just go and let them know that I’m taking a break.”

  “No really Aaron. I’ll grab a cab. If you’re around tomorrow I’m going to meet Jason at the gym at four.”

  “You really don’t want a lift? It’s not that safe around here at night.” I shook my head.

  “Ok. I’ll see you in the gym tomorrow. Take care! You hear?”

  Aristo was staring glumly as if hypnotized into his coffee when I came down stairs the next morning.

  “A really late night or a really early morning?” I asked grabbing a cappuccino.

  “A really early morning. I drove Debbie to the airport.”

  “Oh, I see.” I said, plonking myself down next to him on the bench. “And? What happened?”

  “We kissed. She didn’t want to go any further.”

  “Why on earth not? Goddamit, Aristo! I would have leapt into bed with you at the slightest chance.”

  “Ha ha ha.” Aristo threw back his head. “Thanks for that. But then you’d have to tell Matt, because that’s what you agreed.”

  “I’m not sure that that still stands. It’ll be a week since we spoke tomorrow.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  “So much! All I do all day is think about him and how we were. I really wish he were still around.”

  “He will be, I’m sure. He will be missing you just as much, I’m certain.”

  Later we went to the gym. Jason worked with Aristo and Aaron kept correcting my posture and started me off with some of the lighter weights. I was surprised that he was not more concerned with the size of the dumbbells, but he was more concerned that I formed a good weight lifting habit so that later, I could take on heavier ones without injuring myself.

  “You’re doing really well!” he voiced his encouragement. “In a few weeks you’ll look like Jason. You coming in tomorrow? Same time?”

  “Maybe next week. We have to get back to L.A. tomorrow.”

  “L.A. huh? I’ve never been there. I bet it’s cool, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Give us a call when your back this way!” Said Jason and we said we would.

  The next morning I packed a few bits, while Gavin and Aristo stood ready and waiting in the hall. Apart from putting away the groceries and a bit of cooking, Gavin hadn’t had much to do as he waited for Debbie and the workers to finish so that he could clean properly. Now, as we climbed into the car to drive to the airport drop off point for the rental car, he looked tanned and relaxed. We flew back to L.A. without incident and took the shuttlebus to the staff car lot where my Range Rover stood proudly. I dropped off Aristo at his pad, Gavin went straight home and I felt trepidation creep up on me as I wondered whether Matt would be at home and how seeing him again would feel.

  In the event, he wasn’t home. There was no call, no message from him either. He had disappeared from my life as easily and quickly as he had arrived. We hadn’t even discussed the argument. The only thing I had heard, was that he had been feeling bad tempered and moody. Maybe that was a good sign. But there again, how could Matt feeling bad be called a good sign? I had hoped that he would be waiting for me as I stepped off the plane and kissed me as he had when I had flown back into town from Berlin. And then I wanted him to show me what I had been gut wrenchingly missing and how much he wanted me back.

  I sat by the pool and sulked. I distracted myself fairly easily by checking the profits and losses of the various routes we were now flying and before I could waste any more thoughts on Matt and my lost relationship with him, I went downstairs to bed to sleep calmly and deeply.

  I was one of the first in the office the next day. Aristo had also arrived early. He stormed up to me and asked when Daniel was going to get here. I glanced at the clock on the wall and picked up the telephone.

  “Daniel! How’s it going? When do you think you’ll be able to get here?”

  He was mired in the complex dealings of leaving with sub-letters for his apartment amongst other things featuring high on his to-do list. I told him to just leave it there and move his butt. These things had a habit of solving themselves one way or another.

  “I’ll send you a ticket and you leave tomorrow! We need at least four hundred trained flight attendants urgently. I don’t have time to wait while you collect the deposit on your coca cola bottles!”

  “You never change, do you?” Daniel sounded as though he were doubled up with laughter. “Okay! I’ll be there.”

  I called Sharon who hadn’t yet arrived. Then Matt’s icon appeared as live on my computer. He had arrived. I called him and asked him to book a ticket from Berlin to L.A. for Daniel El Meddeb then asked him into my office.

  “He’s going to arrive the day after tomorrow and will start training the flight attendants as soon as he has figured out his plan of attack. Is that ok?” I asked Aristo. “Will that solve your problem?”

  “That’ll be ok. I’ll leave you alone to talk to Matt. Good luck, Oli.” He said sensitively.

  Matt came in. He stuck a serious and sober figure in front of my desk. “Here is the booking, Oli.” He handed me the sheet of paper.

  “Thanks, Matt. Are you well?”

  “No.”

  “Me neither. I miss you Matt!”

  “Not here.” He said simply and went. I felt no further forwards. His face had been inscrutable. If I had hoped for clarity, that hope had been in vain.

  Later I found another excuse to visit Matt’s office.

  “Is there any way to rent an apartment by tomorrow? Daniel is going to arrive in the morning and get straight on with setting up the flight attendant training project.”

  “Oli there is a brilliant website called AirBnB. Have you heard of it?”

  “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Can you find him one, please? An apartment with a separate bedroom, somewhere not too far from your place.”

  “Tomorrow, huh? Sure, I’ll find something, boss.”

  I went down to Rebecca to talk about the terminal launch and what I would say and then what Alan would say. We drafted a speech for him and sent it to his office. Later I received a call from him.

  “Why so contrived? Are you worried about saying something wrong?”

  “I’ve been well rehearsed in this as well, Alan.”

  “And I thought you were the boss!”

  “When it comes to PR, Rebecca has that post, I am afraid.”

  “And everything else is Matt’s responsibility?”

  “Ah, well, erm …”

  “It's cute the way he tries to brush it off. I know, don’t worry though, I'm not going gossiping to anyone.”

  “Thanks, Alan. I don’t give a damn, but Matt feels differently about it all.”

  “I know, my brother’s gay too. Even in 2016 the new laws don’t make it much easier in the business world.”

  “It’s more about how he feels about it all, he’s not really out in the full sense, if you know what I mean.”

  “Oh, that’s how it is. Would it help to organize a meeting with my brother?”

  “Alan!”

  “I know, you hate it when people arrange your life for you! Just because you are both gay obviously doesn’t mean that you’re going to automatically be compatible. Ok then we’ll meet up for a beer in a couple of days then.”

  Whenever I went past Melvin’s office and looked in, he was shaking his head. Things weren’t easy for Melvin. He was constantly shuffling money about because as soon as we got money in, it went str
aight out again on new planes.

  That evening, I stood in front of Matt’s desk and asked him if we should meet at mine. He nodded and I walked pensively to my Range Rover. I sat for a while immersed in my thoughts. I had so much: Money; a super job that I was doing well in; two dream houses and a car that I loved. I just didn’t have Matt. He was the fantastic boyfriend that I had always dreamed about. Great looks, fantastic in bed, not clingy, does his own thing but lets me know that I’m number one with him. I had all that. But now there was a very real threat to it all. I not only didn’t want to lose Matt personally, but I didn’t want to lose him from the company either. If we were, in fact, going to separate, I would have to work hard to keep him in the business. That was my first concern, everything else had to come second. And with that I pressed the start button and drove home. At least I knew how the evening should end.

  I heard Matt’s key in the lock as I dried myself from a dip in the pool.

  “I’m out here!” I called.

  “You don’t need to dry yourself off!” Matt came out and with a shove, pushed me back into the pool. As I surfaced in astonishment, I saw him stripping off, then he leapt in too. “Come here you asshole!” He pulled me against him, pinning me with his arms and legs and kissed me hard. “If you ever run away again without telling me … and after an argument too! Then I will bend you over my knee and give your hide such a tanning! Do you understand?”

  “We have to talk about this Matt!” I spluttered.

  “Shhhh. Not now. Right now what we need to do is deal with my raging hormones.”

  “We’ve both been keeping our side of the deal, haven’t we?” I asked tentatively.

  “Too true! I’ll show you how well I’ve been keeping to it.”

  “Although I do love this kitchen table, it’s not the best place to relax post-coital, is it? Come on, let’s go swimming!” We slid into the cool water and splashed around before showering. Once in bed, Matt curled his arm around me. I finally broke the ice and talked about the elephant in the room.