Loco Motive

by Mary Daheim

  At ten to four, Joe came puffing up from the alley behind Moonbeam’s. “My God,” he gasped, bracing himself on the table, “I had to drive around forever to find a parking spot. It’s a zoo around here, and I’m not talking about the lions, the tigers, the bears, and the oh-my-what-the-hell-are-theys.”

  “Did you see our gang?” Judith asked.

  “Often,” he replied, slumping into a chair. “They were going into Falstaff’s about five minutes ago.”

  “That’s almost two blocks away,” Judith said in dismay. “Will they get here by four or should we meet them at the grocery store?”

  Joe shook his head. His face was more flushed than usual and his high forehead was damp with perspiration. “I don’t know what to tell you.” He took a sip from his latte. “This sucker’s cold.”

  “Of course it is,” Judith said. “I bought it right after you dropped me off. What did you want me to do? Sit on it to warm it up?”

  “Right, okay, I get it.” He used a paper napkin to wipe his forehead. “It’s your call.”

  Judith grimaced. “How far away did you park?”

  “Halfway down the alley by the pub’s Dumpster.”

  “You’ve seen the kids,” Judith said after a brief pause. “I’ll start out for Falstaff’s and you can pick me up in the parking lot.”

  Joe leaned back in the metal chair and expelled a big breath. “This is one hell of a holiday.” Before Judith could say anything, he grabbed the paper cups, plastic spoons, and napkins. “Go. I’ll see you at Falstaff’s.”

  “Okay,” Judith said meekly as Joe stood up and went over to the already crammed trash bin by the curb. He had a right to be annoyed, she thought as she made her way across the street through a maze of costumed celebrants, one of whom was a grandfather clock with the hands pointing to midnight. A peek at her watch told her it was two minutes to four. Judith picked up the pace, ignoring a twinge or two from her artificial hip. By the time she reached the corner of the block where Falstaff’s was located, she espied the red and silver boxes straggling behind Mike and Kristin.

  “Hey, Ma,” Mike called. “We were just coming to see you.” Judith moved out of the way for a trio of boisterous pirates.

  “Your father’s picking me up in the parking lot,” she said, gesturing at the grocery store.

  “I’m afraid I have to get home to—”

  The red box tripped over his own feet and fell down. Kristin bent down as Mac let out a howl. “Can’t you see where you’re driving?” she asked. “Are you hurt?”

  Mac’s reply was drowned out by Joe-Joe’s whining. “I’m tired! I don’t feel good! My box is hot!”

  “Now, now,” Kristin said as some of the other revelers paused to stare at the small spectacle, “don’t be spoilsports. You’re having fun.”

  “I’m not!” Mac howled. “My foot hurts! It’s broke!”

  Joe-Joe tugged at Mike’s pant leg. “Daddy! I wanna go home!”

  “Me, too,” Mac said tearfully. “I have to wee-wee.”

  “Ur-in-ate,” Kristin said sharply. “You’re too old to talk like that. Come on, let your grandmother see how brave and strong you are.”

  “It’s okay, Kris,” Judith asserted. “They’re tired and crabby. Maybe you should—”

  A horn honked loudly. Judith recognized it at once as belonging to the MG. Joe had pulled up at the corner. “What’s going on?”

  Mike hurried over to the curb. “Mac hurt himself and Joe-Joe’s worn out. Do you mind taking the boys home? We’ll wait here with Ma.” He glanced at Judith. “She looks kind of pale.”

  Joe leaned out the window to study his wife. “Are you okay?” Judith didn’t answer. It was all she could do to keep from screaming at every member of her immediate family.

  Kristin leaped into the breach. “The MG has no child safety seats. You know the boys can’t go anywhere without them.” She paid no attention to her whining, moaning sons or the honking horns from other cars as their drivers tried to get by Joe and the MG. “Here’s what we’ll do,” Kristin went on. “Mike, you go with your dad to collect the Rover. I’ll wait here. Your mom can help entertain the kids until you get back.”

  Torn by her grandchildren’s distress and the relentless march of time, Judith attempted to nudge her daughter-in-law out of the way. It was like trying to move a hundred-year-old Douglas fir. Ignoring Kristin’s expression of curiosity, she countermanded the orders to Mike. “I’m going with you, Joe. You can drive the Rover back here. There’s room for everybody. Excuse me, Kris. Can you move so I can get in the MG?”

  Kristin looked stunned. “I don’t…well, I guess…”

  “Move!” Judith shouted.

  Kristin obeyed. “I love you all.” Judith cried, ignoring the squalls and the honks and the curious passersby. “I’m leaving town. Happy Halloween!”

  If Mike and Kristin were shocked by her announcement, Judith didn’t want to know. She was out of breath after she got into the bucket seat and felt her whole body sag.

  “That was easy,” Joe said. “You see? All that fretting for nothing.”

  “I feel guilty, though,” Judith admitted.

  “Don’t.” Joe had taken a detour to avoid the avenue by driving on side streets to Hillside Manor. “I’ll be back for the kids in ten minutes.”

  “I hope,” Judith said as they pulled into the cul-de-sac, “that Bill and Renie take the shortcut, too.”

  “They will,” Joe assured her. “Bill knows what he’s doing.” Judith sighed. “I hope Renie does.”

  Joe drove straight into the garage. “You wait for them here. And let Bill carry your luggage.”

  Joe and Judith got out of the MG. “See you Tuesday night,” he said, putting his arms around his wife. “Have a safe trip. And try to relax. I’ll explain everything to Mike and Kristin.”

  “Thanks.” Judith hugged and kissed Joe. “You, too.”

  She watched Joe hurry to the Rover and get in. Just as he started the engine, Bill and Renie’s Camry pulled into the cul-de-sac. Another glance at her watch told Judith it was four-seventeen. Joe called out something to Bill as the vehicles passed each other. A moment later the Camry came to a stop just in front of where Judith was standing.

  “Chuga-chuga!” Renie shouted. “Woo-woo!”

  Bill got out of the car. “Where’s your luggage?”

  Judith gestured to the corner of the garage where Joe had stashed the garment bag, the suitcase, and the carry-on. She waited to make sure Bill had everything before she opened the rear door. A loud “yoo-hoo!” caught her attention. Turning around, she saw Arlene Rankers on the back porch. “The first guests have checked in,” Arlene said. “Carl’s playing cribbage with your mother. Everything’s under control. Have fun! You’ll love Baltimore.”

  “It’s Boston,” Judith called back.

  Arlene shrugged. “They both begin with a B and they’re on the East Coast. As far as I’m concerned, anything on the other side of the Mississippi is a bit peculiar. And old.” She blew Judith a kiss.

  Bill closed the trunk and shouted his customary word to get going: “Boppin’!”

  “What now?” Renie asked after Judith got into the backseat and Bill reversed out of the driveway. “Why is Joe driving the Rover? Don’t tell me the MG finally died on him.”

  “Oh, no,” Judith said, explaining the mayhem on top of the hill. “At least,” she concluded, “I may have showed my smug daughter-in-law that I’m not a total wuss.”

  “Kristin hasn’t learned that you have to choose your battlegrounds,” Renie said. “I hope Mike stands up to her—even if he is only an inch taller.” She winced and rubbed her neck. “I’d better stop trying to turn around to listen to you. I’ve got a kink.” She was silent for a moment. “Hey, Bill, why are we taking the via-duct to the station? It’s the long way.”

  “I’m checking for fishing boats out on the bay,” he replied as they traveled above the harbor’s edge. “I only see a couple, but it’s getting
late. It turned out nice today. Look at the mountains over on the peninsula.”

  “This isn’t a sightseeing tour,” Renie said, sounding agitated.

  “Turn off by the football stadium.”

  “You’re giving me directions? We’ll end up at the ferry dock. Checking in at the station’s a snap compared to the airport, and you only have to walk about fifty yards to get on board.” He glanced at the dashboard. “The clock says it’s three thirty-two.”

  “No!” Renie shrieked. “It’s four thirty-two!”

  “See for yourself,” Bill said. “You changed all the clocks to standard time.”

  “Oh, my God!” Renie held her head. “I…I…did, but I changed them back again.”

  Bill stared at Renie. “What?” he bellowed. “Are you crazy?”

  “Look out!” Judith cried. “That motorcycle’s cutting in…”

  Renie gasped; Bill swore. But the Camry narrowly missed hitting the biker. Judith was shaking; Renie was sitting ramrod straight; Bill stepped on the gas, cut over two lanes, and headed for the stadium exit. None of them said another word until they pulled up in the no-parking zone at the depot’s main entrance. The clock tower read 4:43.

  Bill got out of the car first and opened the trunk. Renie had her big purse and carry-on with her. She ran inside the station while Bill hauled out the rest of the luggage. Judith tried to help him.

  “Don’t,” he snapped. “Just go.”

  Judith obeyed, but she didn’t dare hurry. She was too unsteady on her feet and her nerves were shredded. By chance, a wheelchair was just a few feet away from the door. A rosy-cheeked young man wearing an Amtrak uniform noticed that she seemed in distress. “Can I help you, ma’am?” he inquired.

  “Yes.” She collapsed in the wheelchair. “Just push me out to the platform. Or has the Empire Builder left?”

  “Not quite,” he replied. “Hang on.”

  As they moved quickly through the almost empty station, Judith looked for Renie. She was at the check-in booth, apparently arguing with someone who looked like a conductor. Bill had already found a trolley, loaded the luggage, and was heading for the platform.

  “There,” Judith said, pointing to Renie. “She must be checking us in. She has both of our tickets.”

  Up close, Renie looked as if she were about to vault over the counter and attack the conductor. There was precedent, Judith recalled, grimacing at memories of her cousin flinging herself over obstacles to get at victims of her outrage.

  “Coz!” Judith cried as the young man wheeled her up to the counter. “What’s wrong?”

  Renie swiveled around, her elbow knocking over a display of Amtrak information.

  “We’ve been demoted!” she yelled. “This bozo says we can’t have either of the downstairs rooms because some other passengers have priority. I’ll sue! I’ll call Bub! I’ll set his suits on the whole damned railroad system!”

  Judith’s face began to twitch. “Please. Calm down. Please.” She turned to look up at the young man and saw his name tag identified him as Walter Robbins. “Thanks, Walter. Can you stand by?”

  Walter shot Renie a wary glance. He shuddered slightly. “Yes, ma’am. I can stand by for you.”

  The conductor, whose name tag identified him as D. C. Peterson, managed to keep his aplomb. Judith figured he was in his fifties. Gray hair showed from under his conductor’s cap and his long face was deeply lined. “Your deluxe bedroom on the upper level has its own shower and toilet. It’s also closer to the dining and dome cars. I’m sorry for the confusion, but when there’s an emergency, we give the lower accessible accommodations to the most severely impaired passengers. A mother traveling with three small children had reserved the family room over a month ago,” he continued, moving from behind the counter, but keeping a safe distance from Renie. “Your request for the accessible bedroom stated that neither of you is confined to a wheelchair.” Mr. Peterson winced slightly. Judith wondered if he was thinking that Renie should be confined to a cage. “You realize that neither of the lower-level rooms have their own shower facilities. The bedroom upstairs has both.”

  “Well…” Renie looked chagrined. “I forgot about that,” she mumbled. “Okay, fine.”

  The conductor seemed relieved. “The person who requested the accessible bedroom is immobilized.” He glanced at his pocket watch. “We’re ready to pull out.” He paused as his cell phone rang. “Excuse me. It’s the engineer. I must answer this.”

  Renie, whose wrath was usually explosive but short-lived, motioned at Judith. “Let’s go before Bill kills somebody if he finds out we’ve been moved and our luggage has to go elsewhere.”

  Judith’s shoulders sagged. The last thing she needed was to suffer through another Jones All-World Tantrum. Not for the first time, she wondered how Bill and Renie had kept from killing each other.

  Bill, however, was standing calmly on the platform two cars down and smoking a cigarette. “You made it,” he said above the noise of the train. “It’s a good thing they had to wait for some VIP.”

  “Did they tell you we’ve been moved?” Renie asked.

  Bill nodded. “Same car, though.” He gestured at the attendant in the white shirt and black vest standing by the open door. Except for their sleeper, the long line of silver cars were already closed. Only a few Amtrak workers and well-wishers remained on the platform. “Need a hand?” Bill asked Judith.

  “I’ve got Walter.” She smiled at the young man as she stood up.

  “Thanks for your help, Walter.”

  “No problem,” the young man replied.

  Bill had tossed his cigarette and ground it out with his heel. He and Renie hugged and kissed. And hugged and kissed again. Judith smiled. No wonder Bill and Renie had stayed married—and alive—for forty years. With her own fifteenth anniversary on the horizon, Judith knew it was a good idea for the Flynns to keep up with the Joneses.

  As Walter guided Judith to the step that led onto the train, Bill offered her a peck on the cheek. “Take it easy. See you in Boston.”

  “Let me go first,” Renie said to Judith. “If you trip, I can cushion your fall.” She climbed up onto the train and waited.

  Walter got Judith as far as the first step. “Oh-oh,” he said, looking back toward the station. “I’m needed by the late arrival.” He hurried off. The attendant took over, holding Judith steady as she got into the car.

  “Another wheelchair,” Renie said, looking beyond Judith.

  “This one’s fancier. You got the no-frills model.”

  Judith gazed out to the platform, where the conductor was leading the way for two people and someone in a sleek, upholstered high-tech wheelchair. The invalid’s right arm sported a blue sling; the left leg was in a white plaster cast. “Oh, no!” she gasped. “I don’t believe it!”

  “What now?” Renie asked in alarm.

  The attendant chuckled. “Your friend knows her celebrities. It’s always a break in the routine to see famous people in person. My, my—back in the day, I was a big Wee Willie Weevil fan, too.”

  Chapter Five

  Judith and Renie almost fell over each other trying to get out of the way and up the steps to the next level.

  “I can’t believe it,” Judith said as they reached the corridor that led to their bedroom. “As soon as I saw Pepper’s red hair, I wanted to jump out on the other side of the train.”

  “Stop fussing,” Renie urged. “Willie’s in a wheelchair. He’s been rendered harmless by your pyracantha. I’ll bet he won’t be able to get to the dining room. With any luck you won’t have to see him.”

  Judith narrowed her eyes at Renie. “That’s what I thought after he was hauled off by the medics.”

  “Come on,” Renie urged. “Let’s get settled before the train starts up. Once Willie gets on board, we’re out of here. You should be grateful to him,” Renie continued, moving to the lighted number designating their room as A9. “If the train hadn’t waited for him, we’d have missed it.”
r />   “And whose fault was that?” Judith demanded.

  “Oooh…” Renie threw up her hands. “Okay, I screwed up.” She slid the door open.

  “This is fine. Two chairs, view window, upper and lower berth that come out at night, goodies basket with snacks, small table, smaller bathroom. I don’t mean the bathroom’s smaller than the table, I mean it’s—”

  “Don’t change the subject,” Judith snapped. “What did you do with the clocks?”

  A shout from outside signaled the train’s departure. “Sit,” Renie commanded. “We might lurch a bit at first.”

  “You’re evading the question,” Judith persisted, settling into one of the chairs.

  Renie was bending over to look out the window. “Bill probably can’t see me, but I’ll wave anyway.” She paused. “I can’t see him. I suppose he left to move the car out of the no-parking zone.”

  “Let’s hope so,” Judith murmured. “If he got towed, you might as well keep going straight across the Atlantic after we get to Boston. Talk, coz, before I throttle you.”

  Renie flopped into the opposite chair just as the train began to move. “It’s not easy to explain because I’m not sure what I did.”

  Judith was confused. “What?”

  “It had to do with the change from daylight to standard time,” Renie began. “I always change our clocks—all fifteen of them, which is yet another reason why I hate the whole stupid concept. The only timepiece I don’t change is Bill’s watch, even though he never remembers which way to move the hands. Mr. Science, he’s not.”

  “And you’re not exactly Mrs. Science,” Judith pointed out.

  “Yeah, right. But I do know it’s ‘fall back’ and ‘spring forward.’”

  Judith nodded. “Go on.”

  “What I did sounds confusing.” Renie shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “Well, it is confusing. I reset everything last night before I went to bed so that we’d be on time for Mass. If Bill wakes up before sunrise, he doesn’t look at the digital clock on the armoire, but at his watch on the nightstand next to the bed. It glows in the dark.”